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Let’s Talk Mental Health
Manage episode 362385319 series 2836435
This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat.
Lorilee Binstock 00:00:18
Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock, and this is A Trauma Survivor Thrivers Podcast.
Thank you so much for joining me live on Fireside Chat where you can be a part of the conversation as my virtual audience. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock. Everyone has an opportunity to hop on stage. And, actually, I'm hoping people like to would like to hop on stage and and ask any questions or just chat with me today,
but I do ask that everybody be respectful. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock.
So please, some you know, I would love for people to share in this conversation. I know while this is an interview format show, I did have a guest. However, I did receive a lot of backlash.
From so many people about this
I will not name this guest, but I did confirm that she was dealing with
some legal issues for alleged fraud and scamming people out of a lot of money.
But with that, and trying to respond to everyone who commented on my Facebook page, I felt there really needed to be a conversation around mental health and the realization
that you know, hurt people
hurt people. And I know I also received backlash. Like, why are you canceling this person?
And and I'll get to all of that.
But I do ask that, you know, people join me. It looks like I actually have hold on. Let me see if I can get Kelly up on the stage.
In it to invite them to speak. Cali is actually
my I don't know if you know how to get on stage, but I think there's a
button or something that can actually
allow you to come on stage.
No. I think I have you on stage.
Cali, do I have you?
So
if if Cali is able to speak,
she is actually my creative director for the magazine for so for anybody who checks out Authentic Insider Magazine
and who's commented how beautiful
how beautifully curated the pages are. It's actually all Kelly Benstock. I really, really everything
is is really from the contributors, all the beautiful
words and pages, the contributors and Kelly. So I do wanna say that. Kelly is done a lot to really beautify the magazine and and make it look legit. So
So, Kelly, thank you for that. Can I get you on?
Oh, I see that you should you be hearing something? Am I muted? That's my next question.
It should be.
Let me double check.
So I do wanna talk about mental health because, like I said, I've had a lot of people
come on
and comment about
why this person
should not come. And I was actually thinking, okay. I'm gonna actually invite this person to come on the show
and have her
you know, and in question her a little bit about this, not not to
be mean, but this is what I've been hearing. What will can you you wanna explain
yourself or you want to share your story, your side of the story.
The thing is she is I I there was an warrant out for her arrest last Tuesday.
So I don't think she could have joined anyways, but I've decided that there were so many people who were really upset about having this guest on
I felt that it just didn't fit the show. Right? This the show was called a trauma survivor,
Thrivers
Podcast. And
So most of my guests are people who are trauma survivors who are thriving.
And who are inspiring. And it just seemed like there was just a lot of animosity,
a lot of anger that was
surrounding
this guest. And and so I just didn't feel like having this person on would be helpful, but it did make me think, okay. We need to talk about mental health.
And there were a lot of people who were commenting
that they felt this person was such a compulsive liar that
they didn't believe that their trauma even existed.
While I'm I'm not
I'm not the person to make that decision,
or to judge that,
there is a
I I truly believe she's experienced some sort of trauma. Whether it's a trauma that she says she experience. I'm I'm not sure. I can't that's not my I'm not in that position
to make that call. I don't know her personally.
But I feel that
it's this this idea. Her people, her people,
people who've been traumatized,
oftentimes traumatize other people. That's why there's a generational trauma.
You know, my parents who
you know, I was traumatized by my parents. I'm in childhood sexual abuse survivor.
You know,
my my father sexually abused me as a child, my mother.
Well, she's wonderful, and we have a good relationship now.
You know, she she even admitted. I think I she told me when I was in college, I think I dealt with
postpartum depression.
And, you know, back then, nobody really knew much about if any anything about postpartum depression. And so
I forgave her that for that. I think she kind of there was this realization
our our relationship changed from there.
But
she still treated me
pretty badly growing up.
I felt neglected
by her.
And like I said, while that's not the case now, I did feel
neglected by her for the longest time. And
that has that caused me some issues. And and there was a point probably when I was in middle school,
I didn't know I was dealing with trauma,
but I realized that
I
I I
needed a community. I needed friends, and I didn't really have friends. I was often isolated as a child. But when I got into middle school, I knew that I wanted friends. And I felt like the only people who were kind of talking to me were the popular
the popular girls
And
I really,
really enjoyed,
like, being around them, but they were kind of mean. They were mean to other people, and I felt to be accepted within this group of people, I also needed to be
mean or I needed to be like them. And I was I I I'm so ashamed to say. I was a little bit of a bully.
Once I got into high school, I was bullied.
Then I'm like, oh, it
flipped the script. I'm this is this is happening to me, and this is this is pretty terrible.
So now I know what it feels like. Right? You just
I had things changed for me at that point.
However, I was still healing from my trauma. Actually, I wasn't healing it off. High school, I wasn't healing from my trauma. I didn't even know I had trauma.
I do wanna check-in. Do I have Kelly? Kelly, are you there? Are you available to chat?
I don't know. I'm still, like I feel like there were some new features added on
with Fireside.
And I'm hoping people can actually hear me right now.
Can people hear me?
I might be muted, actually.
No. I'm not.
Well, you know,
if we can get Kelly on oh, I see
speaker request.
Accept request.
Kelly, can you hear me?
Cali Binstock 00:08:36
Yes.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:37
Oh my goodness.
Cali Binstock 00:08:38
Wait.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:39
- K. K. I can hear you.
Cali Binstock 00:08:39
You can hear me.
Wow. Okay. Great.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:42
Yes.
So, yes, this is this is Kelly.
She like I said earlier, she is the creative director for Authentic Insider Magazine. Reason why the pages are so beautifully curated.
Cali Binstock 00:08:49
Hi.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:55
That and, again, the create contributors
Cali Binstock 00:08:58
Hello?
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:58
are the ones who
really
bring the magazine to life. So, Kelly,
you know, we've talked about this, and so I'm talking about mental health, and I'm talking about bullying. And I talked about how I was
Cali Binstock 00:09:05
Hi.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:13
embarrassed to say I was a bully
when I was in middle school.
Cali Binstock 00:09:16
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:18
Yada yada yada.
I got into high school. I was bullied, and then and then I realized, like, oh, okay. This is this is this this is what it feels like, and it feels pretty terrible.
But I was a bully because I I I struggled. I I there's something that I needed.
Cali Binstock 00:09:30
No.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:35
And it was I needed
Cali Binstock 00:09:35
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:37
people to like me because nobody really liked me at home.
Cali Binstock 00:09:42
Look at that.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:43
And, you know, the people who actually
showed me some attention
were, you know, these these girls who were kinda bullies. I did have a couple friends that were like, my good friends,
and
they're still my good friends today.
But,
you know, we they were kind of pulled into all of it as well. And I I have to say, they're good people. They're good people now. I don't know about the other girls.
Cali Binstock 00:10:03
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:09
Then I'm sure they're great people.
But I I just wanna say it's her
say it again. Her people, her people,
Cali Binstock 00:10:17
Definitely.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:17
and
And it's really hard.
If you like to understand that, especially if you've experienced trauma, unless you're unless you're on your, like, far into your healing.
Cali Binstock 00:10:25
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:29
And, you know, I feel like
being curious about certain situations
when someone's being mean,
it's never it's it's almost never about
Cali Binstock 00:10:37
Yes.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:41
it's it's about the person who is being mean. It's not like
Cali Binstock 00:10:43
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:44
right?
Cali Binstock 00:10:45
That reminds me of Oprah's
I don't think it's that new anymore,
but it's like and I heard her talking about it on a podcast. It was like,
not what's wrong with you. The question should be, what happens to you?
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:00
Yes.
Exactly.
Cali Binstock 00:11:03
You know, and just having that awareness that people are acting from
maybe trauma and
insecurity
and not
as much out to get you because nobody cares that much about,
you know, you not in not in a bad way, but, like,
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:21
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:11:23
People are so self centric that
it's usually their own issues.
That they have to deal with. You know?
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:30
I agree.
And they're only outlet. Maybe you. Maybe they're so comfortable with you that you are the only outlet.
Cali Binstock 00:11:32
But yeah.
Yeah.
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:39
Ask my husband.
I mean, it's
Cali Binstock 00:11:42
I know when you're really comfy with someone you can be.
Alamine.
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:48
yes.
Cali Binstock 00:11:48
Yeah. I'm guilty of it too, for sure.
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:49
Yes.
Yeah, a hundred percent. You know, I I talked to Jared about I mean, my husband's Jared. But I talked to my daughter
about bullying because she there are times where she's felt bullied.
And because she's felt bullied, you know, she comes to me. She's like this person said this, and I'm like, oh my goodness. Well, you know, there's probably something going on with them, and it's not about you. I think that was
Cali Binstock 00:12:05
Mhmm.
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:14
that was really important.
To
Cali Binstock 00:12:17
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:17
my daughter, Olivia,
because
I feel like you can it's easy to take things personally.
Cali Binstock 00:12:24
Oh, yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:24
You know,
even when my husband gets mad at me, when Jared, my husband gets mad at me, I
can I can take it personally or he's being distant? I take it personally. Oh, you don't you don't love me anymore. You know, this is this is my thing. Right? But the truth is there's just something going on internally with him. Maybe it's work. Maybe it's something else. And I think it's, like you said, what Oser said,
Cali Binstock 00:12:33
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:47
what happened? What did what happened to you?
Cali Binstock 00:12:50
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:50
Why are you behaving this way? And I feel like for this person who
is not on my show right now,
Cali Binstock 00:12:58
You're right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:59
it was
I I think
we should stop with the
and I and with the
I don't believe in her trauma because she is such a liar. I think she has experienced
some sort of trauma,
big tea, trauma, little tea, trauma that
made her feel that she needed to
scam people out of money. And, you
know,
in my neighborhood.
I live in Washington, DC, and there are a lot of car jackings, car thefts,
Cali Binstock 00:13:31
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:13:32
but it's something that was really interesting that happened.
This little while ago, but we have a listserv
Cali Binstock 00:13:37
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:13:38
for moms on the hill, and a woman
was saying that her car got broken into.
But she didn't say, you know, didn't didn't anyone have any
cameras on this in this area. She specifically
Cali Binstock 00:13:50
Oh,
Lorilee Binstock 00:13:51
asked, George said,
They stole
diapers.
