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The Novelizers

Stephen Levinson, @2024 Novelizers, LLC

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Classic films, novelized by TV comedy writers, & narrated by your favorite celebrities. This season, we're novelizing The Matrix, narrated by Rob Delaney, Matthew Mercer, Dan Savage, John Hodgman, June Diane Raphael, Scott Ackerman, Ophira Eisenberg, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and more! Plus interviews with the people who may or may not have worked on the original film! Check out our last two seasons: Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan, and Independence Day. © 2023-2024 N ...
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Find your book club picks and get your literary fix here. I lead bookish discussions with authors, friends and family minus the scheduling, wine, charcuterie board and the book you didn’t have time to finish. My tastes skew toward the literary but I can’t resist a good thriller or the must-read book of the season. If you like authors like Donna Tartt, Ann Patchett, Jonathan Franzen, Marie Benedict and Rachel Hawkins this podcast is for you.
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Theopolitics

Tyler Hamilton

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A weekly podcast uncovering the crypto-theological and para-political origins of capitalism, liberalism and secularism from a confessional Christian perspective. Video versions and the rest of our content here: https://www.youtube.com/@theopolitics/videos
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The Bachelor super fan Arden Myrin along with Bachelor-obsessed celebrity guests discuss the latest The Bachelor episode: tears, fantasy suites, and making sweet, sweet, love on the GREATEST COMEDY FRANCHISE OF ALL TIME- The Bachelor, Bachelorette, and Bachelor in Paradise. FANTASY! VICTORY! SUCCESS!! AMERICA!!! BONE ZONE!!!
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The Matrix, Chapter 14 Featuring a chapter novelized by Mark Steinbach (SNL), and narrated by stand-up comedian Ophira Eisenberg (Parenting is a Joke) plus an interview with Tyler Benedict (iO Chicago). Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert, and more) to noveliz…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – Mt 13:44-46 – Jesus said to His disciples: “The Kingdom of heaven is like a treasure buried in a field, which a person finds and hides again, and out of joy goes and sells all that he has and buys that field. Again, the Kingdom of heaven is like a merchant searching for fine pearls. When he finds a pearl of grea…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – Mt 13:36-43 – Jesus dismissed the crowds and went into the house. His disciples approached Him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.” He said in reply, “He who sows good seed is the Son of Man, the field is the world, the good seed the children of the Kingdom. The weeds are the children…
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The New York Times has released their Top 100 Books of the 21st Century so far. I discuss. Book discussed: Gilead by Marilynne Robinson Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishuguro The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead 2666 by Roberto Bolano The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen The Known World by Edward P. Jones Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel The Warm of Ot…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – Mt 13:1-9 – On that day, Jesus went out of the house and sat down by the sea. Such large crowds gathered around Him that He got into a boat and sat down, and the whole crowd stood along the shore. And He spoke to them at length in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell on the…
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Jerry Trainor, Maggie Lawson and Jacquis Neal join Arden and the Production Team to break down episode 3 of Jenn's season! Eye Contact! Asking questions! Grabbing Ass! - Arden was impressed when Marcus banged his helmet! - Jerry thinks Devin is the spawn of Satan! - Jacquis thinks Spencer lost the game when he admitted he was cheated on! - Maggie t…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – MT 12:46-50 – While Jesus was speaking to the crowds, His mother and His brothers appeared outside, wishing to speak with Him. Someone told Him, “Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, asking to speak with You.” But He said in reply to the one who told Him, “Who is My mother? Who are My brothers?” A…
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The Matrix, Chapter 16 Featuring a chapter novelized by ⁠Josh Comers, and narrated by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog plus an interview with ⁠Ronnie Adrian⁠. Josh Comers is a comedian who has written for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Conan, and Comedy Central. Robert Smigel is the co-creator of Leo, and a writer/performer for Conan, SNL, and Hot…
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Paget, Rob and Doug join Arden and the Production Team to break down episode 2 of Jenn's season of the Bachelorette! Big Boy Pants! Melanie the snake! Star wars clothes! - Arden would watch 78 hours of Hakeem on ANY show! - Paget thinks Jenn wants to POUNCE on Sam M! - Rob thinks Sam wants to say "I want to break into your house!" - Doug wants to w…
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The Matrix, Chapter 15 Featuring a chapter novelized by Sunita Haberlein, and narrated by Scott Aukerman (Comedy Bang Bang) plus an interview with Michael Hartney (UCB). Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert, and more) to novelize. Then we give those scenes to a…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – Jn 15:1-8 – Jesus said to His disciples:“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vine grower. He takes away every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit. You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you. Remain in Me, as I remain in you.…
