Today we talk about the science of attachment styles inspired by the book "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller. This book has revolutionized how I approach all of my relationships. These are my reasons why you should read this book and how I now use it to healthfully allow people to be as they are. REFERENCES: Attached written by Amir L…

Today our guest is Shelby Redfield Kilgore who is a two time Emmy award-winning filmmaker and author of the blog, “Behind the Lens” and also co-writer of the book “Rooted in Adoption: A Collection of Adoptee Reflections”. Today's topics: Her filmmaking and how she found her artistic voice How the stories she collects have informed her own adoption …

Today we have author, activist, podcaster, and educative content creator Melissa Guida Richards; who was also a guest on episode 6 ,and a panelist on my 2020 panel series. A lot has happened since we last chatted a few years ago; Melissa's second book launched and her tik tok / IG platforms now have a huge following of people who want to learn more…

Today I speak with poet, artist, and activist matthew anthony. Matthew has a podcast called "Little Did You Know" and a vibrant poetry book called "You Can Not Burn The Sun." We discuss: - Reclaiming ones name - Rehoming and separating siblings - What "with-ness" is in regards to solidarity - And the resiliency of a black spirit brought up in a Sun…

Today, we speak with Lorah Gerald (aka The Adopted Chameleon). It was a delight to have a light worker with such a profound grasp of a plethora of healing modalities. Lorah is a trauma-informed Kundalini Yoga instructor, Intuitive, Tarot & Tea reader, and Reiki healer. You can find her on Instagram @theadopteechamelean sharing her gifts as a healer…

Today it’s just me.This month has been many things for me. Officially it’s Mental Health awareness month and Asian, Asian American, Pacific Islander Heritage Month. I want to take the time to honor both things. First I’ll tell you why Mental Health awareness is so imperative on a personal level and on a community level. REFERENCES: Film One Child N…

Today's guest is Lori May Mier who is the author of Marin and Her Very Bright Star; a story of resiliency which is available on her website. She also is an activator in her community. Find out why I use the word "activator" instead of "activist" in the episode. We talk about: The difference between Grief and loss Narrative therapy and how reimagini…

My guest today is Nelson De Witt who is an author, film maker and technologist. This conversation was fascinating. Nelson was born in El Salvador and raised here on East Coast. We discuss: -Coping mechanisms for his Dyslexia (and my dyslexia, because we both have it) - Joseph Campbell’s Heroes Journey, which is the most prevalent template for stori…

This week it's all me. I discuss healing the inner child and how that has benefited my life. There are many ways to go about it this powerful work. Listen and find out how incredibly useful it can be to acknowledge and connect with ones inner children. REFERENCES: What is An Inner Child & What Does It know https://integrativepsych.co/new-blog/what-…

Today's guest, Nikki Webster is the illustrator Nikki Often, heart warming comics that "Punch you in the gut." We discuss the following: Allowing your child to sleep with you for as long as possible Nikki's work comics What is a "miracle of tenacity" How to overcome feelings of not being enough as we both dabble in public speaking. GUEST: Nikki Web…

Today's guest is the author, film maker and coach, Anne Heffron. Anne wrote “You Don’t Look Adopted,” “Making a Mess: Writing and Pooping,” “Truth Agency: Writing Ideas for people who were adopted,” and she co-wrote the film “Phantom Halo.” Anne facilitates writing workshops and retreats designed to empower, instill confidence and make people excit…

Today I speak with Isaac Etter, a social entrepreneur, transracial adoptee, founder of Identity a startup focused on using technology to help foster and adoptive families thrive, and the owner of a small business strategy agency called, Etter Consulting. Identity is dedicated to equiping parents so that the children are empowered. GUEST: Isaac Ette…

Our guest Emma Stevens is an mother, trainer and the author of "The Gathering Place: An adoptee's Story" and newly released, "A Fire is Coming." We unpack the uses of the healing modality, EMDR Therapy (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), and she touches on her tumultuous childhood with her adoptive parents, the gift of learning how to …

Today's guest, Patrick Armstrong (he/him) discusses creating his podcasts and what that entails, how he builds empathy with and for the community outside of the adoption constellation, and how "adoptee" is an identity that one inhabits. We also delve into what differentiates an activist from advocate and how he navigates the construct of "whiteness…

We start this season off with a one-on-one "calling in." I talk about the adverse affects of conflict avoidance and the true promise of accountability. REFERENCES: Victoria Albina "Feminine Wellness" https://victoriaalbina.com/podcast/ Calling In vs calling Out https://edib.harvard.edu/files/dib/files/calling_in_and_calling_out_guide_v4.pdf?m=16256…

This is the last episode in Season 3! Hoorah! And before we go on a short hiatus, I want to breakdown why and what I mean by "Where can you apply courage?" and "Courage, my love." This word is the the bedrock of this work, so let's find out why. References: Brene Brown William Ernest Henley "Invictus" Support the Show. CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadop…

