Dr. Marie Murphy talks about infidelity and other challenging relationship situations from a non-judgmental perspective. She shares practical tools and advice from her own coaching practice to help you make changes in your love life, and interviews professionals with complementary expertise, such as family law attorneys, mediators, non-violent communication specialists, and more. In addition, Marie discusses the social and historical context of romantic relationships to provide perspective o ...
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Are you tolerating aspects of your life and relationship situations that you shouldn't? This week, I dive into what happens when we tolerate things we don’t like, and why we so often think we have to put up with them when we don’t. Find out why so many people don’t want to acknowledge that they are tolerating things they dislike in their affair rel…
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195. Affair Relationships Can Last a Lifetime
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Something I hear regularly is the belief that relationships that begin as affairs cannot transition into non-affair relationships. A lot of folks I work with are CONVINCED that if they start an affair relationship, it will never be able to get onto “normal” footing, and it is simply doomed to fail. But does this have to be true? Is this what you wa…
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Are you facing doubt in your infidelity situation? Do you want to make a decision but feel uncertain about what the right decision is? Maybe you are unsure whether to end things with your marriage and pursue a relationship with your affair partner. Maybe you don’t know whether your marriage is worth fighting for. Maybe you worry about the impact th…
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193. What Do You Owe a Relationship Before You Can Decide to Leave It?
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If you are married or in a long-term relationship and also involved with someone else, there may be one big question on your mind when you think about ending your committed relationship: what exactly do you owe yourself, your partner, or your relationship before you can decide to leave it? This week, discover why you feel so much pressure to try ev…
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192. When Will I Stop Fantasizing About My Ex-Affair Partner?
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Do you ever find yourself fantasizing about your ex-affair partner? Do you torture yourself reminiscing on the wonderful times you shared, and the amazing memories you hold with them, even though the infidelity situation has since come to an end? Discover the reasons you might still be fantasizing about your ex-affair partner, and how to start to e…
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191. Are You Just Having a Midlife Crisis?
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There is a common belief that marriage should last a lifetime. So when somebody decides that they are dissatisfied with life as they know it, and engage in an infidelity situation as a result, it is commonly labeled as a midlife crisis. But what if waking up one morning and deciding you are dissatisfied with your life is a wonderful opportunity to …
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The Magic Button that I’m diving deeper into this week is the one you wish you could push to answer all your questions about your infidelity situation. The one that, when you push it, your infidelity situation magically resolves in a way that you are delighted with, without you having to do much of anything. That magic button would solve all your p…
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People often freak out when infidelity occurs, even if it has pretty much zero impact on their lives. It gets treated as a big scandal that the "perpetrator" needs to redeem themselves from. Whether or not you buy into the idea that scandal, disgrace, and redemption are real things, other people turning your experiences into a public spectacle is a…
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188. When Your Affair Partner Leaves You for the Wrong Reasons
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Have you ever found yourself in an affair situation with someone who is monogamously committed to someone else? For a while, your partner is pretty sure they want to leave that relationship and pursue a non-affair relationship with you. They share their intentions to leave their partner for weeks, months, or even years, and they may even take actio…
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How often do you make a decision that you think you’re happy with, then doubt yourself and fear it was the wrong one because you feel so many mixed emotions about it? When you make a major decision in your life, about your infidelity situation or otherwise, you are most likely going to have mixed thoughts and feelings about it, but that DOESN’T mea…
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Join me for part two of "Why I Do the Work I Do" as I share the turning point that led me to become a relationship coach specializing in non-judgmental assistance to people engaging in infidelity, and exactly what it took for me to get here. I’m picking up where I left off last week and sharing the power of taking small steps forward, even when you…
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185. Why I Do the Work I Do (Part 1)
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As you may be aware, “non-judgmental infidelity coach” is not a common job description that exists out there in the world, at least not to my knowledge. This thing I do and the angle I take is pretty unique, and I am dedicated to offering non-judgmental guidance to people actively engaging in any form of infidelity. But how did I get here? What exa…
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184. The Point of Resolving Your Infidelity Situation (Part 2)
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At some point, the drawbacks of your infidelity situation can start to outweigh the benefits, and if this happens for you, you may want to start thinking about taking a conscious, deliberate approach to resolving your infidelity situation in a way you feel good about. Yes it might feel hard at first – so hard that you may decide that you’d rather s…
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183. When Your Affair is Over, You May be Bored
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If you experience boredom after you’ve stopped engaging in infidelity, you may not know what to do with yourself, and you are NOT alone. Post-infidelity boredom is a thing, but fortunately for you, I have some recommendations to help you deal with it. In this episode, I share why you might find yourself feeling bored once you end your infidelity si…
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182. Why Considering Non-Monogamy Might Not be Helpful
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In this week’s episode, I talk about why exploring non-monogamy COULD be a way to resolve your infidelity situation… and when why exploring non-monogamy may NOT going to be an effective way to resolve your infidelity situation. As non-monogamy becomes a more and more legitimate way to configure our relationships, it’s increasingly important to use …
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181. How to Tell Someone You've Cheated on Them
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Before initiating the conversation with your partner about your affair, there are some things you need to be clear on. In today’s episode, I discuss how to tell your partner about your affair and provide tips on how to approach this conversation in two different kinds of circumstances. When you find yourself in the situation of telling your partner…
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180. When Your Affair Partner Has an Agenda for You
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Is your affair partner invested in helping you leave your committed relationship? In today’s episode, I explain the importance of understanding the extent to which your focus is on your affair partner’s desires and how to be aware if the decisions you’re making are for yourself. Even if you want the same things your affair partner wants, you each h…
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179. How Long Should You Wait for Your Affair Partner to Leave Their Marriage?
