Kagro in the Morning - April 4, 2025

Kagro in the Morning

42:18

“I used to be the largest dairy consumer on the planet. I used to eat so much dairy and meat. The more that I looked into the dairy industry, the more that I saw that it was the singular, most inhumane industry on the planet, that we've all been lied to, including myself, for years. I always believed that the picture on the milk carton, the cow standing next to her calf in the green field with the red barn in the back was true. It’s certainly the complete opposite.” – Richard (Kudo) Couto Richard (Kudo) Couto is the founder of Animal Recovery Mission (ARM), an organization solely dedicated to investigating extreme animal cruelty cases. ARM has led high-risk undercover operations that have resulted in the shutdown of illegal slaughterhouses, animal fighting rings, and horse meat trafficking networks. Recently, they released a damning investigation into two industrial dairy farms outside of Phoenix, Arizona supplying milk to Coca-Cola’s Fairlife brand. What they uncovered was systemic animal abuse, environmental violations, and a devastating betrayal of consumer trust. While Fairlife markets its products as being sourced "humanely," ARM’s footage tells a very different story—one of suffering, abuse, and corporate complicity. Despite the evidence, this story has been largely ignored by mainstream media—likely due to Coca-Cola’s massive influence and advertising dollars.…

about a year ago 1:56:44

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While you’re doing that, do something else! There’s plenty to be done and you’re the one to do it. You have to do it, no one else is going to do it, they are too busy doing their part. Don’t make us tariff you.

Yesterday, Donald K. Trump pitched the world into a steep nosedive, before parachuting out somewhere over the Doral golf course. What was he thinking?

Great minds struggle to decipher and explain Trump’s tariff calculations, failing to consider that tiny minds came up with it. Actually, it’s not difficult to see that these tariffs are just another way to leverage and measure acquiescence and obsequence.

How can the Democrats ever pull us out of this horrible spin? IEEPA!

Don’t ask Trump anything about SignalGate. Don’t ask him about anything. Please don’t ask him about his $5 million instant citizen gold card.

Interim and future U.S. attorney for the District of Columbia, Ed Martin is as Trumpy as they come, alarming federal prosecutors across the political spectrum. There’s no point along any spectrum unalarmed by Laura Loomer, who unfortunately has Trump’s rear, uh, “ear” to whisper sweet enemy lists into. The 5th floor window that General Timothy Haugh, the director of the National Security Agency and US Cyber Command was shoved out of was in fact, not literal, as the deep state had all of office windows sealed due to “the environment”.

South Koreans are still puzzling over why their leader declared martial law, while Americans are puzzling over how to get our justice system to work half as well as the South Korean’s.

101 episodes

#News #David Waldman #Kagro #Morning #Kagrox #Daily #Kos #Kitm #David #Waldman

Kagro in the Morning - April 4, 2025

Kagro in the Morning

published about a year ago

MP3•Episode home

Yesterday, Donald K. Trump pitched the world into a steep nosedive, before parachuting out somewhere over the Doral golf course. What was he thinking?

How can the Democrats ever pull us out of this horrible spin? IEEPA!

Don’t ask Trump anything about SignalGate. Don’t ask him about anything. Please don’t ask him about his $5 million instant citizen gold card.

South Koreans are still puzzling over why their leader declared martial law, while Americans are puzzling over how to get our justice system to work half as well as the South Korean’s.

101 episodes

#News #David Waldman #Kagro #Morning #Kagrox #Daily #Kos #Kitm #David #Waldman

All episodes

11 weeks ago1:56:45

1:56:45

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - March 7, 2025 1:56:47

11 weeks ago1:56:47

1:56:47

Social Security workers aren’t allowed to read this story , but heading into the weekend, David Waldman and KITM have remained under the DOGE radar ! Keep your fingers crossed! The first thing we do is … let’s kill all t he Democratic consultants . Ok, that sounds “a little harsh”, and the one thing any consultant will tell you, is that you absolutely do not want to sound “a little harsh”, EVER . Except for when you’re knifing a friend and colleague in the back for sounding “a little harsh”. That’s just pragmatic expediency . Everyone, except possibly that person that you knifed, will forget in no time … Therefore, feel free to knife friends and colleagues in the back as often as needed . It always works ! Do Republicans lie to each other like Democrats do? They lie so often, it’s hard to tell. Will Trump really be counting the gold bars in Fort Knox? Are scientists randomly dressing mice in little fedoras and bonnets? Is the Enola Gay just too gay ? The blunders are stacking up everywhere . But the thing is , if stupid lies work just as well , why not? Lie with every sentence , F ’em i f they can’t take a joke . Russian humor is an acquired taste , you know. At this moment, translators are putting a comedy set together for the Pentagon’s new deputy press secretary, Kingsley Wilson, and her opening act, Jack Posobiec. The parade of comedy never ends! Turning Canada and Mexico’s tariffs on and off never gets old, amirite? Expect a dozen more times with those two, perhaps fewer with China . Maine parents are required to register newborns at the Social Security office , for the LOLs. Fired federal workers bring the gift of laughter to their own relatives. DOGE revealed a secret CIA facility… but no worries, they hid it again… heh heh.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - March 6, 2025 1:56:32

11 weeks ago1:56:32

1:56:32

David Waldman serves up a lot on today’s KITM , but no nothingburgers! You need to head over to Bondi’s for those. Greg Dworkin tried unplugging and replugging Connecticut this morning but they’re still offline up there. Place your bets right now. Will Republicans or Democrats destroy the United States first? Of course, Dems are the “good guys”, right? They stand for … uhm, their intentions are … hmm. It’s just that their Ping-Pong paddles are kind of small and hard to read . Donald K. Trump demands that Al Green be forced to take an IQ test . Representative Green probably should, if he believes that any “fellow” Democrats would have joined his opposition to Trump. Do you think that they would have censured a couple hundred Democrats ? I guess we’ll never know, will we? As Democrats Anonymous member “ Elissa ” said in her rebuttal: … Well, it doesn’t matter “what” she said, it’s that she wouldn’t say anything that consultants say she shouldn’t say , which is very important when you consider “the audience ” that she was speaking to, which would be other consultants . If Democrats were interested in the opinions of anyone other than Democratic consultants, Al Green would have been doing the rebuttal, or AOC , Jasmine Crockett , Eric Swalwell or a hundred or so others, give or take . Meanwhile , Trump deports Ukrainians , while looking into overthrowing their government . That seems to be a weird way to treat a loyal … Wait, we still have loyalties ? Well, “ yes and no ”, and “yes and no ”, and “ yes and no ”, and “yes and no ”, and “ yes and no ”, but maybe… if you play your cards right . That is, if the courts let Trump get away with it, or if Trump can get away with it after the courts try to stop him. Or, if Mr. Musk allows him to . Senate Republicans tell Musk … push Musk to …. beg Musk to let them pretend to have a say in things. Elon is having way too much fun to share right now .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - March 5, 2025 1:57:07

12 weeks ago1:57:07

1:57:07

No, David Waldman did not watch the speech , or the Oscars, or the Super Bowl, all right? (The TV’s been stuck on the History Channel since David lost the remote.) Greg Dworkin is still on Skype, which is now shutting down, forcing an alternative. Greg will be choosing between Zoom or his dial-up fax machine in the basement, whichever has the most pleasant ringtone . Donald K. Trump presented his State of Denial “ address ”… It was a “ Joint Address ” to the Gops who love humiliation , and the Dems, who are learning to . Of course, some Democrats boycotted , but most did not. Some had signs , most did not. Al Green stood up , and was ejected. The rest chose not to join him . Expediency seems to be the hill they have chosen to die on , and there’s certainly little disarray there. With Democrats keeping a low profile until 2026 2028 2030 … it once again falls upon Trump to do all the heavy lifting. The plan has always been to keep the masses just at the precipice of an uprising , but this administration might be slightly overplaying their hand . (Yes, Steve Inskeep is on Blue Sky ) Trump tariffs might sink the stock market , but don’t worry, rich people will still get rich even when poor people get poor. Trump’s tariffs might hurt Trump voters , but Trump doesn’t need them to vote for him anymore. It will take a lot more than mere poverty to ever cool their ardor, though. (Yes, Will Jordan is on Blue Sky ) Anyhow, each passing moment is another opportunity to declare victory and completely reverse course , faster than a bro can change his Zyn pouch . DOGE lists 443 federal properties up for sale, because why work in a building that you own, when you can rent it ? NVM... the list went away . Trump is halting enforcement against corporate lawbreakers. Who says he doesn’t have empathy for his brethren ? However, the Trump Supreme Court says 5-4 that Trump has to follow contractual obligations . Is it too late for Donald to get a full refund on John Roberts?…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - March 4, 2025 1:56:56

