Why you stay after infidelity: Maintaining trauma bonds

Dr Sarah: Relationship Success Lab

In this podcast episode, I will delve into the complex issue of why people often remain in relationships, especially in the aftermath of infidelity, within the context of a trauma-bonded relationship. I've noticed that many of you are hesitant to discuss your experiences of infidelity, as it can be a source of shame and embarrassment. Today, I'm going to explore ten main reasons why you might choose to stay in such relationships:

1. Intermittent Reinforcement: This psychological process leads to cycles of intense highs and devastating lows, keeping you hooked on the expectation of a reward.
2. Cognitive Dissonance: You may struggle to confront the harsh reality of your situation and often create alternative perspectives to cope.
3. Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: Continuous criticism and attacks in a relationship can erode your self-esteem, making you more likely to tolerate bad behavior.
4. Expectations of Improvement: You may hold onto the subconscious hope that your investment in the relationship will eventually yield positive returns.
5. Compassion and Empathy: Individuals who are drawn into trauma-bonded relationships tend to be highly compassionate and may prioritize their partner's needs over their own.
6. Gaslighting and Self-Gaslighting: You might doubt your own perception of reality, leading to self-gaslighting.
7. Fear of the Relationship Ending: The prospect of leaving is often complicated by factors like commitment, intertwined lives, and a neurological attachment to the trauma.
8. Conscientious Characteristics: Anxious individuals may feel compelled to do the right thing for their partners, even at their own expense.
9. Attachment Style: Those with an anxious attachment style may struggle to assert their own needs and may normalize their partner's behavior to maintain the relationship.
10. Normalization: Societal and cultural norms can impact your perception of infidelity and your willingness to accept it as a part of your relationship.

This episode offers insights into the psychological and emotional dynamics that can make it challenging for you to leave a trauma-bonded relationship, even after experiencing infidelity. I encourage you to be mindful of these patterns and your own experiences.

Whether you are surviving infidelity, improving your relationship, solving relationship problems, or healing trauma bonds, you can find my on Instagram at @dr.sarahalsawy or www.healtraumabonding.com
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LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com
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