They're someone in our neighborhood, in our community who is so desperate
for such a necessity
that they broke into my car and stole diapers,
Cali Binstock 00:14:03
Oh my god.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:07
and she wasn't angry.
She actually said we should actually do a
Cali Binstock 00:14:09
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:12
a diaper drive because someone needs it.
Cali Binstock 00:14:14
Hold on.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:15
And I was like, oh my gosh.
Cali Binstock 00:14:16
The great
but a great human she is to,
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:19
Right.
Can you imagine if we looked at everything like that? Like,
Cali Binstock 00:14:20
you know,
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:24
we've been we've been harmed. Why?
Can how can we help this?
Cali Binstock 00:14:27
Yeah.
Well, that's, like, the chain of pain and And if you recognize
it, it's the only way to, like, start breaking the chain. You know?
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:39
That's awareness.
Mental health awareness.
Cali Binstock 00:14:40
Awareness
is always step one. Right? Like, that's where you have to start.
And then
that's the only place that, like,
good action. I guess you would say it would come from.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:53
Yes.
Cali Binstock 00:14:54
Right? Like,
yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:57
Good humans.
I mean, I can say this all day long, but there will be moments in my life where I'm, like, You know? It's like, I think I did a TikTok
a while ago where I'm like,
hello, all. I hope you have a wonderful day, and then, like, pretend to honk my horn and
Cali Binstock 00:15:11
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:14
yell, like, what the fuck is the matter with you?
Cali Binstock 00:15:17
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:17
It's really it's really the same thing. It's like, okay, everybody.
Make you know, give everyone as a chance, not everyone is experience.
You know, everyone's
Cali Binstock 00:15:27
So
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:27
you never know what everyone's experiencing,
and then you turn around, you're like, why did they do this? Why did they you know, it's just depending on your day. Right?
Cali Binstock 00:15:30
yeah.
Yeah.
Well, relationships
are if you're not regulated
and you're having a gut reaction because things are chaotic, like,
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:38
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:15:43
You have to give yourself grace too, I guess,
after those situations.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:46
Exactly.
Yeah. I think it's right. Yeah. I I I think it all comes to, like, this this whole idea the system of regulating your nervous system. Right? We when we're dysregulated,
Cali Binstock 00:15:57
Hey.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:59
awareness is out the window.
Cali Binstock 00:16:01
Oh, yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:02
But it's also one of those things. If you train your yourself to be to will be aware when you're not
Cali Binstock 00:16:10
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:10
dysregulated,
then it'll it becomes easier when you are dysregulated.
Cali Binstock 00:16:16
Through.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:17
To be able to
respond
and not react.
Cali Binstock 00:16:22
Exactly.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:22
And
and so, yeah,
I also wanted to talk about cancel culture because I think there were also a lot of people, and I agree with them, people who responded, like, what did this person do. I don't believe in cancel culture. If people canceled me, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.
And I agree with that because
Cali Binstock 00:16:41
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:43
and like I said earlier, I mentioned I don't know if you heard, but I mentioned, you know, this person
Cali Binstock 00:16:49
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:50
You know, this it just she just it just didn't work with the podcast itself. It's a trauma survivor, Thrivers Podcast.
Cali Binstock 00:16:57
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:57
And she's not in a place where she's thriving. And but I think she's in a place where she could start her healing. And I I do hope that for her. I wish that for her,
Cali Binstock 00:17:01
Yeah.
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:10
but I also agree, like,
you know, canceled culture is just so volatile.
Why? We don't need to
we we can we can stop giving them attention because when you keep feeding into feeding into this,
Cali Binstock 00:17:22
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:24
right, then they'll just start re reacting.
Cali Binstock 00:17:25
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:28
But if you give them the space to maybe be able to see what they're doing because you can't shame people into doing things. Let's let's be real here. You can't shame people into doing the right thing. They need to figure it out for themselves. And I think in a a place to be able to do that is a place of quiet,
Cali Binstock 00:17:35
True.
Yeah.
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:47
and I think
cancel culture. It's not that we're canceling you. Like, you're done,
but I think it's like I think it's more like
Cali Binstock 00:17:54
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:57
Okay.
This is your opportunity
to make some changes and understand your actions and maybe make some changes and maybe do better and help others do better.
Cali Binstock 00:18:04
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:08
And then I think that's when.
Cali Binstock 00:18:08
We all make mistakes,
so I guess there's a scale of, like,
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:10
Yes.
Cali Binstock 00:18:14
you know,
if someone is a dangerous human,
you know, that's one thing, but
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:20
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:18:20
making mistakes
and
I don't know. I just
it makes me think about
people in jail and just the amount of incarceration
in our in our country, and
it just seems insane.
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:38
No. It does.
Cali Binstock 00:18:39
But how many how many people and mostly people of color in in jails for smaller crimes, and
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:44
Mhmm.
Cali Binstock 00:18:47
and, you know, the
perpetuating
cycle
with poverty, and it's just
it's not a it's it's not usually a place of rehabilitation.
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:59
Yeah.
