Episode 98 - people-pleasing and perfectionism

Meeting of Minds

People-pleasing and perfectionism are really interesting for us as they are the main protective mechanisms developed by me and Robbie, respectively, to navigate our childhoods. We had others but these are the main ones. They were the ways we tried to get our needs met - like love, affection and recognition - and whilst they may have served us in childhood when it wasn’t safe to be our true selves, as adults they no longer served us as they drove us to behaviours that were not healthy.

The masks that any of us wear when we are using people-pleasing or perfectionism isolate us from our true self and from others. Trying so hard all the time is exhausting too and we miss opportunities to try new and fun things.

Trying to be perfect and please people gets into our bones and drives all our behaviour until we decide we don’t want to, or can’t, do it anymore. We share our personal experiences and, whilst we still have lots to learn, how we have dropped our masks and are thriving as a result.

We want you to know that there are no laundry police, or dishwasher police, so do it how you want to and find joy in it. You can be imperfect and make an impact. I would say, make an even bigger impact by doing it imperfectly.

Please let us know what resonates for you and what you find useful. Let us have your questions and we'll answer them on future episodes.

Useful links:

Robbie: https://www.robbieleigh.com/

Willow McIntosh: https://inluminance.com/

Julie Bjelland: https://www.juliebjelland.com/

Highly Sensitive Refuge blog: https://highlysensitiverefuge.com

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Production: Jay Herbert

Original music: Jay Herbert and Alex Ware