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Free advice from three of the world's most qualified, most related experts: Justin, Travis and Griffin McElroy. For one-half to three-quarters of an hour every Monday, we tell people how to live their lives, because we're obviously doing such a great job of it so far.
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Beyond the Beaded Curtain

Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay, and Dock Sounder

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Plunge deep into vintage adult cinema. Each episode, we step through the beaded curtain into the adult section and dust off an old, dirty VHS tape and slide it lovingly into our VCR. We think about it, we talk about it, and we take your pleasure seriously. Book your appointment now with the expert hands of Monday Blue, Randy Chardonnay and Dock Sounder.
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We've annexed the town of Chicago, our real dad, into TravNation! And we're answering all of the Wind Chime City's most pressing questions about fencing champions, Zamboni safety, and what Toad sounds like. Suggested talking points: Child’s Hat Bag, I Feel So Flammable, Dr Blade the Sword Genius, Giant Ice Tank, Enjoy your Half a Vasectomy Palestin…
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It’s that time of year again! April the Twentieth has become so mainstream that the stores are crowded because of all the crime sales so instead lets talk about some other important things, like how to be respected for your soup, raw broccoli, and how helicopters work. Suggested talking points: The Implied existence of Drug Heavy Zones, Soup is Ear…
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So glad you could make this hot tub meeting! It's so important to our boss, Abraham LinkedIn, to sit in a tub to discuss the Eclipse AU, how we can get people to eat more Arbys, and the poetry of Pitbull lyrics. Suggested talking points: Twogger Nostalgia, He Got Bradbury'd, In the Bull-Pit, Don't Drink Hunks in the Hot Tub, Arby's Skeptics, Tap Wa…
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No one needs to spend eleven years digging for treasure when there's a trove of great content right here! We've got films with plot points that revolve around CPR, the best fishing lures you've ever seen, and the death of a brand new but beloved character. Suggested talking points: Hey I'm Compressing Here, Freezus Take the Wheel, Slamming Can, The…
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Just in time for April, we've got a bevy of questions and bits that can't possibly be anything but pranks: Hangers that are so sticky they're like jelly sandwiches, songs that have no metaphors, and a very very dirty description of pickles on pizza. Turtle power. Suggested talking points: Toilet Casablanca, Stack of Crimes, Infatuation Saturation, …
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Thank you for coming to this important spy meeting, we have an assignment for you. Honestly, we didn't expect this many of you to show up, we only have brand deals for two of you. The rest of you can debate what a Minion tastes like, go mountain biking, or practice your cursive. Suggested talking points: Good Cop/ Pitiful Desperate Cop, He is Heavy…
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Happy MaxFunDrive everyone! We've been on the network approximately forever, and because of that our back catalog of bonus content can be pretty overwhelming. To help you out, here's some clips from three of our favorite pieces of bonus content from years past: The recreation of the Episode 400 Margaritaville Blue Carpet, where we were joined by sp…
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Curl up at the foot of our rocking chair, the big brothers have got some Good Darn advice about making friends, getting free donuts, and collecting all the jewels. The one caveat is that we can only tell you about it when your mouth is full of dental tools. Suggested talking points: And Bump it With You, You Can't Raise an Alpha Scorpion, Clean Gri…
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In anticipation of the Oscars, we’ve created a cool bot to predict the results, measure tall-people energy, and help bake cookies without burning them. Only the bot might be fixated on the clothed state of one wrestler in particular. Suggested talking points: None Shorts on John Cena, WDZENTD (what does Zac Efron need to do), 450 Degree Rock in the…
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Welcome to a world of puur imagninatinon, with all sorts of teets! Experience the magic with cool ice-skating tricks, a transcendent song about sandwiches, and of course, Chizza. Suggested talking points: Anti-Graffiti Gobstopper, The Taste of Acting Degree Ink, Wet the Ice, Love that Low Rhythm Foundation for Black Women’s Wellness: https://www.ff…
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We've all got that dog in us today, so we're saying 'Ello 'Ello to some good advice about real British television shows, office lunch espionage, and faking your way through football. No real football learning required – we would never make you learn! Suggested talking points: Telly Title Tellers, Little Chips Justin, Floral Purchases at the Liquor …