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Seth joins Arden and Don to break down the FIRST episode of Jenn's Bachelorette season! Balloons! Diarrhea syndrome! Bullies!! - Arden thinks Sam looks like Juan Pablo! - Seth would have figured out a way to get Jenn to drive off in his Corvette! - Don wants Jenn to run away with the swimmer! All that plus........TWEET OF THE WEEK! See omnystudio.c…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – Mt 9:32-38 – A demoniac who could not speak was brought to Jesus, and when the demon was driven out the mute man spoke. The crowds were amazed and said, “Nothing like this has ever been seen in Israel.” But the Pharisees said, “He drives out demons by the prince of demons.” Jesus went around to all the towns and…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – JN 20:24-29 – Thomas, called Didymus, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples said to him, “We have seen the Lord.” But Thomas said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in His Hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into His Side, I will not believe…
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Today’s Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel – MT 8:23-27 – As Jesus got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. Suddenly a violent storm came up on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by waves; but He was asleep. They came and woke Him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” He said to them, “Why are you terrified, O you of little faith?” Then …
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The Matrix, Chapter 13 Featuring a chapter novelized by Joel Levinson (2776), and narrated by Baby Wants Candy performers Al Samuels, Jiavani Linayao, Ross Bryant, and Ahsohn Williams plus an interview with Hallie Haas (UCB). Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colber…
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Book blogger Susan Matheson is back with her picks for summer reading and I have a new name! Books discussed: The Glassmaker by Tracy Chevalier Sandwich by Catherine Newman Wives Like Us by Plum Sykes You Are Here by David Nicholls Anxious People by Fredrik Backman The Other Valley by Scott Alexander Howard Follow Bedside Table Books: Instagram: @b…
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We are BACK BAYBEEEEE!!!!!! Draft Picks are here for Jenn's season of the Bachelorette! Jacquis Neal, Our Friend Whitney and Brendan Smith join Arden and Dr. Banana to make all the picks! THE ODDS ARE GOOD BUT THE GOODS ARE ODD!! Wide mustaches! Pet portrait photographers! Rib Tattoos! - Arden thinks they fired the ABC photographer and let Mittens …
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mt 7:15-20 - Jesus said to His disciples: "Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but underneath are ravenous wolves. By their fruits you will know them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Just so, every good tree bears good fruit, and a rotten tree bears bad fr…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - MT 7:6, 12-14 - Jesus said to His disciples: “Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces.“Do to others whatever you would have them do to you. This is the Law and the Prophets.“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate i…
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The Matrix, Chapter 12 Featuring a chapter novelized by Rachel Axler (Veep, New Girl, The Daily Show) and narrated by Alison Pill (Star Trek: Picard, Scott Pilgrim, Hello Tomorrow!) plus an interview with James Mannion (UCB, Comedy Bang Bang). Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, Th…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mt 6:1-6, 16-18 - Jesus said to His disciples: "Take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the p…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mt 5:43-48 - Jesus said to His disciples: "You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for He makes His sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes ra…
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Hi Red Fern Listeners! I was recently lucky enough to be a return guest on The TallMikeWine Podcast and I wanted to share the episode with you. We discuss summer reading and red wine. Mike is a self-professed wine geek who creates fun, relatable conversations around wine. And did I mention that he is a former disc jockey? Books discussed: Swan Song…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mt 5:17-19 - Jesus said to His disciples: "Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets. I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. Amen, I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or the smallest part of a letter will pass from the law, until all things have taken…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - MT 5:13-16 - Jesus said to His disciples: “You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp an…
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The Matrix, Chapter 11 Featuring a chapter novelized by Novelizers co-producer Suchetas Bokil (The Harvard Lampoon) and narrated by Andrew Ti (Yo, Is This Racist?) plus an interview with Jamie Denbo⁠ (Spy, F is for Family). Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert,…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mk 12:18-27 - Some Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Jesus and put this question to Him, saying, "Teacher, Moses wrote for us, If someone's brother dies, leaving a wife but no child, his brother must take the wife and raise up descendants for his brother. Now there were seven brothers. The firs…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mk 12:13-17 - Some Pharisees and Herodians were sent to Jesus to ensnare Him in His speech. They came and said to Him, “Teacher, we know that You are a truthful man and that You are not concerned with anyone’s opinion. You do not regard a person’s status but teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is i…
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The Matrix, Chapter 10 Featuring a chapter novelized by Steve Agee (Peacemaker, Suicide Squad, New Girl) and narrated by David Dastmalchian (Late Night with the Devil) plus an interview with Carl Tart (Grand Crew, Mad TV). Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert, …