Cali Binstock 00:18:59
It's a place of a lot of with a lot of toxicity. I'm sure they're I mean, I taught art at at our county jail here in Pittsburgh
briefly. I wasn't there a long, long time, but
I believe in
in,
you know, rehabilitation,
and I think
setting people up for reintegration,
and
it's just crazy. We don't have more mental health support for
for these people.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:28
Yeah. I I think that's that's that's the issue here. The our mental health care system in America
is so
dysfunctional.
Cali Binstock 00:19:39
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:39
There's there's not enough going on. There's just
not not enough people
I mean, who can afford it really? I mean, it's very expensive
Cali Binstock 00:19:47
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:49
to get mental health treatment in America. And to get good mental health, specialized health
Cali Binstock 00:19:55
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:56
care, that's that's
that it it's it's so rare. Yet we there's all these other issues that we're dealing with. But if we can if we can, like, get to the root of it, which is, like, our mental health care system, we could probably fix a lot more things.
Cali Binstock 00:20:08
Mhmm.
Right. Like the the domino effect of that would be so worth it, so worth investing in.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:14
Mhmm.
Yes.
Inquiry.
But but that's the question is if someone's
you know, I I'm sure there's hundreds and hundreds of people all over America trying to work on how are we gonna get there.
It's just it is a it's a it's a very daunting task. And and,
Cali Binstock 00:20:35
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:36
you know, that's why I'm kind of hoping, like, for all of us, it's just
we're working on ourselves. I I'd like if if each individual
Cali Binstock 00:20:44
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:46
can work on themselves,
I think that that that right there is growth. And,
Cali Binstock 00:20:49
No.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:52
again, it's that easily said,
not easily done.
Cali Binstock 00:20:57
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:58
And but I I mean, I feel like talking about it,
bringing awareness to it,
Cali Binstock 00:21:04
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:05
you know, I think that's everything. I think that that that's why we're having this conversation. I could have easily canceled the show.
Cali Binstock 00:21:11
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:14
But it really
Cali Binstock 00:21:14
Cancel all the color.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:16
cancel culture. Yes. I but I really could not sleep just thinking about all of the stuff that was happening.
Cali Binstock 00:21:23
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:23
And and so I did wanna briefly
kinda touch on this and and, you know,
have this conversation
Cali Binstock 00:21:31
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:32
because,
you know, I, myself, was just
dealing with trauma. I did awful things. That I am absolutely not proud of. I am very lucky that social media didn't exist when I was a child.
Cali Binstock 00:21:41
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:47
And
Cali Binstock 00:21:48
I know. How lucky were we?
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:50
I I mean, we were so lucky. It it scares me to think, like, if social media existed,
twenty
Cali Binstock 00:21:57
God.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:58
years ago,
I'd be screwed.
Cali Binstock 00:22:01
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:01
I'd be screwed.
Cali Binstock 00:22:02
My my late teens and twenties, like, I would rather not
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:04
Mm-mm.
Cali Binstock 00:22:06
have any evidence of that.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:06
Yes.
Right. Exactly.
Cali Binstock 00:22:09
And I hardly do, which is wonderful because
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:12
Exactly.
Cali Binstock 00:22:12
that was, like, traumatic in itself just that time of life.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:13
Yeah.
Cali Binstock 00:22:17
You know, just you don't know. There's so much doubt. And if you've been through trauma, like, ugh,
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:17
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:22:24
it's just the hardest time you're not gonna
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:28
Yep.
Cali Binstock 00:22:29
So much
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:29
No. I agree.
Cali Binstock 00:22:30
painful growth. You know?
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:32
Painful growth. And and I think that's what's really hard about our youth now because, you
know, And that's why that's another reason why I think we we shouldn't cancel these kids. Their their brains are still developing. We don't know what they've gone through. I think it just everything deserves, like, a deeper look and
Cali Binstock 00:22:44
Right.
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:51
curiosity
of other people and curiosity within yourself. Yeah.
Cali Binstock 00:22:56
Totally.
Totally. I think we were when we were chatting before this, like,
this is so random, but
my kids had it's
actually
dated from, like, the early two thousands. It's the show on Nick that was on Nick Junior,
that Bill Cosby,
it's called Little Bill.
And it was on, like, a DVD they were watching. And I just, like, randomly start thinking about, like, I wonder how he feels about everything
Lorilee Binstock 00:23:19
Mhmm. Yep.
Cali Binstock 00:23:28
Is he remorseful?
Like, what I wonder if he's doing anything to better himself now? Like, all of these questions, I'm like, that could be asked for so many people.
Lorilee Binstock 00:23:37
Mhmm.
Cali Binstock 00:23:38
But, like,
I don't know. I'm just it's just a thought. Like,
I'm guessing we, as a society, would be more welcoming
to
people who were working on, you know,
Lorilee Binstock 00:23:51
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:23:52
the mistakes that they've made and trying to
kinda reform themselves and,
you know, have more awareness and understand the hurt and kind of, like,
100 episodes
Manage episode 362385319 series 2836435
This is a LIVE replay of A Trauma Survivor Thriver's Podcast which aired Wednesday, May 3rd, 2023 at 1130am ET on Fireside Chat.
