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New Life Live! is America's #1 Christian counseling call-in radio program. Author and New Life Ministries founder, Steve Arterburn, along with his tag-team of co-hosts, offer advice and address questions concerning spiritual, relational and emotional issues within our culture today. Tag-team counselors: Dr. Jill Hubbard, Dr. Sheri Keffer, Chris Williams, Dr. Alice Benton, Becky Brown, Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris and Marc Cameron. Call New Life Ministries at 800-639-5433.
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Looking for hope and redemption after sexual betrayal? Then this is the podcast for you! We’re Shelley and Jason Martinkus, authors of four books, including Worthy of Her Trust and we’ve been there. We’re nearly two decades into our own recovery work, and have dedicated our lives to helping other men, wives and marriages on the journey toward wholeness. With candor, vulnerability and authenticity we want to walk with you, too! Tune in as we address the highs and lows, the hard questions and ...
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Topics: Self-Awareness, Getting Unstuck, Connection, Feelings, Betrayal, Finances, Anger, Grief, Weight Issues, Depression Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Alice Benton, and presenter at Restore and Intimacy in Marriage intensives, Laura Mangin-McDonald Caller Questions & More: Laura Mangin-McDonald shares the life-changing importance of naming our negative…
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Topics: Christian Walk, Teens, Adoption, Divorce, Remarriage, Anxiety, Adult Children, Intervention Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Dr. Jim Burns Caller Questions & More: Dr. Jill Hubbard shares how to practice a posture of praise before prayers have been answered. My adopted daughter, who is a high school senior, is vomiting since I told …
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Topics: Anxiety, Getting Unstuck, Triggers, Betrayal, Alcohol, Mother Issues, Addictions, Adult Children Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Alice Benton, and presenter at Restore and Intimacy in Marriage intensives, Laura Mangin-McDonald Caller Questions & More: Dr. Alice Benton shares the many causes of anxiety. What would you suggest to get unstuck after 17…
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Topics: Parenting, Drug Addiction, Enabling, Affairs, Same-Sex Attraction, Bipolar, Church Life, Adult Children, Estrangement Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Dr. Jim Burns Caller Questions & More: Dr. Jim Burns shares how our job as a parent is to disciple our kids. Our 40yo son has had a drug addiction and pulled knives on me; what should…
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Topics: Relationships, Borderline, Boundaries, Adult Children, Difficult Conversations, Narcissists, Drug Addiction Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Marc Cameron Caller Questions & More: Marc Cameron shares the difference between the price of something vs. the cost. How can my husband and I set clear boundaries with my 25yo daughter who liv…
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Topics: Perfectionism, Aging Parents, Adult Children, Trauma, Physical Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Dating, Affairs, Sexual Abuse, Suicide Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris, Dr. Alice Benton Caller Questions & More: Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris shares about perfectionism, attitude, and judging others. What should I say to my elderly dad who is ver…
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Topics: Screens, In-laws, Boundaries, Suicide, End of Life, Siblings Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Alice Benton, Marc Cameron Caller Questions & More: Dr. Alice Benton shares how to increase self-control with screen use. How do I get my wife to understand that she and I are the primary relationship and not her and her mom? How can I set appropriate bo…
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Topics: Shame, Guilt, Adult Children, Sexual Integrity, Medication, Spiritual Warfare, Autism, Brain Issues Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Alice Benton, Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris Caller Questions & More: Dr. Alice Benton shares some shame and guilt ideas. My 42yo daughter is living next door on property she’s renting from us, and a man is staying with her…
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Topics: Adult Children, Finances, Estrangement, Childhood Trauma, Physical Abuse, Parenting Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Dr. Jim Burns Caller Questions & More: Dr. Jim Burns shares why one of the key traits of a healthy family is play. How do you emotionally disconnect from an adult son who makes egregious financial decisions and asks u…
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Topics: Boundaries, Finances, Fraud, Affairs, Adult Children Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Alice Benton, Marc Cameron Caller Questions & More: Marc Cameron shares how boundaries are not about standing up to others, rather standing up for ourselves. I was sex trafficked 18yrs ago and was coerced into receiving fraudulent unemployment checks. I am unemp…