12 weeks ago1:56:56

1:56:56

Fat Tuesday! Grab your donuts and breakfast beer and March 4th with David Waldman this morning. This year for Mardi Gras, Cybertruck-shaped piñatas will be roaming the streets! Happy Tariff Day! Trees, a major source of income for both Canada and Joyce Kilmer, will be going up like eggs, as will just about everything , since just about everything comes from Canada, Mexico or China . The only thing going down will be stocks, and they’re going way down. Donald K. Trump will be going viral tonight , up or down, he DNGAF. Can you imagine Dems treating this thing like the locals at a town hall ? Well, imagine away , because they aren’t going to do that . They will bring some people , release some statements mentioning those people , and… ...sorry, my fingers fell asleep typing that. Elon Musk is of course, a visionary-genius, as of course, reflected by his visionarily genius child-naming. Which one was at the White House recently… “5138008”? “88-14WYTB01? “D3L3TDG0VT”? Nope, it was “X Æ A-Xii” … accent on the ” Æ ”. (You know how to pronounce Æ ) That tyke is Elon’s favorite human stole to wear on formal occasions and knew exactly how to trigger fellow toddler Donald K. Trump through the time-honored tradition of wiping boogers on his desk . DataRepublican may not be a visionary-genius name, and neither is Jennica Pounds , but if she doesn’t like you are just as fired as if X Æ A-Xii fired you himself . Donald took the classified documents that he had previously stolen and returned them to … Mar-a-Lago. Because, as previously mentioned, Trump is a toddler. Professional psychopathologists may have a more complex definition of his behavior, but really , someone should just take him out of the adult room before he breaks something. Operation Smell the Whirlwind might have lost their prize quarry , Chuck Schumer. Meanwhile, the Trump Justice Department is figuring out how to spring Tina Peters out of a State Pen . Soon we’ll see how loyal the Trump Supreme Court is. Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has yet to return to the US, but it is certainly expected that he will be required to wear a different wardrobe for his upcoming apology visit . Does clothes make the man , or the man make the clothes ?…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - March 3, 2025 1:56:54

12 weeks ago1:56:54

1:56:54

Ok, where was I? Oh yes, I finished Friday’s summary describing the time Donald K. Trump extorted Ukraine President Zelenskyy to falsely promote Russian interest s. Back in those days we used to impeach Presidents for that kind of stuff. Anyhow... David Waldman is here with the KITM Oscars Analysis . He has heard some “good buzz” about this movie “ Oppenheimer ” that he might want to check out… No spoilers, please! Greg Dworkin is here with a big Raft O’ Stories ™ , loaded with Plenty O’ X links (I know, but the guy still uses Skype too. Some things take time to let go of. ) New Yorkers knew Trump was a mob boss, now the world knows . Everybody knew this was a trap going in. SNL probably had their skit written last Thursday. It’s weird, but we also all knew what the Trump & crew’s reaction to the trap’s gigantic failure would be also . The surprise might be in how this unified Europe against the burgeoning Axis of assholes . Pete Hegseth rotates the turrets away from Russia and levels the guns on Mexico . Which pandemic will you die from this year ? When you find out, write your answer in this DOGE questionnaire. Elon Musk is pulling out of the retail market to go to where the money is: the public sector , where waste and fraud might not run rampant , but he sure can. The good news is that the national debt and pandemic deaths will soon be set to zero with a push of a button . Trump named the cryptocurrencies in the strategic reserve, naturally he named them to his friends first. (Follow The Stalwart on Blue Sky .) If Trump could laugh, he’d cackle with glee as he suspended the security clearances of Jack Smith’s lawyers and demoted prosecutors down to trying CVS shoplifters. Judge Chuang can’t stop the DOJ from beating the USAID because they’re already dead . Of course, the children they were feeding will soon be literally dead . Low-income Trump voters sure hope they don’t find out . They can’t afford to find out much more. Car prices are going up by what a car used to be priced at . Even Elon Musk and his mother are crashing at a bud’s house until this blows over. Kash Patel doesn’t want to flash the Kash Patelmobile around DC and plans to stay in Las Vegas at the pleasure of his megadonor daddy. Democrats understand what to do with a crime in progress … Talk. And, if the crime progresses, talk louder … or perhaps, change the subject , or hold on a while , or wait. Or try all of those in combination, that should do it. If all that can’t stop it, NOTHING can … and they’ll be up for trying that too.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 28, 2025 1:57:02

12 weeks ago1:57:02

1:57:02

David Waldman delivers us to the end of the month, and yes, the end of the week. KITM ’s superpower is to not work on weekends. You don’t see Donald K. Trump work weekends, or weekdays. It’s too much work for him to remember what he said yesterday . Elon Musk is the go-getter, destroying civilization, trolling billions , uploading federal grants with one hand and downloading IVF deposits with the other. Or perhaps the “real power” behind the autocoup is the “husband” and “wife” team of Stephen and Katie Miller. That would explain a lot of things . Chinese crypto guy Justin Sun paid up front on his fraud case, so now the SEC can discover new priorities . (That’s all chump crypto change to North Korea) The FBI raids the EPA without probable cause because that isn’t really needed for a shakedown. Meanwhile, EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin has cracked the case of 40 tons of gold bars shoplifted from Fort Knox. That would seem hard to believe until you consider Donald K. Trump flushed a billion down the toilet to own the EV Libs… and if you think that’s “shocking”, consider that Elon Musk is flushing an entire EV car company down the toilet to own the EV Libs. Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor reports on the one business booming lately, IUD procedures ! Russia Russia Russia put the K in Donald K. Trump . That’s some of why he was impeached that one time , maybe both . Remember when Trump tried to intimidate and extort Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky and blame Ukraine, not Russia for… Oh, hold on, I see that he is doing it again as I type this . I’ll have to stop, or my summary will run right into Monday’s!…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 27, 2025 1:56:24

12 weeks ago1:56:24

1:56:24

David Waldman gives us a few more things to think about, laugh about, get kind of grumpy about, on today’s KITM. Guess what? Dr. Greg Dworkin says America’s got a fever! And the only prescription... is more F-bombs! Covid “alarmists” were closer to the truth than anyone else. (IMO, “alarmist” has been pretty much the way to go for around a decade.) DOGE douches unplugged our healthcare ventilator and were surprised after the heart wouldn’t reboot . Oops! Ebola prevention was shut off … There! Fixed, good as new … They weren’t in America , anyhow. Speaking of Americans, Billions in professional services contracts in Veterans Affairs were to be cut for… whatever . Then someone checked into it and discovered that they were doing some really important stuff there. Who’d guess that so many consequential things would be actually happening? Elon will have to check in with “DataRepublican”, the new Q of MAGA , more often. Whatever your problem is , Elon Musk has got just the thing to fix it. DOGE noticed that the FAA misspelled “Verizon” on their contracts and helpfully corrected it to “Starlink” . You’d be amazed at how many uses Starlink can fulfill. And best for Elon , they each can be turned off at any time , no problem! Even so, for some reason, many in Washington feel pwnd by Musk , as do a lot of others . Speaking of trolls, who are also rapists, human traffickers and child pornographers , Andrew Tate and his brother are arriving in the US, and will probably be Medal of Honor recipients by mid-March. Election denier, rabid insurrectionist toady Paul Ingrassia is now Trump’s guy at Homeland Security. Tariffs on Mexico and Canada will go into effect March 4 as scheduled because Donald K. Trump isn’t becoming re-glued and re-hinged anytime soon. As this our Axis forms , is it patrimonialism supported by anarcholibertarian capitalists or just morons in the moment ?…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 26, 2025 1:57:09