Lorilee Binstock 00:00:18
Welcome. I'm Lorilee Binstock, and this is A Trauma Survivor Thrivers Podcast.
Thank you so much for joining me live on Fireside Chat where you can be a part of the conversation as my virtual audience. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock. Everyone has an opportunity to hop on stage. And, actually, I'm hoping people like to would like to hop on stage and and ask any questions or just chat with me today,
but I do ask that everybody be respectful. I am your host, Lorilee Binstock.
So please, some you know, I would love for people to share in this conversation. I know while this is an interview format show, I did have a guest. However, I did receive a lot of backlash.
From so many people about this
I will not name this guest, but I did confirm that she was dealing with
some legal issues for alleged fraud and scamming people out of a lot of money.
But with that, and trying to respond to everyone who commented on my Facebook page, I felt there really needed to be a conversation around mental health and the realization
that you know, hurt people
hurt people. And I know I also received backlash. Like, why are you canceling this person?
And and I'll get to all of that.
But I do ask that, you know, people join me. It looks like I actually have hold on. Let me see if I can get Kelly up on the stage.
In it to invite them to speak. Cali is actually
my I don't know if you know how to get on stage, but I think there's a
button or something that can actually
allow you to come on stage.
No. I think I have you on stage.
Cali, do I have you?
So
if if Cali is able to speak,
she is actually my creative director for the magazine for so for anybody who checks out Authentic Insider Magazine
and who's commented how beautiful
how beautifully curated the pages are. It's actually all Kelly Benstock. I really, really everything
is is really from the contributors, all the beautiful
words and pages, the contributors and Kelly. So I do wanna say that. Kelly is done a lot to really beautify the magazine and and make it look legit. So
So, Kelly, thank you for that. Can I get you on?
Oh, I see that you should you be hearing something? Am I muted? That's my next question.
It should be.
Let me double check.
So I do wanna talk about mental health because, like I said, I've had a lot of people
come on
and comment about
why this person
should not come. And I was actually thinking, okay. I'm gonna actually invite this person to come on the show
and have her
you know, and in question her a little bit about this, not not to
be mean, but this is what I've been hearing. What will can you you wanna explain
yourself or you want to share your story, your side of the story.
The thing is she is I I there was an warrant out for her arrest last Tuesday.
So I don't think she could have joined anyways, but I've decided that there were so many people who were really upset about having this guest on
I felt that it just didn't fit the show. Right? This the show was called a trauma survivor,
Thrivers
Podcast. And
So most of my guests are people who are trauma survivors who are thriving.
And who are inspiring. And it just seemed like there was just a lot of animosity,
a lot of anger that was
surrounding
this guest. And and so I just didn't feel like having this person on would be helpful, but it did make me think, okay. We need to talk about mental health.
And there were a lot of people who were commenting
that they felt this person was such a compulsive liar that
they didn't believe that their trauma even existed.
While I'm I'm not
I'm not the person to make that decision,
or to judge that,
there is a
I I truly believe she's experienced some sort of trauma. Whether it's a trauma that she says she experience. I'm I'm not sure. I can't that's not my I'm not in that position
to make that call. I don't know her personally.
But I feel that
it's this this idea. Her people, her people,
people who've been traumatized,
oftentimes traumatize other people. That's why there's a generational trauma.
You know, my parents who
you know, I was traumatized by my parents. I'm in childhood sexual abuse survivor.
You know,
my my father sexually abused me as a child, my mother.
Well, she's wonderful, and we have a good relationship now.
You know, she she even admitted. I think I she told me when I was in college, I think I dealt with
postpartum depression.
And, you know, back then, nobody really knew much about if any anything about postpartum depression. And so
I forgave her that for that. I think she kind of there was this realization
our our relationship changed from there.
But
she still treated me
pretty badly growing up.
I felt neglected
by her.
And like I said, while that's not the case now, I did feel
neglected by her for the longest time. And
that has that caused me some issues. And and there was a point probably when I was in middle school,
I didn't know I was dealing with trauma,
but I realized that
I
I I
needed a community. I needed friends, and I didn't really have friends. I was often isolated as a child. But when I got into middle school, I knew that I wanted friends. And I felt like the only people who were kind of talking to me were the popular
the popular girls
And
I really,
really enjoyed,
like, being around them, but they were kind of mean. They were mean to other people, and I felt to be accepted within this group of people, I also needed to be
mean or I needed to be like them. And I was I I I'm so ashamed to say. I was a little bit of a bully.
Once I got into high school, I was bullied.
Then I'm like, oh, it
flipped the script. I'm this is this is happening to me, and this is this is pretty terrible.
So now I know what it feels like. Right? You just
I had things changed for me at that point.
However, I was still healing from my trauma. Actually, I wasn't healing it off. High school, I wasn't healing from my trauma. I didn't even know I had trauma.
I do wanna check-in. Do I have Kelly? Kelly, are you there? Are you available to chat?
I don't know. I'm still, like I feel like there were some new features added on
with Fireside.
And I'm hoping people can actually hear me right now.
Can people hear me?
I might be muted, actually.
No. I'm not.
Well, you know,
if we can get Kelly on oh, I see
speaker request.
Accept request.
Kelly, can you hear me?
