So you want to outgrow porn. But how? How do you change your brain, heal your heart, and save your relationship? Welcome to Husband Material with Drew Boa, where we answer all these questions and more! Each episode makes it easier for you to achieve lasting freedom from porn—without fighting an exhausting battle. Porn is a pacifier. This podcast will help you outgrow it and become a sexually mature man of God.
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Connecting the reality of the gospel to the grit of life. Hosted by pastor and author Noah Filipiak.
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If it's true that "...the opposite of addiction is not sobriety...the opposite of addiction is connection," there are lots of people who need to discover what true, healthy connection looks like. Whether the struggle is with addiction, toxic relationship dynamics, or something else, we've all tried to meet our needs in some really unhealthy ways. Way too often, the things we run to for comfort leave us feeling even more disconnected and alone than before. Through conversations about the many ...
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Why Doesn't God Remove My Sexual Thoughts And Feelings? (LIVE)
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If you've spent years wishing your sexual thoughts and feelings would go away, this episode is for you. Related resources: Unwanted, by Jay Stringer (paid link) How To Interpret Sexual Fantasies How To Analyze Sexual Fantasies Why We Sexualize Emotions...And How To Desexualize Them Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast…
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14 | You Just Might Find You Get What You Need (Bonus Recap Episode)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Whether you're just discovering the podcast now, or have been listening since the very beginning, this episode is for you! We're giving you a bonus that recaps the first 13 episodes we've released so far. Covering experiences like recovery, honesty, friendship, self-awareness, trust, affirmation, for…
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How To Develop Empathy For Your Wife (with Nathaniel Gustafson)
48:56
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Have you ever felt unable to enter into your wife's pain? In this episode, Nathaniel Gustafson explains how to come close to your wife in a way she is more likely to trust. You'll learn how to stay out of shame, keep the spotlight on her, and practice these skills before "game time." Sobriety is not enough. You must learn empathy. Nathaniel's compa…
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Ep.102: Kristen Miele on Reclaiming Sex Education
1:06:58
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Noah has a conversation with Kristen Miele on sex education in today's day and age. They talk through complex issues like abortion, LGBTQ, porn, and much more. Kristen Miele is the founder and owner of Sex Ed Reclaimed. She has been educating youth on the topic of sex for the last 15 years, teaching in hundreds of diverse settings including 2 diffe…
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13 | Special But Not Unique (with Nate Larkin)
55:37
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" When people tell stories of early recovery, and talk about special individuals whose help and presence was indispensable, there may be no name that comes up more often than Nate Larkin. Literally thousands of men can say they've sat across from Nate in a coffee shop, hearing his story of sexual broke…
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How Women Can Help Men Heal (with Britta Eskey)
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Many men have been wounded by women. In this episode, Britta Eskey explains how women can help men heal wounds caused by women. Without women, we are missing half of humanity. Britta Eskey co-founded COR, which assists people in finding and living their purpose, including through the Noble Man workshop. Britta is the author of Initiations in Love, …
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Did you know that you have more than one inner child? In this episode, you'll get to know three types of unhealed boys within you. Then at the end, I'll share what it looks like to help them heal. You'll meet: The "good boy" who became "the hero." The "bad boy" who became "the villain." The "hurt boy" who became "the victim." Related episodes: Porn…
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Ep. 101: Sean Nemecek on Burnout, People Pleasing, & Soul Care
1:13:40
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Noah has a conversation with Sean Nemecek on the high rate of burnout by those in serving fields like nurses, doctors, counselors, teachers, and pastors. They hone in on pastors and the church, looking at what causes burnout, how we can better care for our pastors, and what spiritual practices are needed by all of us. Sean Nemecek is the author of …
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12 | Change is Seldom Spectacular (with Sharon Hersh)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" We're really excited to welcome a guest who has been really helpful and influential in our lives, even though we'd never met before the podcast interview. Sharon Hersh is a therapist and author, whose book The Last Addiction: Why Self-Help is Not Enough was one of the first ones Stacey read when our …
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A New Approach To Internet Filtering (with Plucky)
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Have you ever tried to remove access to porn on your digital devices? What if you could create a filter with no loopholes? In this episode, you'll learn a new and innovative approach to internet filtering with Jon and Kristin Wilkes, founders of pluckyfilter.com. You'll also hear from Scott Wurtz, a passionate Plucky user. If you're interested in p…
