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Kagro in the Morning - March 19, 2025
Manage episode 472324678 series 2773759
Content provided by David Waldman. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by David Waldman or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.
It’s all computer! It’s taken a week, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have almost completed KITM’s incomprehensibly complex and possibly hazardous transition from “Skype” over to “Zoom” voice over internet protocol telephony technologies. Without alert tones, Greg can finally enter conversations through his preferred “jump scare” technique.
The constitutional crisis just over the horizon has now arrived. Officially, we are still at the “Wait, what?” stage, but this administration plans to repeat it again and louder until they are completely understood. Donald K. Trump plans to deliver dozens of RSVPs to the Supreme court, inviting them over to his side of the Rubicon.
If only we could just cross into Canada and buy enough beer and donuts to fix this thing that we’re going to do to them. Seriously, if they can do it to a young, pretty, lawyered up white woman, just think of what they can do to you.
Days of simple heists over, DOGE thugs screwed sharper hobnails into their jackboots in order to kick the doors in over at the U.S. Institute of Peace. Presently we are at the “he said, she said” in the case, but you know the deal with this administration and paperwork...
“Trump won’t win the election, he’s focusing only on his base while Biden… Harris…” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “If only Democrats could capture the white uneducated” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “Now, Democrats should embrace the most effective means of targeted disinformation yet invented and….” (Yet invented, that is.)
But, hey! Trump’s poll numbers are sagging… not even 100 days in. (and maybe 100 days before independent polling becomes illegal) So, it just goes to show you, Chuck Schumer really has got a handle on this thing. Therefore, it is imperative that we focus upon… The JFK assassination documents have been released! Let’s all go over to X.com and talk about it!
101 episodes
ShareManage episode 472324678 series 2773759
Content provided by David Waldman. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by David Waldman or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.
It’s all computer! It’s taken a week, but David Waldman and Greg Dworkin have almost completed KITM’s incomprehensibly complex and possibly hazardous transition from “Skype” over to “Zoom” voice over internet protocol telephony technologies. Without alert tones, Greg can finally enter conversations through his preferred “jump scare” technique.
The constitutional crisis just over the horizon has now arrived. Officially, we are still at the “Wait, what?” stage, but this administration plans to repeat it again and louder until they are completely understood. Donald K. Trump plans to deliver dozens of RSVPs to the Supreme court, inviting them over to his side of the Rubicon.
If only we could just cross into Canada and buy enough beer and donuts to fix this thing that we’re going to do to them. Seriously, if they can do it to a young, pretty, lawyered up white woman, just think of what they can do to you.
Days of simple heists over, DOGE thugs screwed sharper hobnails into their jackboots in order to kick the doors in over at the U.S. Institute of Peace. Presently we are at the “he said, she said” in the case, but you know the deal with this administration and paperwork...
“Trump won’t win the election, he’s focusing only on his base while Biden… Harris…” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “If only Democrats could capture the white uneducated” bla bla bla bla bla bla. “Now, Democrats should embrace the most effective means of targeted disinformation yet invented and….” (Yet invented, that is.)
But, hey! Trump’s poll numbers are sagging… not even 100 days in. (and maybe 100 days before independent polling becomes illegal) So, it just goes to show you, Chuck Schumer really has got a handle on this thing. Therefore, it is imperative that we focus upon… The JFK assassination documents have been released! Let’s all go over to X.com and talk about it!