Cali Binstock 00:08:36
Yes.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:37
Oh my goodness.
Cali Binstock 00:08:38
Wait.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:39
- K. K. I can hear you.
Cali Binstock 00:08:39
You can hear me.
Wow. Okay. Great.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:42
Yes.
So, yes, this is this is Kelly.
She like I said earlier, she is the creative director for Authentic Insider Magazine. Reason why the pages are so beautifully curated.
Cali Binstock 00:08:49
Hi.
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:55
That and, again, the create contributors
Cali Binstock 00:08:58
Hello?
Lorilee Binstock 00:08:58
are the ones who
really
bring the magazine to life. So, Kelly,
you know, we've talked about this, and so I'm talking about mental health, and I'm talking about bullying. And I talked about how I was
Cali Binstock 00:09:05
Hi.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:13
embarrassed to say I was a bully
when I was in middle school.
Cali Binstock 00:09:16
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:18
Yada yada yada.
I got into high school. I was bullied, and then and then I realized, like, oh, okay. This is this is this this is what it feels like, and it feels pretty terrible.
But I was a bully because I I I struggled. I I there's something that I needed.
Cali Binstock 00:09:30
No.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:35
And it was I needed
Cali Binstock 00:09:35
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:37
people to like me because nobody really liked me at home.
Cali Binstock 00:09:42
Look at that.
Lorilee Binstock 00:09:43
And, you know, the people who actually
showed me some attention
were, you know, these these girls who were kinda bullies. I did have a couple friends that were like, my good friends,
and
they're still my good friends today.
But,
you know, we they were kind of pulled into all of it as well. And I I have to say, they're good people. They're good people now. I don't know about the other girls.
Cali Binstock 00:10:03
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:09
Then I'm sure they're great people.
But I I just wanna say it's her
say it again. Her people, her people,
Cali Binstock 00:10:17
Definitely.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:17
and
And it's really hard.
If you like to understand that, especially if you've experienced trauma, unless you're unless you're on your, like, far into your healing.
Cali Binstock 00:10:25
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:29
And, you know, I feel like
being curious about certain situations
when someone's being mean,
it's never it's it's almost never about
Cali Binstock 00:10:37
Yes.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:41
it's it's about the person who is being mean. It's not like
Cali Binstock 00:10:43
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:10:44
right?
Cali Binstock 00:10:45
That reminds me of Oprah's
I don't think it's that new anymore,
but it's like and I heard her talking about it on a podcast. It was like,
not what's wrong with you. The question should be, what happens to you?
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:00
Yes.
Exactly.
Cali Binstock 00:11:03
You know, and just having that awareness that people are acting from
maybe trauma and
insecurity
and not
as much out to get you because nobody cares that much about,
you know, you not in not in a bad way, but, like,
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:21
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:11:23
People are so self centric that
it's usually their own issues.
That they have to deal with. You know?
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:30
I agree.
And they're only outlet. Maybe you. Maybe they're so comfortable with you that you are the only outlet.
Cali Binstock 00:11:32
But yeah.
Yeah.
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:39
Ask my husband.
I mean, it's
Cali Binstock 00:11:42
I know when you're really comfy with someone you can be.
Alamine.
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:48
yes.
Cali Binstock 00:11:48
Yeah. I'm guilty of it too, for sure.
Lorilee Binstock 00:11:49
Yes.
Yeah, a hundred percent. You know, I I talked to Jared about I mean, my husband's Jared. But I talked to my daughter
about bullying because she there are times where she's felt bullied.
And because she's felt bullied, you know, she comes to me. She's like this person said this, and I'm like, oh my goodness. Well, you know, there's probably something going on with them, and it's not about you. I think that was
Cali Binstock 00:12:05
Mhmm.
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:14
that was really important.
To
Cali Binstock 00:12:17
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:17
my daughter, Olivia,
because
I feel like you can it's easy to take things personally.
Cali Binstock 00:12:24
Oh, yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:24
You know,
even when my husband gets mad at me, when Jared, my husband gets mad at me, I
can I can take it personally or he's being distant? I take it personally. Oh, you don't you don't love me anymore. You know, this is this is my thing. Right? But the truth is there's just something going on internally with him. Maybe it's work. Maybe it's something else. And I think it's, like you said, what Oser said,
Cali Binstock 00:12:33
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:47
what happened? What did what happened to you?
Cali Binstock 00:12:50
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:50
Why are you behaving this way? And I feel like for this person who
is not on my show right now,
Cali Binstock 00:12:58
You're right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:12:59
it was
I I think
we should stop with the
and I and with the
I don't believe in her trauma because she is such a liar. I think she has experienced
some sort of trauma,
big tea, trauma, little tea, trauma that
made her feel that she needed to
scam people out of money. And, you
know,
in my neighborhood.
I live in Washington, DC, and there are a lot of car jackings, car thefts,
Cali Binstock 00:13:31
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:13:32
but it's something that was really interesting that happened.
This little while ago, but we have a listserv
Cali Binstock 00:13:37
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:13:38
for moms on the hill, and a woman
was saying that her car got broken into.
But she didn't say, you know, didn't didn't anyone have any
cameras on this in this area. She specifically
Cali Binstock 00:13:50
Oh,
Lorilee Binstock 00:13:51
asked, George said,
They stole
diapers.
