The Modern Stoic #8: Create Your Own Role Models

Voices in the Dark

This episode is about not just having but creating role models, and on being your best self without needing a mentor directly involved in your life. We explore how to create your own guardian angel or virtual privy council, and how to learn to accept and work with, rather than reject elements of yourself.

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How much of our nature is in-born, and how much do we have the power to shape? The heart of Stoicism is learning the difference between that which we can change and that which we can't. When it comes to personal development, this can be the toughest part of that mantra, but it's far from impossible.

We talk about how to channel negative personality traits into creativity and how to access the kind of confidence which comes from being comfortable, not arrogant or egotistical (which are always ultimately driven by fear).

Seneca advises us to act as though someone we truly respect is watching us, but we take a different tack: why not appoint a virtual privy council of advisors and ask the most appropriate one about a given issue or decision?

It's time to create your own role models, mix and match them to suit your life, forge your own unique path, and (crucially) remain flexible enough to flow with the needs of the moment rather than turning yourself into a poor copy of other people.

We challenge you (and ourselves) to find someone who sees the best in you and hold yourself to that, rather than some socially-produced, standardised model.

These days a lot of people talk incessantly about needing mentors, but this too easily slides into depending on others rather than working on yourself, forming that virtual privy council, and spending time with the people who make you feel most like your truest self.

Dre also argues most people never really change after the age of 15, but that grief and moments of unexpected transcendence might still provoke a real shift; Jon decides to title his autobiography 'The Opposite of Comfortable'; and we both share our experiences with the number one fear in the world: public speaking.

Also Including:

• Overcoming social anxiety
• The power of grief to make real change to your life
• The secret to winning at public speaking
• Why some people genuinely want to cut their own limbs off
• Creating the right vibe rather than a rigid plan
• When belief in yourself turns toxic

Find Out More:

• Like us on Facebook to ask for the Audible download code for Seneca's letters
• The full text for free on WikiSource
• Ryan Holiday's superb and accessible book on Stoicism: The Obstacle is the Way
• Tim Ferriss's brilliant TED talk on 'fear setting' and Stoicism
• Rick and Morty – discovering true level
• Our awesome interview with Erick Godsey of the Metaprogramming Podcast

Be Silly. Be Kind. Be Weird.