Ep47~ Emotionally Slutty

Man Shopping with Stacie

The phrase "Emotionally Slutty" is from a Sex and the City episode... Carrie Bradshaw says, "I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty."
In this episode, I talk about the habit some of us are in of giving it up too early... You know, sharing intimate details of our lives with people we don't know very well. I share with you why I think it is both a blessing and a curse that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I also tell a story of how this played out on a date I went on one time. Lastly, I share some tips and ideas on dos/donts from a dating coach perspective and vulnerability in communication, in general.
I believe my ability to share a lot of myself with others freely is a gift of mine. Has it also bitten me in the ass more than once? Yes! I think I'm vulnerable in conversation because I want others to be vulnerable with me. I appreciate deep, thoughtful, conversation over small talk any day.
The so-called dating experts (as well as licensed professionals in therapy/psychology) tell us that these more revealing conversations should be reserved for later in a relationship as trust is built. However, most of us bond over common ground... Often, we end up talking about our marriages, divorces, or we get triggered by something that leads to conversation about our pasts. We also talk about the common ground of dating & how challenging it can be. I've found myself swapping online dating stories many times while on a date. I think this is all very normal and we shouldn't beat ourselves up when it happens.
Next, I share intimate details of how I received a text message recently from a guy I had gone on one date with right after my separation in spring of 2020. He shared with me a backhanded compliment that he thought I was growing in my divorce journey after having revealed too much too soon about my divorces on our date. As it turns out, I thought he talked an awful lot about his divorce! Perspective is everything and we're all learning here.
Herein lies the difference from a good date and a friendship date where we bond over divorce and being single... When there's sexual attraction, chemistry, giddy feelings, we don't talk about this stuff! When there's a spark, the conversation has NOTHING to do with the negative stuff of our pasts or our exes.
I'm a "relationship person". I care about people I get to know in my personal life as well as my professional life. I recently learned some communication skills from a group called The Black Swan Group. The skills were originally developed for hostage negotiations but can be used in sales or in everyday life. I give some examples of using what they call, Labels & Mirrors, to learn more about the other person and to get the other person to open up .
At the end of the day, I still believe vulnerability begets vulnerability. Being Emotionally Slutty isn't for everyone... Not everyone appreciates deep, thought-provoking, intimate conversations. Some people judge me and think I'm inappropriate or too vulnerable. That's ok! They're just not my people.
Support the show