The guys discuss when infidelity can turn deadly if you refuse to look up, how a slow friend is not to be used as a speed bump when running from a bear, and why an overworked robot who’s never invited to happy hour should be denied access to stairwells.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how according to Instagram it’s “nearly” impossible to fit two dozen contact lenses in your eyes, why a 30 minute bathroom break on your first day will result in a coworker kicking the door in, and when 17 cans of stolen Pringles and a getaway bike will get you a six month jail sentence.…

The guys discuss why the proper sneaker/ski mask selection is so important while “working” naked, when “taking a bite out of crime” still doesn’t constitute owning a grenade launcher, and how “hump enhancement” all but guarantees your camel will be disqualified from competition.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when an expensive car accident necessitates canceling the family barbecue, why holding a horse above your head while looking a mile in both directions makes you irresistible to the ladies, and how mislabeled exercise equipment immediately becomes delicious to a koala bear.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how if you wear the same underwear from your 16th birthday until the day you die you will be a billionaire, when a bear will travel 125 miles just to destroy your Honda if he hates you enough, and why kindergarten drop off can be the most imperative step to becoming a successful tech magnate.…

The guys discuss why Father’s Day shopping is never complete without a trip to an avian establishment, when it’s absolutely imperative to sleep in gloves on a commercial flight, and how terrible aim lead to the creation of an infamous list of records.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how timing is everything when picking up 80lbs of free frozen soup, why any novel read by a Russian scientist in Antarctica instantly becomes a murder mystery, and when a sketch of a Mets game can automatically exonerate the defendant.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why it’s imperative you never leave your “round disks of concrete” around Swedish chimps, how being bald leads to a much greater chance of reptilian concussions, and when enjoying a premature bear kabob triggers brain worms.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when is the best time to weed whack to prevent losing your tank, how rattlesnakes are completely indifferent when it comes to metal poles and a boot, and why becoming a lumberjack can only help your odds of eventually becoming an obstetrician.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how $0.15 used to get your baby a ride on the mail truck, what are the absolute two most important things to protect when you’re hired as a hit man by an estranged husband, and why you should always bring a picnic basket to the pound when attempting to adopt a puppy in China.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why you’d never hug a Siberian bear hunter goodbye when he leaves, how an Asian mouse statue in Russia serves as a reminder of lives lost, and when even a plexiglass fortified meth store can’t bring your stepbrother back.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when a $35 t-shirt and front row seats can’t guarantee a laugh, how buying a gorilla at a Halloween party will get you prison time, and why a hot glue gun and a dream is detrimental to the battery industry.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss when a pizza place is “kinda closed” right now, how when a wife misses her husband (6 times) it results in a huge headache, and why you should never prematurely terminate a hunt for lost chop sticks.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how lack of regular physical exertion can lead to a trifecta of near death experiences, when a trip to Canada can get you in an ambulance and the Guinness World Record Book, and why Coca-Cola and endless hams leads to gator obesity.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss exactly what is the most important item to pack when skydiving, why having an opinion while working retail in Scotland requires wearing a helmet, and how if 2 sailors can scrape up a sign no title is necessary to transfer ownership of a WWII submarine.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss why all Mountain Dew should be opened by day 29, how owning a boat directly relates to an endless supply of free goats, and when a “First Name” salutation assures an effective recruitment campaign.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how to enjoy a meal on an unstable surface, when violating a statue makes you fertile, and why a brown notebook can literally halt the waffle distribution in Tennessee.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how the calendar can dictate entertainment, why it’s important to jump ahead almost an hour today, and when you realize you’ve been had knowing you sometimes just gotta sing along.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how smoking in birdcages is next to impossible yet eating a sandwich is not, why being a healthy Frolfer makes you way more popular during wedding season, and when removing your wide-brimmed hat assures you a free fifty pound Tarpon.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how Damon’s saved soul qualifies him as a hero, when “six to a stick” is the only acceptable measurement for a green coaster on your table, and why turtle tunnels are essential in preventing train derailment.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The discuss how flexible scheduling only guarantees frustration and not employment, why they will never put ATMs in funeral homes, and when a dog tossed over the fence to a polar bear will definitely be be caught with left hand and get you free admission.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how a pizza party makes every bank robbery more memorable, why swimming with pants on is imperative when you have a shellfish allergy, and when it’s justified to shoot a bear with an “alleged” drug problem.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss what’s the actual probability of being shot at 300 yards by a girthy bush, why you would never brag about the 30 acres you inherited from your Uncle Roland, and how path proximity is crucial when sounding the alarm for the leash police.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss who really benefits from having a fake family member at times, why a departed loved one should only expect a heavenly high five, and how a reckless semi driver can unknowingly reach hero status in the wake of his chaos.By Damon Puracchio and Ted Willson

The guys discuss how you never use the first beak when pulling an accurate measurement, why you can't expect 145 tons of black market chicken to be any cooler than room temperature, and when is the ONLY TIME you'll ever hear a mourner say "we're all better off". instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Au…

The guys discuss why choosing the correct prison activity can definitely change your sentence, how the lower your avocados hang the thicker your guacamole gets, and where your pizza literally comes out of the oven hot as lava. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transis…

