Aaron and Jenna have been married for over a decade and love talking to people about their relationships, the messiness, the struggle and the victories in all of it. If you're married or planning on it, you can expect 1) Tools for the growth of your marriage and you personally 2) Hope for a healthy marriage no matter what you've experienced up to this point 3) Laughter and comfort when you say, "That's totally us!" and "We've been there!" If you've enjoyed our podcasts, would you consider fi ...
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Created by a group of founders, funders, and entrepreneurs who believe you can create a startup ecosystem in any city in the world. So, they started one in theirs, Redding, CA.
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Reconnecting Through the Everyday: Small Habits, Big Impact
26:28
26:28
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In this episode of Marriage Lab, Aaron and Jenna dive into the realities of maintaining a strong connection in marriage, especially during transitions and busy seasons. They share personal stories and insights on how small, consistent habits can significantly impact a marriage's health. They discuss how even brief disconnects, like those experience…
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Unmasking Defensiveness: Identify your protective patterns
43:59
43:59
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In this episode, we talk about our tells around defensiveness. What are the signs that we are becoming defensive as a listener, specifically when our spouse is sharing pain? Here are a few we identify within ourselves: The desire to edit the details of what the other person is sharing Interrupting the speaker Judging the speakers thoughts and/or fe…
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Will my needs ever get met? w/ Jordan & Claire
59:28
59:28
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In this episode our good friends, Jordan and Claire, share with us how they each grew in the ability to care for each others needs despite the fear that their own would never get met. Jenna and I (Aaron), have done a number of Couples Coaching sessions with them in which we witnessed a masterful use of the communication tools in the midst of proces…
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It's been both our experience of ourselves and of many other marriages that we've coached, that there is one spouse who has a propensity towards Control. We define "control" as one person's attempt at manipulating the outcome through managing another person's actions. In this episode, Jenna talks about how control shows up for her and what is happe…
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4 tips to move out of "roommate mode" back into an intimate connection with your spouse
26:00
26:00
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In this episode the Zints share about 4 ways to move away from "Roommate mode" and back to intimate connection with your spouse. These include: Sharing openly what you're experiencing without blaming (use emotion language and share about yourself, not the other person). Be intentional with your connection time. Express affection: small gestures of …
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Resentment vs Investment | What I wish I knew Part 3
26:37
26:37
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Don't be overwhelmed by your summer! You can balance all that's on your plate- while still hitting your hopes. Grab Jenna's mini course as your guide to: Set-Up Your Summer In this episode- Jenna & Aaron talk about how you can do the same thing but with a different motivation- and it can shift everything. What is your motivation? Are you telling yo…
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Love Language User Error | What I Wish I Knew Pt 2
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27:05
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Buy Jenna's mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer. Dr. Gary Chapman's Love Languages concept and consequent books revolutionized our understanding of how we communicate, hear and receive love, especially in marriage. It became a tool we used constantly to better understand ourselves and our spouse. And, we commonly misused this tool as a…
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Debunking "Don't go to bed angry" | What I Wish I Knew Pt 1
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Buy Jenna's mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer. Aaron and Jenna begin a series titled "What I wish I knew" sharing what they wish they'd learned early in marriage. This first part dives into the topic of "urgency." Most conflicts in the early stages of relationships feel urgent. They become very high stakes when they don't need to be.…
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Porn Addiction in Marriage Pt 3: the Spouse's Perspective
38:51
38:51
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Link to online small group interest form: HERE Laughter echoes through even our most challenging times, and this episode kicks off with a tale from a men's retreat that'll have you chuckling along with us. But as our conversation turns, we confront the shadows within marriage—specifically, the silent struggle of porn addiction. We open up about the…
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Porn in Marriage Pt 2: Understanding Porn Addiction
47:17
47:17
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Needing support in walking out of a porn addiction? Join Aaron's Online Small Group which is set up to help men struggling with porn to get connected and begin to bring attention to the areas in their life that makes porn feel like the best and only option. You can also check out Aaron's book, Numb to Known: the surprising path away from porn. In t…
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Porn in Marriage Pt 1: Three Unpopular Opinions About Porn
41:25
41:25
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3 Unpopular Opinions About Porn Your porn use is not a reflection on your spouse. That is, it's not their fault Porn is not your problem. Porn is the solution you've chosen to the real problem You and God cannot fix this. It must be you and God and other people. Links for upcoming courses and coaching options: The Habit Lab Mastery Course Online Sm…