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Kagro in the Morning
Trump was back in town, by which I mean my town, for his Big Crypto-Bribery Dinner . It’s like an invasion! These people are terrorists! And they probably have the tattoos to prove it! And if they don’t, we can make them have them, in totally undoctored photos! Anyway, the good news is, Trump took their money and screwed them . So that’s nice. The only problem with that is, he’s also gonna take your money and screw you . And if you take him to court and win, no you didn’t . Constitushimal scholar Kristi Noem breaks the world record for the most wrong answer ever given to the question “What is habeas corpus?” Of course, the “real” constimatushimal scholars aren’t doing much better . Maybe you’ve been hearing about this Humphrey’s Executor thing? Well, here’s what’s up . Can’t believe those relatively smart-ish law nerds are chucking it all… for this ! The next round of deportation outrage. Not only is it dumber and more nonsensical , but it’s yet another example of the defiance everybody was totally gonna do something about next time it happens! Just how dumb and nonsensical is it? Imagine this: It’s, like, 500 billion nonsensical! That’s a lot of nonsensical!…
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Kagro in the Morning
His bluebirds bouncing off the KITM World Headquarters transom windows might now be replaced by bluegills , yet David Waldman was able to arrive in freshly washed sweatpants to greet our birthday boy Greg Dworkin 🥳🤩🎂! Today, Greg received his absolute favorite gift: fresh polls ! The polls sure are looking good for a presidential election today ! (Narrator: “ There was no presidential election on that day .”) Inflation and the cost of living are more important than destroying federal government for most people, although destroying the lives of individual federal workers isn’t off the table. People are beginning to dislike Republicans . Of course, they continue to despise Democrats , so maybe Dems should hire a few consultants to put together a focus group or something. .. Too late ! Gops passed their fat and ugly TLDR bill . It was too long and complex for its Gop authors to read , and now too late for an interception on the 40-yard line. Oh well, rules are rules, and even then, the Gops can get around them . The DOJ doesn’t need a Public Integrity Section anymore. The CDC doesn’t need to warn anybody about diseases anymore. The government doesn’t need to tell anyone where they sent you anymore. Nobody needs to invest in the United States anymore . Most importantly for Donald K. Trump, no one is in his way anymore , and all of his toilets will be golden from this moment on . Donald has his golden 747 now, he doesn’t need permission , he doesn’t need excuses . He doesn’t really want it for Air Force One , he just wanted it, and that was enough. It will still be interesting to watch how the next world leader handles the Oval Office hotseat.…
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Kagro in the Morning
DAVID! David Waldman hasn’t washed his clothes in days , but you can hardly tell that on today’s podcast. GREG! And Greg Dworkin bellies up to the bar with another raft o’ stories. If actor George Wendt had ever run for office , he would have been the one most voters would have wanted to have a beer with . RIP Rep. Gerry Connolly , although even that won’t give him enough seniority to head some House committees. The TLDR bill is stuck while Gops who say they’ll vote no but will definitely vote yes say they’ll vote no. Sure, they will be wrecking the economy for people in the short run , but in the long run they will really wreck the economy for people, with the exception of those people that they will kill. Thomas Massie isn’t falling in line at the moment , and at this moment Trump is mad about that . Donald won’t keep his bib on... and keeps throwing his food on the floor... and keeps screaming … Oh for God’s sake, just let him have his toy already ! Maybe then he’ll shut up and tell us his “new numbers ” that he learned. What a smart boy ! Ashli Babbitt’s lawyers scored a big payday . Sure, beats working… maybe they can get the money directly from the police officers’ families ? On the other hand, police won’t be held responsible for any future killings. An FBI Agent goes public with a Russian intelligence operation that hooked Elon Musk and Peter Thiel , while American intelligence is being rewritten to not incriminate Donald K. Trump. Joe Kent , who likes more those more MAGA friendly intelligence reports , has been cast as Trump’s pretty boy to direct the National Counterterrorism Center. Amazingly, we are still allowed to have elections. Gops fight to flip a NY Senate seat in a blue territory that Trump won in . Meanwhile, “reform DA” Larry Krasner won his primary on his way to his election in Philadelphia.