13 weeks ago1:57:09

1:57:09

Right pukka , innit? Another KITM today featuring the brilliant púcaí doodlebugging of David Waldman and Greg Dworkin! The Gop big beautiful awful bill passed the House last night . Clever and feisty Dems were clever and feisty but not quite successful ... yet played a great game . Should Democrats strategize and triangulate and stick up for minorities while appealing to the majority ? Yes! Or… they could just pick out some principles and hills to die on and take those damn hills or find themselves simply primaried out... Or they could wait. MAGA policies aren’t popular , and Donald K. Trump is despicable . People see zero difference between Glenn Youngkin and Marjorie Taylor Greene and Gop town halls aren’t as comfy as they used to be. There’s a chance that we could live to see Republicans crumble, but with medical research lab funding halted , we have no one to figure out what that chance might be. Traffic-cone-on-the-face research device, Gesundheit II , hoped to study the deadly spread of sneezing . (Gesundheit I traced a more silent yet deadly threat .) Federal firings bring back the thrill of flying . Wouldn’t you know, Elon Musk has just the fix : Starlink satellites that he could turn off whenever he’s in “one of his moods ”. You might ask, “ How was Elon awarded that contract so quickly? Was there a vetting or bidding process ?” Go ahead. Ask all you want. They drew straws to see who’d run DOGE , and Amy Gleason was out that day . A federal board agreed to pause firings for some staff. Members of the board, as well as lawyers who assisted Jack Smith, are advised to stay away from open office windows . Any lowly immigrant carrying only their worldly belongings and a certified check for $5 million dollars will always be welcome here as long as Trump is president .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 25, 2025 1:57:10

13 weeks ago1:57:10

1:57:10

David Waldman counts down the days until our national apocalypse , yet with so many tied down the backstretch, this race is a tough call! For supposed “auditors”, nothing about DOGE adds up. Monday, Elon gave federal workers until three to… Uhm, today Elon gave federal workers until three to… Tomorrow , Elon will give federal workers until three to… Trump could barely get a semi-fired up today, as his EO has ED . Musk was able to cut 20 DOGE staff today who couldn’t look themselves in the mirror anymore. Meanwhile, “fired” staffers keep finding themselves “unfired”. Those who did send in responses will have the answers fed into AI and anyone determined to be funnier than Musk will be dismissed immediately… (Those people would also be expected to be more liberal , naturally.) DOGE’s dealings are illegal and even unconstitutional , but now the challenge is determining who is DOGE’s head douche . Trump is so opposed to leaving a paper trail that he skips on chances to cover his own ass. DOGE was designed to attack liberals, but it terrifies the ever-loving crap out of Democrats , which was “ Job One ” for Donald K. Trump. Donald can now leave the Lib cleanup operation to Don Bongino and Don Jr.’s “hunting buddy” who will instruct the FDA to move infant formula by the kilo from this point on. With the US out of the way it is now time to Make Axis Great Again for our new conquest over our old allies. With such colossal corruption, who’s to notice the little stuff, like a Florida congressman assaulting women at night along the Wharf ? At least that’s what the U.S. Attorney’s Office thought when they tossed his warrant into the trash.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 24, 2025 1:56:47

13 weeks ago1:56:47

1:56:47

This weekend KITM Headquarters sent David Waldman and Greg Dworkin an email directing them to list five ways that they contribute to the civil discourse . These overachievers came up with something like two hours' worth! Gop town halls are experiencing F5 blowback from constituents, but it’s a gentle breeze compared to what they’re expecting to be hit with soon . This is the kind of thing local news loves to cover , and local protesters love to attend . People in power may want to hide , but for people who want to be in power, town halls are the place to be seen . Suddenly, no one wants to take credit for their thugs . Never Trump Republicans are divided on a host of issues but know how to get in front of a camera . They are enough of a threat to this administration to earn immediate attention from the Brown Shirts . On the other hand, Democrats are unifying behind nearby hedges to work on their guacamole bar charts , as their “Hope” poster mostly refers to the Second Law of Thermodynamics . Ok, there is Senator Chris Murphy . Other than that, Donald K. Trump’s worst enemy is himself , and he’s doing a simply incredible job . He and Elon , of course. The only people they hate more than themselves are all the other people . With Dan Bongino and Pete Hegseth FA, there won’t be any left to FO. We are, as usual, heading towards a government shutdown . Gops would like to blame Dems, if it wasn’t for all of the government that they’ve been shutting down recently . As for the states, Trump picked and lost a figh t with the Maine Governor, but hating Trump is completely bipartisan . The Times asks if had Ukraine not dressed so provocatively , would Vlad and Donald not be behaving the way they are? Germany has swung to the right in the latest elections but is also not swinging towards the United States.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 21, 2025 1:56:51

13 weeks ago1:56:51

1:56:51

It’s Friday, the day David Waldman pitches us into the maelstrom. We get today’s last dangle before we drop. The weekend is when Elon Musk really lets his Big Balls loose. Well not “his”, per se, those are in a jar at some IVF lab. The rest of us are menaced by whatever his giant ketamine cookie jar of a head is coming up with . The weekdays are for Trump to crop-dust us with EOs, edicts and royal proclamations . Trump will thus eliminate judges who are too judgey and deliver your mail from now on. Jan 6 rioters will soon be deputized. Pete Hic! Seth will purge all generals left of Jack D. Ripper . Trump’s first priority, however, is to take whatever Vlad will allow him . Israel is angry to come up short on their hostage body count. Hamas better move fast before the renovators come in . Trumpy America makes things humiliating for Saudi Arabia, along with every other Middle Eastern faction since the dawn of time . Ah, but we are only weeks away from March 15 and the beginning of spring cleanup season! Gop townhalls are filling with freshly leopard-eaten faces . FAFO is already exceeding overflow capacity . Republicans are beginning to get what they deserve … But you know what ? Democrats deserve double , because, really , nobody voted for that .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 20, 2025 1:56:43

13 weeks ago1:56:43

1:56:43

Greg Dworkin walks us through some familiar and relevant Watergate history, beginning with the saga of John Mitchell , which serves as necessary background to today’s corruption, only part of which manifests itself in the form of Eric Adams’ corruption . Another fun development on this front: a NY Bar Association complaint against Count Boveula. Of course, there are a million other angles on Trump’s corruption, like this one out of left field, on NYC congestion pricing . The Adams story is just today’s appetizer. And that’s just the domestic model. Looking abroad, we find other worrisome precedent—and the potential for new disasters —in Germany. And, of course, the potential for compounding old disasters , as in Ukraine . Checking back in on the growing library of Trump “administration” attorney conflicts of interest, Walt Nauta’s lawyer just remembered he’s in government now, and resigned his case. Another story we had to check back in on: Trump’s targeting of the Merit Service Protection Board. While we were waiting around for a new show, a federal judge reversed MSPB Chair Cathy Harris’ purported dismissal. And that other growing library, the list of federal agencies infiltrated by the DOGE Teen Hunger Force has also expanded. This time, it’s just the Cybersecurity & Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA). No big whoop. Just in case you’d forgotten how they get everyone to lie down for them, though, the answer is just what you thought it was: death threats .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 19, 2025 2:04:26

14 weeks ago2:04:26

2:04:26

David Waldman is not here today! But what is “here”, anyway? David recorded a brand-new show that went over by four minutes — that’s hundreds of extra words! So, he is virtually here today… but what is “virtually”, anyhow? KITM is still OG podcasting, the way they did it back in the twenty teens, none of that funny new stuff , or the funny old stuff , or any of that funny stuff , just the real stuff! (which is often funny) The Trump White House is one step away from adding a laugh track to its ICE videos. DOGE has made Trump II exponentially more incompetent and horrific . Are they saving $ 8 million ? $ 8 billion ? $ 8 trillion ? $8? Who knows? Because that isn’t the point . The National Science Foundation fired probationary employees and threw in some permanent employees and at-will workers . If anyone had a problem, they could take it up with the board ( who were fired ) or tell reporters to make a FOIA request through staff ( who were also fired ). That doesn’t sound like saving money , it sounds like eliminating witnesses . It sounds like burning everything down to hide the bodies . Pam Bondi , She-Wolf of the DOJ, was schutzstaffelling the Eric Adams case the moment she got the job. When Trump picked the one Black woman in the National Labor Relations Board to fire, he might have been dimly aware that it would go to his Supreme Court. Whatever they decide won’t be the end of it. Trump, Putin and the Saudis had a meeting to discuss the upcoming Kyiv Trump Tower and rare earth mines . In only 4 hours they were able to settle on their McDonald’s order and sell out the future of 40 million people .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 18, 2025 1:57:03

