How To Do a Digital Detox

Become A Calm Mama

Today, I’m talking about how to do a digital detox, why you should consider trying it and the benefits to your kids. Plus, I’ll give you tips and some ideas of what your kids can do when they aren't on screens.

You’ll Learn:

• What a digital detox is and why you might do one
• How to know if now is the right time for a detox
• Ways a digital detox can benefit your kids
• Tips for doing a digital detox in your family

I always say my life’s mission is to heal the next generation in advance. One of the ways I want to help you do this is by giving you strategies to avoid overexposing your children to the virtual world while underexposing them to real life opportunities.

A digital detox takes screen time limits to another level. It is an intentional period of time (usually 2 to 3 weeks) when you’re taking screens off the table and resetting your child’s brain and nervous system.

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When our kids spend a lot of time in the virtual world on screens, the big opportunity cost is that they aren’t spending that time doing real life stuff.

Before we really get into it, I want to remind you that just listening to this podcast or reading this blog shows that you care about being a parent (and you’re already a really amazing one!). No need to judge or criticize yourself if you realize that there are some things you’d like to change.

Does Your Kid Need a Digital Detox?

Kids’ brains were not built to be exposed to high levels of stimulation and dopamine all the time (which is what they get from screens). Digital entertainment can overload children’s nervous systems, increase their cortisol (a stress hormone) and make everything else seem boring.

In our family, we introduced tech pretty slowly to our kids. They had really limited access to screens, and we didn’t give them video games until they were 10 and 12 years old. When the video games started, I immediately noticed intense dysregulation, more fighting and agitation.

So, one summer, I decided to do our first detox. The first couple of days were a little rough, but I very quickly noticed that the intensity, dysregulation and frustration in our house cooled down. The kids started to play together more. They were more compliant. They were happier. So every once in a while over the next few years, we did a 2 or 3 week detox.

Tantrums and Big Feeling Cycles are normal, but these are some signs that there could be some screen overuse going on:

• Screen time is getting in the way of real life connection
• Behavioral concerns after screen time ends (tantrums, outbursts)
• Loss of interest in non-screen activities
• Child seems sad, anxious or withdrawn
• Difficulty expressing themselves or making eye contact
• Intense sibling fights
• Constant complaints about being bored
• Child feels difficult to get along with
• Struggling in school or camp
• Child has low-frustration tolerance
• Child’s ability to concentrate has decreased or not expanding

Each kid’s nervous system and tolerance to screens is different. Ultimately, if your kid seems a little off-balance, I invite you to consider a digital detox.

Benefits of a Digital Detox

One of my clients recently shared with me that she thinks the reason they’re having such a good summer is because they’ve pulled back all devices, and the kids are just playing all the time.

When you do a digital detox and your child knows in their mind that they don't have the option of getting a device, it forces their brain to find other solutions. If you give the brain the chance, it will rise to the occasion.

Here are some of the biggest benefits.

You’re giving your child the gift of time. This creates a giant opportunity for other real life experiences and skills. They play more, read more and use their creativity. They can get into drawing, practice an instrument or basketball or swimming, ride a bike.

They get to practice failing. In play, kids experiment and try things. Some things work and some don’t. They have the opportunity to problem solve and figure it out. They build resilience to frustration and learn to work through challenges. Your kid will learn that they can handle things, that they're smart and creative, which boosts confidence.

Behavior improves. Without digital entertainment, the nervous system gets a chance to balance itself. When your child is not stressed by ups and downs in dopamine and cortisol, they aren’t as frustrated, irritated or anxious. They behave better because they feel better. Sleep and mood can also improve.

How To Do a Digital Detox

A digital detox can be hard, but it’s probably not as hard as you think. 2 weeks might sound like a long time, but it actually goes by pretty quickly.

Step 1: Look at your calendar and choose 2 weeks for the digital detox. Choose a time when you feel capable and ready to handle it, to give it your attention. If your kids are in camps this summer, starting on a Monday might make the transition easier. Personally, I think the 2 weeks before school starts are great, because your kid will be really well regulated when school starts.

If there are stressful things happening in your life, it’s not a good time for a detox. Events like changing jobs, having a baby or dealing with challenges in your marriage or partnership will make it difficult to bring the intention you want to the detox. It’s hard to help your child reset when you are feeling overwhelmed.

Step 2: Remove all portable individual screens and devices. You can take them to their office, stash them in the car, put them in a safe, whatever works for you.

Step 3: Talk to your kids. Sit around the table during a meal or treat and say something like...

“We're gonna try something new for a little while. We've read about the benefits of taking a technology break. And as your parent, I wanna help you have the strongest brain and strongest body possible. I want our family to enjoy time together without screens, so we're going to take a screen break. It will not be forever, but for now, you won't be using any electronic devices. I know it can be hard to take a break from something you enjoy, but we believe (or I believe) this is gonna be good for our family. We start tomorrow.”

Don’t present it as a punishment, but as something that is good for them. Let them know that you have a plan and you’re going to work through it together.

Step 4: Start the detox. On day 1 or 2 it can be helpful to make a list together of screen free fun ideas.

Here are some ideas for boredom busters you can try:

• Bake or cook
• Play a board game
• Play cards
• Build an indoor fort
• Look for bugs outside
• Go to the library and get new books
• Have mom/dad read aloud
• Make a robot or other creature with household items destined for the trash
• Print fun coloring pages
• Stuffed animal party
• Play school.
• Send Grandma a letter or make her a card
• Play & decorate with a large cardboard box.
• Write a story/graphic novel
• Build a Lego scene
• Start a club
• Memorize something
• Have friends over
• Go on a nature walk

There will be times when your kid’s big feelings come out. They’ll be upset because they aren’t getting what they want, something they really love. This can be hard, but it doesn’t last long. When you trust that you're doing this for a good reason and that you stay committed, you can have compassion for your child without changing the circumstance for them.

You might also worry that you’re going to lose your “off” time or breaks. This is short-term work for a long-term payoff. Teaching your children how to deal with frustration, how to be told no and how to deal with boredom have long term benefits to you.

Here are a few final tips:

• Recruit a friend to do the detox with you. The kids can play together and bond over how terrible their parents are. 😂
• Help your kids get started on an activity or project. Then, let them continue working on it on their own.
• Go easy on yourself. If you give up or give in partway through, don’t worry about it. Don’t judge yourself. Reset and decide where you want to go from here. Do you want to put some new limits around screens? Try the detox again in a few weeks?

Maybe your family needs a digital detox right now. Maybe you don’t. Maybe you’ve read all of this and think it sounds cool, but maybe later. All of those are okay. There doesn’t have to be urgency here. More like curiosity about if it is the right thing at the right time for your kids and family.

More than anything, I want to remind you that you are the parent, and you get to make decisions in the best interest of your kids. It sometimes feels like technology takes hold of our families. It can feel out of control. I want you to know that it is possible to decrease the amount of digital entertainment your kids have access to, and they will be better off for it.

Related Episodes:

• Episode 127: Create a Play Based Childhood
• Episode 128: Encouraging Boredom
• Episode 129: Screen Free Mindset

Resources:

• Get my free Summer Toolkit (including 80+ boredom busters)
• Digital Detox by Molly DeFrank (her website also has tons of great tips, strategies and screen free activities)
• Reset Your Child's Brain by Dr. Victoria Dunckley
• Jim Trelease’s Read Aloud Handbook

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