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Today, I look at the question of how long you should wait for your affair partner to leave their marriage. Maybe you don’t want to set a timeline for your partner and prefer to wait indefinitely for them to leave. Regardless of your situation, I guide you in making the decision that is right for you. Learn the questions to ask yourself and discover…
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178. When You Have an Agenda for Your Affair Partner
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Today, I’m talking to those of you who have an agenda for your affair partner. Even though you mean well, the truth is that you can only manage your own business. It’s important to let your affair partner figure things out for themselves, and today, I’ll explain why. Understanding what you want when you have an agenda, whether you realize it or not…
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Whether you've been a dedicated listener for a while or have just recently tuned in to the podcast, you might be curious about what it's like to work together. In this episode, I share what it's like to receive my coaching and how it can benefit you, regardless of the type of infidelity situation you are in. I discuss my philosophy and approach to …
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The feeling of fear is one of the things that can make infidelity situations seem so hard to deal with. There are a LOT of things that might seem scary within your infidelity situation. Will life as you know it come to an end if you choose to pursue a relationship that began as an affair? Will you kids hate you forever if you choose to end your mar…
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Are you ready to make some changes but don't know where to start? This week, I share some helpful tools to help you create change and resolve your infidelity situation. You might need to do things you’ve never done before, and that’s okay. I explain how the sooner you find a way to address the situation, the better your overall quality of life will…
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174. Believing in Your Capacity to Change
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With a new year beginning, there's a feeling of change in the air for some. And maybe that change has to do with your infidelity situation. In this episode, I explore how to take charge of change in your infidelity situation, the reasons we sometimes avoid change, and why our mindset is the number one factor in making change. Tune in to learn how t…
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I believe that “difficulty” is not an absolute truth or fact but rather a matter of our thinking. In this episode, I discuss the many ways we can think differently about difficult situations. I revisit my concept of the “think, feel, act” cycle and explore how you can reshift your thinking around the idea of difficulty. When we don’t deal with the …
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Often, people dealing with an affair ending come up against disenfranchised grief and finding forced validity in their experience. In today’s episode, I discuss how to deal with missing your affair partner in a way that supports your feelings and reasons, regardless of your support system or situation. Learn how to get through the three main stages…
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171. The Extreme Highs and Lows of Infidelity
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Often, our infidelity situations come with extreme highs and lows. In this episode, I talk about that emotional rollercoaster and how the extreme ups and downs can feel like a really big deal. I discuss different situations where these ups and downs can occur and how handling this rollercoaster is totally doable. You get to decide how you want to r…
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170. Planning to Break up with Someone After the Holidays
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Holidays or not, there’s never a perfect time to break up with someone. You may have been planning to break up with your partner, but then Thanksgiving rolled around, now Christmas, and then it's New Year's…I get it, and it's okay to choose to wait. But how will you go through with your choice when the holidays are all said and done? In this episod…
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169. Integrating Your Affair Partner Into Your Family
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The holidays are fast approaching, and you might be in the midst of figuring out your family’s plans. More importantly, you may be figuring out how to integrate your former affair partner, now partner, into your family’s holiday plans. In this episode, I explore how to prepare for the different scenarios and responses that you may experience when b…
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168. The Gifts of Your Infidelity Situation
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In this episode, I share a lengthy list of questions that you can answer to help find the gifts within your infidelity situation. It would be silly to act like you’re not getting something positive out of it, so why not acknowledge what that something is? Answer these questions honestly, don't hold back, and don’t judge your responses. Realize that…
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Breakups are an amazing opportunity to start over. You can be feeling sad, hurt, and angry, while also stepping into a new chapter of your life. In this episode, I discuss how you can grow forward while still processing a breakup from the past. I talk about reframing the story of your breakup, how to foster new connections with yourself and others,…
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If someone you love breaks up with you, it may hurt like hell. If a relationship that you hoped would continue comes to an end, you may be hurt, devastated, and possibly very pissed off. And that’s totally fair and totally reasonable. Sometimes the only possible response to being broken up with is to feel profoundly awful for a while. In this week’…
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It’s reasonable to have hopes, wishes, and desires in any relationship. However, trying to coerce, cajole, or threaten your partner into getting what you want is never the solution. Whether you feel pulled to issue your infidelity partner an ultimatum, or find yourself on the receiving end of one, this episode covers both sides of the coin. Join me…
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Are you worried about cheating on your affair partner? Is that even possible? This is a real dilemma that my clients bring up, so if you can relate, you are definitely not alone. What counts as cheating in this scenario can vary from person to person. However, there are three super common situations that my clients bring up, and I'm diving into all…
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163. Approaches to a Breakup: Breadcrumbs vs Bombshells
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Breaking up with partners is something most people lack experience in. Whether your breakup is the result of infidelity, you’re breaking up with an affair partner, or you’ve just decided that you no longer want to be in a relationship, this episode is for you. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing whether it’s better to take a breadcrumbs or a bombshell a…
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Your time and energy are limited, and when you don’t make decisions quickly and effectively, you’re wasting both. Infidelity situations are often fraught with difficult decisions, and people have real trouble deciding what they want. Sometimes people think there’s value in taking time to think things over. But is that actually objectively true? Dr.…
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161. How Do I Know if I’m Being Reckless?