14 weeks ago1:57:03

1:57:03

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return in a Tuesday KITM that feels like a Monday KITM but is more like a Friday KITM that feels like a Thursday KITM . You will understand once you hear the Wednesday KITM . A Delta airliner landed on its roof in Minneapolis yesterday. Is that how they are supposed to land ? It doesn’t seem so… unfortunately the people in charge of that at the FAA don’t work there anymore . OSHA also eliminated safety guidelines warning o f a diversity of dangers . Thousands of government employees have been fired because of performance , though “good” or “bad” performance has not been specified . Next up, the Social Security Administration, because there is no “yours” or “their” money , it’s “woke” or “based” money . MAGA is finding out that Musk just doesn’t think they are that cool . One thing’s for certain; you can’t blame Trump or Musk for this, because “ Trump” and “Musk” and “DOGE” and the “Gulf of America” are just words in some mass hallucination that you have chosen to believe. Pick the red or blue pill and… never mind, SCOTUS will pick one out for you . Did “they” flood Kentucky to steal Fort Knox from Elon ? Sure, why not? Gops only care about the rules if that helps them break the rules . “But! Those rules are the rules ! ” the Dems cry out, as sparks shoot out of their ears, and they collapse en masse to the ground . New York City Comptroller Brad Lander has found a set of rules to try after four of the City's Deputy Mayors resigned rather than break their rules . Governor Katy Hochul has now found herself in the uncomfortable position of having to do a thing or at least having a conversation about doing a thing . Of course, no one actually “told” anyone to dismiss Eric Adam’s prosecution… especially not attorney Alex Spiro .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 17, 2025 1:56:45

14 weeks ago1:56:45

1:56:45

David Waldman delivers the first KITM following the declaration of the historic Luigi Doctrine this weekend. Dems in exile plot their counterattack to be waged once they find the Elmer’s to glue together their big piece of posterboard onto that easel that goes behind their outraged speeches. Greg Dworkin is out fighting weather not fit for man nor beast . Greg’s not presumed lost ; in fact, we presume he might turn up tomorrow. Elon Musk is sucking America dry . Anyone willing to reciprocate will be rewarded . Supergenius Elon knows when you are laughing “with” him and when you aren’t . Elon’s son, WD-40, will tell him as he already has more accounting experience and common sense than all DOGErs combined. OSHA guidelines are banned from warning about a diversity of dangers. Hundreds of officials hired to keep nukes from going nuclear are fired, maybe, then rehired, maybe . Maybe they aren’t really fired , they just won’t be paid , or maybe they’ll be arrested today , who knows? If employees were involved with DEI, attended mandatory DEI meetings , had grandparents who were DEI lovers , or have even a drop of DEI blood , they better watch their backs.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - February 14, 2025 1:56:41

14 weeks ago1:56:41

1:56:41

Today, whether you’re planning a romantic evening for two or two hundred , you’ll want to hear David Waldman, the “Barry White of political podcasts ”, on KITM, home of the hottest takes . Elon Musk doesn’t know his SQL from a hole in the ground, but how hard is it really to sucker punch US government agencies defended by only strong rhetoric ? Dems seem kinda happy to be out of power. Gops are certainly happy that they are also out of power . Corporate media is delighted to phone it in . Officers with the federal public integrity unit don’t want to be the one who aids and abets Mayor Eric Adams . Pete Hegseth told NATO to never trust or rely upon the US anymore, and NATO agreed. JD Vance also brought his foreign policy to work today. The Vance Doctrine fights woke around the world. Little DOGEy Edward Coristine might have dabbled in racism and pedophilia back in his youth of last year, but Elon Musk will groom him to greatness . Emil Bove, who somehow looks more like Stephen Miller than Miller does will hunt down the Jan 6 prosecutors he worked with before the end times. Thomson Reuters wins the first major AI copyright case in the US .…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 13, 2025 1:56:33

14 weeks ago1:56:33

1:56:33

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back and will continue to return until we straighten up . Today in political procedure efficaciousness: Democratic Representatives aren’t really into leading a peaceful revolution at the moment, which will probably end in… something not so good … that they won’t be leading anyhow . Therefore, it falls upon Gops to be responsible and save the nation and stuff... Meanwhile, Attorney General Pam Bondi, flanked by FBI agents , as a signal that she meant business , announced the immediate arrest of traitors to the Father … no wait, she didn’t. Plenty of others around the world are happy to, however, and Americans can and will die from this . As per tradition , Gazans will be allowed to leave a trail of tears when relocated. We abandon Ukraine . We abandon Nato . We abandon the world . We are such pussies . Disney fights woke by taking the trigger warning off Dumbo, while slipping in the most woke verse to the most woke song on the most woke theme park ride ever. Finally, the yoke of woke is off entertainment! Finally, the Kennedy Center will be free to honor the next Leni Riefenstahl , as long as she’s blonde with double Ds. The State Department said they were buying $400M in Cybertrucks . Elon Musk denied that the State Dept is buying $400M worth of Tesla Cybertrucks. The state department removed the word “Tesla” from the $400M contract. Waste and corruption are gone! You are welcome ! Elon Musk will pay $10 million to settle its NOT-Z site lawsuit. Elon Musk collects $8 million per day for his DODGEY efforts . Even Elon’s son THX-1138 can do the math on who’s in charge here. Arbitrary and capricious ! Who’d guess that something as obscure as “law” would throw Trump off his righteous path ? Trump and paperwork , man. JD Vance has always been JD First, which he believes will get him into Heaven . Experts disagree .…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 12, 2025 1:56:59

15 weeks ago1:56:59

1:56:59

IYL to KITM , YK but David Waldman only has two hours, weekdays, to tell you. Somedays, like today, Greg Dworkin shows up to assist via his many helpful interruptions . Democrats will never bring a gun to a knife fight . They won’t bring a knife to a knife fight . They bring Robert’s Rules of Orde r to a knife fight. Dodgy Doges performing illegal acts on government property? What do you want Dems to do? Walk by a guard? No! Effective procedure is far too complex for that. Think of the trouble it would cause if Jasmine Crockett were to actually break Nancy Mace’s nose! No one wants trouble , no matter how good that trouble might be. After all, we have the Constitution . They are still letting us have the rule of law (as of 2:10 PM EST) Yep, just wait for things to turn out right … Also, Gops seem to be morons , so there’s always some hope there . (Remember to NOT follow anyone on the NOT-Z site! They are always available elsewhere !) Then there’s that DODGY , and its most Artful DOGEr , Elon Musk. Elon, wearing his son Mxyzptlk , was forced to call his worst employee onto the oval carpet yesterday. Donald was asleep at the job again , and worse couldn’t perform the simple task of lying to credulous access stenographers about why DODGY exists, which is of course to destroy Elon’s enemies , including all the poors , (Because hilarious! ) leaving the remainder … the folks that get it . New York Mayor Eric Adams gets it . But if it turns out he hasn’t, back into the box he goes. By the way, how did the Pope ever get the impression that JD Vance worshiped Christ ? Sunday’s Superbowl halftime show was the second most watched TV show of all time but may have taken the lead in the number of stupid people watching it. That is, stupid people and old white folks whose kids obviously didn’t them bring up right. Here today to guide us is KITM Senior Hip-Hop Correspondent and Cultural Zeitgeist Analyst Darwin Darko who personally recorded a quick 10-minute primer to catch us up .…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 11, 2025 1:57:04

15 weeks ago1:57:04

1:57:04

On today’s KITM David Waldman reviews the freshest havoc being delivered direct to your door. Donald opened the gates on Arkham Asylum yet again, Rod Blagojevich scurried out. Eric Adams will be allowed to remain “New York City” Mayor as long as he remembers whose mayor he really is . Trump streamlines the process and just legalizes bribery and corruption . Judge Berman Jackson placed an administrative stay on the firing of Special Counsel Hampton Dellinger. Trump sent a lawyer in a velvet tux to shout “Objection!” Today’s chaff explosion contains pennies and Lee Harvey Oswald’s laptop from hell . Also, Jan 6 cops were the rioters . Trump’s biggest corruption ever, and possibly the biggest this week... or maybe today, is to create a Trump-centric economy and kill the watchdog . This began before the inauguration, when early crypto traders stroked the $TRUMPet and made millions from nothing, for no one. Trump is a narcissistic sociopathic grifter, but he knows what side his bread is buttered on and isn’t interested in destroying all of his adoring fans . Elon Musk, however, is in this for the Lulz . He’s still giving out reasons for what he does, but that’s for his lulz as well. If he told the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau why he wanted in the door , they wouldn’t have let him in , and what is the fun in that? Musk gets along with his little Dogeys by rescuing the worst of every litter . Elon knows who he needs for this job. If your bs got you fired , that bs will get you hired by Musk .…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 10, 2025 1:56:48

