062 - The Piglet Level Is Just Rising

It's Christmastown

SARAH D. BUNTING's back, and we're gonna get in corrals for 2016's LOVE IN PARADISE and: Pomeranian ... THEME ... Unprepared to get worked up about Luke Perry ... The bone-marrow level of Luke Perry pop-culture weight ... Erred on the side of Priestley ... A very generous actor and good dude ... "We shoulda taken him more seriously" ... You can legally punch Brian Austin Greene ... The Luke Perry Kidding-The-Material Rating ... The face does the work ... Two 90210 eras ... I got the job squinting ... BREAK ... The Expositional Challenge: Professionalism defined ... Plot mop-up: How is he doing ranch events; exposed by a high-school journalist; Max Headroom, Large Animal Doctor; Michael Moriarty; you gotta keep beefing with Janet Reno; coastal ex ... "This was not bad" ... A rustler named "Guthrie"? ... A qualitative difference in one-off movies ... The Wedding March: Failing to wink at bio material ... Surprisingly tart (Pompeii), surprisingly sexual (barn) ... Exchanging butt glances ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Curly the Pig, Familiar ... Murder by Death callback ... The pig *is* the Pomeranian ... Farmer Lev's Pastoral Hoedown: The binary opposition throughout history; red states, Harlequin, Dreiser and Lewis; Yankee fan in Montana with fake crickets; steak, chili and blueberry pie; "city slicker"; desaturated apartment; unlicensed to drive; comparing scars; Pomeranian pillow ... BREAK ... Eat Your Heart Out: Sushi and Food Network; pre-cool my steak, thanks; chili cook-off; farties fuel, Nora! ... Hallmark Expanded Universe: Wedding March, 1885 vs. Inventory exchange among failing dude ranches ... Overdetermined: Max Headroom's "It's the H-H-Heart" vs. That's not how trails work ... Health food store creepin' ... Crossover: SVU investigating on-set of Aim to Please and the squint-off vs. Home Is Where the H-H-Heart is vs. Max Headroom answering bunnies vs. The Magnificent One vs. Avery Ford, Humane Westworlder ... Again with This note: Working Shadowcaster ... The Grand Unifying Theory of Munch ... BREAK ... Rating: 4.5 ... Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Guthries ... Take Heather's story out of her father's mouth ... Make Heather's ex Guthrie ... The Leftovers: Seeing a man about a TV ... Bundy toilet ... Saying the name of the movie in the movie ... "You wouldn't know him, he's Canadian" ... Young Tom Steyer: I'm Guthrie, and I learned my lesson ... I reversed a crime with the exact skills you taught me! ... Young Luke Perry impressionist ... Buttercup ... Logrolling in our time ... Merry Christmas ... • MUSIC: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather • "Theme from Beverly Hills 90210," by John Davis • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane