Best Sam Tielemans Podcasts (2024)

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156: Is It Possible to Quit Porn and NEVER Return Again? (…yes, here’s how) 25:07

1h ago25:07

25:07

Many men and women wonder if quitting porn is actually possible to do or if it's something that just needs to be managed for the rest of their life. The good news: YES! It's 100% possible to quit and never return. In this episode I'll share with you specifically what I've seen work best to help men quit Porn and never return. The more you have abou…

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155: If She Stays, She Thinks He’s Just Getting Away With Everything 21:34

1h ago21:34

21:34

One very difficult hurdle that many women struggle, with is the idea of forgiveness or staying in the relationship with someone who hurt them so much. If she forgives him, does that mean he's getting away with everything? Does it make her feel like she has no dignity left if she stays in the relationship? That she just accepts behavior she complete…

1
154: LIVE CALL – How to Resolve Triggers During / After Sexual Intimacy 50:42

7d ago50:42

50:42

Rebuilding sexual intimacy after damage by pornography can be a challenge for many couples. A wife often has fears and concerns like: How do I know he's not fantasizing when we're intimate? What if he's just using me and I'm being manipulated? I feel inadequate and not attractive enough A husband often wants to know how to help his wife through her…

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153: When She's Hurt By Him Looking at Women in Public 24:02

38m ago24:02

24:02

Going out into public can create a lot of anxiety for both a husband and wife. She's worried about who he's looking at and what he's thinking about, and he's worried about her getting triggered and feels anxious not knowing what to do or how to help her. In this episode, I share with a few specific things that you can do to address this issue to he…

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152: 3 Things to Jumpstart Marriage Repair 26:59

7d ago26:59

26:59

If you had to get to the other side of a mountain, would you rather take a tunnel through it or climb all the way up and around it? It still takes effort and intention to get to the other side, but one path is far more streamlined. In this episode I share with you 3 things that can help take you through the tunnel when it comes to repairing your re…

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151: From Grief, Sadness, and Hurt to Healing and Closure 28:00

9d ago28:00

28:00

When pornography use is discovered in a relationship, there is often a lot of grief and hurt that surfaces. Shock about how this could have happened. Feeling stuck in pain not knowing how to make sense of it. And grief about what the relationship once was and uncertain about how to move forward. In this episode I share a few specific ways to approa…

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150: He’s a Source of Pain AND a Source of Comfort 23:55

16d ago23:55

23:55

After pornography use, a husband becomes a source of pain as well as a source of comfort for his wife. this can be such a confusing place for both people to be. Sometimes she doesn't want to be around him at all, but other times she needs him close and for him to provide reassurance. As a man, oftentimes he doesn't know what to say or how to help s…

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149: A New Twist On Identify and Resolving Underlying Issues That Lead to Pornography Use 18:52

2M ago18:52

18:52

Understanding and resolving the underlying issues that lead pornography use is essential. Without addressing the root cause, you're bound to continue to struggle with triggers and temptations. Announcement!!! Trust is a critical part of rebuilding your relationship after pornography use has damaged it So, I decided to do a special trust building wo…

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148: 5 Signs That the Trust in Your Marriage is Seriously Damaged 27:00

2M ago27:00

27:00

Announcement!!! Trust is a critical part of rebuilding your relationship after pornography use has damaged it So, I decided to do a special trust building workshop, where for 90 minutes I’ll be doing a deep dive and sharing with you specific steps you can take, tools you can implement, and practical ways that you can rebuild trust in your relations…

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147: Tools to Help Your Relationship Progress If She Brings Up Her Pain 26:15

2M ago26:15

26:15

Announcement!!! Trust is a critical part of rebuilding your relationship after pornography use has damaged it. So, I decided to do a special trust building workshop, where for 90 minutes I’ll be doing a deep dive and sharing with you specific steps you can take, tools you can implement, and practical ways that you can rebuild trust in your relation…

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146: Success Story: Braden Shares the 5 Specific Things That Changed His Life and Helped Him Quit Pornography 56:46

2M ago56:46

56:46

Have you ever felt so hopeless and discouraged as you've tried to quit pornography that you thought that there's no way out? Despite how hard you've tried, you just haven't been able to get this problem out of your life. This is how Braden felt before we started to work together. He tried everything he possibly could, but it still didn't work. Afte…

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145: When It’s Hard to Work On Your Marriage and Forgiveness Seems Impossible to Achieve 23:24

2M ago23:24

23:24

Pornography use damages a relationship in deep and significant ways. Trust is broken and her wall goes up. The idea of forgiveness can feel impossible to offer, and a husband feels despair wondering if they’ll ever move on from the past and find closure. This episode I share with you how you can navigate this painful situation in a way that will fe…

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144: 5 Signs She’s Feeling Betrayal Trauma (And How You Can Address It) 32:56