Today’s guest is Sandy White Hawk who is the Executive Director at First Nations Repatriation Institute. She and I take the gloves off with this one. We discuss white supremacy in indigenous communities, systematic removal and problematic placements of adoptees, changing of adoptee names, and what unconditional love looks like. The mainstream doesn…

Julie McGue graces my podcast today. We talk about the journey she took to write the extraordinary memoir, “Twice A Daughter” with her twin sister. Julie and I delve into the challenge of asking adoptive parents for adoption information, and how important it is to know your medical history. She also found some kismet moments where writing her story…

My guest today is Lina Vanegas who is an advocate for Displaced adoptee rights, mental health awareness, suicide prevention and is also the co-host of the podcast “Rescripting The Narrative”. We discuss how war is a prime opportunity for displaced children ending up in the adoption cycle, what advocacy can looking like in the adoption community, an…

Our guest today, Sara Easterly is an author and essayist who wrote a spiritual memoir called “Searching for Mom”. She writes about adoption, parenting, and grief through the lens of her Christian faith. We go into how using faith to justify adoption can make adoptees feel alienated and insignificant by framing adoption as a “blessing”. And her answ…

Today, Jill Ashley Hoffman helps me unpack cultural programing and conditioning around relationship with food, learning how food can be medicine and addressing thyroid disorders. Jill is a healing artist; Reiki healer, Health coach, thyroid health coach, graphic designer and #1 Best selling Co-author. Jill is here to guide us towards a healthier an…

This week in light of all the collective heart-breaks I wanted check in with everyone. How is your heart? My guest is the perfect person to share space in this tender moment. She is such a light in this world, as a mentor and adoptive parent herself. She helps to shatter the myth that BIPOC people don't adopt--they do! And she just happens to be an…

Schai Schairer returns to talk about Haitian Heritage Month! Listen as we fellowship on what this month means to us! We discuss reclaiming our Haitian culture as interracial adoptees, building identity by immersing ourselves in various communities, and celebrating our advocacies. The authenticity of our friendship made it difficult to end this epis…

Kevin Hofmann is biracial who was adopted into a White family. Listen as he uses humor to discuss the sense of belonging, imposter syndrome, and identity. His candid experiences are written in his book, “Growing Up Black in White” in which he further explores dealing with racial tensions, his loving family, and developing into a trainer to teach ot…

We've all heard of the "Better life narrative" where people tell you that no matter what your present circumstances are they are better than your pre-adoption life. Well, that's not true nor is it healthy to perpetuate. My guest Mindy Stern and I break down why! GUEST::cMindy Stern @minster12 Support the Show. CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lant…

Today I go solo to give you some key things that helped me survive this monstrous year. It is all about a higher quality of life, my beloveds. Journel Prompt: What am I feeling this way? What can I do to shift this circumstance? Write 5 things that you’re grateful for. Write 5 lessons that you are learning from this situation. Mind Love: https://ww…

Today’s episode has Lydia Fay Berkey, who is an interracial adoptee. You’ll hear Lydia discuss how to build an Instagram presence, how Maslow's hierarchy of needs applies to transracial adoptees, how to protect your peace, and the struggle to decolonize Eurocentric beauty standards. The infectious laugher of Lydia will make it easy to stay engaged …

Today Ed and I discuss his wonderful book "The Gift best Given". Ed has an inspiring perspective on how it's never too late to search for the answers. GUEST: Edward Di Gangi https://www.digangiauthor.com/about-my-book Support the Show. CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE! …

We launch this season with a discussion on what it means to be stuck in a drama triangle where you're constantly playing either the role of victim, prosecutor or rescuers. Adoptee, friend and biological aunt, Dr. Juliana Olson Deans helps me unpack it all. The world at large is definitely stuck in at least one of these mindsets, but you don't have …

We're back! Come join me this Saturday for another round. I'm so excited! @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com DONATE TO THE SHOW: https://ko-fi.com/whentheywereyoung Support the Show. CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE! DISCOUNT FOR 15% GUIDE BOOKS: Isaa…

Today in this solo episode I wanted to talk to you about lost languages. I stumbled across this article called “Forgotten First Languages Leave An Imprint On The Brain.” For those of you feeling overwhelmed (like me) with the idea of re-learning your mother-tongue this article gave me so much comfort and hope. REFERENCES: Adoptees who taught themse…

Jacob Taylor Mosquera is a Colombian adoptee who taught himself Spanish in two years and now teaches Spanish in Seattle. He is the author of, “I Met Myself In October: A Memoir of Belonging.” He shares his extraordinary journey of discovery, self-actualization and identity. This is going to be a good one! GUEST:: Jacob Taylor Mosquera https://www.i…

Our guest today is Astrid Castro. You’ve heard me talk about how much I love the phrase “The Adoptee Constellation” before, and I first heard it from her. Astrid’s works in both the private and public sectors of various adoption organizations such the Oregon Post Adoption Resource Center (ORPARC), Holt International, Rocky Mountain Adoption Exchang…