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The problem with dismissing your desires because of potentially reckless outcomes is not going to help you decide what you really want. If you are faced with wanting to make a decision about your infidelity and you’re worried that it may lead to a reckless outcome, this episode is for you. Dr. Marie Murphy is helping you see your thoughts about you…
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Why does cheating on your fiancé present a particularly complex situation? Of course, not everybody puts marriage and monogamy together, but if you’re formally planning to marry someone and you’re engaging in some sexual or romantic behavior that your fiancé wouldn’t be happy to find out about, today’s episode is for you. Discover the obvious and s…
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159. You Can’t Eat the Whole Elephant at Once
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When you can break down your infidelity situation into individual worries, questions, hopes, decisions, and actions, you can start deciding what you want to do one piece at a time. However, when you’re in an agitated state, breaking your experience down becomes incredibly challenging. Discover why you can’t eat the elephant that is your infidelity …
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158. Forgiving Yourself & Forgiving Others
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This week’s episode is all about learning how to forgive yourself when you fall short of your own expectations, and forgiving others when things don’t work out the way you’d hoped or expected. Forgiveness in this form is powerful, especially when negotiating an infidelity situation. However, there are some nuances you need to be clear about before …
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If you’re in the midst of an infidelity situation, there are plenty of opportunities for you to think of yourself as an asshole. Humans tend to be terrified of the idea that other people won’t like them, but they’re particularly terrified that the people they love might think they’re a total asshole. However, have you ever stopped and considered th…
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156. Nurturing a Long-Term Affair (Part 2)
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This week, Marie is going in-depth on the things for which you and your affair partner need to take collective responsibility, and the things your affair partner has to take sole responsibility for themselves. Discover the areas where you and your affair partner need to be on the same page. Learn about communication regarding what each party wants,…
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155. Nurturing a Long-Term Affair (Part 1)
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In any relationship, affair or otherwise, there are things you and your partner can deal with together, and there are some things that you or your partner can only address as individuals. Today, you need to consider that the best thing you can do for yourself and your affair relationship is to begin to take responsibility for what’s happening on yo…
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It’s common for people to believe that they themselves don’t have the ultimate power to make decisions. Maybe they don’t think they have permission to choose, they shouldn’t want what they want, or they need to consider others before deciding. If this sounds familiar, it’s time to start being your own steward. Are you assuming responsibility for wh…
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How can you remain friends after an intimate affair? Why do people cheat in the first place? How might the presence of children factor into your decision-making about leaving your relationship for your affair partner? Are you worried about the financial damage of leaving your marriage for your affair partner? Dr. Marie Murphy is answering these que…
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152. Seeing Your Ex-Affair Partner in Social Settings
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Dr. Marie Murphy is doing something new this week. She is explicitly calling someone out for their perspective on an infidelity-related topic in an otherwise generally entertaining newspaper column. In this case, it was an opinion about what to do if you see your ex-affair partner out in a social setting. Learn about the importance of dropping judg…
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Can you keep a long-term affair going alongside your marriage? What has to happen for this situation to work out? Do cheaters always get found out? What do you do when you decide you don’t want to cheat anymore, but you can’t seem to stop? These are just some of the questions addressed in today’s show. Discover why it’s possible to continue a long-…
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If you're concerned about justifying your decision to end the relationship, being honest without being cruel, the honesty of your affair partner, or feeling trapped in conflicting emotions, this episode is for you. Discover the truth about providing compelling reasons for the choices you make. Dr. Marie Murphy is addressing questions from both side…
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If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you've made mistakes in your relationship and desire to end it but worry about how others will react to your decisions, if you have concerns or doubts about your sexuality as you age, or if you're struggling with the consequences of infidelity, Marie has you covered this week. Discover how to deal …
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Whether you're struggling with your thoughts and expectations of your partner, avoiding looking at your thoughts about your situation, or grappling with other people's judgments about your infidelity, Marie has you covered. Dr. Marie Murphy is discussing everything you need to know about your thoughts and feelings, what you need to consider when it…
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147. You Can’t Shame Yourself into Changing
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There is an idea floating around in the cultural fog that if you tell yourself you're doing something wrong or that doing a particular thing makes you a bad person, you'll be able to change. If you're applying this kind of logic to yourself in your infidelity situation with the hopes that it will help you make a decision or change your behavior, th…
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