3M ago32:56

32:56

When a woman discovers her husband's pornography use, her whole world gets turn upside down. Oftentimes she now thinks that everything was a lie. Their whole relationship was fake. They don't even know who their husband is anymore. Given how much damage is done, many women experience what's called betrayal trauma. In this episode I share with you t…

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143: How to Avoid Pornography If Your Spouse Leaves Town or For The Day 20:54

3M ago20:54

20:54

When a spouse is gone for the day or weekend and a man is all alone, it's a common trigger. In this episode I share 3 specific things you can do to make sure that those periods of being alone won't cause another setback. For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and the root cause that started it.…

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142: Success Story: Freedom After 30 Years of Pornography Use 53:58

3M ago53:58

53:58

Change is 100% if you have the right ingredients. In today's episode, I want to introduce to you a man who has found success, and 2 years later, he continues to to do well, have a strong marriage, and help other people in their struggles with quitting porn. This path can I often feel discouraging and depressing because most men experience countless…

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141: Why a Husband Avoids Initiating Conversations and How to Resolve It 25:23

4M ago25:23

25:23

Initiating conversations can be very difficult for a husband to do. If his wife is in a good mood, he doesn’t want to bring up the pain all over again. If she's in a bad mood, he doesn't want to cause a fight or make things worse. Thus, he avoids the conversations with her and she ends up feeling unseen, unloved, and all alone. In this episode, I s…

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140: When Shame and "Self Pity" Dissolves Connection and Breaks Down the Conversation 27:50

4M ago27:50

27:50

How do the conversations go when you talk about her pain? Do they end with you feeling closer or further apart? Do you feel hopeless and inadequate, not knowing what to say to help her feel comforted? For a wife, not getting the understanding and validation she needs creates hurt and anger, and the conversations just stall out leaving them both alo…

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139: When a Wife Brings Up Her Husband's Lack of Follow Through 20:25

4M ago20:25

20:25

Have you ever gotten into an argument with your spouse where you're talking about specific actions that he's committed to do but then doesn't follow through? For a wife, it can feel really frustrating if there’s a lack of follow through because she often receives that as him not being committed or caring enough. For a husband, it can be frustrating…

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138: The Top 3 Ways to Kill Your Chances of Having a Strong Marriage 29:08

4M ago29:08

29:08

"We've been spinning our wheels for 9 months... I'm in a worst place now than the day I discovered everything." A couple reached out to me a few hours before recording this episode. They were both discouraged and frustrated add the slow pace of the process of healing. No matter what they did, she just felt stuck and like she couldn't move forward b…

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137: How Long Does It Take to Repair A Marriage After Pornography Use? 19:45

5M ago19:45

19:45

This road to healing your marriage can be agonizing. So many people wonder how long will this take? They feel like they might not be able to hold on much longer. The good news is that it’s actually not based on a specific timeline or a number of years. Rather it’s based on how quickly you can learn the skills that you need to have new experiences t…

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136: How Long Do We Need To Keep Talking About It? 18:49

5M ago18:49

18:49

After the discovery of pornography use, it shatters the foundation of the entire relationship. Naturally, it becomes the center of most conversations as you try to resolve the issues and pain it causes. Then after you start making some progress, many couples wonder how long they need to keep talking about things? They often tend to have the same co…

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135: She Found Out He Was Hiding A Slip… Now What? 21:01

5M ago21:01

21:01

Couples can very easily get stuck when a husband has a slip up, acts like things are normal, and then his wife finds out that he searched for something and didn’t tell her. This can cause a wife to spiral into distrust, self protection, anger and fear all over again and it has such a big impact on the relationship and their sense of progress togeth…

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134: He Thinks He's Making Progress Helping Her Feel Safe, She Doesn't 24:34

5M ago24:34

24:34

March 18th: Join the free 5 Day 'Overcome Your Urges' Challenge to get tools to resolve the root cause of your urges so you can eliminate them instead of resisting them. It can be very discouraging when there is a mismatch between husband and wife, and how they view their progress. If hey husband thinks he's making strides towards creating safety a…

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133: Narcissism and Pornography Use: Why They've Had It Wrong The Whole Time 30:12

6M ago30:12

30:12

The idea of being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel overwhelming. After all, a “personality disorder” is a serious thing… But what if people slinging this diagnosis have been wrong the whole time? What if there was different a way to understand why someone engages in destructive behaviors? In this episode, I do a deep dive in unpacking n…

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132: When the Tools Don’t Help You Feel Better or Make Progress 19:49

6M ago19:49

19:49

Safety is necessary in order for relationships to be repaired after pornography use. Many women default to using an emotional wall to keep themselves safe after they discover their husband's pornography use. You've all heard about and have tried the tools – journaling, meditation, prayer, reading, etc. But what if you try those things and you don't…

