“Do you really want to eat that?” How self talk creates healthy habits that stick

The Innovative Therapist

Episode 79. Struggling with consistency for healthy habits? Over and over you have the intention, but it just isn't happening. It's good for you. You feel excellent after you do it. And yet, you keep failing. Guess what? It's time to change how you are talking to yourself. Today we are going to talk about how language affects our motivation for healthy habits and how one simple shift can make a big difference. "I Really Need to Lose Weight" Most people that come to see me know they need to work on their relationship with food and their body. They often realize that they really have a lot of shame around eating and their body and this needs to change. They might even say "I really want to understand how to love myself." Know what 99% of them say as well? "Aaaand, I know it isn't the main focus, but I really also need to lose weight." (and they they give me a look like, "You understand this right, Shawn? This weight isn't healthy for me. I need you to get that.") I believe part of this is just wanting to feel understood. Like, "you get how uncomfortable I am right? How much I feel a desire to make a major change and feel good right?" And I absolutely do. And the way we often talk to ourselves about our eating habits makes it almost impossible to make sustainable healthy habit changes. Understanding the Impact of Language on Our Motivation for Healthy Habits Right now, you might be thinking: But Shawn, I really do need to lose weight, my body is super unhealthy right now, orI don't understand why saying that is a problem, some people really do need to lose weight for their health.Why is it so bad to say what I want? Others, especially health care professionals who have been taught that weight gain causes health problems, might be outraged. They might think: That's irresponsible Shawn, if we can't have a conversation with someone who needs to lose weight for health reasons, we are not doing our jobs To be clear, there's nothing wrong with: Having a desire for weight loss (most people do for a variety of reasons)Discussing someone's weight as it relates to their health (notice I didn't say cause here) Unpacking The "Need" to Lose Weight Comment To explain why I hate this sentence "I need to lose weight" so much, we need to step back a minute and consider how it impacts you when you say it. I want you to imagine that you have a certain habit change you want to make. Lets say you maybe want to exercise more. Want Versus Need and the Impact of Language You might think to yourself, "gosh I really need to exercise more," I'm really slacking in that area. Let's Do an Experiment Consider the statement for a moment, and just take a moment to tune into your body. "I really need to exercise more." Notice any physical sensations or emotions you feel in your body. For most of us, when we say I "need" to do something, we might feel mildly tense, perhaps a little anxious. It feels like pressure, expectation, and like a "should." We may feel guilt that we haven't yet. Although we may want to do the behavior, that sentence directly impacts how we feel. And makes us less likely to do it. "I really need to exercise more." Now Try it Another Way This time, let's made a slight tweak to, "I really want to exercise more." Now tune in to your body and notice what is there. Maybe take a breath in, and out. Just notice for a few seconds, if your body feels any different than before. You see, that one swap can make a big difference. We feel more calm, relaxed, and more drawn to actually do the behavior we truly want to do. Instead of guilt, we may actually feel excited. For those who have been following me for a long time, this is the difference between external should-based motivation, to internal and sustainable motivation (aka autonomous motivation). "But Shawn, I really do need to lose weight."