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Ever rejected someone who was 'too nice'?
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Hello and welcome back. Today, I'm going to delve a little deeper into the issues we have about our self-worth. The reason for this is because many people come to me with relationship problems, feeling unappreciated or undervalued. Regardless of the relationship issues they present, the common thread is doubt in their self-worth. This doubt manifests in how we view ourselves and what we believe we deserve, ultimately affecting our relationships.
You may relate to the idea that two people can enter the same difficult relationship but respond differently. One might assert themselves while the other struggles with shame or guilt. The success of our relationships reflects what's going on inside us, not just the relationship itself. So, let's talk about self-worth and its limitations.
Our self-worth is based on past experiences, especially during our formative years. Explicit experiences, like critical parents, and implicit ones, like feeling flawed despite parental support, shape our self-worth. We create upper and lower limits for our worth based on these experiences.
The upper limit is what we believe we're worthy of receiving or achieving. Anything beyond this makes us uncomfortable or guilty. We either reject it or feel undeserving. The lower limit is what we won't tolerate in relationships. We're unlikely to accept treatment below this limit.
As our experiences fluctuate within our worth bandwidth, we adjust our expectations accordingly. If someone treats us above our limit, we may feel guilty or reject it. Conversely, if they treat us below, we may tolerate it or excuse their behavior.
Recognizing the difference between ego (questioning worth) and essence (infinite worth) is crucial. We're born with infinite worth, but societal conditioning makes us question it. Releasing ourselves from worth limitations means recognizing our inherent value.
As babies, we never questioned our worth. We demanded what we needed because we assumed our worthiness. But as we grew, we internalized stories about our worth based on others' actions. It's essential to separate their actions from our inherent worth.
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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
info@healtraumabonding.com
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