Doll Shark

Silver Screen Cesspool

Doll Shark (2022)
"Warning: Dying Hazard"

There are two well-known tropes in the world of Horror Movies. The killer shark and the haunted doll. But what if, and hear me out now, we combine these two into one movie? I present the sh*tty cinema known as “Doll Shark” from 2022.

The movie opens with a dude-bro with a sharp stick, standing on a poorly rendered CGI wooden dock in the rain, hunting stock footage of a shark in poorly rendered water. He kills the shark with the sharp stick, reaches into the now Halloween mask shark’s mouth, and pulls out a tooth. And as any good father would do, he stuffs it into a county fair softball tossing stuffed animal prize dissimilar enough from Baby Shark not to be copyright infringement and then mails it to his kid. The package arrives at the kid's house, where mom is half a bottle deep into wine o’clock. The kid loves the gift and sleeps with it that night.

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Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

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Chapters

1. Doll Shark (00:00:00)