Self- Care - Its Not Just Another Tick Box Exercise

Jo & JJ Go Mental

This week, we talk about the need for intention and compassion behind self-care. If we see self care as another thing to check off on the to-do list, we are simply missing the point. We discuss how self-care can be swept up and glorified in our culture of crossing things off our list and showing others how calm and peaceful we are, when in reality that is just not the case. When we feel as though we don’t “self-care” enough or the right way, we flog ourselves and feel worse about ourselves then we even did before we started. We also talk about ways to tune in and feel the emotions that are arising during your self-care, and a powerful tip for ending your work day that your brain will thank you for time and time again.

Takeaway:

[1:43] Spring has sprung, and J.J. explains why she thinks everyone goes a little bit more mental during this season! People think it’s always positive energy that comes with spring, but it’s not always new flowers in bloom for therapists! Once J.J. figured out that spring fever is not one of her favorite times, she learned to take some time off and practice her own form of self care. The primal nature that comes with spring leads to impulsivity and we could all benefit during this time to slow down and be more mindful with our decisions and actions.

[5:10] For self-care to be truly effective, we must be aware of the emotions we are experiencing. Otherwise, it’s just another activity on the to do list. Joanna talks about times when she ups the self care because she is in a self defined “funk”. Being in a funk is not an emotion of itself - but it describes a feeling of sadness and overwhelm. JJ explains that by the time Jo is in a “funk”, she has already been dealing with a bunch of stuff in the run up to it. We must therefore go back one more step where we feel the sadness, fear, that led to the place of overwhelm. When we recognise and validate those feelings, we can really start to benefit from the self care that we do for ourselves. Otherwise it is just another exercise of squashing down emotions we don’t want to feel.

[7:36] To even determine what would be the best self-care for you, slow down and get in touch with what you are feeling. Ask yourself, what does self care look like to you? There are basic ones we all need, like staying hydrated and getting enough sleep, but it can look very different from person to person. It has to have a real heart of compassion to it, and if you are not validating your emotional experience, you have already missed that train.

[9:48] Jo and J.J. discuss a participant in a UK reality show - a former athlete who has taken up yoga to go through life with less pain. By his own admission he got incredibly competitive about it and talked in an interview about how that competitiveness was really missing the point. He then learned to let go of the competitiveness and just do what was right for him. Too often we might see our self-care as something to win at, compare ourselves to others of how “good” we are at it, or just see it as another thing to conquer. Deliberate and mindful self-care is really what will move the needle, not just doing something to fit in or brag about.

[12:20] Especially in this era of working from home, it is smart to have a ritual or even just one action that signifies to your brain that you are done working for the day. Whether it’s wearing a piece of jewelry that you take off at the end of your work day, shutting your computer down, or cleaning off your workspace, this signals to the brain that you are done, and it’s time to rest and recover.

[13:24] If you need external validation, that is an understandable feeling, but it’s not a way to prove your worth or make yourself whole.

[15:10] Joanna defines the fear of rejection and not being good enough that had a part in leading to her own burnout, which then transferred over in her self-care. When she stopped working super long hours, she started doing more things to look after herself. However, she had such long held beliefs about working hard and that taking care of herself meant that she was lazy - that when she started to do the self-care, she needed to check in “that she was doing it right”. At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong, it’s the impact of being calm you are looking for, and that is a process that is internally defined instead of externally decided by your Instagram followers.

[21:05] Self-care also doesn’t mean lazy, nor does it require a lot of time or money. It can be something as simple as going for a walk, sitting in the sun, making a nice meal, etc.

Connect With Us:

Joanna Denton | Dr. JJ Kelly