Episode 87: Top tips for digital & non-digital 2021 holiday gifts for kids

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

The digital things are usually at the top of every kid's wish list, right? This episode highlights a few top tips to help YOU navigate the digital and non-digital gifts!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Whether we want it to be, or not. The holiday season is upon us. And with that comes our kiddos wanting the digital things. So today we're going to talk about a few tips that you can use when deciding on the digital things that you may give as gifts. And then also I'm going to give you some ideas on things that you can get that are non-digital, that will still be something that they really enjoy and treasure. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:29):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (00:54):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [e-mail] use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So welcome back to the be that mom movement podcast. I'm so glad that you were here. As we roll into this holiday season, I've planned out a few episodes that I hope you will tune into to help you in this process. As we go into the gift giving season, I personally have a very good friend. My best friend has twin girls and they are in the middle school age.

Speaker 1 (01:45):

And I'm seeing the struggle that she is facing with them wanting the digital things and kind of having that FOMO or fear of missing out. Seeing their friends have, you know, the latest and greatest of the digital things and them wanting that. And she is aware of what I have gone through with my kiddos in the fact that the choices I made were uninformed years ago when we didn't have all of the resources that we have now. So she is very, very set on keeping them away from all of the things that steal their joy and affect their self-esteem is they roll through these very difficult. And in my opinion, the hardest years of raising kids is the kind of those middle school years and early high school years. And while she is adamant on that, she also is dealing with their father who has different beliefs.

Speaker 1 (02:39):

And so he buys them different things. And then, you know, just having them not understand, they truly don't understand why she's so adamant on it. And so she's kind of the bad guy in the situation. And I empathize with her very much because I know that my struggles were made much harder because I didn't stand my, like she is. And so today I just want to talk about a few things around that to help you. And I'm not saying there's a right or wrong with this. Like if you choose to give the digital things, I'm going to give you some guidance on things that I recommend as a mom who's been there and made most of the mistakes in this regard and made it harder for myself and my kids. So I just want to give you some steps that you can use to help you navigate this.

Speaker 1 (03:23):

And I don't think it's black and white. I don't think it has to be don't give any digital things or give all the things I think there can be a gray area in there that you can navigate this and find a middle ground with your kid. However, I caution like highly caution that you seriously consider any social media and smartphone type things, and really, really think hard on those things. And if you go back through some of my episodes, there's one where I talk about it may have even been almost a year ago that I did it, but I talk about how I don't believe that there's any criteria that you can look at in your child to know if they're ready for a smartphone or for more independence in the digital world, because it is an evolving interaction of your kid with the digital things and you, so I don't think there's a black and white with that.

Speaker 1 (04:18):

It's very much gray and it's very much something that you need to be extremely proactive with and be willing to kind of do a dance with it, to see how they interact. And so if you don't have the time or the energy or the focus to do that, I would hold off on giving the more capable devices, the things that have more access to things, because I do think that this can be a full time job trying to navigate it. However, like I have talked about in multiple episodes, there are many tools out there for you that will help you with navigating this and things that I didn't have that I believe are true gifts to us as parents. And if you're in the U S there's the bark parental control platform that I talk about on most of my episodes that will help you to monitor if you're outside of the U S there is inspi is a great one that you can use.

Speaker 1 (05:12):

And I have links for both of those in my show notes. So those are definitely things that can help you to monitor. There's also the dumb smartphone options. And then there are the watches that are great options too. And then there's also a thing called a relay go device. It's like a walkie-talkie thing. So there are options and there's ways for you to navigate this, but you just have to be willing to take those steps. Otherwise, what happens is a very kind of insidious and incremental influence and impact on our children that often isn't evident until much, much later years, years later. And I've gone through that path and chose different choices for different kids. And if I could go back, I absolutely would go and change some things. So as always, that's what my podcast is about is trying to infer a little bit of my experience and wisdom in this realm, just to arm you with some tools as you navigate this.

Speaker 1 (06:11):

So let's talk about tips for giving the digital things. I started out with just three tips and I couldn't stick with it. So I'm going to go through a few more tips beyond that. So the first thing is if you're giving any type of game or device set the precedent for the rules of that device. So what that looks like is not giving it just as a gift and here's, this is yours and you have free reign of it, but yet giving it, and in a loving way, of course saying that this is going to be something that you use, but I am setting this up to where perhaps you give it to me at night, or it's used in these certain parts of the house, or it's used to these certain times of the day. And then the second thing is to really research the inherent risks and dangers of what you were giving.

