Welcome to the TriggerProof podcast. This is the first season of the Podcast which are audio renditions of Facebook Live Video Transmissions done for the “TriggerProof” Facebook Community. These were set up by request of our community members who wanted an opportunity to listen to insights, tools, and strategies to help heal relationship dynamics, deepen intimacy, and master the fine art of Autonomic Nervous System Regulation so that we can build resilience, heal from the past, and become ac ...
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(Name changed to respect privacy and anonymity) (4 minute read). Amy was tired of feeling like a victim. Divorced with children, running a business, she was still walking around with a great deal of resentment. She had done YEARS of therapy, plant medicines, breathwork, inner child work…. Even taking courses on learning how to communicate more in h…
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What I Wish I Could Say, But Can’t (because the truth hurts)
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Hey, it’s time for some real talk. After countless calls with the people who have been consuming my content, reaching out for help in their current situation, I want to share with you what I wish I could say to them— but usually don’t, because let’s face it, the truth can sting. Here it is: Consider the possibility that you DON’T want to heal. Of c…
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5 Common Traits in 30 Alpha Boss Women Struggling in Love
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Over the past few weeks, I spoke to more than 30 women who identified as successful in work, (Bossbabes, if you will) who "didn’t need a man” to take care of them. Even though they considered themselves independent, many of them tearfully shared with me some of the struggles they were facing in their relationships. What I discovered was a “eureka” …
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How Men Can Solve Their Partners Sxxual Resistance When She’s Not in The Mood
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It’s the topic of so many comedy routines: “Not tonight— I have a headache.” Even though people joke about it, the impact of two lovers not sharing the same enthusiasm about sex is very real— to big blow outs in the middle of the night, to sexual shutdown or sexless marriages. On this short 20 minute video, a student of mine, Carissa Kelly and I do…
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There’s no shortage of complaints about how men show up in relationships. We fear what we don’t understand. Most men don’t understand women. (And most women don’t understand men.) From a very young age, we ALSO get so many mixed messages. Be a man, don’t show emotions It’s not ok to feel angry Your anger is unwarranted (which will turn to rage) Suc…
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did you ever wonder why the push-pull dynamic keeps coming up in insecure relationship dynamics? It all makes perfect sense when you study the mechanism. Insecure (and exhausting) push-pull dynamics happen because we haven’t yet learned how to navigate the two primary attachment fears gone awry: 1) The Fear of Abandonment— being left behind, drifti…
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Unless you had unicorn parents, chances are that you follow a combination of two primary insecure attachment styles: Anxious (Ambivalent)— Think of a wave who constantly needs connection. Avoidant (Dismissive)— Think of an “island” who needs space. or a combination of the two (Disorganized AKA “Dismissive avoidant”) The problem with these tests and…
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It isn't normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement.” ― Abraham Maslow I remember it feeling like a panic in my system. I was in a crossroads of my life, wondering what’s next, and when someone asked me what I wanted, my response was “I have no clue what I want.” (The truth is, I did know-- I was just disconne…
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Have you heard the Taylor Swift song “Anti-Hero”? I remember the first time hearing it and was blown away. “I’ll stare directly in the sun but never in the mirror” was one of my favorite lines of all time in a song, because it captured what I see so often when helping people stuck in toxic relationship dynamics. In a world where it has become the l…
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The Impact Of Your Inner Work On Your Children
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Imagine it was 40 years ago. And your parents were about to make an important decision. They were sitting on an opportunity to help them heal a part of themselves. They were on the precipice of deciding if NOW is the time to resolve some of their childhood wounding. The wounding that had them feeling like they were "not enough”. The wounding that h…
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Shame is the Main Hurdle in the Path of Healing
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In 2018, I remember hating what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Shame— that feeling of being “inherently bad inside” the feeling behind the reason people end their lives…. Is not something we are born with: It’s something we are born INTO. Like a fish being born into a fishbowl of dirty water, we take on the shame of cultural norms we are raised…