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Ep. 100: Part 2 of Dr. David Turner on Christian Higher Education + Power & Politics at Cornerstone University
1:05:31
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Noah has an in-depth conversation with his former seminary professor Dr. David Turner about macro trends in Christian colleges and seminaries, and deep concerns about Noah's alma mater and Dr. Turner's employer of 32 years, Cornerstone University & Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. The conversation will address abusive leadership, dishonesty and m…
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Ep. 99: Part 1 of Dr. David Turner on Christian Higher Education + Power & Politics at Cornerstone University
1:13:07
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Noah has an in-depth conversation with his former seminary professor Dr. David Turner about macro trends in Christian colleges and seminaries, and deep concerns about Noah's alma mater and Dr. Turner's employer of 32 years, Cornerstone University & Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. The conversation will address abusive leadership, dishonesty and m…
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11 | The Light is Brighter Than it Seems (with Michael John Cusick)
49:38
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" For men and women seeking recovery from unwanted sexual behavior, few people have been as influential or helpful as Michael John Cusick. Greg, Stacey, and Bobby all share some of our experiences with how Michael's book and podcast have been invaluable in our own path forward. Greg first met Michael i…
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Outgrowing Porn in Marriage (with Rich and Deanna Millentree)
53:21
53:21
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How can a couple devastated by porn heal, grow, and become even stronger? In this episode, Rich and Deanna Millentree tell their incredible story. "We're Rich and DeAnna Millentree and we love growing in marriage! We've ridden the rollercoaster of marriage for over 28 years. The ups are exhilarating, but the downs are daunting. As Christian Marriag…
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How To Transform Your Triggers: The F.L.O.S.S. Method (Part 2)
51:45
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In this episode, I transform one of my triggers using The F.L.O.S.S. Method with help from three Certified Husband Material Coaches: Andrew Loyd, Juan Mejia, and Rocky Pisor. This episode was recorded live at the recent HMA In A Day workshop as a live demonstration of Trigger Tuesday, one of the weekly coaching calls in Husband Material Academy. Th…
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How To Transform Your Triggers: The F.L.O.S.S. Method (Part 1)
41:07
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Triggers don't have to be tyrants. In this episode, you'll learn how to transform your triggers from threats into opportunities for healing using The F.LO.S.S. Method. This episode is an excerpt from the recent HMA In A Day workshop. The F.L.O.S.S. Method: F = Fear L = Lie O = Origin Story S = Sadness S = Surrender Free resource mentioned in this e…
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10 | Calling Out the Treasure (with Drew Boa)
48:37
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Anyone who has interacted with Drew Boa knows he's a very special man. Drew loves people, and he has a gift for helping people realize how valuable they are. Some people's encouragement involves empty platitudes. Others give back-door advice disguised as encouragement. People who get to know Drew kno…
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How I Stopped Getting Into My Husband's Recovery Work Instead Of Doing Mine (with Tera Brown)
27:21
27:21
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Tera Brown went from trying to fix her husband's sex addiction to finding herself, her emotions, her boundaries, and her sacred ground. In this episode, you'll learn what it looks like to heal from relational trauma and feel alive in your body. Tera Brown is a trauma-informed life coach trained by APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addiction Tr…
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Ep. 98: Dr. Joy Skarka on Overcoming Porn & Finding Freedom from Shame
1:01:41
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Noah has a conversation with Dr. Joy Skarka about her journey of overcoming pornography, as well as the stigma and shame that it came with. Joy is on staff at Authentic Intimacy, which provides a multitude of resources to help men, women, and couples overcome unwanted sexual behavior and find healing. She and Dr. Juli Slattery's new book Her Freedo…
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09 | Two Different Versions of Me (Bonus Story Episode)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" I'm really grateful to be able to share this conversation I had recently with my friend Darren. He is an alumnus of the Roots Retreat, and for the past several years has been actively growing in freedom and recovery from sexual addiction. Darren shares very openly and vulnerably about some of the str…
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Sitting In The Dirt Of Sexual Brokenness (with Jeremy Williamson)
31:20
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How do I sit in the dirt with someone who is experiencing sexual brokenness? What if I don't know what to say? What if I find myself dysregulated or sexually aroused by the other person? Jeremy Williamson offers invaluable wisdom and counterintuitive clarity about how "be with" others in such a way that they experience the presence of God. Jeremy W…