…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman delivers the Tuesday KITM , leaving the washing machine delivery to those trained professionals. It sure seems like big man Donald K. Trump, tears in his eyes, begged like a dog for that Qatar 747 , which is why it is, of course, Joe Biden’s fault . Biden and Scott Adams were just keeping it a secret . Is Trump an idiot , a liar , or only joking ? It’s that Trump “trinity”. All three can be individually true, and yet all the same thing , all at once . Others can only hope to be so triune but will never reach his perfection . That’s why history is being scrubbed . News organizations are being extorted for interviewing his political opponents. Epidemics are disappearing . As did the lawyer for the Venezuelans deported to El Salvador. One white Afrikaner farmer was genocided last year. Thousands of refugees around the world send him their hopes and prayers. New Jersey Rep. LaMonica McIver has been charged with a belly bump terrorist fist jab , not to be confused with a Jan 6 tourist ocular thumb massage . The House, working on the “One, Big, Beautiful Bill Act” bill (Idiotic or a joke? See, there is no difference.) have disappeared their “nonprofit killer” provision , which could be a lie or a joke, like not cutting Medicaid , or evading the filibuster by following the rules .…
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Kagro in the Morning
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin KITM to that rhumba beat , as we go chick chicky boom, chick chicky boom : From Babalú! to Desilu! Long before CRT and DEI, there was of course, racism. Desi Arnaz with Lucille Ball brought function , profit and diversity to television. The Gop TLDR budget bill slipped through during the night. Why bother to smuggle in evil little bills when their whole point is to deliver an evil huge bill ? Once they find a way around the filibuster , the only hurdle left will be reality . Donald K. Trump makes his triumphant return from the Middle East as master of the art of taking credit for the deals . He returns to his passion of military design , adding engines to fighter jets like Bob Ross adding happy little trees to paintings. No ugly black stealth planes though. We all know how this administration feels about blacks in the Air Force. Trump has lost another global election , this time in Romania . Pope Leo (Bob) XIII gave JD Vance the brushoff , but stepped forward to greet the President of Ireland . (You know where to find RTÉ News .) If Trade deals are like dating and agreements are like marriage , Trump is the ex that needs a restraining order. (You know where to find Ana Cabrera .) 5 years after their separation, Britain and the EU are patching things up.…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman returns, only to depart again . But that does not mean he can’t sit down and talk awhile! Vendors are filing out of the 2025 Middle East Global Scam Expo today. This year’s ScamSpo headliners were an impressive list of world-class scum suckers , though some might assert that they lack the gravitas of past douche nuggets. If you are collecting plutocrat trading cards, now is the time to pick up a Dina Powell . It will take Donald K. Trump the weekend to pack all of his gift bags , but he might not yet be able to show off his big beautiful Emolument 747. Meh, Donald has 3-11 more years to top that swag. Trump can hardly wait to get home and let Don Jr. try out his new bone saw . Tulsi Gabbard canned intelligence officials that she caught acting too intelligently , while She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi , shall add humiliation to her toolbox of torture. If they run out of ideas, the 17 Mexican cartel members Trump brought into the US are certain to have some innovative suggestions . Team Trump is getting pretty good at disappearing people . RFK Jr. doesn’t remember those hundreds of scientists that were in his department a moment ago. The DHS misplaced who knows how many people . The FAA is pretty certain that fewer than 3000 air traffic controllers are MIA, but definitely more than one . The ICC’s chief prosecutor isn’t even certain that he’s still there anymore. The Gop TLDR bill is having a tough time , because folks keep giving out spoilers to them. Republicans think they have a way to get around the filibuster … so do the Democrats. SCOTUS obviously can’t outright deny birthright citizenship , so obviously they will need to get craftier .…
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Kagro in the Morning
Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take it to the next level but only find more pits to jump over. Sauds are used to having guests “brown-nose” them, but they haven’t met anyone quite so into it as Donald K. Trump. Donald’s still over there, so there must be more silverware he can fit under his baggy suit. Useless Grok at ExTwitter can tell you what Trump’s scheme is but will probably blame it on White genocide . Not even AI knows what Kash Patel did as a consultant for Qatar. Even the New York Post can’t spin Qatar’s ‘Palace in the Sky ’ plane as anything other than a bribe . It’s such an outrageous and obvious grift that Kristi Noem had to get in on it . She already has a $50 million jet but could always use others to match her outfits . Don Jr. is making sure that he’s getting a taste . Elon Musk is having the US State Department force small African countries send him money , because it’s always more fun to take money from poor people. DOGE doesn’t amuse Elon anymore, so Gops will need a plan B . Now that there’s more blood in the water than water , Dems are beginning to smell it . Oregon’s attorney general is suing to block Trump’s tariffs . Omaha, Nebraska has flipped blue in a big way . In New Jersey, six Democratic candidates are trying to squeeze through the primary door . Kamala Harris leads Donald Trump in the 2024 election! Unfortunately, they aren’t accepting votes on that anymore, but House seats are coming up . FREE KILMAR ! To the world, authoritarian countries begin to resemble their leaders , and the US is becoming an old, orange-faced jackass . Walmart will be passing tariff costs to the consumer . The bond market doesn’t see us recovering. Meanwhile, birthright citizenship seems like a pretty obvious right . Trump demands that SCOTUS declare everyone who thinks that “pre-wrong” , or at least “pre-stupid”.…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman is not “live” today but instead is living the life out and about from KITM World Headquarters . Following yesterday’s show David took another swig of throat tea and just kept talking authoritatively about the news for another couple of hours. No problem, there was plenty of Donald K. Trump corruption and duplicity to go over. Losing only three F/A-18 Hornets, the US Navy defeated Houthi rebels by giving them the “ time out ” hand signal and sailing over the horizon . The Middle East victories just keep on coming … just not for the United States . Elon Musk sold Saudi Arabia on Starlink , so Musk’s on/off switch for civilization will soon be installed worldwide. Musk is still having plenty of success worming his way into US government , showing there’s no hard feelings from his most hilarious joke in all history , DOGE . Congress couldn’t have guessed that Trump would try to take over all of government , after all, it never came up in any of their focus groups . Now, it’s the judiciary’s turn to be surprised . Meanwhile, Donald can tell Tina Peters is innocent just by looking at her , the same legal process he used for those South African refugees who look like they just stepped off a tour bus in Branson. Due process only gets in the way of Trump’s common sense .…
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Kagro in the Morning
Tuesday brings us David Waldman and KITM, brought to you by Cadillac, The King o’ Kars ! Well, it could be if they gave us a couple Celestiqs… Celestiqes… but it wouldn’t change us at all. Look at Donald K. Trump . That guy takes bribes all the time , and he never changes. If anything, it just makes him more so . Qatar is pro-Hamas , but Donald is pro- having their free plane . Trump is in the Middle East to get stuff, and the only way he’d sell out America is if it was tied to him getting more stuff , so... Americans seem to be becoming less reassured by Trump’s complete venality . Gops grow quiet . Dems grow gonads . I mean, Chuck FN Schumer !…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman throws the news at us and dives for cover. Greg Dworkin tells us that the worst is by design, and he brings the receipts from around the world . Trump makes the world safe for White flight. Donald stopped the war between India and Pakistan using only his mind . He is now wishing the war in Gaza to end. Who’s Ukraine? Maybe they got him coffee one time . South Korea’s conservatives throw everything up in the air to see if it all falls into place. Germany wishes to ignore their far-right, but they are a noisy bunch. After 40 years, the Kurdish group PKK says, “ Oh well, it was worth a try. ” In Virginia, they have no one to blame but themselves but probably won’t. So, Qatar is sending Trump a giant golden palace of a 747. Hey, can’t a country give their buddy a thing without everyone suddenly questioning it ? The White House said Ceci n'est pas une émolument , or something to that effect . Anyhow, Trump is only borrowing it until he keeps it ... that’s not “corrupt” , it’s called “being smart”. You’d have to be a radical Left Trump hater to say otherwise. Trump said “ tariffs ”, setting off another sheep stampede . Time for another executive order to yell at another cloud , this time to demand that prices go down from up where they are . Drug prices should go down once the customer base passes away. James Bond still can rest easy, his car shopping remains tariff-free . Insult to Nazis , Steven Miller, is thinking about suspending habeas corpus, inspiring fantasies of abusing his corpus . David explains habeas corpus , as does just about everyone with a keyboard this morning . We have always been at war with Eastasia. Newark Mayor Ras Baraka refused to take the bait at an ICE detention center , but that didn’t keep them from arresting him . He’s lucky they didn’t send in Seal Team 6.…
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Kagro in the Morning
