The Surprising Hidden Reason For Your Binge Eating

The Innovative Therapist

Episode 80. What do you think is the reason for your binge eating or emotional eating? And when I say binge eating, what I mean is any eating you are doing where you feel even slightly out of control, guilty about it, feel like you "should" restrict certain foods, have certain food rules (even if they feel like they are "healthy" rules). Any and all of that is a form of disordered eating, and although it's very normalized, it does not need to be your reality. What to Expect in this Episode: My Iceberg Analogy for eating behavior (and why it works for almost any behavior) What types of things keep us stick in the binge eating cycle The most common mistakes that keep us stuck for years longer than we want to be Tangible steps to get yourself unstuck "I am binge eating because..." Most people when they come to work with me, or hear what I do have some sense of what they think might be causing their binge eating. They probably don't know for sure, but they have some guesses. Here are some of them: I just need to have more self control, more willpower (aka I'm weak) I am addicted to sweets or carbs (aka something is wrong with my brain, and therefore me) "No childhood sh*t, I just need some strategies." Have you seen Brene Brown's Ted Talk on the Power of Vulnerability? If not, it's time to become one of the 18 million views it's gotten at the time of this writing and recording. She said something that always makes me laugh: "No childhood sh*t, I just need some strategies." I can soooo relate to this. As a psychologist and a science minded person, I so badly wanted to be able to fix my emotional pain with books, learning, and strategies. All the Strategies in the World Won't Help If You Don't Address the Root Cause But guess what? All the best strategies in the world won't help if you don't get to the root of the issue. And as it turns out, most of our pain comes from childhood sh*t, or other early experiences. Although some of our pain may come from painful interactions as an adult. So while strategies may provide some Band-aid type relief, it's unlikely to solve the root of the issue. Examples of possible Band-aid fixes as it relates to our eating habits: Getting a new eating plan, meal prep strategy, reading a new book (e.g., Paleo, plant-based) Joining a new gym Eating to cover up our emotions or discomfort The Issue with Dieting The thing that is so confusing to so many, and was confusing to me, is that we see the surface behavior only. The "tip of the iceberg" if you will. I've had many people tell me lately that they are trying a new approach for their eating. The most common one lately is intermittent fasting. But the other common one is eating less gluten or carbohydrate heavy foods. But there are subtle things that I hear, that suggest to me their new plan is unlikely to work. Not because the plan is bad necessarily. I know a few people who do a lower gluten diet without any diet mentality at all, and they feel good. But I hear things like: "I really should be eating better, [and I'll work on it soon]" (diet mentality) "I can't lose weight because I continue to eat or drink [enter any food perceived as unhealthy here]" (self-blame and shame) "I just need to return to a more consistent schedule." (suggests to me that the eating plan they chose wont work for them long-term) "I've lost X amount of lbs so far." (indicates that they are focused on weight loss, versus internal motivators) When really, it's the stuff underneath the water's surface that's keeping us stuck. There's Nothing Wrong with You, and You Can Act More Skillfully People often also think that something is wrong with their character. Like something about them is defective. They also usually think that they need to just "control themselves" and "make a plan." Some of them might think there's some pain or traumatic expe...