#83 - For Current and Potential Spouses

A Way Beyond the Rainbow

This episode is dedicated to current and potential spouses of individuals experiencing gender nonconformity, same-sex attractions and/or gender dysphoria.
In this episode, I read out survey responses sent by members of the online Straight Struggle community addressing current and potential spouses, and we discuss pertinent themes for spouses and answer frequently-asked questions. Why didn't he/she inform me before marriage and wait until now? Will he/she ever change? How do I deal with other people's opinions and judgments, particularly those coming from family? How do I deal with my insecurity and jealousy from my husband seeing other men or being with them, even though I know that there’s nothing sexual or intimate going on? I discovered my spouse has a porn and masturbation addiction, or he’s sexually acting out and has a sex addiction, what should I do? These and other relevant questions are explored in this episode.
References used and resources mentioned in this episode:
- Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing by Richard Cohen
International support systems for family members (including spouses):
- Straight Struggle support group (online, Muslim-based, international)
- Strong Support's "Spouses Support Circle" (Muslim-based, UK and international)
- Positive Approaches To Healthy Sexuality (PATHS)
- Brothers Road (US and international), including resources for wives, "A Woman Who Loves" (retreat), "A Woman's Heart" (coaching), relevant Facebook groups, and webinar
- North Star Alliance (Mormon-based, international), including Voices of Hope and Journeys of Faith
Relevant articles:
- ‘What I Wish My Wife Understood About My Same-Sex Attraction’: What Men Say
- ‘What I Wish My Husband Understood About How His Same-Sex Attraction Affects Me’: What Women Say
For porn and sexual compulsive behaviors:
- Counseling services: Sexual Recovery Institute, Purify Your Gaze (Muslim organization), Life Star Network, Bethesda Workshops
- Information for Spouses and Partners of Sex Addicts
- Other helpful resources: Sexaholics Anonymous (SA), NoFap (main website, Reddit “NoFap” forum, Reddit "Muslim NoFap" forum)
- Coffee With Karim podcast episode 59: "My Spouse has a Pornography Addiction" with guest speaker Zeyad Ramadan

Chapters

1. #83 - For Current and Potential Spouses (00:00:00)

2. Episode Introduction (00:00:38)

3. Survey Responses from the Straight Struggle Online Community (00:04:47)

4. On Navigating the Shock and Doing Your Own Work (00:10:43)

5. On Seeking Proper Support for You and Your Spouse (00:21:49)

6. On Communication Skills, Restoring Trust and Intimacy (00:25:53)

7. On Frequently-Asked Questions (00:35:03)

8. Ending Remarks (01:03:41)