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In the book “Laws of Human Nature” by Robert Greene, he summarizes in a beautiful way the focus of my life’s work: Think back to your younger self-- growing up as a child (if you can remember it): In the first 3 or 4 years our brains are especially malleable. We experience emotions much more intensely, creating memory traces that are much deeper th…
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Like millions of parents out there, Jenny had an anxious kid. The worst part of seeing our kids struggle with anxiety is the feeling of powerlessness we have. We just want them to know they’re going to be ok. “Calm down” “Take deep breaths” “don’t be anxious” are likely things your parents said to you when you were younger and dealing with your fea…
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The Willingness Of Imperfection (While On Daddy Duty)
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Take a moment to reflect on how boundaries were modelled to you growing up. Were you punished for sharing them? Guilted into removing them? In my family system, they weren’t really taught to us elegantly. I’m not even blaming my parents, either. We can’t lead others where we have never been. In persian culture, it’s considered rude to set boundarie…
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There’s a hidden root cause behind most of our relationship challenges. And it’s not about the “other” person. It’s something more insidious. In fact you can’t even feel it most of the time. Most of us who are stuck in relationship dynamics that feel toxic, living in a “should I stay or go” situation are painfully unaware that there’s something dee…
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What are your fantasies? At first glance, you might be thinking that I’m talking about sexuality and fetishes. I’m not. I’m talking about the root cause of our Trauma Bonds. Picture this: you grow up in a childhood where you experienced the wounding of: abuse, loss, abandonment rejection (bullying) emotional neglect, maturing too early, or shaming……
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These days my inbox is inundated with people telling me how their ex is a narcissist. And I get it, too. I’m married now in a secure bond that’s polarized, but when I was unpacking the sh*t show that was my last relationship I was in, I was surprised to discover that I was in a “trauma bond” and went down the rabbit hole through the Manual that psy…
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A Man’s Two Greatest Fears In Relationships
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If you’re a man, or you’re in a relationship with a man, you’re wise to learn about the two fundamental fears every man contends with in relationships. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ P.S. Remember, the end of a trauma bond isn't just an ending; it's the beginn…
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A participant of my recent 3 hour training on Fawning had a few questions that arose. She’s in a “should I stay or go” situation and has been consuming my content and has now begun her pathway to creating a secure relationship. Here are some more questions: What happens when you try to finally set boundaries, and then get blamed, criticized, and re…
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Healing Your Nervous System Can Save Your Life
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A ruptured attachment can be lethal. In the last 3 years, I’ve had several participants send me DM’s after they attended one of my events to tell me “Thank you. I wanted to end my life before this…. this was my last hope. I had already made the plans. I can now let my family know that things are going to be ok.” I get emotional just thinking about …
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I just had a frustrated commenter (Carol) on my facebook page. She said “I could care less about having a relationshit”. It’s not worth the BS and the hoop jumping, and the fact that no one cares about boundaries. Single is peace.” I just wanted to jump through the inter webs and give her a hug. Too many people these days can relate to this. Relati…
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Anxious Attached To Finding A Secure Connection
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We’ve had over 100,000 people do our attachment-style quiz that helps you determine your attachment style. Guess what the most common attachment style has been?? Nope, not “avoidant”. Those who identify as “avoidant” will often “avoid" the discomfort of looking inward and doing the quiz. Not too many avoidants. The answer is “anxious attached”— AKA…
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The Responsibility Of Everyone Who's On The Healing Path
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if you have lived a life feeling like you needed to wear a mask and play a role of “Pleasing others” in order to get your needs met, just know that you’re not alone. “Fawning” is a Trauma response that many I’ve spoken to didn’t even realize they were doing, because they fawn AS A LIFESTYLE. A personality. Fawning is akin to “people pleasing.” Alte…
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I hate this question so much that I decided to create content about it so that forever more, I can keep referring back to it when I’m asked the question: “I’ve tried so many things. How will I know if this will work for me?” First off, I want you to know how much I can empathize with the question. Nobody wants to invest their time and resources int…
