Challenging the Adoption System with Chester Jackson - Ep 109

Unraveling Adoption

Challenging the Adoption System with Chester Jackson

"The journey is more about being on the path more than off... The hardest part about being an adoptive parent is you're almost guaranteed to be disappointed because your motivation and your drive and everything you're thinking is involved around some fantasy child. It's not about that real human." -- Chester Jackson

Discovering the truth can be as exhilarating as it is terrifying. It can shatter the very foundation of your identity, leaving you scrambling to pick up the pieces. Chester Jackson's life seemed like a harmonious melody until a single piece of paper sent him spiraling into a world of unanswered questions and hidden secrets. Brace yourself as we delve into Chester's journey, where he unearths the unexpected twist that forever changed his life.

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In this episode, you will be able to:

• Delve deep into the complex world of adoption and how it affects the lives of adoptees.

• Understand the vital role clear and sincere communication plays in the harmony of an adopted family.

• Expose the latent issues and hidden incentives of adoptive parents, presenting possible solutions and benefits.

• Unravel the critical need for maintaining ties between adoptees and their birth heritage.

• Confront and overcome the hurdles and implicit prejudices sewn into the fabric of the adoption procedure.

My special guest is Chester Jackson

Meet Chester Jackson, a seasoned professional, with two decades worth of experience in the adoption sphere. His multifaceted perspective of adoption is born out of his own late discovery of being an adoptee and his role as an adoptive parent. Chester currently serves as the lifeline for many as the helpline coordinator at Adoptive Foster Family Coalition in New York, offering much needed counsel and support. Filled with both empathy and insights, Chester is known for his unwavering commitment to bettering the adoption system and all those it touches.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Visit the Adoptive Foster Family Coalition of New York (AFFCNY) website for more information about their services and resources: https://affcny.org/

• Call the AFFCNY Helpline that Chester supervises: 888-80-helpline

• Reach out to Beth Syverson for parent coaching if you are an adoptive parent: [e-mail]

• Consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through any adoption-related issues or emotions. Here's an adoptee therapist directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

Grasping Adoption's Real-life Consequences Fully understanding the real-life implications of adoption is crucial for adoptive parents. This insight stems from acknowledging that adoption not only involves taking a child into one's family but also carries lifelong emotional consequences for all parties involved. An improved grasp of these realities can help parents navigate adoption-related challenges and work towards fostering a healthy environment for their adopted children.

Preserving Links to Birth Heritage Maintaining connections to the child's birth heritage plays an essential part in the adoption journey. This notion is vital as it enables the adopted child to maintain a tangible link to their roots, which can greatly assist in the formation of their identity. Adoptive parents who understand and prioritize this facet can significantly contribute to their child's sense of belonging and self-awareness.

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Other Resources:

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

• Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [e-mail]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