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Topics: Forgiveness, Verbal Abuse, Caregiving, Autism, Video Games, Teens, Sexual Integrity, Isolation, Gender Identity Hosts: Becky Brown, and presenters at Intimacy in Marriage Intensive, Laura Mangin-McDonald and JJ West Caller Questions & More: Laura Mangin-McDonald shares how forgiving is not forgetting. At what point do I step in to help my m…
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Topics: Change, Finances, Secrets, Anger, Adult Children, Teens Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Jill Hubbard, JJ West Caller Questions & More: Dr. Jill Hubbard shares how troubles can be a precursor to change. I just lost my husband 2mos ago to liver failure because of his alcohol, and he had secretly taken out thousands of dollars of credit card debt i…
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Topics: Feelings, Counseling, Alcohol, Adult Children, Grief Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris, Marc Cameron Caller Questions & More: Marc Cameron shares about taking ownership for your emotions (others aren’t responsible.) How important is it to look back when you’re trying to get some traction for today? My therapist focuses on tools for…
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Topics: Sexual Addiction, Borderline, Adult Children, Feelings, Alcohol, Boundaries Hosts: Chris Williams, Dr. Jill Hubbard, JJ West Caller Questions & More: JJ West requests that every listener help get men to the Every Man’s Battle Intensive by telling their pastor about it. I want to try to have a relationship with my borderline adult daughter; …
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Topics: Self Worth, Sexual Addiction, Pornography, Depression, Autism Hosts: Becky Brown, and presenters at Intimacy in Marriage Intensive, Laura Mangin-McDonald and JJ West Caller Questions & More: JJ West shares about feeling inferior and that comparison is the thief of joy. My husband struggles with porn, strip clubs, and flirting with his ex-gi…
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Topics: Communication, Finances, Boundaries, Pornography, Blended Families, Engagement, Adult Children, Anxiety Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris, Dr. Sheri Keffer Caller Questions & More: Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris shares about communication differences; be more interested in understanding rather than correcting. Is my husband a wolf in sheep…
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Topics: Screens, Remarriage, Christian Walk, Alcohol, Finances, Connection Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Alice Benton, Marc Cameron Caller Questions & More: Dr. Alice Benton shares the three parenting styles used to regulate their child’s screen time. My wife and I can’t come to a consensus about anything because she blames me for everything; how do I de…
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Topics: Shame, Guilt, Parenting, Communication, Teens, Brain Issues, Adult Children, Separation Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Sheri Keffer, Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris Caller Questions & More: Dr. Sheri Keffer shares about unhealthy shame and unhealthy guilt. We have been fostering a 15yo for a month and are not able to communicate with her; how do we break t…
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Topics: Leadership, Adult Children, Weddings, Miscarriage, Grief, Church Life, Teens, Bipolar Disorder Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Becky Brown Caller Questions & More: Chris Williams shares how we are all leaders, and it starts with leading our own internal world. My 27yo son is getting married and told me what not to wear to his wedding …
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Topics: Self Worth, Anxiety, Adult Children, Grandparenting, Drug Addiction, Adoption, Weddings Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Alice Benton, Marc Cameron Caller Questions: Marc Cameron shares the ways we cover up our insecurities with emotional masks. I went to see my daughter and her kids in Europe at Christmas, but she suddenly made me leave and won’t t…
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Topics: Trauma, Addictions, Halloween, Adult Children, Anger, Marijuana, Teens, Sexual Abuse Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Jill Hubbard, Dr. Alice Benton Caller Questions & More: Dr. Jill Hubbard shares about trauma and how addictions and acting out come into play. I like to hand out Gospel tracts to kids on Halloween; what draws people to this holiday? …
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Topics: Compassion, Adult Children, Connection, Depression, Anxiety, Blended Families, Boundaries, Estrangement Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Jacqui Mack-Harris, Chris Williams Caller Questions & More: Chris Williams describes what a benevolent witness is and compares it to hosting. My 28yo son wants to lie about his address to get a job; how can I conne…
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Topics: Perseverance, Counseling, Adult Children, Blended Families, Childhood Trauma, Abandonment Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Alice Benton, Marc Cameron Caller Questions: Marc Cameron shares a story about a marathon runner, Cliff Young, and his example of perseverance. How do I know if I have the right counselor for what I need? My husband is verbally …