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Don't worry if you missed out on the pop culture zeitgeist in the big sport event! We've got the rundown on everything you missed: not going in twisters, anti-Valentines, Jon Bovie the cow musician, and hedgehog-adjacent tater tots. Suggested talking points: Caffeine Porridge, An R2-D2 Full of Bath Bombs, Skibidi Valentines, Dolly Parton Drifting T…
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This might be the closest we’ve come to an actual argument, but we worked it out all for the sake of giving you our best advice. Of course, at least one brother is very wrong about peeing in the ocean, the Dune vs Avatar debate, and breaking up via pizza. Suggested talking points: Bummed Out Popcorn Bucket, Glasses on, Hair Up, Men's Riddle Activis…
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Can you believe the Oscar mnomnations came out recently-ish? Congrats to the narminees: Jeff Dunham's puppets, the house across the street, Charles Entertainment Cheese, and the Cream Gentleman. Good luck to all those nerminated! Suggested talking points: Retirement is Death to a Puppet, Presidential Taco Bell, Damage to His Fun Centers, Jasper T. …
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We're getting our pitch together for billionaire Cube Markan and his friend Bald Randy. We have so many good business ideas we don't even know where to start: Ask me A Brother, Robert Cop, shopping mall snacks. Once we get in with Cube we'll chuck some ducats and make some buckets! Suggested talking points: Hot Dead Famous People, Burner Brothers, …
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GET FIRED UP this Friday . . . Monday . . . because we're going treasure-hunting! You never know where you might find an antique violin, or an AI Companion, or maybe even wings with bones. Suggested talking points: That's Not a Time, Grown Friend without Secrets, Crotch Emergency, Child's Basement Rainboots, Jeremy Lupin, Cousin Fazolis World Centr…
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This episode is coming to you, TravNation, hot from the high seas, where anything and everything is legal! That includes spaghetti showers, ham whittling, and your dad's LSD. We're gonna be here for a while, at least until the Merfolk invade the land. Suggested talking points: Scurvalicious, Embrace Bouyancy, Wild Hog Soul, White Beyond our Years, …
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The most anticipated film is finally out in theaters and we're so excited that we're cussing up a storm. It's good there isn't a sign to stop us for this uncensored discussion about new gizmos, salty coffee, and the strongest Beatle. Suggested talking points: Farewell to a Friend for The Clapper, Don't Call Santa Be Santa, Bart Simpsons Curse-Free …
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Never before have we faced such a challenge as this: coming up with a year name that rhymes with "four". It's so unusual that it even caused a shift in the brother energy, so now there's a new Justin and we sure hope he remembers his Mavis Beacon lessons. Suggested talking points: Not Every Bridge Goes to Somewhere, Limited Totemic Energy, The MB i…
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Rip yourself a fresh baguette, in half or length-wise, chug that 84% fresh milk, and grab your sword the size of a cookie sheet. It’s time for a training montage before seeing Wonka, as long as you keep your grades up. Suggested talking points: Mild Piquant of Griffin, Wonka Nate Silver, The Elder Statesman of Fish Throwing, The Smart Swordsman Doe…
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It took some time to compile, but it’s finally here: our Wonka gift guide. Share this extensive line of movie tie-in merchandise with your family and friends. Things like Wolf Blitzer Buddy Comedy, tiny truck nuts, and Noodle. Suggested talking points: Tell Hugh if His Face is in the Movie, All Interpretations of Noodle are Valid, Grumpus McElroy, …
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Time is running out to talk about all the Wonka-verse tie-ins, and we're already falling behind! So it's a rapid-fire session about Wonka the Chocolate King, purple pancakes, DDR, and voting on airplanes. Suggested talking points: JSMR, Chalamet-Bounding, Sinskull Shamy, Dragon Drop, Toilet Risotto, Shoes or No Shoes Harmony House: https://harmonyh…
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This was during a very important sport game, so thank you Philadelphia for coming to the beautiful Miller Theater instead. We know how much Philly loves their sports, but we also learned they have a lot of feelings about other things, like large bees, studying, Step Mania, and Dolph Lundgren. Suggested talking points: Dog Bees Got Wolfman Magic, Lo…
