Nick Duffell, Nick Duffell, The boarding school system and its traumatic effects

The Locked up Living Podcast: Surviving and thriving in prisons and other challenging environments

Nick Duffell has had a very varied career, which has include working as a teacher, a carpenter, a divorce mediator, a psychotherapist, and a psycho historian. He is the author of The Making of Them. Nick book about boarding school was groundbreaking when it was first published and provoked a backlash. Whilst we featured several previous conversations about boarding school, we thought, when reading his book, that it might have been well have been subtitled, A History of How the British Disliked Their Children.

Nick is the author of a number of books, several relevant to our topic.

Trauma, Abandonment and Privilege: A guide to therapeutic work with boarding school survivors

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Trauma-Abandonment-Privilege-Nick-Duffell/dp/1138788716/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.Jjql9XE6-nGXpxja6GmdvnbYRY1tkuTGFBC3Vm_sbmM0pscihCOPLN5bulgJdr6mEIJftd5ZQYjVnxbSkJyTNw6bY1-b8dA4nGTnkhT20M6wlVEgY7jRUAx4bcmBYQ0p.RwbrV-VOw6gjHrOLUM5LluC8zJcWZxaoAc7pYHTbs40&dib_tag=se&qid=1710784370&refinements=p_27%3ANick+Duffell&s=books&sr=1-1

Summary

Nick Duffel discusses the origins and impact of boarding schools in Britain. He explains that the British tradition of sending children to boarding schools dates back to the Middle Ages and was formalized in the 19th century to produce leaders for the British Empire. The boarding school system has become central to British culture, with many aspiring families sending their children to these schools. However, there has been a lack of reflection on the psychological impact of boarding schools, and the psychotherapy profession has been slow to address this issue. The boarding school culture has influenced British society, creating a top-down mentality and an entitlement complex among leaders. This has led to a lack of focus on children's needs and a contemptuous attitude towards younger people. This conversation explores the impact of boarding schools on individuals' emotional intelligence, decision-making, attitudes towards women and migrants, and intimate relationships. It delves into the militaristic and hyper-masculine nature of boarding schools and the purposeful disconnection from femininity. The conversation also examines the influence of boarding schools on attitudes towards intellectualism and the performative nature of intellectualism. It distinguishes between rebels and compliers among boarding school survivors and highlights the challenges of working with ex-boarders in therapy. The conversation concludes with insights on personal well-being and self-care.

Takeaways

• The British tradition of sending children to boarding schools dates back to the Middle Ages and was formalized in the 19th century to produce leaders for the British Empire.
• There has been a lack of reflection on the psychological impact of boarding schools, and the psychotherapy profession has been slow to address this issue.
• The boarding school culture has influenced British society, creating a top-down mentality and an entitlement complex among leaders.
• This has led to a lack of focus on children's needs and a contemptuous attitude towards younger people.
• Boarding schools can disconnect individuals from vulnerability and emotional intelligence, leading to challenges in connecting with others and making good decisions.
• The militaristic and hyper-masculine nature of boarding schools can perpetuate antipathy towards women and migrants.
• Boarding school survivors may struggle with intimate relationships and find it difficult to enter into a 'we' dynamic due to their training in dissociation.
• Attitudes towards intellectualism in boarding schools can vary, with some schools fostering anti-intellectualism and a focus on performative qualities.
• Working with ex-boarders in therapy requires specialized training and an understanding of the unique challenges they face.

Chapters

00:00Introduction and Background

03:38The Origins of Boarding Schools in Britain

04:07The Psychological Impact of Boarding Schools

10:51The Influence of Boarding Schools on British Culture

16:20The Lack of Reflection on Boarding School Impact

25:27The Un-child-focused Attitude in British Society

28:59The Entitlement Complex and Contempt for Younger People

29:46The Challenges Faced by Young People Today

31:12The Psychological Impact of Boarding School Training

31:36The Disconnect from Vulnerability

32:07The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

32:35The Impact of Emotional Disconnection on Decision-Making

33:08The Influence of Emotional Input on Decision-Making

34:11The Effects of Boarding School on Attitudes Towards Women and Migrants

35:03The Militaristic and Hyper-Masculine Nature of Boarding Schools

35:24The Purposeful Disconnection from Femininity

36:50The Introduction of Girls to Boarding Schools

37:17The Impact of Boarding School on Intimate Relationships

39:07The Influence of Boarding School on Attitudes Towards Intellectualism

42:46The Performative Nature of Intellectualism

43:13The Perception of Boris Johnson's Cleverness

44:29Rebels vs. Compliers

46:37The Impact of Boarding School on Personal Development

51:26The Journey to Well-Being