15 weeks ago1:56:48

1:56:48

It’s Superbowl Monday ! There may be some problem with saying that, but it also seems that most have bigger things on their plate. David Waldman is here to help carry our metaphorical plates Greg Dworkin somehow hauls in his Raft O’ Stories™ while riding in on the new FAFO Express ™. Jeff Stein over on the NOT-Z website describes what he sees as the DOGE game plan . (Jeff will describe it to you at the Good Place also.) Kingpin Elon Musk adds to Trump’s psychopathogarchy an all new economic model with him at the top of the pyramid scheme , and a system of government similar to your health insurance help line . Already Musk’s trademark efforts have cut worker turnover in half . Elon’s handymen are busy installing backdoors all over Washington. Much of what Boss Musk is doing is illegal , but who’s going to tell him , will he listen , and if not, who’s going to make him listen ? JD Vance believes that Trump should just shut down the “federal” part of government and just hand off the rest to the States. Russell Vought, the acting director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, didn’t act that way for long, shutting it all down and adding a few more lawsuits to the pile. The National Security Agency will be deleting any websites that show bias… that is, the word “bias”, also “prejudice”, “racism” and “gender”. Everyone knows that if those words are eliminated, so of course would be the problems . Trump knows to fire the people foolish enough to come to the diversity training that he ordered. Trump meanwhile assures citizens that the treasury is rigged , and that their dollars are fake , so just calm down until Mike Lindell takes a look at everything. Farmers were assured that their USDA funding would not be frozen , but no one promised that they would keep sending them checks. You can trust Trump to be a liar, but you can’t trust that he is always lying . You can trust Trump to be purely transactional, but you never know if you are the recipient, or the payment.…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 7, 2025 1:56:50

15 weeks ago1:56:50

1:56:50

To no one’s surprise, the excuses the Trump White House is issuing for Elon Musk’s attacks on USAID are not true . Eleven of the 12 offered are just flat lies or inaccurate. The twelfth is just dumb. Meanwhile, Trump continues to insist on the dumbest possible reading of everything, including his claim that USAID subsidized Politico . Which, duh. Although maybe Politico thought they could get subsidized by the Trump “administration” if they licked his boots enough. Nope! Not only that, but Trump now thinks he’s ordered the government-wide cancellation of all media contracts. Probably not the best one , though. If it’s not a White Guy, it’s DEI !™ NSA papers over, then re-reveals its “Hall of Honor” exhibits. Overzealous enforcement, or malicious compliance? Anyway, you’ll never believe it, but Elon’s Lost Boys were lying about their access . Oh, and they’re racists . Oh, and Little Marco was lying about a fake freebie deal with Panama, too. Oh, and Elon’s been falling for Russian fake videos again. Who benefits when USAID leaves the field? The other team(s) . (Though Elon might actually be on those teams.) Who loses? The people Trump says he’s “protecting” from “ anti-Christian bias .” Of course, he also thinks he’s protecting against anti-Jewish bias , too. Did the Trump “administration” learn its lesson from Colombia, about treating deportees with minimum basic standards of dignity? Well, you heard me say it was Trump, right? Pop quiz! Who is the Archivist of the United States? Pop quiz! Who is the chair of the Federal Election Commission? Google is your friend co-conspirator .…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 6, 2025 1:56:19

15 weeks ago1:56:19

1:56:19

Gluttons for punishment or eternal optimists? David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back, and so are you! Be on the lookout! Someone has stolen 100,000 eggs , and the suspect is still at large... grade A, extra-large ! Alas, there are worse cartoon supervillains on the loose. Elon Musk is attacking his enemies, USAID and USA , while his chief henchman Trump finally breaks the Senate , orders America to check the undies of 9-year-olds , weaponizes government against the first female Coast Guard commandant , and pours billions of gallons of water into the sewer while looking into the eyes of drought-ridden farmers. Trump can’t find enough people here to set on his trail of tears, so he hopes to add Gazans. Democrats have yet to solidify around a solution , as most of the good solutions might be considered felonies. Democracy is down, but maybe not out . Most people don’t like what’s happening , if that matters anymore. Gops don’t like Musk , but who does? And what just happened with Trump’s tariff strategy ? Trump and paperwork , man! But then again, his boss Musk has some crafty little ones working for him. They were born into the age of trolling . Their entire life has been a black mirror , for them all reality is fungible. For them, all truth is no more or less than an internet poll. All those numbers and names are just data , bro.…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 5, 2025 1:57:02

16 weeks ago1:57:02

1:57:02

We and David Waldman have made it to the Wednesday KITM ! Now, let’s try for Thursday ! Greg Dworkin bursts through the door, cinders in his hair, shirt torn, exclaiming “The State of the Union is not... sound” before collapsing. Really? I read that The Sims is 25 , but are things that bad out there? Why yes, things are that bad . You won’t be reading that on government websites , because they have been shut off . As for the MSM, “Trump is brazenly defying laws ” must be hard to type from the lower intestine of a leopard , which is also a bad location to recover from . But what if Trump defies judges next? Well, that is the point in being “brazen”, right? Anyhow, Trump’s face will eventually be leopard chow, because Elon’s actually running this operation , somehow one step ahead of everyone with his gang of kids , including Big Balls and The Artful Dodger . The Dems charge over the hill , cavalry bugling , finally . But who to rescue first? The FAA bans employees from making air travel safer . The USPS suspends and un-suspends packages from China. The Army doesn’t know what the F is going on . Trump hopes to have Gaza wrapped up to give Jared for Christmas . Don’t worry, Palestinians can come back after it’s “world class”, right after Paiutes return to Las Vegas and the Lenape to Manhattan. By then Gazans in the Middle East ( and Africa! ) will have collected enough condoms to line their new private swimming pools. And why does everyone keep trying to trade war Donald ? Oh, I forgot that Trump is an idiot figurehead, a complete cypher . Unfortunately, not enough people remember that. Remember that the enemy isn’t who Trump tells MAGA it is , it is whomever that Elon Musk thinks it is . At this moment the enemy is the less than a quarter of one percent of the US GDP in foreign aid. “Nonessential” USAID personnel will find out how essential they’ve been deemed late in the afternoon of the day that they need to leave their countries. The least essential guy available has been put in control of their future.…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 4, 2025 1:56:55

16 weeks ago1:56:55

1:56:55

David Waldman spins the big wheel of awfulness , let’s see if your number comes up ! Our digital Pearl Harbor continues, and we continue to lose . Federal workers are reeling from the ongoing surprise attack . A 25-year-old working for Musk now has a few trillion dollars of his very own. You say it was your money? Try proving that with a deleted Social Security number . You say a federal judge backs you... What federal Judge? You say you have a paper trail… What’s paper ? Chuck Schumer has a few zingers that he had hoped to unleash on Gerald Ford but now is as good a time as any . Gops blame DEI in schools eating the cats and dogs to poop in the litterboxes . Steven Miller says that you saw the ax in Trump’s hand when you let him in the door. What did you expect would happen ? Anyhow, who’s Trump? President Musk has finished measuring the drapes and will be accepting the Oval Office now. Today’s random country is South Africa. South African President Cyril Ramaphosa begs Elon for mercy, not Donald . Donald’s happy to just sign stuff and go golfing. Heads up to Democrats, today’s target is the Department of Education , so you’ll know to put that on your list to definitely get to , sometime . The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau just said F’ it and surrendered . The NSA puts burkas on their woman’s photos. Susan Collins is concerned . Trump is putting together a sovereign wealth fund so that he still gets a chunk when this all goes down.…

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Kagro in the Morning - February 3, 2025 1:56:38

16 weeks ago1:56:38

1:56:38

On today’s KITM , David Waldman and Greg Dworkin attempted to sum up what happened over the weekend. Now, let me try to sum up that. Musk and Trump are about halfway in their overthrow of the United States . Democrats who stick with procedure as Gops violate norms , now consider violating norms as Gops violate laws . We wish them and the mainstream media godspeed in their journey . Meanwhile, between you and me , we seem pretty fucked ... Musk has already taken over government computers , blinded their security , decapitated leadership across dozens of agencies , and incapacitated their defense in a weekend that will live in infamy … Not here, we’re talking Kanye here , but everywhere else in the world as they watch the USAFAFO. And that’s not the half of it ! Elon is taking the United States, but not before Donald can ruin it . Even Fox News will tell you that . Brian Stelter recommends that you subscribe to Canadian News. I recommend that you follow Brian Stelter on Threads , or Blue Sky! It sure beats following him on state media ! Pour one out for the Star Ledger. The remaining US media sit in slack-jawed amazement as economists slowly explain the stuff they should’ve learned in high school . The Chair of the House Appropriations committee might need to retake remedial civics classes. Graduate level courses are offered by Matt Glassman on Nazi Social , but also, of course , on Blue Sky . Hey! Remember last week, when Trump emptied reservoirs of water to punish California farmers for voting blue?…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 31, 2025 1:44:16