Speaker 1 (06:58):

If it is a gaming console or a game, then there's different risks than giving a smartphone or a dumb smartphone. So researching those things to determine what things are in there. For me personally years ago, we gave an X-Box console. I had no idea how invasive it could be in terms of chatting with other people and other people chatting with my child, and then the influence of what was seen on the games and then the interaction with peers, and then also the addictive nature of it. So anything and everything I've talked about, most of them on my podcast. So go through some of my podcasts. And like I've mentioned before multiple times, and if you've listened for a while, you're probably getting tired of me talking about it, but I have my be that mom movement method course coming out. I am working on it, but I've had some major life events that have gotten in the way in the last month or two.

Speaker 1 (07:56):

And it's just been unreal, the roadblocks that keep being put in the way, but I am almost done with that. I just need to finish up some things. I'm going to make each one of the modules to where if you're not someone who can watch the video, most of the videos are pretty short, but I'm also going to have the video transcribed and also have captions on it. And then also just have the audio only. And then I have multiple downloads that I'm making to where you can download the things that I'm talking about and use those as a guide as you give the digital things. And so I'm setting that all up as a resource for you too. And I hope to have that out very soon. I won't say a certain date, but I'm wanting to have it out very soon. So when you do give these digital things, you will have this as a resource.

Speaker 1 (08:40):

It includes my layered approach to setting up your house and all of the things for monitoring. And then it will also include tools for you to set the rules and boundaries and pivoting and redirecting as you see how they interact with things. So I don't have that out yet, and I apologize for that, but it's going to be a mega mega resource and basically take all of these things in more that I talk about in my podcast episodes and give it all to you and you'll have it at your fingertips. And I plan on continuing to edit that and add to it as time goes on, because as we all know, the digital world is constantly changing and evolving. So it's not going to be set in stone and static. But what the course is set up to do is to give you basically the tools that you need to evolve and adapt as the digital world changes too.

Speaker 1 (09:33):

So it's giving you the principles and giving you a method to follow. As you go through, you know, navigating all the digital things as your kids get older. The next tip that I want to tell you is be flexible as you see how your kids interact. I guess I already said this, but be flexible in how your kids interact with the device or the game. So that's, you know, goes back to the precedent of setting up rules for whatever it is you're giving that you realize that it's not going to be an all or nothing thing, and it could be different for each child. So if you have multiple kids, you may see interactions and behaviors and things that is going to clue you in to the fact that something needs to change. You know, if there's suddenly pushback on the rules that you have or other responsibilities they have, then it's time to pull back.

Speaker 1 (10:21):

It's time to give that a second thought, maybe have a timeout from that stuff and figure out how to move forward without that constant, like push and pull and battle between y'all. The next tip is to start slow with what you choose to give. If you're in the phase of, okay, I know they're going to be in this school activity or these sports, or they're going to be away from me longer soon. And I want to have a way to get in touch with them. Start slow with the devices. I highly caution against jumping straight to the smartphone. I know some parents do choose to do that. And of course, I am always just giving you information that it's totally your call and your decision, but there are ways to really lock down those devices, but they are inherently addictive and inherently going to draw their attention, their curiosity, and all of that.

Speaker 1 (11:15):

So if you can start slow with the devices and choose the dumb over the smart to start out, then it's going to give you more control at your fingertips versus them having the control and you trying to, you know, figure out what's going on. So there is a place in a time for those devices, I believe because our world is digital and so much of how our world functions has to go through all the digital things. So I'm not one to say, absolutely no, never have that, because at some point they have to get used to using it, but there is a that you reach of maturity and kind of a lot of their beliefs and their self-esteem. And all of that is a little bit more semen tid, but the middle school years and the early high school years are typically not yet at that place, you know, in their development.