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Hello, you've reached My Brother, My Brother, and Me. We're kind of busy right now cooking actually five pounds of corn, deadlifting at the beach, and building the perfect booth to keep those nosy guardian angels from peeping on you. Don't leave a message, though, we definitely won't check. Just send a text like a normal person. \ Suggested talking…
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We can finally talk about movies again, and we don't even know where to start. Just kidding, of course we do. We'll have to unpack Cold Ghost Busters another day, because it's time to get into the Wonkaverse! Suggested talking points: Wonky Makes Me Feel Good, Berry-trocious, Ketchup Joke Surcharge, Anti-Sports Island, Jackson Pollock of Autumnal F…
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Happy birthday to Justin and Travis! As a birthday treat, Griffin is taking over the episode to let them chill, bringing segments about plane seats, slang for immortals, and celebrity wine. It’s all punchlines, no setup. Suggested talking points: Creamed Corn?, Rudd Run, Edgehogging, Hypermortality, You Would Get Langoliered, Sad Music Chris Fair E…
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A representative from the Democratic Republic of Griffin has been granted special Travlomatic immunity to Trav Nation this week, and they're here to talk all about tasty eats for the creepy season: movie theater dinners, kids made of pizza, three donuts baked together, and delicious bugs just in your house. Suggested talking points: Six Degrees of …
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We’d like to take a moment to sincerely apologize for the excruciating and honestly impressive detail, contained within this episode, concerning instruction on how to savor a certain fancy chocolate snack. We also thought about apologizing to our fantastic guestpert Felicia Day for a gross episode, except that she does offer advice about the inters…
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It’s the closest we’ll ever get to making our dad proud, live from the sports-themed WaMu theater in Seattle, WA. Join us as we learn more about cool French stuff, famous internet cats, and Griffin’s misconceptions about rodeo clowns. Suggested talking points: Killability, Swizz Beats is Holding You Back, Bone-Ruggedness, Costume of the Nose, Good …
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In the Spirit (get it?) of the season, we present you the three copyright-free brothers: Chaddy, Smelsa, and Shaquille O’Squeal. They’re here to educate us all about scary topics like acting, how to talk to children, and sloppy burgers. Suggested talking points: Spirit Trampo-ween, No Christ No Pain, There’s Only so Many Seals Left, 24/7 Baby Cravi…
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With Valentine's Day just around the corner in four short months, it’s time to start planning a romantic evening with your sweetheart. Oh, you don’t have any ideas yet? Well don’t worry, you can just explain to them the plot of Outlander as they gently drift off to sleep and that counts as a pretty successful date. Suggested talking points: Key Ban…
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It’s Saucetember and there’s only a few more days until the Brood Mother stops excreting into bottles and returns to the vat she’s used to. To celebrate, we’ve got a saucy episode for you, jam-packed with dog reunions, suggestive baguettes, egg birds, AND meat birds. This episode brought to you by Paul Oxo’s Good Grips Four Cup Fat Separator 4 Bois…
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Buckle up, y’all, Hogflesh pirate radio is taking over the waves! Join Skin Pigs, Hog Flesh, and Oink Meat as they talk about the sports we all love, sexy science nerds, and that one commercial with Tom Brady and the mattress. Post-order Hunk Green’s 2018 novel “An Absolutely Remarkable Thing” at http://sphincterboy.com/ Suggested talking points: T…
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It's that time of year again! Time to make our case to the great pumpkin demon so that we might be allowed to have that good good fall flavor in all our foods instead of being destroyed. Suggested talking points: Dr. Samantha Brainmedicine, Sigmund Slip, Griff of Theseus, Start Lickin', Pumpkmanis, Second Jeff, Soul Kegels Hawai’i Community Foundat…
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LIVE from beautiful San Jose, a real Justin town, with questions about haunted wedding venues, accident cheese, and the looming threat that is robots giving us no more than the mandated number of chicken nuggets. Suggested talking points: The Holy Spirit Takes Orders from ME , Subliminal Jackson, Parkour Plateau, Pre-Show Big Burrito Bowl, Pennywis…
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We’re doling out the wisdom – that’s right, old school full-circle Farm Wisdom from us, to you. When’s the best time to eat asparagus? How do you clean that thick denim? And how do you get sand out of a Tuba? It’s You-you-useful information! Suggested talking points: Fartichokes, You Gotta Have a Mirepoix Going On, Laundry Antagonist, 25-21 Years O…