Today, David Waldman reports that the Pope is Catholic . The results of the KITM investigation into the bears of our local woods will be revealed on Monday’s show. 100% of the world’s supply of Popes is now proudly made in the USA . (Available in S, M, & L .) White Sox fan Bob Prevost is now Pope Leo XIV , a new chosen name and identity most won’t have trouble respecting. The Antichrist is laying low at the moment, but the Pope is already on the record with his biases , which to some theologians don’t ring patriotic . Anyhow, Leo now has an advantage in future Thanksgiving table family arguments . Oops! The USS Harry S. Truman lost its third F/A-18 Super Hornet . Well, it has a pretty good idea of where they left them... Ever since Pete Hegseth decided to replace every 100 soldiers with a gorilla , things just haven’t been quite the same . Pete can return to drowning all his troubles with fellow former Fox host Jeanine Pirro, now interim U.S. attorney in Washington, D.C . There’s got to be some ambassadorship left somewhere for Ed Martin . Team Trump looked around and says, “ Wait, are we the baddies? ” Then said, “Meh” and broke for lunch . Laura Loomer wants to begin actual witch hunts . Trump Surgeon General pick Janette Nesheiwat had a troubled youth, with just a touch of patricide . Trump doesn’t know why he makes these decisions, maybe Bobby told him to . RFK Jr.’s former running mate thinks perhaps Bob’s mind is being controlled . The FBI will be investigating Trump prosecutors for whatever they accused Trump on. The EPA will discontinue the Energy Star program , after all, who trusts what the government says anymore ?…
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Kagro in the Morning
Greg Dworkin helps launch us into the weekend, with a rapid-fire roundup that somehow made a detour to Madison Square Garden . There’s a new terrible Surgeon General nominee in town (who may or may not be into the raw milk thing), the old one having been chucked over on Laura Loomer’s say-so! But there won’t be much new baby gear in town, thanks to those tariffs. Any port in a storm, they say. But not in a trade war . And certainly not if it’s on the Gulf of Mexico . Speaking of which, I don’t know if any other countries are going to listen to us about that renaming project. But I know they’re not listening to us on the anti-DEI project. Why would they? Why, exactly, is Elon Musk hoovering up so much government data ? It’s irresponsible not to speculate! North Carolina’s long regional nightmare is over. Incredibly, a Trumper appears to be listening to a judge! But maybe that’s because he wanted to be a judge. Trump’s memecoin is a huge corruption scandal. Which (necessarily) means that its benefits skew entirely toward his wealthiest boosters. (Well, except one of them!) Especially the foreign ones. Strongly-worded letter to follow? In the House, Trump’s “one big, beautiful bill” doesn’t look so attractive anymore. But that’s life with a razor-thin majority, I guess. Trump and courts still just don’t really mix . His DOJ gets its ass handed to it in a key immigration case , with another egregious case— deportations to Libya! —likely next on the track. The kids are alright. But they’ve elected an anti-pope ! They may still be alright, but this DOGE kid isn’t .…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back on the Wednesday KITM , and probably still aren’t AI generated , although honestly, have you ever actually seen them? Are Jesus and Buddha space alien lizard people ? Trump TV is as unglued as Trump. AI chatbots will encourage you to believe this and much more while they take over your job , and eventually your life . In real life , Kari Lake is making One America News the Voice of America. Apple juice will be one of the first things wiped off the shelves by the Trump tariff tsunami. Ed Martin was intended to make MAGA great again but is too MAGA to even get out of committee. Oh, so now disengaged voters are becoming engaged ? Well, maybe too late is better than never . Dotard Donald is becoming more doddering with every passing day, and he’s completely lost his bullshit fastball . If only Democrats said what they mean , mean what they said , and got stuff done , it’d be so simple. If you can’t imagine a worse fate for migrants than being kidnapped and sent to El Salvador , you don’t have the into-the-box imagination of a Steven Miller. Picture what awaits deportees to Libyan or Rwandan prisons! At war with Houthi rebels , the Navy has resorted to the tactic of throwing fighter jets at them . What has Ron DeSantis done for Trump lately ? Not much, so into the meatball machine Ron goes.…
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Kagro in the Morning
