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How to Break Up with Your Inner Narcissist | Emma Lyons | 168
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What if the biggest block to your growth wasn’t fear... but shame, disguised as perfectionism, procrastination, or self-sabotage?
In this powerful episode of Manders Mindset, Amanda Russo sits down with Emma Lyons, a trauma-informed healer and founder of The Trauma Matrix, for an unfiltered conversation about breaking free from the invisible grip of shame. Drawing from her own experience as a childhood scapegoat in a covertly narcissistic family system, Emma shares why shame is never about care... it’s always about control.
Together, Amanda and Emma explore how shame becomes internalized, why emotional abuse is so often dismissed, and how to break up with the inner narcissist that’s been stealing your voice. Through deep insight and grounded tools, Emma introduces her signature D.R.E.A.K. method to help listeners finally step out of the shame trance and into their full power.
This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt like too much and not enough at the same time, or who’s ready to reclaim their worth, voice, and visibility.
💡 In this episode, listeners will discover:
🧠 Why shame is not a normal emotion and where it really comes from
⚠️ The inner narcissist: how shame disguises itself as your own voice
🔥 The D.R.E.A.K. Method to dismantle shame and reclaim your truth
🚫 Why “feel your shame” might be the worst advice you’ve received
👀 How perfectionism, procrastination, and imposter syndrome are all shame in disguise
🧘♀️ The body’s role in healing emotional trauma and releasing shame
🧠 How to become “shame-less” without losing empathy or humanity
⏰ Timeline Summary:
[2:10] – The scapegoat child: Emma’s early story of invisibility and emotional abuse
[10:45] – Covert narcissism, emotional neglect, and the silent trauma no one talks about
[19:30] – Why society protects mothers even when abuse is present
[26:50] – Shame as a cultural implant: control, compliance, and colonialism
[35:40] – The hidden cost of perfectionism and how shame hijacks the nervous system
[41:05] – Breaking free with D.R.E.A.K: the 5-step method to release internalized shame
[55:50] – Shame vs. guilt: how false compassion keeps us stuck
[1:04:15] – Somatic healing, Breathwork, and the path to authentic empowerment
[1:12:20] – Final reflections: your shame voice is not you and you don’t owe it anything.
To Connect with Amanda:
Schedule a 1:1 Virtual Breathwork Session HERE
~ Sign Up for Virtual Mindful Mindset Mondays HERE
📸 Instagram: @thebreathinggoddess
Follow & Support the Podcast:
📱 Instagram: @MandersMindset
👥 Join the Manders Mindset Facebook Community HERE!
To Connect with Emma:
Substack: https://traumamatrix.substack.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/trauma.matrix/#
Chapters
1. Welcome And Guest Introduction (00:00:00)
2. Not Safe To Shine And The Double Bind (00:01:06)
3. Family Roles And Covert Narcissism (00:03:48)
4. Being Tracked Not Seen: Internalizing Shame (00:09:20)
5. Culture Excuses Mothers And Invalidates Abuse (00:13:45)
6. School Years, Self-Hate, And The Inner Narcissist (00:18:46)
7. No Contact And Early Liberation (00:24:20)
8. Human Rights Work, Disillusionment, And Purpose Shift (00:27:20)
9. Finding Healing, Nervous System, And Grief (00:32:10)
10. Why Cultures Use Shame As Control (00:38:12)
11. Becoming Unshamable And The D-R-E-A-K Method (00:44:00)
12. Social Shaming, Projection, And Power (00:50:20)
13. Group Work, Releasing Intergenerational Shame (00:55:20)
14. Self-Sabotage, Manifesting, And Receiving (01:00:25)
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