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nobody’s talking about this. It’s the least talked about Trauma response, yet it’s the most common. You often hear and read content about Fight, Flight, and Freeze trauma responses. These are adaptations we learn in childhood that keep us alive. You’re able to read this piece of content because your Trauma Responses were successful. But there’s one…
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read this only if you’re a parent there’s a way you can virtually GUARANTEE you’ll end up being a sh*tty parent. And it won’t even be intentional. You’ll have all the right intentions for your parenting game. You’ll read the books and articles and watch the youtube videos about making sure you’re an amazing parent, and that you WON’T make the same …
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In all the years helping folks healing from Trauma Bonds, I learned two very shocking facts: 1) We are facing an epidemic of people who have exes who they label as “narcissists”. 2) Almost every single person I’ve ever met with who labels their ex as a narcissist, has massive blind spots that I am able to spot in them. There’s a narcissistic shadow…
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SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN A TRAUMA BOND Is your relationship love? or is it a Trauma Bond. And if it is— what do you do? The answer depends on what kind of a life you want to have. I share the 3 phases of the Trauma Bond and how to break free if you are choosing to walk the path. Getting this right is the difference between passing down the trauma to y…
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This is the topic I get the most hate for talking about. So I’m going to request you pause and reflect before reacting to this. And especially after you watch the video. I’ve been a primary care practitioner for over 20 years now as a Doctor of Chiropractic, helping hundreds if not thousands on their healing journey and I know with certainty what k…
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Chronic Pain, Fatigue, And Illness— The 3 Blind Spots
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Digestive issues Inflammatory Bowel Auto-immune disorders Chronic Anxiety and Depression What an exhausting merry-go-round with doctors to heal from these. The truth is— an MD can’t do anything to help you with those, besides prescribe medication, and I know you are looking for other answers. That’s why I am doing this training. There’s a reason wh…
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what’s your style of arguing during a rupture (aka, conflict)? This is the first thing I want to understand when I’m helping someone in distress stuck in a “should I stay or go” situation. The love is there, there’s so much to be grateful for, there are often kids involved, but the way people fight is not conducive to a healthy dynamic, and the wor…
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Why You’re Such Easy Prey To Love-Bombing
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Even though you might be successful in your work, there’s a reason why your relationships can’t seem to get past the point where you’re now having sex— and then things start to go awry. The reason is because of a covert addiction many don’t want to acknowledge. It’s the reason why it’s so easy to get entrapped in love-bombing. And it’s not a substa…
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Sɛx and Money Blind Spot: What Will Others Think Of Me
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there’s a fear that is likely stopping you from living to your potential. Nope, it’s not the fear of death, either. It’s the fear of being judged critically by others. In my experience working in the world of helping people in their relationship dynamics, going from “should I stay or go” relationships, not resolving this underlying fear is keeping …
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When He Doesn't Want To Work On The Relationship
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If you’ve ever wanted to change your relationship, and your partner wasn’t on board… pay close attention. Constant arguments, feeling gaslit, having your emotions invalidated. When you give feedback— they jump and become defensive and tell you why you’re wrong. You want to feel seen and heard and understood. You’ve read all the books and done the p…
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“I think I married my mother/father”. If only I had a nickel for every time I heard this in my DM’s from people stuck in a “should I stay or go?” situation in their relationships. I talk to so many people who swear they don’t want to become like their parents, or they want to find the OPPOSITE of what they experienced, but mortified to find themsel…
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The Real Reason Why Family Holiday Season Sucks
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On this transmission I share the one reason why familes crumble during the holiday season, and by doing this one thing you can transform Insecure (anxious) patterns and turn them into secure ones. Hint: They’re part of the same issue. Share in the comments what arises for you. ______________________________________________________________________ U…
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Why You Get So Triggered, Rective, And Defensive
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On this training I share why divorces and breakups happen so commonly. Learning this one skill in conflicts I cover on this video is the foundation of being a secure. When you get this right, your status rises with your maturity level. It’s not what you think. ___________________________________ Upcoming Masterclass "SHOULD I STAY OR GO?" Live Even…
