TLP422: Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict with Karin Hurt

The Leadership Podcast

Karin Hurt, founder and CEO of Let's Grow Leaders and author of "Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict," discusses the impact of post-pandemic stress on workplace dynamics. She highlights rising conflict levels based on global surveys, leading to reduced innovation and retention.

Karin introduces her book's "GOAT Phrases" (Greatest Of All Time) - 12 powerful phrases that can be used for effective conflict resolution, focusing on connection, clarity, curiosity, and commitment.

She advises on recognizing when to disengage from conflicts and choosing suitable communication methods. Karin discusses team-building strategies, including mock presidential debates, and distinguishes between organizational and interpersonal conflicts. She emphasizes addressing conflicts within broader organizational contexts and using structured approaches like the "Inspire Method" for accountability conversations.

https://bit.ly/TLP-422

Key Takeaways

[01:42] Karin talks about her new book, "Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict," is available now. Karin shares an interesting tidbit from her past as a "madrigal singer," a form of Renaissance choral music requiring high collaboration. Additionally, she recounts a remarkable experience of being struck by lightning at age 20, which she humorously attributes to her high energy levels. Karin’s insights into leadership and her unique experiences promise a fascinating discussion.

[05:21] Karin discusses the importance of effective communication in resolving workplace conflicts. She highlights the challenges of negative work relationships and the research on the rise of conflict after the pandemic. She introduces the concept of "conflict cocktails" which include factors like post-pandemic stress and unclear expectations. Karin also explores the concept of "GOAT" phrases, which are the greatest of all time powerful phrases for conflict resolution. These phrases focus on four dimensions: connection, clarity, curiosity, and commitment.

[10:48] Karin dives into the power of phrasing in communication. While words themselves only make up 7% of the impact, phrasing can significantly influence how our message is received. Karin emphasizes that even the most powerful phrases won't work if nonverbal cues contradict the message. Body language and tone are crucial for effective communication. Her book offers specific phrases but acknowledges the importance of adapting them to the situation and remaining open to the conversation.

[13:07] Karin shares her insight about David Brooks' book "How to Know a Person" emphasizes the importance of adaptation and overcoming limitations to be successful. This aligns with the executive coaching principle that "what got you here won't get you there." She discusses how to deliver critical feedback effectively using phrases that build connection and curiosity, avoiding accusatory labels that shut down conversations.

[15:05] Karin discusses how to move people from complaining to solutions. The key is to understand what the person really wants and to empower them to take control. An example is given of a woman who felt stuck in a corporate culture but was encouraged to focus on her own agency and influence. She also highlights the importance of veterans and the US military.

[19:10] Karin explores the challenging topic of when to recognize and quit a conflict. She reflects on the realization that some conflicts are unresolvable or not worth resolving. Karin suggests evaluating personal well-being and values alignment when deciding whether to continue or disengage from a conflict. She shares poignant examples, including a nurse's decision to leave a toxic work environment despite initial doubts, highlighting the necessity of prioritizing mental health and values alignment in conflict resolution strategies.

[22:59] Karin discusses thresholds in workplace conflict, highlighting how remote work has affected communication dynamics. She stresses the importance of choosing appropriate mediums for delicate conversations, emphasizing face-to-face or high-bandwidth methods for critical discussions like terminations. Karin warns against using asynchronous tools like Slack or email, which can inadvertently escalate conflicts by signaling avoidance or indifference. This approach aligns with Marshall McLuhan's theory that "the medium is the message," underscoring the need for thoughtful communication to resolve conflicts effectively.

[25:34] Karin critiques common team-building pitfalls. She discusses how activities like golf outings often miss the mark in addressing deeper team issues and can exclude non-participants. She advocates for purposeful team-building aligned with organizational goals and values, emphasizing inclusivity and genuine connection over "forced fun" activities.

[36:02] Karin addresses misconceptions about solving organizational challenges solely through recruiting. She highlights the necessity of ongoing development and support for employees, citing Gallup's findings on low engagement levels. Emphasizing empathy and curiosity, Karin advocates for understanding employees' emotional states to enhance communication and productivity. She stresses the importance of clear expectations and sensitive responses in fostering a positive workplace environment, urging leaders to actively support their teams' growth and well-being. Karin shares her favorite powerful phrase, "What would a successful outcome do for you?" highlighting its ability to uncover deeper motivations in conversations.

[39:50] And remember, peace is not absence of conflict. It is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means. - Ronald Reagan

Quotable Quotes

“We have four dimensions of effective collaboration or better workplace conflict: Connection. Are we connected as human beings? Clarity. Do we have a shared understanding of success? Curiosity. Are we genuinely interested in one another's perspectives and what's possible? And then commitment. Do we have a shared agreement?”

“Encourage courageous conversations.”

"When you avoid the conflict, you lose out on the innovation and all of the problem solving that comes when people feel confident, have the psychological safety to really show up and share what they're thinking."

"Most people have more power in their circumstances than they think."

"Encourage people that they have more power than they think in most circumstances."

"There is a lot of money wasted on leadership development and team building that's not purposeful."

"A lot of times we run around thinking we're influenced and we don't realize how much influence we have."

"If you did not hold somebody accountable and you let them be a bad performer, you are not being kind to anybody in that scenario."

"Show up curious in the conversation and move to commitment."

Resources Mentioned

• The Leadership Podcast | theleadershippodcast.com

• Sponsored by | www.darley.com

• Rafti Advisors. LLC | www.raftiadvisors.com

• Self-Reliant Leadership. LLC | selfreliantleadership.com

• Let’s Grow Leaders Website | https://letsgrowleaders.com/

• Karin hurt | LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/karin-hurt

• Karin Hurt X (Twitter | https://twitter.com/letsgrowleaders

This is the book mentioned in this episode