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08 | God's Not Mad at You (with Steve Brown)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Greg & Bobby have a conversation with one of their spiritual heroes. Steve Brown has been a pastor, a seminary professor, an author, and a radio host, among other things. Other than his rich, deep, booming voice, probably the best known thing about Steve is his steadfast commitment to preaching about…
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Have you ever been disappointed by traditional counseling or talk therapy? In this episode, you'll discover the power of a whole-brain approach to outgrowing porn. You'll learn the why, what, and how of experiential healing work. This episode is required viewing for my clients. Related episodes: How To Heal Your Inner Child Experience Healing Throu…
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Restoration After Porn Relapse (with Rocky Pisor)
40:36
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How do you pursue restoration after a relapse, especially in marriage or ministry leadership? Rocky Pisor tells his own story of processing a porn relapse after 17 years of sobriety. You'll learn how to notice the warning signs of impending relapse, and how to respond to relapse with curiosity and compassion rather than punishing yourself or preten…
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Ep. 97: Jalen Seawright of Common Hymnal on Worship & Justice
1:14:28
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Noah has a conversation with Jalen Seawright on worship and justice. This conversation is meant to help you think critically and come closer to the heart of God for worship and the oppressed. It centers around applying biblical texts to modern day racial and economic injustices, and casts a vision for churches and Christians who believe in the whol…
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Thoughts on Pride Month - Ep. 97a / 5 MIN FLIP hybrid - 6/11/24
30:08
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Yo! This 5 MIN FLIP went way long. Just a heads up to brace yourself for 30 minutes and to think of this as more of a mini long-form episode.By Noah Filipiak
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07 | Trust the Process (with Jill Gullahorn)
54:41
54:41
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Stacey and Greg sat down with Jill Gullahorn at her dining room table to talk about life, pain, support, walking with others, and doing our own work. Jill knows a lot about all of these. She's a wife, mother of three, and therapist who has discovered th…
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It's Good To Be Aroused (with Sam Jolman)
46:24
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"There is nothing inherently wrong with an aroused man." What is arousal? Why is it good? Sam Jolman helps us reclaim the heart of masculine sexuality for the purpose of awe, play, and worshipping God. You'll learn how arousal always has a script, why evil hates arousal, and the difference between sexuality and sensuality. At the end, you'll receiv…
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By Noah Filipiak
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06 | Recovery Intensives (Bonus Episode w/ Adam Calvert, James Horne, and Jason McNaughton)
46:53
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. What is a recovery intensive? How is it different from weekly therapy or extended inpatient treatment? How could it help my recovery process? All of these are extremely good and important questions, and in this BONUS episode of What We Really Want, Greg…
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Why do I struggle with gay porn? What does freedom look like? How can I stop using gay porn? In this episode, I answer these questions based on years of research and helping hundreds of men achieve lasting freedom from gay porn. Recommended resources (including paid links): Healing And Recovery: Perspective For Young Men With Sexualized Attachments…
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The Epidemic of Division in the Church & Christian Cancel Culture - 5 MIN FLIP - 5/29/24
18:53
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By Noah Filipiak
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05 | Honesty is the Oxygen (with Isaac Adams)
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53:06
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. This episode is a real treat for Greg & Stacey, because our guest is also our pastor. Isaac Adams is the Lead Pastor at Iron City Church in Birmingham AL; additionally he is an author and founder of a non-profit organization called "United? We Pray," wh…
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How Childhood Experiences Shape Sexual Development (with Drew, Doug, Eddie, and Matt)
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What's the point of processing childhood experiences? In this special episode recorded live at the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit, Drew, Doug, Eddie, and Matt share insights and stories about how processing childhood experiences can help you outgrow porn. Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew i…
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Ep. 96: Drew Boa on Overcoming Porn and the Trauma We All Carry
1:06:05
1:06:05
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Noah has a conversation with Drew Boa on the deep layers we need to address to overcome porn and unwanted sexual behavior. Within this, they discuss how trauma affects everyone, not just those with acute trauma experiences, and how this trauma leads us into our addictions and coping mechanisms. You can learn more and get great free resources at www…
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Why We Sexualize Emotions And How To Desexualize Them
26:37
26:37
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Why do we sexualize emotions, and how can we desexualize them? In this episode, I explain what it looks like to "right-size" sexual energy through processing emotions and releasing trauma. Free tools to process emotions: Feelings And Needs Wheel Feelings And Needs Inventory Ready to release some trauma? Come to the Husband Material Retreat in Color…
