Advocating for Yourself Through a Cancer Diagnosis with Romy Wightman

Learn From People Who Lived it

Advocating for Yourself Through a Cancer Diagnosis with Romy Wightman

"I’m never going to get better in the environment in which I got sick."

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why did she keep her diagnosis private for so long, and what caused her to start sharing more?
• Her advice to people with a new cancer diagnosis
• The importance of being selfish and how it’s different from being self-absorbed

In this episode, Mathew, Dr. Frank, and Romy discuss her 9-year journey with stage 4 colon cancer, the mind-body connection, how she had to advocate for herself, and her advice for anyone newly diagnosed. Romy tells us why she was so private about her diagnosis for so long, what she learned in therapy that changed her view on sharing her story, and how vulnerability and openness changed her life. We also learn how she dealt with three very different reactions from her three very different children, the role communication played in making sure everyone got what they needed, and the direct correlation between her cancer subsiding and her prioritizing her needs.

Mathew shares his personal connection to Romy’s story and how cancer has impacted people he loves. Dr. Frank gives us best practices for taking tough news, methods to start working on yourself when you realize that your actions are contributing to your mental and physical health, how we can learn skills we feel we don't innately have, and the role close friends play along the road of recovery.

Romy Wightman is a mother, a cancer survivor, and an advocate. She was originally diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer and told she would just need surgery to remove the tumor and then be done with it. However, right before that surgery, she had a PET scan that showed a concerning spot on her liver. After the surgery, she went for an MRI to investigate more, and that is when she found out she had stage 4 colon cancer that had spread to her liver and would cause her to need chemotherapy treatments. Romy says this is when she began to feel like a "real cancer patient". Her doctors wanted to start her chemotherapy right away, but she didn’t feel right about it and advocated for another scan to make sure there were no other cancerous spots. After a lot of pushback, she got the scan, and it showed that she was right. The cancer had spread. She was told there was no treatment. She would be on chemotherapy for the rest of her life, and that life wouldn't be long.

At that time, Romy had an 8th grader, a 10th grader, and an 11th grader, and she didn't feel like she was going to die. In fact, she felt completely normal despite being told that she had about a year to a year and a half to live. She says it took her about 48 hours to stop freaking out, then she quickly decided that for her kids, she would act as normal as possible, do whatever she could to not alter their lives, and start researching other treatment options. She found a support group and an experimental treatment that could potentially work. Eventually, she got connected with a surgeon at the University of California, San Diego, who would do it for her. After this experimental treatment, she had several recurrences and kept having surgeries to hold them off.

The first 2 years were survival, but at about the 3-year mark, she realized she was not happy, and it wasn't because of the cancer. It was because she didn't want to be married to her husband anymore, so she asked for a divorce. Her now-ex-husband wanted to pretend this wasn't going on, and Romy says the stress of cancer exposes and magnifies cracks that were there all along. The divorce was messy, but her kids were supportive, and once she made the choice, her cancer recurrences started getting further apart. She was in therapy at the time, and she noticed a connection between her mental state and her physical health. Romy always took good care of her body, eating healthy and exercising, but she was also stressed, resentful, and not taking time for herself. After her separation from her husband and prioritizing taking care of her mind as well as her body, she only had one more reoccurrence about 6 months later, and that was the last one. That recurrence was five years ago.

"I’m never going to get better in the environment in which I got sick."

In this episode, you'll hear:

• Why did she keep her diagnosis private for so long, and what caused her to start sharing more?
• Her advice to people with a new cancer diagnosis
• The importance of being selfish and how it’s different from being self-absorbed

Follow the podcast:

• Listen on Apple Podcasts (link: https://apple.co/3s1YH7h)
• Listen on iHeart (link: https://ihr.fm/3MEY7FM)
• Listen on Spotify (Link: https://spoti.fi/3yMmQCE)

Resources:

• Dr. Frank Bevacqua
• Jill McMahon’s episode
• Romy’s non-profit, Wight Horse
• Romy’s podcast, "To Be Continued"

Connect with Mathew Blades:

• Twitter - twitter.com/MathewBlades
• Instagram - instagram.com/MathewBladesmedia/
• Facebook - facebook.com/mathewbladesmedia/
• Website - learnfrompeoplewholivedit.com/

Additional Credits:

• LFPWLI is managed by Sam Robertson