Blainecapatch Podcasts

Our season finale is here! Dan attempts to tie a tidy little bow on five season's worth of narrative (hence the season-long boss fight). Crits connect, epic praise is heaped upon the surviving members of the Ice Five, an old friend returns, and Gus makes his pitch for becoming a demi-god. Thanks for listening, we hope to start new stories soon and …

The doors to the courtyard have been opened and the real, very really final boss of the campaign has revealed itself. Will our heroes triumph or be smote upon the cobblestone? Listen and find out! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com…

There are warforged at the gates of the evil city... Probably friends, right? In the meantime let's try to get out of here without stumbling onto another boss fight. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.…

Oh riiiiight! We're not just in a crumbling tomb, but that tomb is in a weird pocket dimension, which is connected to the castle with a swirling vortex tether thing. Well you know what that means- it's balcony surfin' time! Maybe! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subsc…

It's time to take the elevator up and get out of this tomb in an evil pocket dimension. Most of the crew is rolling well, but of course not everyone is. And no word on those damn NPCs, some of which they dragged down there, others not so much. Time to find out who esapes and who doesn't! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpoke…

That Orcus is a pile of eyebally ooze, but it's never too late for Dan to keep that TPK dream alive. The crew is rushing towards a tomb of dead royalty... that's probably fine, right? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.…

With the floating demi-god crown in tow, it's time to book it the hell outta here. The boss... bosses?... is/are dead so this is probably not going to be hard or anything. Dan would never collapse the dungeon for a TPK after the big victory. Right? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a mon…

The mood has shifted for testicular-pulverization-reasons (no spoilers!) and its time to make a fast retreat from the battlefield. Hopefully only 5 or 6 NPCs will be left behind! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.…

Well it took him long enough, but Orcus has realized that the elemental guy slamming his demon nards over and over again is something of a problem. Sorry Blaine, but this one's probably gonna hurt. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.co…

Blaine continues what now feels like a months-long ritual of destroying Orcus' genitals. Death saves are in the future of some characters, and apparently the players expected that to happen because it's a very emotional experience to get that far. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a mont…

Yes, this is a reference to what Blaine is doing to the demon Orcus. The final battle appears to be turning in the favor of Ronnie's Raiders! Hopefully this is a very chill and not at all passive-aggressive dungeon master we're dealing with, and this will end better than Season 3. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.co…

It was bound to happen if an evil, gigantic creature was walking around. Someone's character would inevitably realize whilst running between their legs that the canopy above was ripe for called shots. And then, of course, there would be disgusting riffs. Classic Nerd Poker, enjoy! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.co…

With the megalich bamfing in and out of existence, Ronnie's Raiders realize they should perhaps focus on killing the pig lord of death, Orcus. Meanwhile the NPCs keep getting slapped around to the point of being a real moral investment. Will our heroes survive all this time management?! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpoker…

You know what really helps when you're fighting some really evil jerks? When one of them dips out of existence. Hopefully he won't reappear inside someone's body and make them explode like Blaine did on that one bonus episode! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe…

Orcus now fully engages the crew along with Vallux, and NPCs start to get roughed up pretty bad. Need cheering up? Say the title of this episode out loud and it sounds like "orcas attack." Which, at the time of this episode's release, is a current news item! Sorry, yachts! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And f…

Naturally it's a rough fight for Ronnie's Raiders, who are attacking Vallux relentlessly but unsure how to deal with the elder demon slowly stomping towards them from the next room. Maybe he just wants to ask a question and then he'll go back to bed. Maybe Terry will show up and save the world? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to n…

Time for everyone to fight the evil lich king we have heard about for 4 years! This is fine. Everything's fine. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

A big old evil tunnel leading up to a big old evil door. The time has come for vanquishing evil many campaigns in the making. Will they set it all on fire? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.…

No big deal, guys. Our crew just has to deal with a harmless little cave river. Probably not cursed or anything, just happens to be flowing past the lair of a millenia-old lich king. Nothing to worry about here. Everything's fine. This is fine. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month a…

Now that the herd has been thinned out a bit (RIP beloved NPC) it's time for everyone to make a choice- do they try to crack the elaborate puzzle laid out before them in the enchanted door, or do they smash through it because puzzles are for jerks? To our credit, we do CONSIDER the first option. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to …

Ronnie's Raiders are at the precipice of something huge, you know, just an uncomfortable ultimate evil presence. Now that they're in the king's basement kicking open his coffins, it's only a matter of time before they open a door and get to say hello. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a …

With the sad old headless king roasted, exploded, and generally annihilated, it's now time to loot and investigate his death chamber! Or, you know, we could just set it all on fire. Sorry, no Chris Tallman, he is shooting television but he will be back next episode! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bo…

Why not just start opening sarcophogi? What's the worst that can happ- oh right it could be cursed and absorb weapons and try to murder everybody. Enjoy the deliciously dark combat, the debate over whether Winifred has all her fingers, and what kind of toilet rat t-shirt we should start making! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to n…

It's time for Ronnie's Raiders to do what they do best: upset the final resting grounds of some ancient evil! Also, to those who have asked, the group is still settling on the final spelling and also goes by Ronnie's Raiderz. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe …

The crew just left an elevator filled with acid, so things are probably going to get super cheery and tidy now! And, finally, the fearless leader of the group names the crew. Just in time! There's some coffins to root around in a musty inter-dimensional tomb.