Speaker 1 (12:10):

So I would try to delay those things until they're a little bit older, if you can. And then when you do give it, have it kind of like locked down and monitored, not, you know, that you don't trust them, but just that you need to help guide them. Okay. And one of my next episodes, it's probably going to be next week's episode is going to be about a new option for the dumb smartphones. I talk a lot about the pinwheel phone and they're coming out with a new one. So next week, be sure to tune in for that, if you're looking for the dumb smartphone options, because this one is really, really cool, and it is an expansion of the other ones, the next tip is just resist the FOMO, the fear of missing out, resist it. They do not understand they do not have the big picture.

Speaker 1 (12:52):

Their brains are not fully developed for them to understand that their fear of missing out while real is, you know, only one part of the picture. So you can resist that fear of missing out and help preserve their joy of missing out, preserve that childhood curiosity, discovery, all of that, that is a part of their growing up and is kind of like extinguished when my, I believe when you give them the smartphones and in all of the digital things that influence their self-esteem and what they do with their day and different things like that. Okay. So start slow with the devices, choose the dumb over the smart, and then resist the FOMO to preserve the Jomo or the joy of missing out. And I did a couple of episodes about that. The last couple of episodes that I've done have talked about that or a couple of episodes ago.

Speaker 1 (13:43):

So be sure to check those out if you haven't, but in my own kids, I really did see that a lot of their childhood curiosity and joy was extinguished when I gave the digital things. And I didn't really see it until much later in a lot of time had passed. So if you can kind of reserve some of that and, you know, approach it with, from a place of love in terms of they don't understand. And all they see is that their friends have these, you know, smartphones or they're on Instagram or Snapchat. But I really think this is kind of, um, a place where you have a conversation. And I wish that we could get all parents on the same page with this stuff, or that we can get these devices to a place to where this isn't such a big deal, but it there's just no easy answer for it.

Speaker 1 (14:33):

Like it's just going to be, I think, a persistent problem. But at the end of the day, you are the parent, you have their best interests in mind. And so, however you choose to proceed with that, just, you know, I just recommend if it makes sense to you come from a place of love with that and talking to them and while mil still as preteens and teens may not understand that eventually they will. I promise you that. And I will say with my own kids, when I had to take drastic measures in this realm, that at the time I was kind of like, I dunno if hate is the right word, cause it's really harsh. But you know, I was really disliked for my stance on this, but my gut, like I've said before, in other episodes, my gut was telling me that this was necessary and I would not bend when the reality of the influence and the impact on them, their behaviors, their beliefs, all of that.

Speaker 1 (15:24):

When it was really plain as day in evident to me, then my gut was what told me no stick to your guns. And I will say that after some time had passed and the dust had settled and we'd come to a new place of stability and all of that, that I was thanked by my child for the decisions that we made and the actions we made in the fact that we put our foot down and we stuck to it. So, you know, you will probably get pushback from them, but just understand that they don't understand the full picture and they will someday. You just have to kind of give them a little grace for being mad at you, come from a place of, you know, I'm doing this for your best interests. And I know you won't understand now, but at some point you will.

Speaker 1 (16:08):

I promise you. And I do think that it will help to preserve so much of what they are supposed to be experiencing in childhood. If you can start slow with that and choose the dumb over the smart to start out. Okay. Okay. So now let's shift gears here for a second, and then we're going to round this out, but I want to talk about some ideas of things that are non-digital that you might consider as a gift for your kids. Maybe sprinkle in a few of the digital things that they want, or maybe not, you know, that's your decision and only, you know, what's best and how you want to proceed with this because you, you know, if you decide that you want to be proactive in monitoring and you want to proceed with that thing, then certainly do that. But these are some non-digital gifts that have gone over well with my family.

Speaker 1 (16:54):

And I just wanted to share a few of them and just kind of run with this as you see fit. I know that for me, I haven't been in the mood yet for doing much Christmas shopping and all of that. Like the world has just been super, super heavy and I've had some major life things happen that I'm dealing with in my regular world. And so it's hard to think in terms of this, but when I started thinking about what things have worked well and what things I value now, outside of all the digital things, these are some of the things that I'd recommend. So non-digital gifts. The first, I just have two kind of categories I want to share with you. The first is give experiences, give things that you can do together as a family that are going to create memories. The kids may not at first glance, be very excited about it, but fun things that are going to create memories.

