Identity, Intimacy and Influence (with Brian Spitulnik, LMSW)

Modern Gays

Daniel and Garet are joined by psychotherapist Brian Spitulnik to explore the complex interplay between identity, sex, and the influence of porn in the LGBTQ community. Brian, known for his authentic and relatable advice on Instagram and TikTok, shares his expertise on how being gay can shape personal choices and relationships. Together, they dive into the core issues of shame, the importance of chosen families, and the challenges of forming authentic connections in a digital age.

Key Topics Discussed:

• Common Challenges Faced by Gay Men: The pervasive sense of shame and its specific manifestations. How shame influences behaviors like addiction, body dysmorphia, and relationship dynamics.
• The Role of Chosen Families: Importance of finding true and honest relationships within the LGBTQ community. Brian's perspective on the adolescent phase gay men go through upon coming out.
• Navigating Romantic and Platonic Relationships: The complexities of building intimate and platonic relationships in the gay community. Balancing personal identity with societal and community expectations.
• Impact of Porn on Real-Life Intimacy: Discussion on how porn consumption affects emotional engagement in real-life relationships. Strategies to find a healthy balance between porn and personal connections.
• Listener Questions (Only Whispers Segment): Addressing Rex from Sydney's concern about balancing porn with real-life intimacy. Advice for Thomas from Boston on finding dates outside of dating apps.
• Practical Tips for Building Authentic Connections: Checking the facts to avoid miscommunication. Reflective listening to ensure understanding and clarity. Evaluating personal feelings towards others to foster genuine connections.

Notable Quotes:

"True love is holding another's spiritual evolution as equal to your own." – bell hooks

"Everything changes. Nothing remains the same. To think that you're always going to want the same thing is not being in reality." – Brian Spitulnik

About Brian:

Brian Spitulnik, LMSW, is a psychotherapist in private practice and co-founder of Artists Reimagining Therapy & Systems (A.R.T.S.), a fully-funded program offering free group and individual therapy to artists and arts workers. Brian is committed to working with his clients to come fully into relationship with their environment and themselves while providing practical tools for behavioral change and emotional growth. Ongoing professional development and advanced training experiences are a critical component of Brian’s practice, ensuring a transformative impact on the individuals and communities he serves. Brian has earned degrees from The University of Michigan, Columbia University, and The Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College. Before becoming a mental health practitioner, Brian performed on Broadway for over 15 years, wrote for Global Citizen, The Daily Beast, McSweeney’s, and Dance Magazine, and co-founded 85th Street Productions.

Brian's Links:

https://www.instagram.com/spitulnik/

https://www.tiktok.com/@spitulnik

https://www.brianspitulnik.com

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Daniel and Garet
Co-Hosts of Modern Gays
https://www.moderngays.co