Episode 86: It is time to introduce the JOY of missing out to your kids!

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

It is easy for any of us to get sucked into the constant interconnectedness of our world, so that is why it is time we embrace the JOY of missing out!!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, the joy of missing out when the world begins to shout and rush towards that shiny thing, the latest bit of mental blank, trying to have it, see it, do it. You simply know you won't go through it. The anxious clamoring in need this restless hungry thing to feed. Instead, you feel the loveliness, the pleasure of your emptiness. You spurn the treasure on the shelf in favor of your peaceful self without regret, without a doubt. Oh, the joy of missing out that is a poem called the joy of missing out and in is written by Michael Leunig. And that is going to be the topic of today's podcast. Talking about how we need to encourage our kids to experience the joy of missing out. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:52):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:17):

Holy moly. Check this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out [e-mail] use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So last week we talked about the fear of missing out and this week. I want to talk about the joy of missing out. And before I get to a few tips to help you with navigating this with your own kiddos, I just want to talk about a little bit of a background on me that you may not know my podcast has been out now for, I can't even believe it when I say it, but a year and a half, I launched it in March of 2020, but as a background for me, I actually really got into the thick of things when it came to my kids and the digital things about six months prior to that was where we kind of hit our rock bottom, but it had been something that had been developing over the previous year to two years.

Speaker 1 (02:32):

And when I look back at a big picture of the decisions that I made with my kids, one of the, well, let me backtrack from that for a second. So before we gave all the digital things, my kids were active in our local FFA and four H chapters. We showed cattle and we showed goats at our local shows and we're very active, outdoor things. We're very active with going to different shows and showing the animals and all of that. The kids were very much into it. They did well at what they did. My youngest actually got like grand champion goat at one of the shows and was really passionate about it and really into making sure that everything was right and that we were raising the animals well and all of that stuff. Okay. Inter a X- Box gaming console and a smartphone. And now when I look back at this, it was a pivotal decision in a pivotal moment.

Speaker 1 (03:34):

And it was a moment where I felt good that we were giving these things. I was excited for him to be able to have them, his friends had them. And so I wanted him to have them and he was going into middle school and we'd done the same thing for the other kiddo, the next one up and kind of at similar ages. But like I've said before each one got the digital things at younger ages. And then of course they're much more interconnected as time has gone on with all of the things that have come out. So we gave those devices and then I can look back now and see a steady, like pulling away from these interests in these hobbies and these things that they were passionate about, where suddenly it was a chore to go out and work with the animals. It was a chore.

Speaker 1 (04:22):

And we got attitude about having to fill the water buckets and feed them and work them and go to the shows and do all the things it suddenly became to where there wasn't the same interest in those things. They were pulling away from those things at the time. I just thought they weren't interested in them anymore. And okay. We moved on to other things, right? Like my interests are not necessarily their interests. And so I'm always trying to make sure that what we are doing is because of what they want to do. Not because I'm trying to interject what I didn't get to do as a kid and that type of thing. Right. So now looking back, I can see that it was the introduction of these couple of things that just steadily kind of sucked them away from having any other interests and their main interests were consuming on these devices.

Speaker 1 (05:11):

And like I have, it said multiple times, I had no clue how to guide them on this. I had no clue of the addictive nature. I had no clue of the risk of predators. Like I truly had no clue period. And so things started accelerating and came to a head to where we reached a point where these things that I was allowing and giving, letting them have in their bedrooms and not having any boundaries around when, or how they use them was affecting schoolwork, was affecting sleep, was affecting every aspect of their lives. Self-esteem confidence, pretty much transformed their lives. However, it coincided with the things that happen already in the middle school years, like puberty, like massive changes in our bodies, right. And more self-awareness in more competition with peers when you suddenly, you know, have that realization of all of the things. So it coincided with those things enough to where I didn't realize what was going on.