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Have you ever said, "We got in a big fight about something so small and stupid!" It happens in every marriage when there is emotional pain behind a "small and stupid" logistical problem. In this episode, Jenna and Aaron reverse engineer their fight about a toothbrusher charger and how something so small and stupid had the potential to create a lot …
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Do you know what prolongs most conflict? The thing that keeps people stuck in disconnect? The pursuit of fairness. Why? Because it hinders love itself. Jesus didn't model fairness in His life or sacrifice. He modeled sacrificial love. Love, as Jesus modeled it, will transform your marriage. Links for upcoming courses and coaching options: The Habit…
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Deconstructing Gender Roles with Megan & Dalen Philp
53:30
53:30
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In this episode, our friends Megan and Dalen Philp (not Philips...woops sorry guys) share the hope they found in their marriage of 20 years after they began to deconstruct the gender roles that they'd held onto so inflexibly for so many years. Links for upcoming courses and coaching options: The Habit Lab Mastery Course Online Small Group - Porn Re…
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In this episode, we break down 10 helpful beliefs about sharing pain. Get the infographic notes here. Links for upcoming courses and coaching options: The Habit Lab Mastery Course Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching >>> Would you consider financia…
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Jenna and Aaron share 7 unhelpful beliefs people have (they themselves used to have) about sharing pain with your spouse. Stay tuned for an episode on the helpful beliefs! Here is a review of those 7 unhelpful beliefs: Tell them everything I’m thinking Reveal to them how they hurt me Get them to see how they failed me I can resolve my hurt by heari…
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Breakthrough IS Possible : w/ Anna & Alan Mullikin
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58:28
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In this episode, we interview our friends Anna & Alan Mullikin who share about the breaking of a ten year cycle. We were so encouraged by their story and know that this testimony is for everyone who's felt hopeless in their own cycles of pain and hurt in their marriage. You can follow Anna at Please rate, review & share the podcast! >>> Would you c…
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Pastoring a Church Together in Marriage w/ Joaquin & Renee Evans
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50:47
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We interviewed our friends Joaquin and Renee Evans pastor a church called Bethel Austin in Austin, Texas. In this episode they share about what it requires of them to co-pastor a large church while staying connected in their marriage and in their family life. They hit on: Boundaries Intentionality Signs of disconnection Time to get away just the tw…
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In a previous episode, we when into depth about no requiring an apology from your spouse when you felt hurt from them but rather focusing on sharing your heart in order to be known. This is one side of the coin for us. And an important one at that. The other side is that due to not requiring apologies from each other, we wind up giving way more gen…
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Choosing a spouse is choosing the person you'd like to offer the most forgiveness to of anyone else over a lifetime. Why? Because the intimacy in marriage creates more opportunity for hurt than any other relationship. Therefore, to have a thriving marriage, we must lean into the heart of Jesus and forgive each other like He forgave us. Generously, …
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Part of Me Feels...While Another Part Feels...
28:52
28:52
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Have you ever been trying to honestly explain what you're thinking or feeling and say the words "Part of me feels..." or "Part of me thinks..."? Most people do intuitively. In this episode we talk about how to utilize this phrase into our communciation with our spouse to give the most accurate picture of what's happening inside of us. We also explo…
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Tools for Connection: Joy Memories & Appreciation
19:13
19:13
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In this episode we break down a couple tools for connecting with your spouse even when you're in the middle of conflict or have something unresolved between you both. Please rate, review & share the podcast! ------------------------------------------------------------ Join Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course! Registration for next round begi…
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Creating a Refreshing Weekend: what it means to truly rest with family
29:36
29:36
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Have you ever been looking forward to the weekend only to find that what was intended to be restful and relaxing, never actually filled you up? Have you ever headed back into your workweek feeling like you wasted an opportunity to take good care of yourself and your family? We definitely have! In this episode, we talk about the shift that's happene…
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The Growth Path of Anxious & Avoidant Attachment Styles w/ Serena Angeli
1:03:50
1:03:50
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In this episode we talk with our friend Serena Angeli who has gone on her own journey around awareness, understanding and growing in her attachment style. Interestingly, she began her journey with an avoidant style and later with an anxious style. Jenna and I, Aaron, talk about how our avoidant and anxious styles, respectively, seem to perfectly tr…
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In this episode Aaron & Jenna talk about what to do when you feel like your spouse is stuck in life. the common mindsets the pop up when you recognize your spouse is stuck what to avoid the best ways to help Join Jenna's life-changing Habit Mastery Course! Please rate, review & share the podcast! For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out …
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Creating Habits of Connection in Your Marriage with Autumn & Andrew
1:06:08