Today’s guest has one of the gentlest spirits I’ve ever encountered. Moses Farrow is a very active activists and a long time family therapist. In this conversation he gives some actionable steps to come back to yourself and begin the work to reconnecting with who you are. Moses Farrow is an advocate for mental health, adoption reform and suicide pr…

The co-founder and executive director of The Adoptee Collective reached out to me about a possible collaboration. She and I instantly hit it off. Heather Enright is not an adoptee but has an in-depth perspective having worked as a social worker for 19 years. After watching my panel series she had the intuitive ping to leave her current job and star…

This conversation is incredibly important if you have a child of another race, if your family is of another race, or if you live on this planet. You will walk away more informed. My guest Issac Etter is an incredible educator, consultant, speaker, activist and social entrepreneur. He’s the co-founder of SafeHouse Lancaster, where he is the co-execu…

This week is a solo episode to share some actionable steps to unlearn perfectionism. This is something that I am constantly working on and have finally gained some ground on through meditation and thought work. I've included some links to people who've helped me along the way. REFERENCES: Joe Dispenza: https://youtu.be/oFB6KDftGPY Victory Albino: h…

Today’s episode takes a deep dive into my perfectionism, boundaries and people pleasing. I did not intend for it to play out that way, but when I met Amy Geller, today’s guest, I was disarmed. She has a magical--Jedi way of getting down to the root of the issue in a matter of minutes—I could have spoken with her for hours. I can see why she is so s…

I lost my grandmother, and my aunt Juliana lost her mother about a month ago. We asked Dr. Charmaine Borda to interview myself and my biological aunt, Dr Juliana Olson- Deans, because Charmaine is a close friend of Juliana’s and I have loved getting to know her this last year. Both of these women are adoptees who work as clinical psychologists in t…

I just wanted to check in with you on all the things happening in my life, and give you some tricks to overcome even the deepest sorrow. It's summer time in Chicago and I churn this heat into opportunity, here's how! Support the Show. CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE! D…

Today’s interview is a testament a perseverance. I connected with Obakeng Beddny three times because of technical difficulties. Obakeng is a natural orator who will spur you to stand up, no matter what your beliefs may be, and invite you to recognize the love that already resides in you. He is such a brilliant mind and radiant force in this world. …

This episode Jamie-Lyn Richartz returns to chat with me about how she felt the convo with her mother went. See episode 28 for part 2. We are modeling how to have a conversation about adoption with a loved one. You’d think that it was easy, but let me tell you—I have friends who’ve never talked to their husbands or adoptive families about their adop…

We are modeling how to have a conversation about adoption with a loved one. You’d think that it was easy, but let me tell you—I have friends who’ve never talked to their husbands or adoptive families about their adoption. Again, I’m not saying that you need to talk about adoption all the time, or ever-- for that matter. I am simply examining why ar…

I share what I do while in self-preservation mode, and how I get back into a space where I can feel the full spectrum of my emotions--without it consuming me. And of course, we talk about mothers and what that means to me as an adoptee this Mother's Day weekend. Material: Poem by William Butler Yeats "Heaven's Embroidered Cloths" Support the Show. …

My guest, Kevin Barhydt is the author of “Dear Stephen Micheal’s Mother” and the host of an educative youtube channel. His wisdom is astounding. The depth of his vulnerability and authenticity truly inspired me. Kevin shares how he pivoted out of fear into faith by building a foundation of courage. ** Please note that this episode mentions sexual a…

Today’s guest has a blog called The Adoptee In Me. She speaks so beautifully about her connection to her son and father. Like me, she came from a single parent household. It’s rare that we have adoptees raised by just a father. Lionel in season one episode 14 is the only other adoptee I know. She and I connected instantly over the topics of family,…

We will be back this month! I have been on hiatus but preparing to go live with some exciting new conversations. Thank you for your continued support. Thanks for writing an itunes review :) Missed you! Support the Show. CONNECT WITH HOST: @youngadoptee @lantoines www.laniseantoineshelley.com SPONSORSHIPS: BetterHelp Show Link HERE! DISCOUNT FOR 15%…

Hey loves! This week I just want to give you three books that have helped me create more than I ever have before this past year. Even though the sky was falling outside I continued to flourish in my artistic life. I want to share with you ways you can set, accomplish and hold fast to anything you set out to do. This is going to be a triumphant year…

Merry Holidays! We check in with Dr. Juliana Olson-Deans to see how she feels last week's convo with her husband went. She's been married for 20 years! I had to find out her advice on enduring partnerships and figure out what it was like for her dating as an adoptee. Whether we know it or not our adoption impacts every relationship. It's up to you …

Dr. Juliana Olson Deans is back! She is a licensed professional counselor, mental health counselor, and national certified counselor who imparted great wisdom in episode 5 and co-founded the Interracial Adoptee Panel series with me this past summer. Juliana is here with her husband Derek. As I said before, these familial chats are the most challeng…