The guys discuss how timing is everything when it comes to a pebble exchange, why there’s so much collateral damage with Damon’s misdirected wishes, and when is the appropriate time to report a pee-soaked neck pillow. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss when it is most important to wake up early in Finland, why someone telling you how hot your mom was leads to and early 80’s Rampage, and how death metal was monumental in the 1880’s to detour men from hosiery and booze. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted …

The guys discuss why it’s fiscally responsible to always know where your driveway is, what makes the first 60 seconds of a random Central Florida garage sale so dangerous, and when showing “kindness” to your neighbors can get you life in prison. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcastin…

The guys discuss when a wafflestomp proves you did not cheat at Chinese Chess, how Canadians simply do not tolerate pretend witchcraft, and why having a mullet and an unpopular last name will get your bread an end cap display at your local grocer. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcast…

The guys discuss when 25 minutes means it’s time to drop the purse and start the car, how wood testosterone is 17% greater than ball testosterone, and why holiday eye contact is so imperative in avoiding wang fractures. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss just how flammable paint CAN be on a Stanley mug, when stage diving CAN cost you a new pair of kicks, why being shot 27 times and getting hit with grenade shrapnel CAN still be better than being at home with the family. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted …

The guys discuss why the new Grand Theft Auto will feature gospel music, how to play the odds of the dead jockey winning the race, and when a smoking corpse is the most expensive Uber. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss how why when you go on vacation for 15 years your house gets demolished, how a man named Tony’s stories got completely omitted from a very popular book, and when a marketplace motherboard post is far more successful than Tinder. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcastin…

The guys discuss why calling 719-266-2837 will automatically make any day better, how the complex anatomy of a turtle works while explaining it to Damon, and what might possibly be the world’s worst law firm representation. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor…

The guys discuss when it can be a felony if you “ain’t no hollaback girl”, why Domino’s regrets not thoroughly explaining what constitutes an “emergency” to Damon, and how Iowa is the hub for a crappy giraffe jewelry smuggling ring from Kenya. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting …

The guys discuss why the answer to “Grandma Ending Thanksgiving $500” is “What Is Defecation?”, when confrontation is the only way to retain your Cheez-Its, and how cussing in front of a baby can result in homicide. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss the hidden dangers of allowing retired opera singers access to their bow and arrow collection, how when you’re the first to invent something nurses lineup to rub it all over you, and why you’ll never have enough washer fluid to remove a corpse from your windshield. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamona…

The guys discuss why an infection requires the correct anecdote to heal properly, when milk filled bagpipes guarantee you can be a hero for an entire millennium, and how you should NEVER let a woman enter your Dohyō! instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss what it means to Finnish your beer while home alone in your underwear, why cinnamon and a blue raspberry slush guarantees a win for Damon on Holiday Food Wars, and how an attractive flight attendant and an overly confident G.I.Joe game gets you a story you’ll refuse to tell under oath. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/th…

The guys discuss when a 3 Casino head start is necessary for a fair race, how adopting a chimpanzee will make your kids dumber, and why Kia is the official car of the unemployed exotic dancer. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss how big an animal has to be to perceive Damon as adorable, why a routine tank inventory is necessary if you’re next to a scrap yard, and who is responsible for the Drunken-Trash Panda Movement currently plaguing Germany. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted…

The guys discuss how loading your belongings on a cart repeatedly solidifies a new customer discount, why the absence of heat in a snake shape will endanger the entire trailer park, and when a fat guy using an 800PSI bidet in your front yard means your vinyl siding is clean. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted R…

The guys discuss why the perfect toilet paper is monumental when cleaning up the sloppiest of kisses, how the ladies couldn’t care less about your scientific prowess, and when a privacy fence, chicken coop, and a blind eye can get you out of child support. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohiv…

The guys discuss who’s the only person in the whole world that’s more self-confident than Damon, why it’s so imperative to be loud if you want to hear Piano Man, and what exactly is the stripper to machine operator in one of the luckiest of factory jobs you could ever have. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Re…

If you're reading this then that means we are in a state of emergency or Ted's finally had enough of Damon. Either way, enjoy the nonsensical banter between two idiots that apparently cannot get their priorities straight this week! instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Tr…

The guys discuss when is the exact best time to "special order" your laundry, why tactical pants just never seem to live up to their name, and how no survey is ever accurate unless you talk you 100% of the dogs. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss when an empty driveway can give you extreme HOCO sign confidence, why a free fritter for one cannot legally influence the dinner plans of many, and how ordering your breakfast skillet with onions can eliminate any possibility of having to share with a giraffe. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted…

The guys discuss when your calendar can get you disqualified from the Olympics, why "dress casual" is the new norm for dumpster diving, and how the song Enter Sandman was actually inspired by dolphins. instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…

The guys discuss why having lunch ready on Mars is so imperative, how Faco Fridays is going to become the new staple in the restaurant world, and when AI gets thwarted by a room full of "human lickers." instagram.com/thatchecksoutwdt facebook.com/thatchecksoutwithdamonandted Recorded at Audiohive Podcasting Hosted on Transistor.fm…