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Topics: Habits, Anxiety, Christian Walk, Teens, Pornography, Aging Parents, Blended Families, Adult Children Hosts: Becky Brown, Dr. Alice Benton, Dr. Jill Hubbard Caller Questions & More: Dr. Alice Benton shares how unfished tasks cause the Zeigarnik effect, and how that affects our brain. I’m almost 50yo, don’t know why I serve God, and wonder if…
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So here we are! The final episode of Season #6. We start with me needing to loop back to something we discussed in the last episode where Jason said he received feedback from someone saying that sometimes when Jason mentions the past / the timeline, that he is shaming me. While I don’t think he is trying to shame me - I DO experience shame when cer…
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In this episode - we talk about how he can hold her hostage in the recovery process. We discuss this concept, of him holding her hostage, two different ways (or avenues or angles or well, you get the point). The first avenue is how Jason interprets “holding her hostage” which essentially is him holding her hostage for his past wounds and holding he…
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It’s just me today, popping in to let you know we will be back next week with a fresh episode. I am sharing the quickest of life updates with you guys plus a reminder about a couple of resources that we offer. We are so glad YOU are here, thanks for joining us for Season #6. For those of you that are new here, check out Episode #1 for Our Story. Ma…
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As we dig into the content of this particular episode - please keep in mind that these situations are SO nuanced. So please take what we are sharing and consider how it applies to you. What we share will not work for everyone in every situation. #1 - Clearly End the Affair - Our first suggestion for regaining confidence and to be able to go back ou…
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As Jason said early on in this episode - recovery work is painful. It hurts, it’s scary and no wonder we resist it. Jason talks about how he went from resisting the recovery work to accepting that there was work to do. It’s in this process that we make friends with the work. As Thomas Berry, a coach on our team, says - we go from “got to TO get to”…
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Basically, I try to take over during the first five minutes of the episode as I talk about hope. Then I pass the mic over to Jason and you will probably actually like what he says much more. I just try to sprinkle in anecdotal comments as I can, you’re welcome. Hope is a handhold for wives in the following ways… 1 - it gives women a sense of securi…
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Get out your thinking caps - this episode is heady and I had to rewind many many times to re-listen while I was working on these show notes. We are talking empathy (and intimacy and conviction) today. I believe that empathy is one of the key ingredients that will help her heart heal within the context of the couple-ship. So developing empathy is KE…
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In this episode, we get real honest about a recent series of arguments we had about money, with the intent of sharing with you guys what engaging in conflict can look like in “late recovery”. Not that we do conflict perfectly or recovery perfectly (as you will surely hear) but we get questions about what life looks like today - years and years post…
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In this episode, we talk about the value of the full disclosure and some of the reasons that doing a full disclosure (for both him and for her) is incredibly beneficial. Here are some of those reasons: - for men: integration of the story and the acting out - as in, making sense of and connecting dots in his story as a whole which informs the recove…
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In this episode, we piggyback off of the last episode on Frontloading and discuss how women can leverage this technique in order to feel safe having certain conversations with him. This technique is essentially giving him a heads up that a difficult conversation needs to be had + insuring he is in an open space to have said conversation well in adv…
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In this episode, we talk about Frontloading, a term we first heard from Jennifer Kolari after doing some parenting therapy with her. See the link below for her information. Frontloading is the conversation we have prior to an anticipated event (or an anticipated conversation). Keep in mind, it's about a heart attitude, not about a playbook / plan /…
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In this episode, we talk about her getting stuck and how this can be (not always, but can be) connected to him NOT doing good, consistent work. Jason recaps a couple of things from episode #68 - What is Good Work (definitely check out that episode if you want to learn more about what “good” work looks like - see the link below.) We discuss four big…
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So, let’s say he is doing mostly good work. Oftentimes when he is doing this mostly good work, women are faced with a dilemma. Does she accept the good work and lean into it and trust it? OR does she hold him / the good work at arm’s length and continue to watch and wait and keep herself safe? We start with exploring some of the reasons she runs in…