They're someone in our neighborhood, in our community who is so desperate
for such a necessity
that they broke into my car and stole diapers,
Cali Binstock 00:14:03
Oh my god.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:07
and she wasn't angry.
She actually said we should actually do a
Cali Binstock 00:14:09
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:12
a diaper drive because someone needs it.
Cali Binstock 00:14:14
Hold on.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:15
And I was like, oh my gosh.
Cali Binstock 00:14:16
The great
but a great human she is to,
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:19
Right.
Can you imagine if we looked at everything like that? Like,
Cali Binstock 00:14:20
you know,
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:24
we've been we've been harmed. Why?
Can how can we help this?
Cali Binstock 00:14:27
Yeah.
Well, that's, like, the chain of pain and And if you recognize
it, it's the only way to, like, start breaking the chain. You know?
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:39
That's awareness.
Mental health awareness.
Cali Binstock 00:14:40
Awareness
is always step one. Right? Like, that's where you have to start.
And then
that's the only place that, like,
good action. I guess you would say it would come from.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:53
Yes.
Cali Binstock 00:14:54
Right? Like,
yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:14:57
Good humans.
I mean, I can say this all day long, but there will be moments in my life where I'm, like, You know? It's like, I think I did a TikTok
a while ago where I'm like,
hello, all. I hope you have a wonderful day, and then, like, pretend to honk my horn and
Cali Binstock 00:15:11
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:14
yell, like, what the fuck is the matter with you?
Cali Binstock 00:15:17
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:17
It's really it's really the same thing. It's like, okay, everybody.
Make you know, give everyone as a chance, not everyone is experience.
You know, everyone's
Cali Binstock 00:15:27
So
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:27
you never know what everyone's experiencing,
and then you turn around, you're like, why did they do this? Why did they you know, it's just depending on your day. Right?
Cali Binstock 00:15:30
yeah.
Yeah.
Well, relationships
are if you're not regulated
and you're having a gut reaction because things are chaotic, like,
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:38
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:15:43
You have to give yourself grace too, I guess,
after those situations.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:46
Exactly.
Yeah. I think it's right. Yeah. I I I think it all comes to, like, this this whole idea the system of regulating your nervous system. Right? We when we're dysregulated,
Cali Binstock 00:15:57
Hey.
Lorilee Binstock 00:15:59
awareness is out the window.
Cali Binstock 00:16:01
Oh, yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:02
But it's also one of those things. If you train your yourself to be to will be aware when you're not
Cali Binstock 00:16:10
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:10
dysregulated,
then it'll it becomes easier when you are dysregulated.
Cali Binstock 00:16:16
Through.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:17
To be able to
respond
and not react.
Cali Binstock 00:16:22
Exactly.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:22
And
and so, yeah,
I also wanted to talk about cancel culture because I think there were also a lot of people, and I agree with them, people who responded, like, what did this person do. I don't believe in cancel culture. If people canceled me, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing now.
And I agree with that because
Cali Binstock 00:16:41
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:43
and like I said earlier, I mentioned I don't know if you heard, but I mentioned, you know, this person
Cali Binstock 00:16:49
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:50
You know, this it just she just it just didn't work with the podcast itself. It's a trauma survivor, Thrivers Podcast.
Cali Binstock 00:16:57
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:16:57
And she's not in a place where she's thriving. And but I think she's in a place where she could start her healing. And I I do hope that for her. I wish that for her,
Cali Binstock 00:17:01
Yeah.
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:10
but I also agree, like,
you know, canceled culture is just so volatile.
Why? We don't need to
we we can we can stop giving them attention because when you keep feeding into feeding into this,
Cali Binstock 00:17:22
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:24
right, then they'll just start re reacting.
Cali Binstock 00:17:25
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:28
But if you give them the space to maybe be able to see what they're doing because you can't shame people into doing things. Let's let's be real here. You can't shame people into doing the right thing. They need to figure it out for themselves. And I think in a a place to be able to do that is a place of quiet,
Cali Binstock 00:17:35
True.
Yeah.
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:47
and I think
cancel culture. It's not that we're canceling you. Like, you're done,
but I think it's like I think it's more like
Cali Binstock 00:17:54
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:17:57
Okay.
This is your opportunity
to make some changes and understand your actions and maybe make some changes and maybe do better and help others do better.
Cali Binstock 00:18:04
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:08
And then I think that's when.
Cali Binstock 00:18:08
We all make mistakes,
so I guess there's a scale of, like,
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:10
Yes.
Cali Binstock 00:18:14
you know,
if someone is a dangerous human,
you know, that's one thing, but
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:20
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:18:20
making mistakes
and
I don't know. I just
it makes me think about
people in jail and just the amount of incarceration
in our in our country, and
it just seems insane.
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:38
No. It does.
Cali Binstock 00:18:39
But how many how many people and mostly people of color in in jails for smaller crimes, and
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:44
Mhmm.
Cali Binstock 00:18:47
and, you know, the
perpetuating
cycle
with poverty, and it's just
it's not a it's it's not usually a place of rehabilitation.