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131: Emotional Safety in Marriage is Key: Here Are 3 Ways to Create It 21:50

6M ago21:50

21:50

Safety is necessary in order for relationships to be repaired after pornography use. Many women default to using an emotional wall to keep themselves safe after they discover their husband's pornography use. As time goes on and he develops the skills and make the changes necessary, HE can become the source of safety for her and the relationship. An…

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130: The Solution to Avoid Trading One Bad Coping Mechanism for Another 19:24

6M ago19:24

19:24

It's very easy for men to switch one bad coping mechanism (pornography) for another (food, video games, social media, TV, etc.). Some people might see those things as far less harmful, so they allow themselves to do it. However, swapping different coping mechanisms is actually really bad because the root of the issue remains unresolved, which sets …

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129: How to Help Her Feel Secure Again in the Relationship After Pornography Use 24:21

7M ago24:21

24:21

In a relationship, having a strong feeling of security is so important. When pornography addiction or habit is discovered, it completely undermines the security that she feels. This causes lots of issues for both people and the relationship itself – a wall goes up, there's distrust, fear, inadequacy, and emptiness often felt by both people. In toda…

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128: How to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness and a Lack of Self Love 31:52

7M ago31:52

31:52

Lots of people struggle with feelings of low self worth, unworthiness, inadequacy and a lack of self love. Affirmations and being positive doesn’t seem to stick because we don’t actually believe the good things we are saying. It can be hard to love ourselves if we mostly see all of our inadequacies and weaknesses. Especially if our shortcomings imp…

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127: The Key to Addressing Her Sadness If It Feels Like You’re Not Making Progress 26:22

7M ago26:22

26:22

Have you ever had a good day with your spouse, then out of nowhere, you get hit with a wave of deep sadness. Then you share the sadness and the conversation spirals and he doesn’t say much in response. If you’re a husband, have you ever been faced with that situation and wanted to help her but had no idea how? Did you feel discouraged because you t…

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126: The Damage of Pornography Use and Deception Can Be Healed – Here’s How 26:22

7M ago26:22

26:22

When a pornography addiction or habit is discovered in a relationship, it causes significant damage. Trust is broken, there's a lack of emotional safety, and it often causes a woman to redefine the entire relationship and question the past. Despite the significant damage, couples who get the right tools can fully heal the pain of the past, eliminat…

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125: He Wants to Move Forward, But She’s Still Hurting and Her Wall is Up 18:07

7M ago18:07

18:07

Most people don’t want to stay in pain any longer than they already have. They want the process to speed up, to find closure and peace sooner, and move forward with a feeling of resolution… But what if she’s not ready to just leave it all behind? So many men want to leave the past behind as quickly as possible, because they recognize the impact of …

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124: When Seeking Validation Leads to Pornography and/or Physical Infidelity 24:31

8M ago24:31

24:31

What do you do when you struggle with feelings of needing validation from a source outside of yourself? Whether it’s sexual attention from a woman, making a lot of money, doing and accomplishing things, or looking a certain way, it’s a trap that leads to more heartache. In this episode, I share how both a husband and wife can work through these und…

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123: Harvard Professor Shares a Critical Factor in Successfully Quitting Pornography 17:10

8M ago17:10

17:10

Have you ever wanted to know exactly what it’s going to take to eliminate pornography and have a connected relationship with your spouse? As I have initial calls with men, I often hear them say they are willing to do whatever it takes, they just don't know exactly what to do. In this episode, I share with you, one of the most important elements tha…

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122: This Conversation Can Unintentionally Harm Your Ability to Directly Address and Resolve Pornography Use 18:26

8M ago18:26

18:26

When struggling to overcome pornography addiction or a habit, have you ever had the conversation that goes something like this: If there's another relapse again, our marriage is over. If I catch you watching something again, I'm leaving. And if you have had that conversation in your relationship, how did it feel? What effect did it end up having? S…

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121: Can Having Sex Make it Harder For Him to Overcome Pornography? 16:09

8M ago16:09

16:09

Can having sex make it hard for him to quit watching pornography? Is a pornography addiction or habit fueled by sex with a spouse? The men and women I work with want to have a fulfilling relationship, which includes sexual intimacy. In this episode, I share with you, the most important considerations when it comes to making sure sex doesn’t cause a…

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120: The 3 Best Ways to Help Her Pain Go Away 24:27

9M ago24:27

24:27

When a man struggles with a pornography addiction or habit, it shatters trust and security in his relationship. Most men desperately seek to repair and restore the relationship, but sadly find themselves struggling to help her feel better despite making positive changes individually. This episode of share with you, three specific ways, couples can …

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119: Success Story with Kenna and Dave – From Near Divorce to Connection and Safety 43:53

