Authentic Connection with Frank and Jess

Empowered Through Compassion: EMDR and IFS Informed Therapy

Seaon 1, Episode 33, Release Date: 6-9-2024

Authentic Connection with Jessica Olberz Singleton and Frank D'Amato

This has been one of those episodes which I have been holding close to my heart, and I am finally releasing it, with a deep sense of gratitude towards Jessica and Frank. They are heroes of mine who are also on a podcast journey of their own. Their podcast has been very inspirational to me. Their podcast is called, "Feel This" and you can listen to it here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/th/podcast/feel-this-with-frank-and-jess/id1610951524

This podcast has authentic conversation, where the hosts show what they are experiencing in the moment. They welcome the listener into this safe space, to feel this alongside the hosts. Frank shared that he does this podcast for the simple reason that when he is doing the podcast, "I feel more connected to myself, more alive, more compassionate."

Frank shared that, Authentic Connection is a way of speaking for what is happening in the moment. We can look at 5 zones of connection...

1) Chit chat-- speaking about random things going on around us

2) It chat-- focusing on a specific topic of interest

3) Me chat-- focusing on you or me

4) We chat-- speaking about the relationship of "us"

5) Now chat-- speaking for what my experience is in this moment

Frank shared how he really loves Jay Earleys books, "Self-Therapy" especially for clients.

Frank shared how he does not believe the zones are heirarchical. Each of them can be very positive if we are being self-led. To illustrate this, Jess shared how chit-chat could be parts led, when people are using this to speak over one another, or fill up space. However, chit-chat could also be Self-led when there is attunement, and the chit-chat becomes a way of connecting with someone. Through a sense of presence, the words within chit-chat don't matter, the communication is in the experience, and the action.

Chit-chat can also be used to bring a deep conversation to a place that feels a little safer and contained.

Frank dove into the We chat realm and shared how this is often overlooked in our culture, but so important. Frank shared how "IFIO sees this realm as a place to help couple's track their experiences." This is a way to notice cycles and patterns in communication.

When we are being parts-led, we chat can look more like an argument. But, all relationships will have conflict, and being able to name "we-chat," we make more space for working through these problems. Naming what you perceive to be happening in the relationship takes vulnerability. However, this can lead to being able to feel the tangibility of the group's consciousness!

Authentic conversation (as it is named in IFIO) is the "now chat." It begins with an understanding and connection with ourselves. As I understand what I am feeling, I can then communicate this to you. Tapping into the hear and now, and the experiences within our bodies, can even lead us into a spiritual realm, as it deepens our relationship with the other person.

As Jess beautifully said; "By trusting our nervous system, and listening to it, allows us to give love and be loved. As we slow things down, we can appreciate the beauty of this, and it can feel like we are coming home to myself and others."