16 weeks ago1:44:16

1:44:16

There is nothing wrong with your media device. Do not attempt to adjust the sound. We are controlling transmission... Well, we were for a while . On Libsyn and Patreon versions of today’s KITM David Waldman might have recorded a sign off, on others though, if you aren’t hearing anything after 1:42:18, that is not a very dramatic pause, you’re just out of podcast until Monday morning. Anyhow, are you feeling shocked and awed ? That was definitely the intent in Trump’s freezing of federal loans and grants, which has been rescinded… but was the order actually rescinded , or just the memo containing the order ? Aha! Gotcha ! Expect this bullshit. The Office of Personnel Management “survey” contained a “resign” button that either does nothing or ruins your life . Spinning the wheel will never land you on seven months' pay, just a fork in the eye . The Trump DOJ will now drop prosecution of Trump’s henchmen , because they are now the president’s henchmen. In the over 1,500 Jan. 6 insurrectionists pardoned several have been rearrested or killed in police shootouts, as well they should . And yet some expect the pardon to carry over to their future crimes. Zuck invested another $25 mil to stay out of Gitmo . FU, FIU . With the show ending early, let me offer something constructive to do with your extra 15 minutes: KNOW YOUR RIGHTS . Make certain that everyone knows their rights . And, if you find yourself with a little extra rights compared to others, spread them around ! We now return control of the internet to you, until next Monday at this same time, when Kagro in the Morning will take you to... The Outer Limits .…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 30, 2025 1:56:14

16 weeks ago1:56:14

1:56:14

David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and we are under the cloud of a domestic commercial airline disaster , just a few days after Trump/Elon fixed it. ON BLUE SKY , experts have predicted something like this for a while in the area. President Why Don’t They Just demanded to know why didn’t they just avoid colliding up there, then realized that black and gay people might be involved , then remembered that Obama and Buttigieg actually were involved. Whew! Disaster averted ! Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy adroitly asked, “ Does this stuff normally happen, or what? ” Gop Tim Burchett begs fellow Republicans to just shut up already, Jeez! Dems are deliberating on a sternly worded letter that they hope to release this fiscal year. Did you ever think that maybe this administration can’t be this stupid ? They probably are , though. It is after all what their voters demand over everything . Using military jets for deportations is an ugly, wasteful, and a super-cool photo op that will be played on a loop in corporate media. If they can find a well-lit faucet in California Trump will send Seal Team 6 and a Fox News crew there . Gitmo is the perfect concentration camp for Trump , even if he never sends anyone there. Mel Gibson is slated to direct. The scene opens with masked strangers in body armor attempting to kidnap children, only to be turned away by newly-armed military-trained elementary school teachers. David gives his analysis of Kevin Elliott’s analysis of Ezra Klein's analysis of why Republicans just walk over and kick you in the balls . What young impetuous newcomers in DC don’t realize is that those dinosaurs they want out of the way have evolved an extremely tenacious grip that will not be broken unless that meteorite bops them directly on the forehead , and even then … Meanwhile, Israel released 110 Palestinian prisoners after Gaza released theirs . They’re still getting the hang of it.…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 29, 2025 1:57:09

17 weeks ago1:57:09

1:57:09

the weekend yesterday…David was just checking to see if you had a calendar! Remember, always ask to see the paperwork! Because today is not Saturday, Greg Dworkin showed up to review the breathtaking amount of FA occurring, with the inevitable FO upcoming . Just because Trump “can’t” impound doesn’t mean he can’t “impound” … or maybe he can’t ! That right wing circle jerk might have got the water hose after all. (Follow Aaron Fritschner on Blue Sky , damn it) Senator Lisa Blunt Rochester pointed to the overstep , withholding her vote on Sean Duffy . (Who made it, anyhow .) The president is now offering a buyout for federal employees to not come in to work, that is “ President Musk ”, now tired of impersonating a video gamer and various others is trying the same trick on all federal employees . This might be Elon’s most based troll yet! Meanwhile the purge continues . The DOJ fires career lawyers . The DOD fires career soldiers . Even 4-star General Mark Miley needs to watch his step around 5th story windows .…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 28, 2025 1:56:56

17 weeks ago1:56:56

1:56:56

Two-fisted drinker of breakfast beverages, David Waldman tells it like it is this Tuesday. WAR ! Trumpskrieg is in full force, finding the calvaries of MGs Schumer and Jeffries still tamping down their muskets. Of course, reporters aren’t used to the news being so damn “new” either. MAGA forces have already scored massive , albeit imaginary victories in Colombia , California and assorted elementary schools. If Canada and Mexico get tired of Trump , they can just hit the BRICS . The White House paused all federal grants and loan disbursement , which they can’t do , and just did . This has caused immediate chaos and although they promise it will be temporary chaos , it will be long-term chaos which they hope to turn into permanent chaos . There is also a Gop proposal to make college scholarships taxable income as most of us will be picking tomatoes within a generation anyhow. Trump hopes to skip out of the World Health Organization without paying the bill . When Trump pardoned repeat offending wife beating, police assaulting, gun running pedophiles he never could have guessed they would return to a life of crime . One thing’s for certain, Matthew W. Huttle would have been alive today if it wasn’t for Donald Trump.…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 27, 2025 1:56:49

17 weeks ago1:56:49

1:56:49

It’s Infrastructure Week! The second week of razing civilization while laying a foundation of chaos , disinformation, and fear . I guess our job , with the help of David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, is to chip some away as Gops and MAGAs lay it down . Tariffs are a bad idea . Does anyone know why… Anyone ? Well, everyone knows, but threatening tariffs gets airplay. So does loading up a military plane with shackled immigrants . If the news plays them both as clips hundreds of times each day it will shortly begin to feel like a success , which is as good as anything real for these folks . Colombia, the Gem of South America , threatened Jr.’s upcoming shipment of uncut… no wait, cut flowers over tariffs threatened upon them by Trump when they complained of mistreatment in Trump’s photo op deportations . Trump sees a tremendous, beautiful future for Gaza once those savage Gazans are cleared out. Of course, they can come back once their housing is built featuring world-class amenities and fine dining . Denmark was last week’s Colombia , but they’ve notified Trump that he’ll have to come through the United Kingdom to get to them. Information wants to be free , which might be why we are having trouble getting our $KAGRO memecoin off the ground. Nonetheless, plenty of millionaires have somehow become billionaires clamping down on information over the years. China has just ruined the party with an open-source AI turd in the punchbowl . Meanwhile, Sweden has decided that Russia doesn’t want any information to be free to travel under the ocean off their shores. All of this should be cleared up in Trump’s third term, promises Tennessee fraudster congressman Andy Ogles. That sounds a little less funny to Ohioans who remember Governor Jim Rhoades, a monster that Donald would be expected to emulate .…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 24, 2025 1:57:03

17 weeks ago1:57:03

1:57:03

David “ Golden Voice ” Waldman mellifluously orated us through the week and off the ledge. We’re on our own now, but first : President Why Don’t You Just is out there just getting things done every minute. What things ? Why ? Don’t ask him, he doesn’t know and doesn’t care. He has staff for that. But Trump, like any boss will tell you, is the only one getting things done around here. That’s why he’s ordering all the lazy good-for-nothing remote workers to get their asses back to office where someone can assistant manage them. There! His boss part is done, the rest is just details . On to California to find out why don’t they just turn on the big water tap so people can flush their toilets on the fire? They could they just put immigrants on the fire line and… what? Details ! What matters is that a lot gets done, whatever that might be . As long as things just get done , we can always go back and make corrections. Like the two DC cops who chased that kid with their SUV until he was run over . Pardon the cops , and as for the kid… That’ll buff right out. Must bosses think of everything ? It’s up to teachers across the nation to figure out what to tell their children when an automatic weapon toting stranger enters a classroom and schoolmates disappear forever… and when that stranger wasn’t sent by the Feds. Wielding government to annihilate woke weaponized government is tricky business. Might need to crack a lot of eggs to make that omelet. The Leopards Ate My Face party will sometimes have to accept that a certain number of faces will be eaten by leopards. Lauren Boebert went to check the genitalia of someone in the restroom and came up empty handed . Andrew Puzder’s wife beating kept him from being labor secretary in 2017 , but now he will be EU ambassador. Now, there’s probably nothing in the way of him beating his wife . Several congressional Gops were happy to attend Cassidy Hutchinson’s Jan. 6 testimony and texted her with details on how they would like to show her their happiness . Mike Johnson had to send his son an emergency boner alert.…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 23, 2025 1:56:27