1:06:08
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In this episode we interview our friends Autumn and Andrew Elliott. They saw a major turn in their connection after some counseling revealed a need for a "baseline." This baseline served as their way to stay connected on the most basic level so that the small conflicts that used to tank them before were no longer pulling them down. Another possible…
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Growing Individually to Grow Together w/ Ryan & Jessica
1:04:13
1:04:13
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In this episode, we interview our friends Ryan & Jessica Casey about how their individual journey's of growth, risk and healing contirbuted to their ability to connect as a couple. Please rate, review & share the podcast! For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotion…
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Crisis of Faith: my story of choosing God while uncertain
1:01:47
1:01:47
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In this extra vulnerable episode, Aaron shares his journey walking through a crisis of faith and Jenna shares her experience walking with him in it. Please rate, review & share the podcast! For more on what the Zints have to offer, check out ZintSquad.com where you can book one-on-one or couples coachings for emotional and relational health with Je…
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Self-Compassion: Why it's necessary to live in wholeness
49:52
49:52
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In this episode, we talk about what self-compassion is, the importance of it and the impact of it in our lives. We both have our own journey learning we needed it and walking it out for ourselves. There is no finish line. It's an ongoing part of what makes it possible for us to not only love ourselves well, but to love each other, our kids and ever…
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In this episode we dive into the habits of physical health that have been slowly but surely building in our lives over the past couple years. We share our journey about pain felt when one spouse is pursuing fitness and the other doesn't want to join. We also talk about ways to create life-long habits of health. Please rate, review & share the podca…
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Feeling Lonely in Household Chores Pt 2: Post Therapy Discoveries
43:46
43:46
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Jenna and I had a few therapy sessions which help shed some light on the triggers that came up in our last hard conversation. We begin to unpack those in this episode. It's not all resolved but we're still moving forward. Little bits of better over a long period of time. Please rate, review & share the podcast! For more on what the Zints have to of…
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Feeling Lonely in Household Chores: Aaron & Jenna's Hard Conversation Pt 1
57:18
57:18
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In this episode Jenna and Aaron share their recent conflict that is still not fully resolved, though they are staying connected in the midst of it. This conflict has surfaced many times throughout their marriage: Jenna feels lonely with the household chores, as well as family responsibilities and family connection; Aaron feels sad and fearful that …
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Have you ever felt like you've "failed" at vacationing? Like the very thing you've been looking forward to for so long winds up disappointing or becoming even more disconnecting than normal life? Jenna and I (Aaron), have been here countless times in our decade and a half of marriage and in this episode we talk about what we've learned over that ti…
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Navigating Friendships in Adulthood Pt 2 w/ Eli & Michelle (our besties)
1:04:44
1:04:44
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In this episode, Jenna and I (Aaron) invited our besties Eli Leedy and Michelle Thompson. This is our first interview with a non-couple. Eli is single (as of the release date......ladies) and Michelle is married. We've got at least 10 years of history with each of them individually and we've each experienced our share of highs and lows. In this epi…
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I don't believe we have any children listening to our podcast, so I think it's safe to say, you are an adult and you fall into one of these categories: You have great friends and would love to sustain them You don't currently have many friends and want more You have friends but would love more depth/time/fun In this episode Jenna and I (Aaron) talk…
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ADHD in Marriage: navigating differences in time management, memory recall and focus
40:49
40:49
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In this episode, Jenna shares what it's like having ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder) and how the differences in her how brain works affects her ability to perceive time, the way she stores and retrieves information and how it affects her ability to focus. Aaron talks about what it's like being married to someone with ADHD and how to na…
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No Apology Needed: why vulnerably sharing doesn't require require an apology or change
43:30
43:30
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As we began to practice vulnerably sharing our hearts with each other, we found that we often ran into trouble when the listener would get defensive. So we started asking ourselves, what is it about the way I'm sharing my feelings that puts them on the defense? We found defensiveness shows up strongest for these reasons: Sometimes our "feelings" (r…
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Stories of Life Change from the Habit Lab with Stacey & Tyler Cook
1:04:43
1:04:43
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Stacey Cook took Jenna's Habit Lab Mastery Course last semester and joins us with her husband to talk about the life change both she and he have experienced as a result of implementing (keyword) the tools learned from the course. In this episode you'll hear them talk about: the transformation of debunking the all-or-nothing mentality the power of p…
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Blame or Shame: The Nuances of Defensiveness
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32:06