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Why do you think that 80% of divorce is initiated by women? If you’ve ever been in a “should I stay or go” situation, check this story out. Frank’s wife Janet said “I’m done. I need you to leave.” After an infidelity was caught 7 years prior, their relationship slowly eroded despite weekly couples therapy sessions. Finally she felt hopeless and had…
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Ever wondered what is causing relationship frustration that pushes you further away from secure attachment? The main root cause of anxious attachment? The main root cause of your avoidant tendencies? I cover it, as well as what needs to be done about it on this transmission. Type in the comments what resonates most with you, and if you can identify…
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“We have been together for 10 years and we are stuck having the same argument over and over. We love each other, we are just building resentments over time and it seems like I’m getting the validation I need from the Therapist, but nothing is changing. Is there any hope? Can this be solved? —— I get questions like this all the time. Luckily there’s…
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I just got off a call with a woman who was stuck in a relationship that was going nowhere. She wanted help. The truth? She wanted MY help to change HIM. Respectfully, that’s not how it works. Everyone wants change, but what I’ve discovered helping people overcome trauma bonds, push/pull dynamics and attracting relationships that feel like the same …
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After working with hundreds of women, hearing their stories, and working with men who’s wives have had enough… I felt inspired to share this message as a public service announcement of the 4 Trauma Responses we are responsible for learning how to regulate if we are to create safety and security in the home. Not getting this right causes cycles of I…
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The Impact Of My Sxxual Shadows On My Relationships
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Last week, during the kickoff of my signature Overview Experience, I found myself candidly sharing a deeply personal experience. It's not often that I delve into such vulnerable topic— which are my sxxual shadows, but I felt compelled to discuss my past - a past marred by unresolved shadows that sent my relationship spiraling into a challenging tra…
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When you're ready, here's what we got: Want to find out the root of all your sex and money issues? Hint: it’s ALL trauma related. Follow the link to grab your spot to learn how to heal it https://drnima.com/programs/rewire/?el=podcast Join my Free Pop-Up Group to learn more about it. Make sure your answer all the questions: https://drnima.com/lp/re…
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DEAR PEOPLE PLEASER IN RECOVERY, it’s not your fault that you are wearing a mask. Growing up, if you’ve ever been punished or scolded for your authentic self expression, it makes perfect sense why you might want to hide certain aspects of yourself. The problem is, this is a double edged sword, as it will without a doubt cause destruction to your in…
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If you’re ever been stuck in a loop, repeating the same pattern in your relationship dynamic, pay close attention: Freud called it the “Repetition Compulsion,” where even though you KNOW it’s not wise, or fulfilling, or even healthy, but unconscious forces are pulling us into what’s familiar to us. All for the purpose of healing. The problem is— ou…
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When Your Partner Isn't On Board With Healing
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What if your partner doesn’t want to “do the work”? I get this question all the time. This video is an excerpt from our recent "Breathwork and Badassery” Experience. I get this question almost every single time. It’s almost as though we aren’t going to take part in our healing unless we have permission first. This is the hallmark of Co-Dependency. …
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Wake-up Calls: The Hidden Reason Behind Why They Happen (Excerpt From The “Overview Experience”)
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If you’ve ever experienced one of the following: Infidelity. Domestic Abuse. Toxic Relationship breakdown. Divorce. Addiction. Mental health crisis. Co-dependency. Then you’re in good company these days. It’s literally impossible to hit your 40’s without suffering through one of those wake-up calls. That’s what they are designed to do: To WAKE US U…
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Sub-text: I had to ask myself these so I could heal from my Trauma Bond Firstname, We all are wanting to create homes where it feels like a sanctuary to be there. Where relationships feel nourishing. It wasn’t until my last one ended, and I was all alone at the age of 43, living with my dog, looking in the mirror… I felt called to finally face the …
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There’s been a massive shift in the collective since the pandemic. We have been isolating ourselves. Often when stuck in challenging emotional states, unable to make sense of our unresolved wounds, we tend to want to isolate and hibernate. If you’ve ever craved deep connections with relationships, but also noticed a deep sense of fear of connecting…
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