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We’ve finally done it. We’ve come up with the single most ambitious business idea of all time. We want to tell you about it, but you’re gonna have to listen to the full episode, because conceptually it cannot be contained in this description. Also for real, we’ll know if you show up at the Container Store after you’ve listened. Don’t do it. Suggest…
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Live from the Balboa Theater during San Diego Comic-Con 2023, we've got a 4DX Experience for you that will have you feeling the soup. We're helping people in all dimensions with astral projection, cat hair, and a beaver heist. Suggested talking points: His Health is Great but I Want to Start Early, Paranormal Lovers, Astral Project or you’re fired,…
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It’s August 2023, aliens are real, and so is Dave Matthews. He could be anywhere! In light of this new information, we’re doing our best to keep things light and loose so we’re ready for the upcoming taco wars that will define our founding-father given rights to Taco Tuesday for good. Suggested talking points: Reggie Used to work at America, Crash …
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It's Sloppy Wet Boy Summer out here, just in time for August. We've got everything you need to do it up right, including a black tie tank top, mystery rocks, and Justin's handmade splinter-free lotion spatulas. Suggested talking points: Ben Shrekpiro, Hot Boy Hot Dog Summer, Malligator, Spatula Splinters, Like the rapper?, Shittles, Coffee Restaura…
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Live from the dreamy Carpenter Theater in Richmond, VA! We bring together the forces of Richard Stink, The Minions, and a prayer circle to ask the audience the most important question of our time: What is the milk of Cars? Suggested talking points: Successful Creep, Keep Your Pants Up, There’s no Angels in the Playoffs, Tailgate your Lunch Break, I…
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Wee-ooh-wee-ooh, it’s Wonka-watch! Get that kid from Dune in here to make those magic chocolates! We’re so excited about the extended Wonkaverse, which will of course include starring films for all of the Wonkas, all featuring Andy Serkis as Huge Grant. Suggested talking points: Hot Topic Employee Energy, Wilder than Wilder and Deeper than Depp, Tw…
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We've run out of search engines, so we’ve sent the spiders out crawling around for new things, and what they've discovered is that we curse a lot. Anyway it turns out we owe the swear jar over $10,000, so go on over to Batreon to help us out, and then we can say older and cooler cuss words. Suggested talking points: I Can Buy You Dump Time, Touch t…
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Live from Raleigh, NC, the place where the sun make car hot – not wet or cold, how weird is that? But seriously, there are some banger questions from the audience about bee counting, astronomically famous YouTubers, and the accuracy of Slimer's buttcheeks. Suggested talking points: Yard of Soup; The Piss Boy 5000, The Drone You Can Piss In; Whopper…
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To avoid the curse, forward this podcast to ten people immediately! Or you will be subject to a pile of leftover hotdogs, a giant crow that really wants to talk to you about something, and a friendly scorpion named Tank. Suggested talking points: Staring down the Barrel of a Tube Steak, Myth MythBusters Busters, The American Sun, Mouthtown: It's Yo…
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Live from the best venue in the contiguous United States in Milwaukee, WI! We're giving Wisconsonites advice about becoming a city-conquering mayor, big haunted boxes, and the sexiest bird you've ever seen. Suggested talking points: Zwan Song Swan Song, Cine-Mark, 2460-Bun, I'm Paying Out of Pocket for Shipping, Un-hatted Babadook, BILF Equality Fl…
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Somehow, Willy Wonka has returned with all sorts of strange treats to look out for – and we mean LOOK OUT. Like massive cell blobs or flubbers, pizza pickle platters, and Slipknot masks. You've been warned. Suggested talking points: Swamp Your Wonka; To-Goo List; Reverse Anxiety; Mick on Mask; Mate, Feed, Kill; Doxx Your Mom; Loose Miasma of Donut …
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We’ve heard some positive affirmations about that Naming of the Year episode energy, so have we got one with that same energy for you, smack dab in the middle of the year! You know, as a check-in, just to make sure those vibes are still there. Suggested talking points: Mr. Big Jeans, Webs n’ Posies, Farm-to-Table Anesthetic, Observation Veto Power,…
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We know sometimes the advice we give is unusual, but we would have a 100% success rate if people just followed it. Like some of the questions in this episode, which could just be solved easily with a desk full of jelly and knocking down all of the walls. Or, if all else fails, dual percussive massagers. Suggested talking points: Simply the Guest, C…
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