Episode 117: Q&A - My 10-Yr-Old Daughter Makes Huge Messes and Refuses To Clean Up. What Can I Do?

The Better Behavior Show with Dr. Nicole Beurkens

This week's question is from Teresa,

“My 10-year-old daughter can create huge messes, not only in her room but also in every room in her house, from the living room to the kitchen to the bathroom. She moves from one thing to the next so quickly that I could spend my whole day cleaning up after her.

I get that she has executive functioning problems associated with her ADHD, learning challenges, and trauma issues. However, even when reminded or when help is offered, she is extremely resistant and does everything from ignoring the request to refusing to completely flee the situation.

Even when I try the “When/Then” strategy, it can turn into a huge battle to try to get her to accomplish the clean-up that she's more than capable of.

And most of the time, I offer to help and/or get her started. Is there a better way to hold her accountable for the messes she makes? I’ve tried doing clean-up several times a day so it's smaller, but the resistance is the same. We’ve tried talking when she’s in good spirits about how when everyone helps, we have more time for fun stuff together, but she just doesn’t seem to get it, and it's really wearing on me. Help.”

In this episode, I provide proactive strategies, executive function skills strategies, and some reactive strategies for how to address this kind of situation. I hope parents everywhere will find these strategies to be helpful.

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