Ep. 108: Dr. Parker J. Palmer - How to Be Faithful to Yourself

Dear Life with Christina Rasmussen

I am thrilled to introduce you to today’s guest, Dr. Parker J. Palmer, a prolific author of ten books and thought leader. This conversation felt perfectly timed for me personally, and I can’t wait for you to listen to it too.

Parker has such a grounded and clear way of articulating profound ideas and human experiences. One such idea he has coined is what he calls the tragic gap. This is the tension between reality and possibility. He explains how he came to terms with this truth many years ago as a student and was feeling discouragement and despair during the civil rights movement in the 60s. Coming to terms with reality but also being aware of the possibilities if only the world didn’t push back. He describes it as a kind of a death, the death of a dream. So many of us are navigating these tragic gaps in our personal lives and the world at large.

He describes who he calls culture heroes like Martin Luther King Jr. and Nelson Mandela and how they found ways to keep showing up without letting the needs of the world or the tragic gap overwhelm them. Parker suggests that it’s a fact that we are constantly caught between the harsh realities of the world, but it is possible to reframe our lives and the way we experience this gap that can make it more liveable.

One of those ways is by coming back closer to ourselves and seeing what our individual role to play in the bigger picture can be. He suggests asking these questions, which I will now be asking myself regularly, Am I being faithful to my gifts? To the needs I see around me and to the places my gifts might intersect those needs? In asking yourself these questions, this helps you stay the course and not get overwhelmed by all of it. We all have a role to play and if we can remain faithful to our gifts, we will keep moving forward.

“Am I being faithful to my gifts? To the needs I see around me and to the places my gifts might intersect those needs?” ~ Dr. Parker J. Palmer

I asked Parker about how he knows when to quit something because over time, sticking to something becomes more stubborn than resilient if it’s just not working. His answer was perfect. He suggests asking yourself, is this thing I’m doing still life-giving or is it death-dealing?

We also talk about what he thinks happens when we die and how he has been intrigued since a very young age about death and where we go. He shares that he has been walking with mystery and questions his whole life, dancing with them even.

Toward the end of our conversation Parker shared very candidly about his personal experience of clinical depression, when he decided it was time to write about those experiences and what being able to speak about that has meant to him instead of hiding that part of himself.

The way he describes those moments in his life with such honesty and compassion, both for himself and others experiencing it is something that I hope everyone will listen to. I truly believe that’s how we will save lives.

This is one of those conversations that will stay with me for my lifetime. I’d love to know what you think. Please share it with your friends and family, and be sure to tag me if you share it on social media so that I can say thank you. I’m @christinastars on Instagram and @ChristinaRasmussen2014 on Facebook.

More About Dr. Parker J. Palmer

Dr. Parker J. Palmer is a writer, speaker and activist who focuses on issues in education, community, leadership, spirituality and social change. He is founder and Senior Partner Emeritus of the Center for Courage & Renewal, which offers long-term retreat programs for people in the serving professions, including teachers, administrators, physicians, philanthropists, non-profit leaders and clergy.

He holds a Ph.D. in sociology from the University of California at Berkeley, as well as thirteen honorary doctorates, two Distinguished Achievement Awards from the National Educational Press Association, and an Award of Excellence from the Associated Church Press.

Palmer is the author of ten books—including several award-winning titles—that have sold two million copies and been translated into ten languages: Healing the Heart of Democracy, The Heart of Higher Education (with Arthur Zajonc), The Courage to Teach, A Hidden Wholeness, Let Your Life Speak, The Active Life, To Know As We Are Known, The Company of Strangers, The Promise of Paradox, and On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity and Getting Old.

You can connect with Parker via this website.

Things We Mention In This Episode

• Book: On the Brink of Everything; Grace, Gravity, and Getting Older, by Parker J. Palmer
• Book: A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life, by Parker J. Palmer
• Book: Let Your Life Speak, by Parker J. Palmer
• Book: I Don’t Want to Talk About It, by Terrence Real
• Book: Where Did You Go? by Christina Rasmussen
• Book: Second Firsts by Christina Rasmussen
• Newsletter - Message In a Bottle: Sign up for Christina’s weekly letter

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