Speaker 1 (06:17):

Okay. So then we came to a head of things in 2019, where all of these things that were impacting them had seeped into daily decisions and choice of who they were hanging out with and all of that stuff. Okay. And so that is when we hit rock bottom, where I realized that something had to change and where I realized that there were so much that was going on right under the surface and right under my nose. And it all stemmed to the interconnectedness of these phones of the games of all of the things. And so the only thing we knew to do at the time was removed the digital devices completely until we could get a handle on what was going on and figure out what the hell was going on. Like seriously, it was a major rock bottom, and a major point for me, where I've never felt so alone and so ashamed and just at an, a feeling of utter hopelessness.

Speaker 1 (07:19):

And I thought I was alone. And I thought that I was the only mom that was going through this and just really could not believe where we were because we had up until this culmination of events had really focused on providing family time, like quality family time and all these quality family things that we did. And then at the time we were, it was all so, so like fresh that I couldn't get the perspective that it was the introduction of these things without any guidance, without any boundaries around all this stuff that it sucked them away. And it wasn't, I'm not saying that it's their fault or that, you know, it's just, they're, they're like a victim of this technology and all of these things combined to suck them in and to basically crush them and to make them live in a place of not enough and a fear of missing out in all of the things.

Speaker 1 (08:14):

Right? So that's the perspective that I come from and what brought me to the point of making this podcast and wanting to share this information with you on a weekly basis. And so when I say that we need to help preserve and show our kids the joy of missing out I'm coming from a place of watching the joy, literally be sucked out of my children because I had no idea. And I allowed all of these things. So whether you just provide like certain limitations, such as choosing a dumb smartphone over a smartphone, or you actually put boundaries and put the layers in place that I recommend for the different things in order to build your village around giving your kids the digital things, whatever it is you decide to do that is appropriate for you, and that you want to spend time navigating is okay for you.

Speaker 1 (09:09):

But I hope what I'm conveying to you is that these things are addictive and they're inherently impactful on our children. And it changes from child to child, depending on what you decide, depending on their temperament, depending on their surroundings, their environment, their peers, and all of the things. And so it's important for us just realize that this is something that happens when we make these decisions to give these things. And so we need to have a game plan for talking to them about the fear of missing out and the not enough syndrome and all of those things and preserving that joy of life, preserving what they are supposed to be doing as children and as teenagers in order to discover what they're meant to be in the world. So that is, I'm very passionate, as you can probably tell about this topic, because I watched the joy of life being sucked out of my kids unintentionally, because I did not know.

Speaker 1 (10:11):

And because a lot of these tools that are out here today, weren't out there. And I also had no game plan, no roadmap, no nothing to tell me, where do I need to put my attention now? You know, like where is it? What's the most important thing that I need to be focusing on. I could see that there were all these things, but I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I should allow on what I not, should not allow and all of that. So some of y'all that, listen, y'all followed me from the beginning. And I know, you know, so I'm probably speaking to the choir when it comes to y'all, but let's talk about a few tips then on how we can preserve or introduce the joy of missing out to our kids so that the fear of missing out doesn't take over their daily life and in the process, it may be that we also rediscover the joy of missing out.

Speaker 1 (11:08):

I know I personally have really been struggling with disconnecting from the world and, and trying to keep up with the latest news and all of the things. And so I know I could use a few reminders on this too, so hopefully you can as well. And then when you get all of this information, I challenge you to do a little joy of missing out challenge with your family, where you implement these things, and then you miss out on the world. That'd be awesome just to miss out on a few things, spending quality time together. I think we should all make that our goal, like seriously, let's just miss out on things and spend quality time together and quit having to be connected to all of the stuff that is just sounds like an amazing thing to me, to disconnect from the world. So let's talk about a few tips on things that you can do to implement this whole joy of missing out thing, which don't take these tips too, too seriously.

Speaker 1 (12:12):

Just kind of take the, just have them as a way to help guide you and your family and remind you how joyful it can be to be disconnected from the world. So the first thing to be intentional with your time, so schedule things that are important to you, whether it's working out, whether it's a meeting with a friend or it's writing a book or some projects that you have, that you're working on, make your time a priority instead of wasting time. And you'll find that you'll have a ton more time. So instead of spending an hour, scrolling on Facebook, actually schedule out the time for the different things that you know are important in that you need to get done each day. And then you'll find that you don't waste as much time scrolling on social media and things. I know I can sit there and it's just unreal how fast the time goes, as I'm trying to like squirrel through and check up on things, see what everybody's doing and posting and all that stuff in the time.