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In this episode, Jenna and Aaron talk about the nuances of defensiveness when two people are communicating pain. The biggest struggle in learning to express emotion on a regular basis has been the defensiveness that inevitably arises as the result of our partner sharing pain that we caused. Aaron shares that playing the role of the victim typically…
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Keeping Your Heart Soft in a Hard Conversation w/ Aaron & Jenna
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15:09
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In this episode we talk about the difficulty and necessity of keeping your heart soft in the middle of a hard conversation. This is one of the most difficult things to do when you are triggered, but it's the only path to connection in conflict. Jenna describes our recent car-buying experience and all of the strong emotion that arose with it and how…
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That's What She Said: a tool for regulating by telling yourself a better story w/ Jenna & Aaron
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34:11
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In this episode, we review a tool Jenna created (and Aaron named) called That's What She Said. It's a tool for when you're dysregulated because of something your spouse said. Wives, feel free to change it to That's What He Said. Aaron shares how he used this tool a couple times recently around their sex life. You can do this by yourself (self-regul…
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From Volatile to Vulnerable w/ Chris and Morgan Nicholson
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1:01:00
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We had our friends Morgan & Chris Nicholson on to talk about how they went from a volatile first few years of marriage to a thriving couple today. They share their experience of years of disconnection and hurt and the transformation that came from bringing others into their process and taking ownership for making change within themselves individual…
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Pursuing Dreams in Marriage w/ Sam & Rebekah LaRobardiere
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50:48
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This week we interview our friends Sam & Rebecca LaRobardiere. Sam owns a local award-winning coffee shop and roastery called Theory. Rebecca is a certified Sex Coach. Both of these pursuits happened during marriage with young kids. We watched as they both pursued the dreams that were on their heart while maintaining connection with each other and …
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Loving on Purpose: Connection, Communication & Boundaries w/ Danny & Sheri Silk
1:07:28
1:07:28
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Danny and Sheri Silk are the creators of the organization Loving on Purpose which is a resource for people who want relationships that are full of hope, solid communication skills and ultimately a loving connection. They have classes, courses, teachings, books and resources for better marriages, parenting and relationships in general. Danny has wri…
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Connection Codes: Processing Sexual Emotion with Dr. Glenn & Phyllis Hill
1:05:01
1:05:01
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For 20% of a Connection Codes Masterclass, go to ConnectionCodes.co and use the code "ZINT20" We highly recommend these life changing courses from the Hills. We are excited to have Dr. Glenn & Phyllis Hill back on the podcast to talk about Sex! The Hills are the creators of the Connection Codes which has changed thousands of lives in helping couple…
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The Obstacles & Practice of Vulnerability w/ Aaron & Jenna
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38:43
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In this episode, Jenna and Aaron take some time to define vulnerability and talk about what it looks like to practice vulnerability in relationships. Vulnerability is the act of revealing your internal world to another person, giving them access to affect you. This act is inherently risky but it is the only way to invite safety into the relationshi…
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Intentional Movement into Change, Growth & the Unknown w/ Aaron & Jenna
38:13
38:13
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Jenna and Aaron review the growth and change in 2022 and discuss the keys to moving into the new year that is sustainable. Rather than attempting to change the parts of ourselves we don't like, we can attempt to love ourselves in those areas and experience the change we wanted all along. Check out Jenna's Habit Mastery Course coming up in January 2…
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Undoing Passivity in Marriage w/ Derek & Becky Johnson
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55:58
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Derek and Becky Johnson, pastors at Jesus Culture Sacramento, join us in this episode. They talk about Derek being a stay at home dad while Becky worked, what it was like when they began to work together (Becky as the Executive Pastor and Derek as the Worship Pastor), and then when Derek began to undo passivity in his life in a way that was disrupt…
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I can be in pain & no one is to blame w/ Jenna & Aaron
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56:07
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In this episode, Aaron shares a recent experience of some painful emotions piling up and that even though other people, like Jenna, were part of the triggers, none of them were to blame. Furthermore, the fact that Aaron had some irrational beliefs were no reason to shut down what he was feeling. Some key points from this processing were: We can be …
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Our new friends, Jeff & Betsy Kalte, join us to talk about how each of them being in their second marriage required new learning not just of this other person, but of themselves. Betsy vulnerably shares about learning to lean into trusting the safety and consistency of Jeff after believing on a deep level that marrying your best friend was just not…
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