110: Focusing on The Positives in Your Spouse for 24 Hours

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about focusing on the positives just for one day. Being mindful that we can often tend to focus on what we don’t like and is bothersome to us. The is some research that suggests are brain is wired to focus on the negative so this is not easy. We will talk about this along with some tips and things you can do to focus on the positive. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

• Today’s message is simple, I am asking you to focus on the positives in your spouse for just 24 hours. Why just 24 hours? You don’t need to get overwhelmed and also small things can eventually lead to big things so let’s start small.
• Brain research does tend to suggest that negative experiences and thoughts often stick like glue while positive experiences often fall away rather quickly. I mean think about this in your own life. I can think of a quick example when it comes to my couples counseling. I might have 25 sessions in a week and 24 of the couples are very happy with the service, but 1 is not happy. What am I going to focus on? Of course I am going to focus on the couple that was not happy. If I am not careful I might beat myself up over this by completely ignoring that I have 24 that were completely satisfied.
• So what are some of the things you can be happy about in your spouse:
• • Celebrating who they are and the things about their personality that you love
  • The actions they take that are different than normal. Maybe your spouse usually leaves shoes in the entry way but today put them in the closet.
  • How about the actions they take that are always the same. Often I will hear one partner state that I am not going to thank him for something he SHOULD be doing. Ouch!! Get that thought out of your head! My wife is the cook in the family and always makes dinner. I make it a point to try to thank her everytime for this even though she has agreed this is her job.
• So what types of things should you do to focus on the positives?
• • Be mindful of where your thoughts are going. Recognize negative thinking and replace it with the positives.
  • Verbally express appreciation for who your spouse is and even something simple for their choice to be with you and marry you.
  • More verbal expression of thanks for an action they took or maybe it was an action they did not take. For example, maybe your spouse always does a girls night every other Friday night, but decided she wanted to spend more time with you.
  • Thank your spouse for getting up to go work in the morning to support the family. Do this even if you do the same thing and if you think you work harder!
  • Put a simple note of how much you appreciate and love your spouse in their lunch bag. Then think about your partner receiving this later in the day and the smile that could be on their face.
  • If you have a smart phone, create a character of yourself through something like an app called “Bitmoji” and send them a happy text during the day.
  • Thank them for the decision they made when you got married that they promised they would be with you forever.
• Maybe things are tough right now between the two of you but keep doing things like this and often you might see a turn in your spouse and the relationship.
• If you want to give up, keep doing it for yourself knowing that often you will reap what you sow.

Resources:

• None Mentioned Today.

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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute! Take care.