Speaker 1 (17:43):

If you think back to when you were a kid, what were the things that were most memorable to you with, you know, maybe your parents, your grandparents, or people that are no longer with us. Think about that and try to create memories around those things. I think those things are so, so valuable and will live on in their memories versus, you know, getting the latest X-Box game or something like that. But, you know, some ideas would be like a scavenger hunt, outdoor activities, like a trip or hiking, different things where you're kind of side-by-side and experiencing that nature and the world, there's a place near where I live. And I think they're kind of all over the United States. And I don't know in other countries, but they have indoor skydiving. We actually bought tickets for them, for us to do this at the end of 2019.

Speaker 1 (18:27):

And we still haven't used our tickets by the way, but they're called I fly. I have no association with them, but they have like an indoor skydiving thing where it's like a vacuum tube thing that you go up in and skydive. And so something like that or getting a membership to like a trampoline park or what is the thing called that my son used to like to go to where you do, like air guns and things like a little, uh, I came to think of the word, but you know, someplace where you go in and you play like strategy with a team, something like Lego land. If they like to do Legos or where I live, we have these like hands-on museums that you can go to with the kids. And they have all these discovery things like a lot of places that schools will take field trips or I've never done geocashing, but I hear that it's something cool.

Speaker 1 (19:14):

Or, um, like the Pokemon things where you find the Pokemon. I don't even know if I'm saying that right now because my kids have gotten older, but giving some type of experience that you do together as a family at an at face value, they may be like, oh, this is a boring gift, but I bet you'll create some memories and fun times that they'll really enjoy and value and you're being active and moving your body. The second thing is something that gets the body or the mind moving. So it kind of falls in the same category, but things like if they don't have a bike, getting them a bike and archery set learning how to shoot a bow and arrow, getting an old fashioned like Polaroid camera, they don't look like the old Polaroids from when I was growing up. But they do have those cameras that produce the instant pictures.

Speaker 1 (19:58):

And then if you have a girl, they make little like string things for them to hold those pictures. So you could give them a set of those that they hang up on their wall in their bedroom, jewelry making, or nail decorating cats, a record player. This was something that when these started coming back into, you know, out into the world, I was really shocked that one of my kids was so interested in getting a record player, but it was kind of cool because I could pull and I'm aging myself here, but I could pull out all my old records that I had as a kid that I used to play with. And she actually listens to those and ones that she gets. And she likes now to go to different places and look for old vintage records. So having an old timey record player to play is kind of cool.

Speaker 1 (20:46):

And then other than that, just puzzles and hands-on games. I think that, you know, a lot of those things have been transferred to digital things, but I think there's so much more value in the manipulation of their hands and, you know, just real life games. I don't think that like having candy land on an Xbox or a we versus having candy land in front of you is the same thing. And there's different stimulation that goes on there. So I think there's great value in continuing to give puzzles and hands-on games and things that they are having to manipulate in an, in real life in front of them. So I hope those were some good ideas that maybe sparked more ideas in you or give you a place to start in terms of giving something that is not necessarily digitally related. My best friend that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, she said that pretty much everything on the list that her kids are giving her are all digital.

Speaker 1 (21:42):

Mine was the same way when my kids were that age and I was into it, like I was all into it. I was so excited to give them those things and, you know, just loved it. And I don't think that it's necessarily a completely bad thing, but take those tips that I gave you for giving the digital gifts, if you are going to give some of those things, but try to sprinkle in some of these non-digital things for them to do as well to create more balance there. Okay. So hope you found this super, super helpful. If there's anything I can do to help you, please reach out to me, please leave me a review. If you haven't already. That helps me to rank up higher on the charts and get my podcast pushed out to more people. And please check out my show notes for all the different things that I have recommended for you to navigate the digital things and maybe do the dumb versus the smart and all of that.

Speaker 1 (22:34):

And I also have a digital wellness summit link still listed on there, and that is something that's going to stay live for, I think, six months to a year. So if you need help kind of navigating the digital things and having more ideas around that. There's multiple of us that presented in that summit from different backgrounds in different resources, and then stay tuned for my, be that mom movement method that is coming out soon. And that is going to give you everything that you need to navigate this going forward. And as you open up those gifts on Christmas day and you need some help, that will be a resource that you can use to help you going forward. Okay. All right. Thanks so much for tuning in and I'll see you next time.

Speaker 2 (23:21):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (23:35):

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