Sex Q&A: Anal, Hot-Wifing, Sexless Marriages & Much More

Sex With Dr. Jess

Jess and Brandon answer your questions: Is it normal to want your wife to be a hot-wife? Should I use an enema before anal? What should I do if I can’t get it in? Can a sexless marriage work? Can a couple really recover after cheating? How do I know if I should call it quits on a relationship? And many, many more. Please see a rough transcript below. Thank you to Desire Resorts & Desire Cruises for their support. Be sure to check them out because they offer a clothing-optional couples experience that is unlike any other. To celebrate our 100th episode, we started answering 100 of your questions last week and we continue this week: 39. Is there really a way to move past a cheating partner? Yes. If the one who cheated is not making excuses and is willing to do the work. And if the one who didn’t cheat agrees that they’ll be vulnerable and honest about what they feel AND not use the cheating as a weapon moving forward (e.g. in arguments unrelated to cheating). 40. How can you introduce compromise to a partner who always believes their way is the right way? You compromise first. It’s disarming. If you take an issue that you’re fighting about and say mea culpa - I need to change. The angriest, most stubborn person will likely follow suit. 41. How do you know enough is enough, and you’re just running your own race? If your partner isn’t willing to put in effort to make the relationship work - this might be a sign that you’re not able to become compatible. Having said that, just because they won’t put in the same type of effort you put in doesn’t mean it’s on them to conform to your expectations. But if you’ve tried to work on the relationship from multiple angles - by talking, by arguing, by going to therapy, by completing self-help programs together, by carving time out and you’ve tried a variety of approaches and asked them how they’d like to work on it AND they’re open to none of them, you’re in a relationship with yourself. Try asking them: do you want to work on this relationship and make it better? If they say yes, ask them how they’d like to work on it. 42. Can a man’s semen stink if they drink beer? Is there something that causes women to have a funny smell? Yes. We don’t have scientific evidence that what you eat and drink changes your taste or smell, but we have so many anecdotal reports that I simply can’t ignore. Diets high in fruits and veggies and supposed to increase sweetness and preservatives, smoking and alcohol have been said to change the taste so that it’s more bitter. And when someone ejaculates inside of you, it can absolutely change the way you smell, but the self-cleaning oven will clean it out. And again, always get tested — regardless of whether or not you’re using condoms. 43. How tall are you? 5’4" 44. How do you get brave enough to try new things in the bedroom? Start slow and small. Try it next to the bed instead of in the bed. Then move to the shower and add silicone based lube because you’ll need it in there. Try whispering a few words right before orgasm when your inhibitions are lower. When you get more turned on, the chemical shifts in your body help you to be less self conscious and more confident. And don’t feel pressure to do everything. The tiniest change can have the biggest impact. 45. Can sex still be healthy if it is quick, under 15 minutes all the time? That’s way longer than average. Porn sex lasts so long that our expectations become unrealistic. But if it’s not long enough for you, think about other things you can do - with your hands, your mouth, your toys. Don’t get hung up on intercourse. There is a reason lesbian women have more orgasms that straight women - they’re not hung up on the D. 46. How can you tell if your husband’s sex drive is going down? Ask them! And be supportive. It’s okay if your interest in sex declines. It’s normal. You often have to get in the mood for sex rather than wait for the mood to strike you.