It’s Tuesday, time for David Waldman to freestyle the Tuesday Freestyle KITM! Anyway: Donald K. Trump is an idiot , but he is also the President and shouldn’t use his stupidity to avoid responsibility . Nevertheless, Trump is incredibly irresponsible , very dumb , and quite likely to behave that way . Linda McMahon makes Donald Trump look like Atticus Finch . McMahon is such a dunce that the Education Department would rather go anonymous than quote the boss’s letter directly. Trump demands that the DOJ spring Tina Peters from the Colorado state pen. Trump will be announcing something in the next two weeks , but it probably won’t be Ed Martin’s confirmation to attorney for Washington, DC. There exist morons too demented for this administration. Non-morons, however, are welcome, such as the folks at Palantir, who’ll do anything for a buck , and who made 300 billion of those this year . Meanwhile, what’s left of US intelligence has determined that Venezuela is not in a forever war with us , and that we don’t need to forever imprison them in El Salvador. Trump fully understands and will send them to Rwanda instead .…
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Kagro in the Morning
Skype or no Skype , David Waldman and Greg Dworkin remain ready to entertain and inform us for another week or so , at least. What incomprehensibly stupid thing did Trump do or say this weekend ? What incomprehensibly stupid thing didn’t he say or do ? Trump will make America great again by sending people to Alcatraz again, and by sending troops into Mexico , again . Trump announced 100% tariffs on Endor , Andor , and Xandar until they send all their greenscreens back to Burbank and Berea . Like a snowball disproves global warming , Wall Street stocks are proving tariff skeptics wrong. When nothing comes into port , however, nothing goes onto shelves. Donald could make a smart move in the Abrego Garcia case if he wanted to, but no one can make him . ICE will stop even ideas from crossing the border. Little Marco Rubio is now Team Trump’s main man . All he had to do was lose a little of his attitude. Which Republican will have the courage to step forward ? That would suppose that there are any of them that aren’t incomprehensibly stupid , wouldn’t it? Around the world , fewer want to MAGA , the more they learn about it , while this administration eliminates our transnational crime unit before too many wise up.…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman gets us to the weekend, normally the time the crazy really cranks up . Anymore, it’s normally crazy , crazy is the new normal , and you don’t want to be caught acting normal , or people will think you’re crazy . Donald K. Trump wants the US to start celebrating our victories , including our imaginary ones . It beats fighting imaginary wars with our imaginary enemies . We are now in a forever war with Venezuela but aren’t starting to bomb them yet. At least, no bombing runs have been announced on Michael Waltz’ Signal account . Waltz’ Signal hasn’t been shut down though, Waltz and the crew have only moved their leaks to a different department . Steve Witkoff has been put in charge of endangering the world . Marco Rubio gets all the Jared Kushner jobs this time around. From Ukraine to slashing U.S. institutions, Trump plays into Putin’s hands , yet did Peter Navarro save democracy by destroying the economy ? But wait! The economy might rebound just in time to fund the Trump dictatorship ! Either way, friends of Trump , that is, friends of Trump’s graft will be sick of all the winning .…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss the first 100 days ; the next 100 we might need to take a day at a time. Virginia’s Abigail Spanberger kind of leans Democrat , as so does her race for Governor in the state. The Senate almost stood up to Trump on Tariffs, almost . JD Vance finally found his special purpose . The US economy is beginning to cave in . It is weird how that seems to coincide with the Trump Tariffs . Trump explains that anything going wrong in this term will be Joe Biden’s fault , and to just wait for his third or so term to make any judgement. In the meantime, you might need to cut back to two dolls or two Big Macs when you had planned on buying maybe 30 . Pete Kegsbreath can’t be more of an idiot , although he does put in daily effort to do so. Pete attended Trump’s latest anal appreciation session and was personally singled out by Trump , which is a sure sign that… Mike Walz was to be bumped off . Oh well, plenty of morons where he came from . ICE isn’t allowed to deport people, so how about the DoD ? Ok, it’s the DMV , then. Donald asked if Abrego Garcia could come back, but El Salvador said no , so that’s that. The US has finally arranged to drink Ukraine’s milkshake . Purportedly. Trump and paperwork , man. When it comes to Harlem vs. Harvard , Donald prefers the one where Blacks know their place . Trump is unconcerned with laws , because he plans to be the law . If you really enjoy grifting, go where the graft is, the Executive Branch . If you want to appeal to Democrats… I don’t know, go wherever you see those hippy types . More Democrats need to go wherever Chris Murphy and Elizabeth Warren are.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 30, 2025 1:57:03