www.UnravelingAdoption.com

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Timestamped summary of this episode: 00:01:06 - Chester's Adoption Story, Chester Jackson shares his experience as a late discovery adoptee (LDA). He explains that he found out he was adopted at age 33 and discusses how his adoption was a community agreement rather than a legal process. He also mentions his mixed feelings of relief and confusion upon learning the truth. 00:05:48 - Emotional Impact of Adoption, Chester discusses the emotional impact of adoption and how it affected his sense of self-worth. He highlights the importance of adoptive parents understanding and addressing their own emotions to provide a healthy environment for their children. 00:07:36 - Chester's Work in Adoption, Chester explains how he got involved in the adoption profession through a job opportunity. He reflects on how his work in adoption helped him understand his own adoption journey and the importance of supporting adoptive parents in addressing their own emotions. 00:09:58 - Broadening Perspectives in Adoption, Chester discusses how his perspective in adoption has broadened over time. He shares how his current role requires him to consider the perspectives of all parties involved in adoption and emphasizes the importance of openness and addressing emotions in adoption. 00:12:21 - The Importance of Parental Rights, The speaker emphasizes the importance of parental rights in the best interest of the child, even in cases of abuse. Adoption can be considered if necessary, but the focus should be on keeping families together whenever possible. 00:12:40 - Moral Adoption and Connections, While legal adoptions are common, there are also instances of "moral adoption" where there is no legal process, but individuals consider themselves connected to the child. The speaker notes the importance of maintaining strong connections between adoptive parents and birth parents. 00:13:30 - Lack of Support for Birth Parents, The speaker discusses the lack of support for birth parents in open adoptions. If birth parents show any signs of instability or make requests, they are often shut out. The speaker expresses disappointment in the lack of empathy and grace for birth parents in the adoption process. 00:14:09 - Lack of Legal Recourse for Birth Parents, Birth parents are often promised open adoptions with the ability to see their children, but there is no legal recourse to enforce these agreements. Birth parents are often vulnerable in the adoption process and have little protection. 00:16:15 - Challenges of Adoptive Parenting, Adoptive parents may have fantasies about their adopted child and can be disappointed when the reality doesn't match their expectations. The speaker emphasizes the need for adoptive parents to address their own challenges and seek therapy to navigate the complexities of adoptive parenting. 00:24:26 - Personal Growth and Family Systems, The guest reflects on their personal growth journey and how their relationship with their son has served as a catalyst for change. They discuss the challenges of estrangement and the importance of self-reflection in understanding one's role in the family system. 00:25:34 - Connecting with Your Child, The guest emphasizes the importance of connecting with your child, even if they are a stranger to you. They discuss the significance of non-verbal communication and the need for parents to create a sense of safety and connection for their children. 00:26:55 - Training and Support for Parents, The guest acknowledges that parents today are receiving more training and support from larger agencies, but highlights the need for society to have a fuller appreciation of the importance of parenting. They encourage parents to seek out support groups and resources to navigate the challenges of adoption and foster care. 00:28:46 - The Power of Repair, The guest emphasizes the importance of making repairs in relationships and apologizing to one's child when mistakes are made. They discuss the healing power of acknowledging and learning from past actions, and the significance of teaching children how to make repairs in their own relationships. 00:31:25 - The Helpline and Support Groups, The guest shares information about The Helpline (888-80-helpline), a resource provided by the coalition for adoptive and foster families. They encourage parents to seek support through support groups and highlight the value of being in a room with others who understand and empathize with their experiences 00:36:18 - Reasons for Bias in Adoption, The guest discusses the reasons for bias in adoption, including racism, sexism, and heteronormativity. He also mentions the societal belief that family is blood, which contributes to the negative perception of adoption. 00:37:21 - Lack of Support for Birth Families, The conversation highlights the lack of support for birth families in the adoption system. The guest argues that if society truly valued children and family, more efforts would be made to keep them in their family of origin. 00:38:29 - Difficulty for Birth Parents, The guest criticizes the foster system for making it extremely difficult for birth parents to regain custody of their children. He suggests that this may be due to societal biases and judgments towards birth parents. 00:39:23 - Finding Folk to Help, The guest emphasizes that there are plenty of people willing to help in the adoption system, but society needs to be honest about what they are asking these people to do. He calls for a shift in perspective and a recognition of the importance of birth families. 00:43:09 - Importance of Self-Reflection, The guest stresses the importance of self-reflection for adoptive parents. He believes that understanding one's own motivations and values is crucial for building a strong connection with their child. He also acknowledges the challenges and struggles that adoptees may face, but highlights the resilience and strength they possess. 00:48:31 - Accessing Information and Resources, The guest suggests visiting their website, affcny.org, to access a wealth of information, join their network, and find inspiring and educational events. 00:48:47 - Support for Adoptive Parents, The host mentions her website, unravelingadoption.com, where she offers a free support group for adoptive parents and parent coaching services. 00:49:13 - Supporting the Podcast, The host mentions that listeners can support the show on Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption to help keep the episodes commercial-free. 00:49:32 - Sharing the Episode, The host encourages listeners to share the episode, especially with hopeful adoptive parents and those considering fostering, as it contains valuable information and insights.