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So what exactly is good work? And what does good work look like AFTER the initial stages? Because it seems like some husbands rock that good work early on - and then… they are done?! Jason and I are both encouraging you guys to honestly assess: are the things we list happening in my / his recovery process? And if not - what might it look like to ge…
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In this episode - we are diving in to a question that Shelley receives quite regularly - why did you stay? And were you / are you embarrassed that you chose to stay? We start with talking about some of the reasons that can make it embarrassing to stay - for instance, in our culture - there is this notion that when a woman is cheated on, there must …
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It’s show time! Here we go - Season #6 of Redemptive Living Radio is HERE. On this first episode of the season, we are talking about relapses. I realize this can be a super tender topic on all fronts. Here are some of the questions we answer: 1 - What is a relapse? - In some ways, a relapse is VERY clear and in some instances, it can seem a bit arb…
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Welcome back to the podcast!!! We wanted to jump in and do a bonus podcast for you guys ahead of the release of Season #6 which will air in January, 2024. While it really is a topic near and dear to Jason’s heart - it’s also a PSA for ALL of us as we prepare to be with extended family over Thanksgiving and Christmas. The holidays can be really chal…
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This week on RL Radio - NOT going back to the way it was This is the final episode of Season #5. We had a hard time putting a pin in this Season - we had so much fun laughing with each other (and hopefully with you guys as you listened in). I also realize that we bring out the tears in a lot of our listeners, so for that - well, I’m grateful that y…
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This week on RL Radio - Part Two of Moving Toward Divorce with Elizabeth Picking up where we left off, I start out with a quick recap of what we discussed in part one and then we continue to dig into more of what it looks like to journey well including having hope. Elizabeth mentions this CS Lewis quote - “One day all the sad things will become unt…
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This week on RL Radio: Moving Toward Divorce - Part 1 We are delighted to have another conversation with Elizabeth from the RLW team! As you will hear, we recorded this episode in May on her, as she said, “would be” anniversary. Oh, the timing. We didn’t know this when we recorded the episode, but our podcast producers shared recently that Elizabet…
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This week on RL Radio - Holding Her in High Esteem How can he hold her in high esteem? Being able to do this is - per Jason, a "quick win" and something guys can start doing today to make a difference in the coupleship and in their recovery. Typically, because of the pain he is experiencing, he will disparage her (to offset the pain). To do this - …
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#60: A Rubric for Living Out Recovery in Life
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This week on RL Radio - A Rubric for Living Out Recovery in Life What does it look like to "live out recovery” in day to day life? Maybe he is going to groups, getting therapy, not acting out - which is all great. But sometimes (oftentimes) - that can be all that is different. He is doing life the way he’s always done it otherwise. (And side note: …
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#59: Holding the Tension Between Two Truths
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This week on RL Radio - Holding the Tension Between Two Truths In this episode we talk about holding the tension between two truths. This can be a challenge for men in recovery because of the compartmentalization that occurs with addiction. (A big part of recovery is integration - as in, breaking down those boxes.) Holding the tension between two t…
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This week on RL Radio - Thomas’s story - Part Two In part two, we pick up with where we left off with one more of Thomas’s rock bottoms (in addition to the others mentioned in Part One) that became a pivotal part of his upward trajectory. Ultimately, Thomas hit a place of complete surrender which propelled him toward change, movement and growth. Th…
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This week on RL Radio - Thomas’s story - Part One Trigger Warning: We want to make sure that you protect yourself (and your children) if you choose to listen to this episode. Thomas shares his story, starting from when he was seven years old - exposed to pornography followed by years of masturbation and progressing from there. The first twenty minu…
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#56: Empower Series - A "Who Knows" of Hope
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This week on RL Radio - part three of the Empowerment Miniseries - A “Who Knows” of Hope Oh my goodness, enjoy the first five minutes of the episode as you get a first-hand glimpse into the communication issues that are Jason and Shelley. If you don’t need any more laughs in your day, feel free to fast-forward to just shy of five minutes and you’ll…
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