9M ago43:53

43:53

Have you ever contemplated ending your relationship because of the hurt and pain you’re feeling? Or because of broken communication that leads to fights or distance and you're not sure how to repair your marriage, despite everything that you've tried? You’re not alone. So many couples get stuck in negative cycles that break down their love and rela…

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118: When She Says, “If You Loved Me, You Never Would Have Watched Pornography” 29:58

9M ago29:58

29:58

When a man struggles with pornography, addiction or habit, it’s devastating to his wife. She will express her hurt and pain to him hoping that the behavior will stop, but when it continues to happen, it creates hopelessness and despair. In those moments, it's easy for her to interpret the situation as ‘he doesn’t love me or care about me, what’s wh…

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117: How to Eliminate the Desire for Pornography So You Can Feel ”Normal” 22:49

9M ago22:49

22:49

Imagine what life would feel like if you didn’t have any desire to look at pornography. You just simply had no interest in it anymore? What if you just felt “normal” and could just go about your day without worrying about temptations and urges? Well, it’s possible. And it’s one of the best feelings in the world. In this episode I want to share with…

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116: If a Wife Has Unmet Expectations and a Husband Feels Like His Efforts Aren’t Enough 21:23

10M ago21:23

21:23

When working to overcome pornography addiction or habit, it’s easy for expectations to not be met.. This work is difficult, and if a wife has expectations of him sharing, growing, and improving, but his capacity is limited, there can be a breakdown in the marriage. She might feel like he’s not really trying and that he doesn’t care about her. He ca…

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115: When Saying How You Feel Leads to a Fight 24:04

10M ago24:04

24:04

When couples are working through the impact of pornography addiction, communication is so important to resolve painful and sensitive issues. But what, if sharing how you feel ends up in a fight? This is exactly what we were talking about in today's episode, and I'll share with your tools and strategies to approach these conversations differently. T…

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114: Avoid This Thought Pattern So You Can Overcome Pornography and Betrayal Trauma 22:13

10M ago22:13

22:13

It's easy for people to get stuck in a negative thought patterns that increase depression, hopelessness, and feeling paralyzed. When's the last time you thought something like, "I'm a failure," "there's no way I can quit porn," "everything in our marriage has been a lie"? In a couple of recent sessions I had with people, a common theme emerged that…

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113: You’ll Never Overcomes Pornography With This Subconscious Belief 26:35

10M ago26:35

26:35

If you’ve ever felt depressed after another relapse and you’ve thought that quitting pornography isn’t possible, then this episode is for you. I had a session with a client that was a keystone moment in his life and journey to quitting porn and I wanted to share with you what broke an old limiting belief he had that caused lots of setbacks. In this…

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112: Avoid Emotional Spirals With This New Approach 15:40

10M ago15:40

15:40

Our emotional state determines the quality of our life. Yet, most people allow the external world to determine their emotional responses. One of the most valuable skills that people can learn is how to work through negative emotions, quickly, maintain a feeling of calm, control, and inner peace. In this episode, I share with you a new approach that…

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111: Success Story With Kevin: Reclaiming His Self Worth and Improving His Marriage 49:45

11M ago49:45

49:45

Finding success in overcoming pornography, you can be so difficult for many people because they don't know the best way to approach it. It can feel so discouraging and isolating going through this journey, which is why, I wanted to share a success story to help not only give you hope, but for you to also hear the specific things that have been work…

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110: Identifying Source of Urges and Triggers: Habit vs Emotional Coping 23:59

11M ago23:59

23:59

When a man struggles with pornography, identifying the root cause and the source of the urges and triggers is critical. Without knowing what's driving, the urges and the behavior, most solutions will fail. Unless you correctly diagnose the issue, you're flying blind when it comes to addressing it. In this episode, I share with you the two specific …

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109: When He’s Doing Well, But She Can’t Reciprocate the Love 28:07

11M ago28:07

28:07

Many couples feel overwhelmed by feeling stuck despite trying to take positive steps forward. A woman can often feel afraid to bring her wall down, or she might feel so hurt that she can't really give a whole lot to the relationship. This situation can be difficult for both people, and a husband can feel discouraged when he's doing well but his eff…

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108: In Session (Behind the Scenes): Repair Your Marriage With THIS Conversation 36:14

11M ago36:14

36:14

This is a very special episode I am super excited about! I'm working with a wonderful couple who allowed me to record our sessions together. This episode is a snippet of our second session together and the growth they have experienced in just 1-2 session is unbelievable. So instead of me telling you about how well they're doing, I wanted you to wit…

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107: Reprocessing Triggers & New Habits: The Key to Avoiding Relapse 23:17

12M ago23:17

23:17

In order to sustain progress and avoid relapse in the future, it's so important to not only develop new habits but actually reprocess your triggers. Most men get triggered by being home alone, stress, loneliness, and other situations like that. The problem is that life is difficult and we will experience those things countless times so if those tri…

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