Speaker 1 (13:08):

It's just a time suck. It's just a time suck that doesn't give you much value other than just looking at things. So the second tip is just to live in the moment, live in the present, take a moment to listen to the sounds and see what's around you. Instead of it constantly rushing by if you're eating take more time to chew the food and taste the flavors. There's just so much that we rush through instead of just being present in the moment. And then the third thing is embrace tech free time, like get off of the things, unfollow people that are triggering that fear of missing out, get off of following people that are causing you some type of negative reaction, only follow the ones that lift you up and even just get off of the apps. I actually took a couple of my social media apps and I moved to them on, I have an iPhone.

Speaker 1 (14:07):

I moved them over to what is it called? The app library. So it's actually not on my main screen and I don't get notifications on my iPhone. So I will only go to those social media apps once a day. And I don't get anything pushed to me showing that, you know, I have a little red number saying I have this number of notifications. So I'm tempted to click that and see what's going on. Like, I literally have no notifications on my phone for the social media apps. And so that keeps me from wanting to go and check in all of the time. I sometimes still do just to see what's going on or to post to my story. But I have severely decreased. How many times I check in and look at that because not readily readily, I can't talk readily accessible from my main screen.

Speaker 1 (14:58):

The next thing is practice saying no, say no to some events and all of the different things. If you don't feel like you want to go to them, you don't have to keep up with anybody else. You can say, no, you can sit at home. You can, you know, do whatever you want, or if you are wanting to go to something, go to it. You know? So it's basically just doing what you want to do instead of doing what you feel like you have to do. The next tip is experience real life, not social media life. And this is something to really emphasize with our kids. Is that what we're seeing on social media is a highlight reel. It is not real life. It is not reflective of every person's struggles at every person's flaws. You know, it's like it's filtered. And so it's important for us to realize that and to get off of it and to realize we have life around us and life is going to pass us by if we aren't being proactive to be out into the world.

Speaker 1 (15:55):

And when it comes to my kids, that's what I saw was the biggest suck was to realize that all their interests shore sucked away and all they wanted to do was all these things that are on the digital things. And not that that's not okay to do, but it became where it was too much of that. So it's important to realize that if allowed to just do that, that it is going to suck them in and it's going to like suck all of their ambitions away to where all they want to do is that, and it can affect their self-esteem and all of that, like I've said before. And then the really the last tip is just to slow down, to slow down in everything and take more time, slow down and observe the world around us, slow down and appreciate our kids stages and our kids, you know, things that they do that annoy us slow down and just experience life.

Speaker 1 (16:50):

And I guess that's a duplicate of the one before, but just slowing down and experiencing the real world, getting out into the real world and not always just being connected digitally. Okay. So hopefully those made sense. I think some of them kind of overlapped a little bit, but the, just of it is to be more present in real life, experience, joy in life and experience the joy of missing out on catching up on all the things digitally and seeing what everybody's doing and knowing that whatever we're doing is enough. Whatever our kids are doing is enough and that they aren't there to prove anything to anybody else, or to get a certain number of likes, like seriously. And it is such a joy to miss out on that stuff and to just be out in the real world, doing real things. Okay. All right. I hope that this was super helpful to you and that you found this inspiring.

Speaker 1 (17:42):

And I hope that you'll take me up on the challenge of doing the joy of missing out challenge, share with how you are doing that. What things are you doing with your kids? That's in the real world, real life face- to-face side by side and disconnected from all the digital things. I cannot wait to hear from you and see what you were doing for that. So message me, email me [e-mail] or message me on social media. I can't wait to see how you are going to embrace this challenge and run with it and really make your kids or help your kids experience the joy of missing out. All right, thanks so much for listening and I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (18:26):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (18:40):

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