The Power of No – TSMP #58

The Superior Men Podcast

Matt and Jay discuss The Power of No, why men are genetically built for leadership, the critical need for boundaries, how setting limits will make your life better in every way, why we need to fight, and much more!

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The Power of No

First off: What is Masculinity?

• Lots of definitions out there
  • Websters Dictionary
  • Modern/Feminist news media
  • Culture you grow up with (Race/Religion/Community/Family/Group of Friends)
  • Everyone’s personal opinions & beliefs
• Our definition of Masculinity @WASM
  • The truth is, opinions are like assholes - Everyone has one. That’s why we focus on FACTS and Science.
  • Masculinity comes from the Latin masculus (“male, manly”), originally mās “male”.
  • So what is “male”? The counterpart of “female.”
  • The short version: What does Masculinity and Femininity look like? Watch boys and girls behaving without parental input.

What is the Power of No?

• With all this in mind, let’s dig into our first topic in our Masculine Philosophy series - “The Power of No”
• What is The Power of No?
  • Simply put, it’s the ability to set solid, unbreakable boundaries - and, when necessary, enforce those boundaries
• Why is “No” so important?
  • “No” differentiates between who you ARE and who you AREN’T
  • “No” lets other people know what you WILL do and what you WON’T do
  • Examples of “No”
    • “No” determines the border to your property
      • Area that’s open for the public vs Your private property (aka Trespassing)
    • “No” defines the rules of law
      • Taking food samples at Costco is encouraged... Taking electronics at Costco is not
    • “No” describes the requirements for your job
      • If you work at Starbucks and your shift starts at 5:30am, showing up at 7am is not acceptable. Honestly, even getting there at 5:35 for more than a few shifts is not going to end well.
    • “No” determines acceptable social interactions
      • If you made a joke about your friend being fat and he laughed and teased you back then you’re cool; if you made a joke about your co-worker being fat and she started crying and reported you to management, not so much.

Why Men Need The Power of No

• Hey wait you chauvinists. “The Power of No” is obviously a useful skill for everyone, both men and women. Why do you include it in Masculine Philosophy and not just Human Philosophy?
• Great Q: The answer is because, again, Men and Women are different.
  • Or rather, Men and Women SHOULD BE different. Our current culture seems hell bent on smushing the two genders into one androgynous, amorphous blob with boys and girls both wearing skirts and lipstick, or business suits, or leather boots and high-waisted jeans.
• It’s about Masculinity vs Femininity: Men are genetically built to say “No”, Women are not
  • “No” is fighting word.
    • “No” is a word that inherently requires conflict. Telling someone “No” means you are about to abruptly change the nature of the relationship, whether they like it or not.
    • Feminine women dislike conflict but Masculine men enjoy it. Not only do masculine men not have a problem with conflict, they are excited by the opportunity to have a challenging interaction with someone, to compete and to win.
  • “No” is a word of leadership
    • Masculinity is inherently driven to success and victory. Masculinity pursues competitiveness, aggressiveness and excellence, and constantly desires to become stronger and more powerful.
    • Femininity does not have ambitious drives like masculinity but rather has her own mysterious set of desires, including beauty, friendship, love, spirituality, creating a family, bringing people together and building and maintaining a community.
    • Because of this drive for success, Masculinity is naturally suited to increasingly influential positions of power and leadership (which coincidentally gives femininity the opportunity to use that money and power to benefit her family, friends and community.)
    • “No” directs traffic. “No” keeps everyone in line. “No” distributes appropriate punishment if needed. “No” maintains a standard for the household. “No” explains to everyone that you are in charge and they are under your direction.
    • Women inherently dislike conflict and directly saying “No” is something they prefer not to do. It’s not that she’s unable or unwilling to say No, it’s just that she knows it’s probably going to hurt the person she says No to - and also herself - and hurting others is very uncomfortable for femininity.
    • As we’ve already stated, Masculinity feels very differently about conflict and is more than happy to accept the challenge. Masculinity accepts that there are some uncomfortable feelings but he does not make his decisions based solely on those feelings but on what he believes is best for everyone long-term.
    • TL;DR - Masculinity is inherently suited to saying “No”, Femininity is inherently more uncomfortable with saying “No”

When “No” means “Maybe” or “Yes”

• “The Power of No” is not just understanding how and when to say No so that we are able to accomplish all of our goals.
• It’s also knowing when to ignore when someone else says “No”
• This is a challenging subject that we’ll dig into more later but here’s the essence
  • There are certain circumstances when you hear the word “No” where someone doesn’t actually mean No. Some examples include:
    • You’re feeling fat and lazy and your friend wants to get you to go work out. You make excuses and tell him “No, go away” but you actually would like him to help.
    • Someone is clearly distraught and needs your support so you ask if you can help and they say “No” but of course they do need you and so you help them.
    • You’re role-playing with a woman (yes of course you got a signed waiver first) and you’re slapping her with a rubber chicken and she’s saying “No! Stop!” but she is clearly enjoying the chicken slapping (or whatever your particular kink may be. We’re not here to judge).

• There are many, many times in a man’s life where rejection must be overcome to achieve success. Learning to, when appropriate, push through someone else’s “No”s until you get “Yes” is a critical conflict skill for men.

The Most Important Areas In Your Life To Set Limits

• Health
  • Weight Loss, Food quality, Working Out, Flexibility
• Money
  • Investments, Expenses, Insurance, Side Gigs,
• Sex & Relationship
  • Frequency, Quality, Intimacy, Fun, Adventure
• Peace of Mind
  • Time Alone, Recreation, Meditation, Spirituality
• Your Purpose
  • Your Vision for Your Future, Your Beliefs, Your Capacity, Your Legacy
• Friendships
  • Your Support System, Building Blocks of Your Character, The Quality and Character of the Men In Your Life, The Amount of Fun (or Whiny Bitch Sessions) You Have,
• Family
  • Your creation, Your connection, Your source of strength, Your safe place