Lorilee Binstock 00:18:59
Yeah.
Cali Binstock 00:18:59
It's a place of a lot of with a lot of toxicity. I'm sure they're I mean, I taught art at at our county jail here in Pittsburgh
briefly. I wasn't there a long, long time, but
I believe in
in,
you know, rehabilitation,
and I think
setting people up for reintegration,
and
it's just crazy. We don't have more mental health support for
for these people.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:28
Yeah. I I think that's that's that's the issue here. The our mental health care system in America
is so
dysfunctional.
Cali Binstock 00:19:39
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:39
There's there's not enough going on. There's just
not not enough people
I mean, who can afford it really? I mean, it's very expensive
Cali Binstock 00:19:47
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:49
to get mental health treatment in America. And to get good mental health, specialized health
Cali Binstock 00:19:55
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:19:56
care, that's that's
that it it's it's so rare. Yet we there's all these other issues that we're dealing with. But if we can if we can, like, get to the root of it, which is, like, our mental health care system, we could probably fix a lot more things.
Cali Binstock 00:20:08
Mhmm.
Right. Like the the domino effect of that would be so worth it, so worth investing in.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:14
Mhmm.
Yes.
Inquiry.
But but that's the question is if someone's
you know, I I'm sure there's hundreds and hundreds of people all over America trying to work on how are we gonna get there.
It's just it is a it's a it's a very daunting task. And and,
Cali Binstock 00:20:35
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:36
you know, that's why I'm kind of hoping, like, for all of us, it's just
we're working on ourselves. I I'd like if if each individual
Cali Binstock 00:20:44
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:46
can work on themselves,
I think that that that right there is growth. And,
Cali Binstock 00:20:49
No.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:52
again, it's that easily said,
not easily done.
Cali Binstock 00:20:57
Right.
Lorilee Binstock 00:20:58
And but I I mean, I feel like talking about it,
bringing awareness to it,
Cali Binstock 00:21:04
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:05
you know, I think that's everything. I think that that that's why we're having this conversation. I could have easily canceled the show.
Cali Binstock 00:21:11
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:14
But it really
Cali Binstock 00:21:14
Cancel all the color.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:16
cancel culture. Yes. I but I really could not sleep just thinking about all of the stuff that was happening.
Cali Binstock 00:21:23
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:23
And and so I did wanna briefly
kinda touch on this and and, you know,
have this conversation
Cali Binstock 00:21:31
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:32
because,
you know, I, myself, was just
dealing with trauma. I did awful things. That I am absolutely not proud of. I am very lucky that social media didn't exist when I was a child.
Cali Binstock 00:21:41
Mhmm.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:47
And
Cali Binstock 00:21:48
I know. How lucky were we?
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:50
I I mean, we were so lucky. It it scares me to think, like, if social media existed,
twenty
Cali Binstock 00:21:57
God.
Lorilee Binstock 00:21:58
years ago,
I'd be screwed.
Cali Binstock 00:22:01
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:01
I'd be screwed.
Cali Binstock 00:22:02
My my late teens and twenties, like, I would rather not
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:04
Mm-mm.
Cali Binstock 00:22:06
have any evidence of that.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:06
Yes.
Right. Exactly.
Cali Binstock 00:22:09
And I hardly do, which is wonderful because
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:12
Exactly.
Cali Binstock 00:22:12
that was, like, traumatic in itself just that time of life.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:13
Yeah.
Cali Binstock 00:22:17
You know, just you don't know. There's so much doubt. And if you've been through trauma, like, ugh,
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:17
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:22:24
it's just the hardest time you're not gonna
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:28
Yep.
Cali Binstock 00:22:29
So much
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:29
No. I agree.
Cali Binstock 00:22:30
painful growth. You know?
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:32
Painful growth. And and I think that's what's really hard about our youth now because, you
know, And that's why that's another reason why I think we we shouldn't cancel these kids. Their their brains are still developing. We don't know what they've gone through. I think it just everything deserves, like, a deeper look and
Cali Binstock 00:22:44
Right.
Yeah.
Lorilee Binstock 00:22:51
curiosity
of other people and curiosity within yourself. Yeah.
Cali Binstock 00:22:56
Totally.
Totally. I think we were when we were chatting before this, like,
this is so random, but
my kids had it's
actually
dated from, like, the early two thousands. It's the show on Nick that was on Nick Junior,
that Bill Cosby,
it's called Little Bill.
And it was on, like, a DVD they were watching. And I just, like, randomly start thinking about, like, I wonder how he feels about everything
Lorilee Binstock 00:23:19
Mhmm. Yep.
Cali Binstock 00:23:28
Is he remorseful?
Like, what I wonder if he's doing anything to better himself now? Like, all of these questions, I'm like, that could be asked for so many people.
Lorilee Binstock 00:23:37
Mhmm.
Cali Binstock 00:23:38
But, like,
I don't know. I'm just it's just a thought. Like,
I'm guessing we, as a society, would be more welcoming
to
people who were working on, you know,
Lorilee Binstock 00:23:51
Right.
Cali Binstock 00:23:52
the mistakes that they've made and trying to
kinda reform themselves and,
you know, have more awareness and understand the hurt and kind of, like,
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