17 weeks ago1:56:27

1:56:27

David Waldman answers the pressing questions of today, accompanied in close harmony by Greg Dworkin. It sure is a great time to be a jackbooted thug in America. Soon there will be more prison camps than Super 8s . Experts warn that deportations threaten the US food supply . Farmers say that too . MAGA farmers could have sworn that Trump was only talking about the more “metropolitan” immigrants, but it turns out that this administration’s plans are a bit more ambitious . In anticipation of the future high demand for thugs, the President tapped his strategic Jan. 6 reserve , releasing 1,500 back into the wild in hopes that they multiply. Non-thug Americans disprove of this , especially those who met any of them . Gops promise to restock the prisons as soon as possible. Ein Hitlergruß ist ein Hitlergruß ist ein Hitlergruß , but as you’d expect, saying that in English in American media is positively verboten . “ Will no one rid me of this meddlesome Bishop Budde ?” pled Trump II to his subjects recently. Trump is probably at the peak of his popularity , thus the peak of his power , probably , maybe . Tech Broligarchs dream like no bro has dreamt before , of a radical future utopia where they can raise themselves high above those less forward thinkers , bringing along their portly merchants , muscular warriors … but no DEI hires !…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 22, 2025 1:56:54

18 weeks ago1:56:54

1:56:54

David Waldman retains his faith in democracy and the rule of law , otherwise what would we talk about in a couple of weeks? Greg Dworkin declares this the year of FAFO . There is plenty of FA for sure as the Felon Authoritarian President gets his treason party started. Out goes anything that Biden ordered with “ equity”, “lawful”, “ethics”, “civil”, “sustainable”, “inclusion”, “access”, “opportunity”, “affordable” or “trustworthy” in the title… make that anything Lyndon Johnson ordered as well, if he meant that a minority should get anything . Jackboots are now approved to kick down church and school doors. Treaties are for lighting cigars only. And if there’s anyone left not screwed over … screw them too ! What about the FO part? That might take some time , at least more than three days. Republicans oppose pardons for violent January 6 convicts ? Oh well! Why didn’t they say something earlier? Probably because they didn’t know, didn’t want to know , no one was about to tell them , and anyone who tries will be punished . The ones who have FO however, aren’t FA anymore . Gops are so busy knowing nothing that they can’t pull their Reich together . Trump just knows that Gaza will be such a beautiful place once they sweep all the dead Gazans up . Meanwhile, Elmo put his right hand in , he put his right hand out , Musk did the Honky Pokey but only Nazis want to dance with him anymore. Bros hoping to cyber up their own private Pinochet Medieval Fair stocked with hot twerking Ayn Rands are sad that the NPCs consider them “weird”.…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 21, 2025 1:56:58

18 weeks ago1:56:58

1:56:58

Progress on David Waldman’s memecoin, $KAGRO , is moving along slow and steady … Kidding! 15 years and we don’t even have a t-shirt! In the meantime, you can show your solidarity and enthusiasm right here . Welcome to 2025... Project 2025 has commenced with President Why Don’t Cha farting out whatever EOs and affixing his skid mark to most of them… maybe somebody will check . Or not. It is only a matter of time before SCOTUS decides that whatever the (this) president thinks to himself will be law until someone says differently… and who is left to say differently ? People believe that Trump made $50 billion from his memecoin. He didn’t, but as always it is more important to him that people believe that he did , and that he alone can . Keeping the mythos going is reason enough to let 1,500 J6 insurrectionists loose to rearm . When your lord is all-powerful, there’s no limit to what you can do. Instead of a wall, Trump’s declaring martial law , and Mexico will pay for it this time ! (Not just any President can declare martial law , you know.) Leonard Peltier had to wait until he was 80 for freedom and it probably doesn’t include a discount at the local gun shop. It is the dawn of the golden age of the broligarchy , yet some bros are sad … perhaps a cyber-Galt Gulch will finally dry their tears.…

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Kagro in the Morning - January 20, 2025 1:56:58

18 weeks ago1:56:58

1:56:58

RIP, Charles “ Big Chuck ” Schodowski. Man, that’s the end of an era that no one will ever recapture. You won’t see times like that again, guaranteed . David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to interrupt each other and some of our doomthinking for a couple of hours. The thumb-in-the-eye president is back to stick his thumb in more eyes . Voters with problems know someone else is to blame and have reelected history’s greates t blame-shifter to blame those who aren’t them . Sure, he’ll be Lovecraftianly horrific otherwise, but on that one skill he is a virtuoso. All the rest are lies of course but lies that feel so good people will pay billions to hear them. Your goldbug friends who wanted a return to the gold standard are now going crypto which is stable somewhere between zero and infinity. A one-world coinage sounds just fine to them. Welcome to today’s new gilded age , with sadly no Titanic yet spotted on the horizon. A couple of bros wanted to buy Greenland for incels and stock it with females . Donald wants a piece of that too. Rudy Giuliani doesn’t have that pay to play anymore. Trump’s DC hotel might reopen as the world’s premiere graft speakeasy , but this time Elon’s opening his international whorehouse of payola right up the street. The inaugural ass kiss lip balm concession sold out today around one o’clock. Israel trusted Bibi Netanyahu to lie to them , but some are concerned that he might have begun telling the truth lately. And, it is still Martin Luther King Jr. Day , this year .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 17, 2025 1:56:41

18 weeks ago1:56:41

1:56:41

Bob Uecker and David Lynch are hanging out together in Heaven’s waiting room , laughing ( slowly, and in reverse, naturally ), looking down as Hell freezes over so that Donald Trump can return to the Presidency. But... why are we still here though? Probably to listen to David Waldman on the Friday KITM . Don’t turn to Republicans to answer your questions, existential or otherwise. They have all the answers, just not to the questions they’ve been asked. If they told you the answer they wouldn’t have to kill you, but they’ll wish they have had killed themselves. Joe Biden looked at his watch and just realized that he forgot to answer all the questions and fix everything . Hurry Joe! What caused Sam Harris to wake up and turn on his bro Elon Musk , other than they couldn’t fit both of their heads into the same room anymore? Bro RFK Jr. isn’t a part of the broligarchy on nepotism, inheritance, and psychopathy alone. He put in his time scamming rubes just like the rest of them . Paul Manafort returns to his job of being the bro of the broligarchy and dick for the dictators. Beta Mike Johnson makes certain to have all betas in chair positions before Trump comes in. Meatball Ron DeSantis sometimes doesn’t do exactly what he’s told but is still a good boy . In Minnesota, DFL Rep. Brad Tabke of Shakopee won reelection , but Gops seized control anyway, which would really matter if they had planned to get anything done legislatively.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 16, 2025 1:56:22

18 weeks ago1:56:22

1:56:22

Joe Biden has said farewell , but I guess David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and the rest of us will stick around out of some sort of morbid curiosity . Joe took the opportunity to warn us about what Ike warned us about , and look at how well we headed that warning. Biden also sounded the alarm on the threat of oligarchy . Of course, he probably should have added the threat of illiteracy . Oligarchies suck , but apparently not if they are run by a bro . Not as many people see Joe Biden as a bro as they used to. Definitely not as many bros as who see Trump as a bro. For instance, Trump said that if Israel and Hamas didn’t quit fighting, he’d go over there and kick somebody’s ass. Worked like a charm . Middle East peace is locked in for the next thousand years or more, unless somebody screws up. If California doesn’t shape up, Jim Jordan will take their 2028 Olympics and give it to Cleveland. Elon Musk used his chic oligarchic charm to free an Italian from Iranians . Meanwhile, in the Gop it isn’t possible to be too dumb or drunk , but it is possible to be too macho if it shrivels the machismo of the incoming boss.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 15, 2025 1:56:46

