Social Media, Part 3

RH Family Making History

Questions We Ask:

What types of social media do you use and why?

How does social media affect your life everyday?

How does social media affect the lives of your friends and how does it impact, for better or worse, the connections you have with others?

What sort of boundaries have you and your parents set up to keep you safe and accountable when it comes to the social media world?

What encouragement do you have for parents listening about social media and the life of students using social media?

HIGHLIGHTS:

Teens are using social media to connect with their peers. They’re also using it as a distraction—a way to unwind and give their brain a break after being at school. However, Grace and Ethan both acknowledge that it is easy to inadvertently spend more time than intended on those “breaks” and that social media has affected their productivity.

With that much connectivity comes the risk for comparison. Some teenagers thrive and gain self-confidence through their use of social media. Others are affected in a negative way by seeing people they perceive as “perfect” and feeling like they can never measure up.

• The more your student seeks out “likes” and positive comments on their posts, the more likely they are to be contacted by someone they do not know and who may not have good intentions.

“People see other people living an ideal life which is sometimes, or most of the time, not real.”

Parents should make themselves aware of the risks associated with the social media platforms their students use.

• For example, parents should know whether or not their teen has a public or private Instagram account. Posts from public accounts can be seen and commented on by any Instagram user, regardless of whether or not they know your child. And even with a private account, your teen can receive direct messages or follow requests from people they don’t know. Ethan and Grace note that this unsolicited direct messaging happens more with girls than with teenage guys, and that the messages are sometimes harmless spam, and sometimes completely inappropriate.

“Phones have become a safety net in social situations.” Rather than have an awkward conversation or an uncomfortable interaction with someone you don’t know well, teens turn to their phone to connect with friends that aren’t there. “If I’m hanging out with you, if I’m spending time with you, then I want you to put your effort in, too. I don’t want you to be glued to your phone when we’re talking because I’m spending time, and I’m giving you my time, so I expect the same from you.”

Parents should consider what boundaries they want to put in place regarding their student’s phone and social media use BEFORE they give their child the phone. Are you going to monitor their accounts? Are you going to limit their time on social media (there are iPhone parental controls that allow you to do this)? Are you going to allow them to be on some social media platform, but not others? Think things through and set clear expectations and boundaries with your teenager from the beginning. Have a conversation with them about it so they understand those expectations and boundaries, and clearly communicate any consequences that will occur if they violate that trust.

• Ethan shared a story with us about a friend whose social media accounts were taken away as a punishment for betraying their parent’s trust, and that friend realized after a month of not having social media that they felt healthier without it.
• It’s ok to adjust boundaries and rules as your teen gets older.

Maturity doesn’t come with age - it’s different for everyone. With social media use, teenagers need to be mature enough to discern reality from fantasy, to discern when contact from a stranger is inappropriate and dangerous, and to be able to process hurt feelings associated with being left out or uninvited.

Most teenagers know more about technology than their parents. They KNOW they know more about technology than their parents. Parents are behind their kids—and it’s hard to lead when you’re following.

• Technology continues to change. Parents don’t have to be experts with social media and technology, but they DO need to KNOW what is available to their teenager and know what platforms their students are using.
• Be humble. Keep asking questions. Ask how you can learn from your teenager.

Ensure that your students have a community outside of their social media accounts. Ensure that they are growing in their faith, and that the foundation of their identity is in Christ. Ensure that they have and prioritize in-person outlets for connection.