The torture room cleared (except for the huge gruesome mess) our heroes arrive inside some sort of evil elevator. That's right- an evilator! Do they use that word within the episode? No. But all like to have fun around here. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe t…

The big beefy demon dude with a plate of iron nailed to his face has tumbled into a corner of a stairwell and it's getting pretty dicey to just stand around in that stairwell. What lies on the other side of the door at the bottom is what comes next, and yeah, it's probably gonna be a mean trap that everyone saw coming but almost kills them anyway.…

The big disgusting bad guy is no match for a bunch of heroes who like to pin big bad disgusting bad guys into a corner! Also there's 4-5 NPCs around now, which feels pretty cozy! May the only blood spilt be that of evil, and what everyone decides to dump on the floor because they saw it on a torture table and it freaked them out. For merch, social …

The group enters a room where the NPCs go bonkers, more NPCs are discovered, and they all go bonkers too. Time to light it all up! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.

We left our last episode on a cliffhanger- will Queep and Friar Jolly survive the low roll in the swirling green magic tunnel?! Well, Dan kind of cut Ken off so, Ken might actually have a plan. Also first we have to get to a particularly ribald round of listener thanks with a special visit from Billy. We missed you Chris! For merch, social media, a…

No big deal, just an extremely haunted library to get through, and then our intrepid heroes can descend into the horrors beneath the royal keep. Though all the NPCs are still alive, shocking as that may be, between the four of them only one of them isn't one foot in the grave. Pretty much everyone has been maimed at one point or another. And things…

Chris Tallman is back! Ken is too! The full crew is faced with the prospect of fixing an undead Bunk, who may or may not be in the process of being posessed by the archlich. And, well, leave it to our crew to take a morbid DM choice and basically dare the DM to do it.

Sometimes you just gotta make a giant murder worm explode. Sure there was collateral damage and the room is a pile of rubble, but nobody probably heard anything. Let's just get everyone... mostly patched up and march boldly forth to the north! Sorry no Ken or Chris- Chris will be back soon, and Ken had a last minute thing! We tried to snag everyone…

Sadly there's no new episode this week, but we are recording and will have it next time!

What's a purple worm fight without a massacre? Well, we sure don't know. Everyone is in pieces and its time to see who can be put back together and who is gonna end up all Humpty Dumpty and shattered on the castle floor. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to ou…

Things get bleak when it comes to worm murder, and so the riffs get as weird as humanly possible. Sadly no Chris Tallman for a few episodes, but he is doing well and we he'll be back ASAP. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpok…

Well, it was bound to happen. A gigantic classic monster exploded up from beneath the royal hall, and is taking chomps from our heroes. As long as everyone rolls well this should all be fine. Right? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.c…

The path cleared, the crew must now crack open the doors to the royal hall, which appear to have been overgrown with magic vines for years, if not decades. It feels pretty unfun, because even though two of our heroes can speak to magic plants, there's probably some other horror waiting on the other side of these doors, because the DM is a dick. For…

The royal hall of the lich king is buried in thorns, brambles, and branches. Luckily two of our crew are experienced at dealing with flora, Dr. Uid of course, but also newcomer (and huge fan of Dr. Drew Hugh Uid) Winifred Wintergem. As long as the plant isn't terrifying this should be no problem at all!…

A brief message from us to you, the people who make our dreams come true! Look, it's a song! Patreon supporters- our Decemebr bonus eps are still on the way!

After an official, heavily rehearsed Christmas Carol, our crew just might focus enough to take down the gigantic gelantinous cube and the clutch of will-o-wisps. Will they save the mysterious wizard, or will they kinda forget he's there and let him get annihilated? Hell, maybe they will straight up forget they're in combat and do impressions the wh…

If you've ever wanted to imagine a monk punching acidic jelly, well then today is your day! The battle with the gelatinous cube continues, and hopefully Dan will get to live out his dream of seeing one of his friends' characters get dissolved slowly in suspended animation!

Back to the action! It's time to raid the Royal Hall, which is bound to have more activity within than some of the patrol hallways. And that means the real dungeon crawl is beginning in earnest! Hopefully nobody will already get dissolved!

Nerd Poker is turning 10 years old! And Dan has something sneaky up his sleeve to surprise the rest of the cast, but you get to know before you listen. Gerry shows up, and we all sip wine and Scotch while goofing off, talking about old games, doing bits way off the rails, and generally being dumb.

Our crew has gotten through swarms of harpies, retinues of soldiers, and spooky ancient traps. Now ahead we see the royal hall, the vile archlich king somewhere in its subterannean chambers. Time to rest and make a terrible mistake? Did someone just eat a Mexican pizza? We shall see! Happy Thanksgiving, listeners! For merch, social media, and more …

If progress is to be made towards the lich's keep, first this small sample of his army must be dealt with. And if you're looking for some classic decaptitations, boy do we have an episode for you!

Oh great, they finally found the undead army patrolling the castle. All that stands between our crew and progress are iron portcullises and a inconvenient levers, why'd some dumb evil elves have to mess with us?

There's a lich imprisoned up in the turret, and our crew is still deciding what to do with him exactly. Rob him though? Absolutely. What crew do you think we're talking about anyway?! For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at patreon.com/nerdpoker.…

Our heroes have hit a bit of an impasse, a giant iron portcullis before them. There's this totally chill, probably not trapped or haunted turret sitting right there, so why not walk up there? What's the worst that could happen? For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscrib…

After finding some elves unstuck in time, our heroes attempt to escape the abandoned kitchen and catch up with Bunk the halfling, somewhere in a hallway probably not infected with magic pink mold. Probably. For merch, social media, and more be sure to head to nerdpokerpod.com. And for 3 bonus episodes a month and more, subscribe to our Patreon at p…