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Special bonus episode for comedy/movie/podcast/Matrix-interested people. It's Part 2 of our crossover with our friends at The Flophouse Podcast - who have taken a deep dive into the third Matrix film - just for you! The Flophouse Podcast is available HERE and also wherever you get your podcasts. We'll be back on Monday, with an all new chapter of T…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mk 10:32-45 - The disciples were on the way, going up to Jerusalem, and Jesus went ahead of them. They were amazed, and those who followed were afraid. Taking the Twelve aside again, He began to tell them what was going to happen to Him. "Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem, and the Son of Man will be handed ove…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Mk 10:28-31 - Peter began to say to Jesus, "We have given up everything and followed You." Jesus said, "Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for My sake and for the sake of the Gospel who will not receive a hundred times more no…
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A special Flophouse Podcast crossover with our friends Dan McCoy, Elliot Kalan, plus John Hodgman. Check out The Flophouse Podcast and stay tuned for a special Matrix Revolutions edition of the Flophouse in our feed later this week. Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons,…
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Father Donald Calloway joins Bishop Joseph Strickland as Terry Barber Reacts to Father's presentation on the Bishop Strickland Hour! This inspiring message calls out the Bishops and Hierarchy of the Catholic Church. Some say that his words could get him canceled but we always highlight bold and courageous priests. It takes a lot to call out the err…
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Michael Lofton has gained some internet attention by calling out Bishop Strickland. In this episode of the Bishop Strickland Hour, Terry Barber goes through some old clips that explain the Bishop Strickland Situation perfectly. In using interview segments from Bishop Joseph Strickland, Barber pieces together the story behind the removal of Bishop S…
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The Matrix — Chapter 8Brennan Lee Mulligan⁠ (Dimension 20, CollegeHumor) narrates a scene from The Matrix novelized by Ross Pal plus an improv interview with Izzy Roland (Dimension 20, The Sex Lives of College Girls) Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert, and mo…
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Saint Athanasius was 4th Century Bishop who was fighting a heresy that consumed popular opinion. With zealous and faithful preaching, Bishop Athanasius was responsible for numerous letters clarifying the deposit of the faith and the teachings of the Catholic Church. In times like today, many Catholics have been put in a situation similar to Bishop …
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Every member of the Catholic Church who is living on Earth is subject to the Pope, the Vicar of Christ. This position does not make the Pope a perfect man. Being Pope does not free him of any criticism. Bishop Strickland joins Terry Barber on The Bishop Strickland Hour to talk about how we can remain in Christ's Church and call the Pope to Fidelity…
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The Matrix — Chapter 7Dan Savage⁠ (Savage Love) narrates a scene from The Matrix novelized by Chris Karwowski ⁠(The Onion, Show & Sell Podcast) plus an improv interview with Vanessa 5000 aka Courtney Pauroso.Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert, and more) to no…
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Nothing has changed. There is no political party in the Catholic Church. Bishop Joseph Strickland, joined by Terry Baber, explains the importance of knowing the Christian Faith. To defend God we must understand the fundamentals of the Christian Faith. Join Bishop Joseph Strickland and Terry Barber as they dynamically cover the basics of the Christi…
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Bishop Strickland is America's Bishop. With the tremendous responsibility of representing the Catholic Church in the public square, Strickland has not let us down yet! Listen as we feature only some of Bishop Stricklands' public comments and presentations. With amazing clips from CPAC 2024 to a Temecula Pro-Life March, hear the words of a faithful …
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The Matrix — Chapter 6 Scott Adsit (30 Rock) narrates a scene from The Matrix novelized by Laura Krafft (The Colbert Report) plus an improv interview with Ian Brennan (Glee). Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, give each scene to a TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert, and more) to novelize. Then we give those scenes…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Jn 15:1-8 - Jesus said to His disciples:“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vine grower. He takes away every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit. You are already pruned because of the word that I spoke to you. Remain in Me, as I remain in you. …
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Jn 14:27-31a - Jesus said to His disciples: "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid. You heard Me tell you, 'I am going away and I will come back to you.' If you loved Me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Fat…
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The Matrix — Chapter 5 A very special, very sleepy crossover episode with Drew Ackerman and the Sleep With Me podcast, the world's premiere podcast for falling asleep. Each season on The Novelizers, we take a beloved film, then get top TV comedy writer (from SNL, The Simpsons, Colbert, and more) to novelize it, and have a comedian or actor narrate.…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Jn 12:44-50 - Jesus cried out and said, “Whoever believes in Me believes not only in Me but also in the One Who sent Me, and whoever sees Me sees the One Who sent Me. I came into the world as light, so that everyone who believes in Me might not remain in darkness. And if anyone hears My words and does not observe…
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Today's Topics:1, 2, 3, 4) Gospel - Jn 10:22-30 - The feast of the Dedication was taking place in Jerusalem. It was winter. And Jesus walked about in the temple area on the Portico of Solomon. So the Jews gathered around Him and said to Him, “How long are You going to keep us in suspense? If You are the Christ, tell us plainly.” Jesus answered them…
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