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Contentment in Your Present Reality vs. The Stuckness of Depression - 5 MIN FLIP - 5/15/24
19:35
19:35
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By Noah Filipiak
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04 | Feelings: The Language of Connection & Attachment (with Phil Herndon)
51:50
51:50
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Feelings would be great if they didn't make us feel so many things. Sometimes it seems like they are a nuisance, other times like they're just too much to bear. But what if we changed our relationship with our feelings and started to believe they were t…
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Overcoming Sexual Entitlement (with Noah Filipiak)
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What happens when you feel entitled to sex and treat your wife like a replacement for porn? In this episode, Noah Filipiak tells his story of overcoming sexual entitlement and objectification. Along the way, he unpacks the false promises of purity culture, what love really looks like, how God's grace changes us, and the power of gratitude. Noah Fil…
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Hope And Healing For Sexless Marriage (with Adam and Karissa King)
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What is the definition of sexless marriage? Why do couples experience this? Sexless marriage is often a symptom of deeper psychosomatic issues. Adam and Karissa teach practical tools to build a sexful marriage through vulnerability, intimacy, and safe touch. This episode can also help couples for whom intercourse is painful or not possible. Adam an…
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03 | Clap, Snap, High Five (with Andy Gullahorn and Gabe Scott)
1:09:39
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Talking with Andy Gullahorn & Gabe Scott can be many things, but it is never boring. With dry humor and refreshing honesty, these great friends share how they've committed to intentional connection in their 20+ year friendship. Both Andy and Gabe are mu…
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: How To Respond To A Story (Part 4)
1:03:04
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How do you respond to someone else's story with curiosity and compassion? In part 4 of this 4 part series, Marcus Spaur shares his story: "If I Only Could Have Been..." If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Reco…
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Ep. 95: Dr. Carol Tanksley on Spouses with Differing Levels of Sex Drive & Finding Sexual Wholeness
1:20:34
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Noah interviews Dr. Carol Tanksley on her new book Sexpectations: Reframing Your Good and Not-So-Good Stories About God, Love, and Relationships. The conversation covers a broad spectrum of topics relating to sexuality for singles and married couples and how each of us are looking for sexual wholeness. Noah and Dr. Carol talk at length about when a…
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I Love Jesus, But Not the Church - 5 MIN FLIP - 4/24/24
9:48
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By Noah Filipiak
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: How To Write A Story (Part 3)
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How do you write a story about your trauma and sexual experiences? In part 3 of this 4-part series, Wendell Moss shares his story: "Sex & Sexuality" If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Dre…
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02 | What WE Really Want, part 2 (with Bobby West)
40:58
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Greg & Stacey Oliver (Co-Founders) and Bobby West (Assistant Director) of Awaken continue the conversation we started in Episode 1, where we tell our stories and share what WE really want to see happen with the podcast. Now, it's Bobby's turn. Bobby Wes…
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01 | What WE Really Want, part 1 (with Greg & Stacey Oliver)
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"Send us a message! (questions, feedback, etc.)" Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Greg & Stacey Oliver (Co-Founders) and Bobby West (Assistant Director) of Awaken kick off this brand new podcast by sharing what WE really want listeners to experience. If the saying is true - "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety...the opposite of…
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: Why We Do Story Work (Part 2)
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Why is story work absolutely essential for men outgrowing porn? In part 2 of this 4 part series, Chris Inman shares his story: "The Lonely Walk." If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew i…
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Story Work For Men Outgrowing Porn: What Is Story Work? (Part 1)
40:59
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What is story work? Where did it come from? What does it look like? In part 1 of this 4-part series, Drew shares his story: "The Day I Got Braces." If you love this series, you'd love Husband Material Groups. Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/group Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Dre…
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What is inner healing prayer, and how can it help men outgrow porn? This episode is a preview of our new online course, "10 Ways To Heal Your Trauma: Resolving The Roots Of Porn And Sex Addiction." Get free access at healyourtrauma.com Resources for Inner Healing Prayer: Streams of Healing: Finding Your Way to Wholeness with Key Leaders in the Inne…
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