19 weeks ago1:56:46

1:56:46

As the news desert encroaches , David Waldman and Greg Dworkin continue to serve us tasty news dessert : Pete Hegseth is on his way to be the first DEI Miltary hire of the upcoming administration. It is hard to deny Hegseth ’s qualifications as an authentic bona fide POS . Experience or ability would obviously distract from Pete’s purity of purpose , yet being a born-again evangelical elevates Hegseth to sacrosanct untouchability . Hegseth will be the first thumb-in-the-eye member of the thumb-in-the-eye administration of the Thumb-In-The-Eye President . Greenland is thinking about rejoining the EU and should probably also make sure their NATO paperwork is up to date. Denmark wants to talk on the down low, but Trump always tells, and if he hasn’t got anything to say will make it up anyhow. Sure, people have given Trump half a billion dollars for his inauguration… but what have they done for him lately? This term Trump wants no responsibility, no blame, but especially no debt . 23 thousand acres in ashes might be considered pretty bad optics for Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass , especially when she wasn’t in really great shape to begin with. One thing’s for certain, none of this would have happened on Honorary Mayor Bob Saget ’s watch! Meanwhile, in South Korea, in the course of a few months the President fomented insurrection, declared martial law, was impeached , and is now arrested , because that country has a functioning justice system.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 14, 2025 1:56:55

19 weeks ago1:56:55

1:56:55

David Waldman has a couple of things he would like to talk about today, and a couple of hours to talk about them. Pull up a chair. That SOB was guilty and got away with it again. That about sums it up, the rest are details. This time it’s Special counsel Jack Smith saying it . No one has ever committed such crimes before, during, after, or before a presidency , to then be invited to an encore performance. Do you think that the J6 insurrectionist convicted of plotting to murder his FBI investigators will receive one pardon , or two ? If Trump can’t be found guilty of insurrection , can anybody? If we act soon , we might be able to squeeze in a thousand impeachment proposals this term, and maybe a few hundred impeachments. Speaking of guilty SOBs , the time for intimidating and silencing Pete Hegseth’s witnesses is almost over. Now the question is whether Pete is scum enough to lock in Republican votes.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 13, 2025 1:56:46

19 weeks ago1:56:46

1:56:46

While others shout into the void, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin stare into the abyss, weekdays on KITM : The inferno continues around Los Angeles , urged on by the red wind. California is finding out who their friends are, and who isn’t . Some will learn something, some won’t . Insurance companies are having to scrape money together to buy insurance for themselves. We dive into our own metaphorical conflagration next week . President Joe Biden rides off into the sunset , although Joe might not have let the sun set so far before he started riding. The guy taking over has no beliefs, no principles, no shame and no problem . Welcome back to the art of the deal . Jack Smith is also out of here . Aileen Cannon makes another big move to clinch this season of The Presidential Apprentice. DOGE is vaporware , but that doesn’t mean that Elon won’t get some fun trolling out of it. Would a blackout drunk rapist still be a hiring risk as long as he was a good Christian nationalist ? That is the question hoped to be answered in soon upcoming cabinet nominee hearings . Senator Katie Britt doesn’t have that answer but can describe in detail how useless corporate news has become.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 10, 2025 1:56:43

19 weeks ago1:56:43

1:56:43

TGIFKITM ! David Waldman takes us to the weekend, and if we show up again on Monday, he’ll start all over and do it again! Donald Trump is now a convicted and sentenced felon and yet is somehow still getting away with it . Of course, he tried to get away with more, citing Irreparable Injury among other BS to the Supreme Court. OBVIOUSLY, that’s not how the Court, laws, the Constitution work ! Except … It almost did . One old white guy in a robe didn’t fix things for Trump this time . Less than 10 days before he corrects that situation . I predict that Aileen Cannon will win this season of Presidential Apprentice . But why did Trump fire the reliably loyal National Archivist Colleen Shogan? Maybe a dopamine release to his tiny vermin brain? Why does it ever have to be anything more? God continues to work in mysterious , or not so mysterious , ways. MAGA isn’t about to blame God for the fires in Los Angeles when there’s more money in other scapegoats , like Democratic-Jewish Space Lasers. Donald exploits all suffering to his own ends , because it feeds the pit in his soul , and because that strategy has never failed him yet . During his visit to Greenland, Donald Jr. tried his hand in exploiting the destitute , but he just doesn’t have the Old Man’s touch. Gops are trying to throw out votes in all North Carolina statewide races. The Pizzagate gunman died as he lived: a dangerous lunatic. Finally, we at KITM regret to announce that Anita Bryant lived 84 years .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 9, 2025 1:56:21

19 weeks ago1:56:21

1:56:21

Yet again , David Waldman and Greg Dworkin bring their usual camaraderie and repartee to today’s KITM . That kind of stuff is hard to fake ! Today is a good day to ask ourselves , WWJCD ? Probably not a single thing that will ever happen now . For people who don’t like being called Hitler , MAGAs sure are into annexation lately. Greenland , Canada , Mexico and Panama have been asking for it lately, showing off their ample mineral assets, letting just anyone into their trade routes . How can they not expect to get grabbed by the canal? What does Trump get out of empty threats ? The satisfaction of watching people flinch . Wildfires like hot air , so Trump is focusing his degradation and intimidation on the victims instead. California will of course have to shut off the windmills , those things just blow the fire around . Remember your shock when the Trump Supreme Court handed down its decision on Presidential immunity? Well, I hope you’re sitting down when you find out what Trump and Alito are cooking up this time. Meanwhile, Elon Musk, whose sole joy in life is stirring up shit , found some in the UK in the personage of lifelong POS Tommy Robinson . In election news, Virginia’s Abigail Spanberger goes right down the middle to find a one-point lead over the local extremist , while Lebanon’s Joseph Aoun becomes the fifth army commander to be elected as president in multi-Islamic Lebanon , taking over the job held previously for two years by an empty chair .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 8, 2025 1:56:40

20 weeks ago1:56:40

1:56:40

On Today’s KITM , David Waldman and Greg Dworkin won’t let the crazy distract us from the other crazy. Yesterday, Trump laid out his vision of American manifest idiocy . An insane press conference from an insane president ... as if you expected something different . You know Trump, he’s crazy! Crazy like a fox ... crazy like a rabid fox . After all, who to attack but your allies ? They’re a lot easier than the ones who don’t like you! For example, National archivist Colleen Shogan pulled every string for Trump, so she was a perfect target to eliminate . She never saw it coming ! Faces fight to cram into leopard mouths, hoping to be the next eaten. Mark Zuckerberg offers his millions of faces on Facebook, Threads, and Instagram. After all, they had all signed up for the opportunity for free speech and reasoned debate … that is, algorithmically fomented moronic arguments and trolling , along with AI created advertising in the guise of human contact , and Mark is duty-bound to give it to them . The Cyber Truck bomber was crazy like Trump and served his face to the Leopards grilled to perfection. Will the Trump Supreme Court block his New York hush money sentencing ? If not, he should demand his money back , lay a tariff on them or something. Merrick Garland was awakened from his 4-year slumber to release some of the Jack Smith report . Now Aileen Cannon — that’s service ! Leopards will eat her face last . The North Carolina Supreme Court tried to throw out the votes and the win of their Democratic colleague, but that might not be as easy as they hoped. Schools and city governments rely on property taxes. Old people like their property, don’t like taxes, and don’t care about schools or cities. Santa Ana winds intensify Southern California fires . Celebrity heroes and villains emerge from the inferno. Over on the other coast they’re working out the bugs on their Congestion Pricing . If you want to talk violent rhetoric, brazen lies, and outreach to mainstream conservatives , then you need to talk Jean-Marie Le Pen . Huge celebrations mark Le Pen’s death... You know, if Trump’s still pissed about that Jimmy Carter coverage , there’s one way to top him, if he acts soon .…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 7, 2025 1:56:58

20 weeks ago1:56:58

1:56:58

David Waldman is the best at bringing us the latest on today’s KITM: As we approach our National Day of Mourning , we will need to make room for a few more things to be depressed about. We say so long to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and bienvenue to Pierre Poilievre . Some might pronounce his name one way, he might a different way . Whatever, Trump will pronounce it wrong , the US House will make it a law , and previous pronunciations will be pronounced illegal . No one is above the law — except Trump . I mean, that’s what he says, but he’s said it for 70 years and it has worked so far. Trump will be sentenced on Jan. 10 according to Justice Juan Merchan , but what does he know? Merchan’s just a judge, and Trump has many reasons, all pulled right out of his pre-presidential butt , on why he shouldn't. Same goes for Jack Smith’s final report . Smith sounds like a guy who knows the law , but he also sounds like a guy who wants some time in Gitmo . Remember when we could have done something about this? It must have been the working-class anxiety or something… In sports news, The Pope’s first round draft choice Robert McElroy has been traded from the San Diego Padres over to the Washington Cardinals.…

Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - January 6, 2025 1:56:39

20 weeks ago1:56:39