Cycle Breaker and Change Maker | Introduction to Letting Go

Cycle Breaker and Change Maker with Renata Ortega

Episode 4 - Introduction to letting go

In today's episode I will focus on an introduction to letting people go. This can be a friend, a colleague, a relative or anyone that is in your life that is not serving you well.

So what exactly does letting go of someone mean?

I will be discussing letting go of a relationship in the following framework:

You have already accepted how a relationship has developed and have come to realize it is not one you can continue, and you need to move on from it in order to move forward in your own life. It is important to know that letting go of someone can be a very difficult thing to do, it can appear that some people do this easily and with no remorse, however for most of us who experience meaningful connections it is a very hard process and requires the seven stages of grief to move on from.

How does not letting go of someone who is not serving you contribute to a negative cycle?

When you stay in a relationship that is not healthy for you out of your sense of obligation or your sense of fear it limits your ability to navigate your own life and can prevent you from finding happiness or contribute to you becoming very unhappy. When you are tethered or attached to someone unhealthy or unhelpful you can’t possibly be free - they are always on the back of your mind as it is impossible for them not to be. It is a huge weight that you carry, day in and day out. Additionally, maintaining these relationships reinforces the behavior that is perhaps toxic, negative or abusive. By staying, you are allowing yourself and the other person involved to believe that it is okay to continue existing in this way.

My story:

I grew up thinking and believing that cultural and societal norms and expectations were the only way to exist. I was applauded for being such a good person, a tolerant person, a patient person and so on - I held myself to a standard of excellence that ended up being to my detriment. This included maintaining many relationships that were not safe or good for me, because based on the way I understood the world - it was my obligation to do so. Praise only reinforced my behavior. While internally I was so unhappy, empty and unfulfilled, I was receiving praise so I took that to mean I was doing something positive. The problem with praise is when people give it, they often do not look at the whole story and it can reinforce bad behaviors. It was not until I was told over and over again by other survivors that you do not have to stay in bad relationships just because society says you should that I realized I was the exception in staying in the relationship for so long and I knew that I needed to take steps to correct this.

How did this impact me as an adult?

Staying in negative relationships for me became like wearing cement with scary objects in it. I began to feel weighed down because I was emotionally exhausted from dealing with unhealthy relationships and from putting others' needs before my own. I would do everything I could to placate other people so that they would not become upset with me in order to protect myself and

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Until the next time - warmly yours,
Renata