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedThe Frick and Frack of facts and fun , David Waldman and Greg Dworkin close out the month with today’s KITM . Hoo boy are the next 100 days going to be awful. The Trump Tariffs Tsunami has begun to reach landfall and will be lapping over our hairlines in only weeks. Tourists are staying away in droves . Americans don’t support Donald K. Trump on the economy . They don’t support him on a lot of things . In fact, Americans don’t support Trump on so many levels, that if they had any other viable choice than Democrats to pick from , they’d have already fled to whomever that would be… even so, Trump is feeling pretty threatened . Like any wild animal , Trump has an instinctual defense ready: stupid lies . The more he’s threatened , the more lies , and the more stupidity until Trump’s pursuer gives up, or until Karoline Leavitt saves him. Karoline has her work cut out for her, as Trump would have dug all the way to ‘Gina in his ABC interview had Terry Moran only allowed him to . She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi , will tell you that Donald personally saved the lives of one third of the United States population in only 100 days. I mean, what more can you ask? Trump says he “could” bring Abrego Garcia back from El Salvador, but doesn’t feel like it . A Fortune 500 company fired their lawyer who helped an immigrant family . The Turner Diaries is the MAGA Constitution . El Salvador is in it for the money , crypto money , and by coincidence so is the Trump family. Believe it or not , Trump has a trust problem in the courts . Trump’s lawyers aren’t helping by being assholes . LeBron James of lawyers , Steven Biskupic, will be defending the Judge arrested by Trump’s FBI . Steven’s LeBron James of a sister will be reporting.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 29, 2025 1:56:54
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedIt’s Taco Tuesday, the day that David Waldman gives you something to taco ‘bout . You know that anything called the “crown jewel” of the justice department would soon become the “urinal cake” of the Trump administratio n, and that’s just what’s happened to the DOJ civil rights division now that “civil rights” have been removed from their to-do lists . What happens when courts can’t trust the executive branch ? Well, they can’t , therefore the executive branch has no choice but to place the courts under arrest . In order to make DOGE “pre-legal”, the White House just won’t pay what it owes, and in a month and a half those receiving no money will feel similar to how they would if their budgets were lawfully cut . Over the last 100 days , Donald K. Trump has certainly disrupted government for the better. Out with the antiquated and obsolete , in with the new, the state-of-the-art , the avant-garde . Check out Canada , eh! Congratulations to Mark Carney , and good luck in defending your great country to that scourge to the south .…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 28, 2025 1:56:51
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedBusy day today! David Waldman has not one, but two days of Trump embarrassment to cover while Greg Dworkin hauls in not one , but two big Rafts O’ Stories™! Donald K. Trump is a weak loser and everything he does sucks. The yutes that thought they’d love him are beginning to hate him . Bringing back Columbus Day from the ashes may not be the October surprise he and Gops hope for. New York Republican Mike Lawler found out how much Trump stink rubs off at his recent town hall. Trump wants to see the people that complain at these town halls to be not “treated nicely”. Some nuances to that request need to be worked out, as the six men now criminally charged in the assault of Teresa Borrenpohl in Idaho can attest. OTOH, unidentified balaclava-hooded men accosted people in a Virginia courthouse, and the people who challenged their authority will be the ones prosecuted. Trump demands that people who might not like him are thrown out , fired or arrested . That’s a lot of people, and that number will only grow . Taking out the judiciary is certain to streamline his process . Milwaukee County Circuit Judge Hannah Dugan has been charged with two felonies as an example to uppity judges . A former New Mexico judge has now been arrested for protecting a guy ICE thought really seemed MS-13ish. 60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens quit, and correspondent Scott Pelley pretty much announces that the show will be crap from now on . Summer Redstone didn’t think that his daughter Shari Redstone should take over Viacom/Paramount . Turns out, the old man was right . All of this disgust that Trump and the Gop are earning might be good news for Democrats , had anyone liked Democrats . Democrats demand moderation ! Or, to fight back ! Or, to move right ! Or, to redefine themselves ! Or, to STFU . What was the question again?…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 25, 2025 1:56:43
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedIf Paul Krugman can do a video podcast from the inside of a cargo hold under a bare lightbulb , David Waldman can from the KITM World Headquarters Bluebird Aviary and Bistro . Law student economic analyst boy genius Nathan Tankus can stop by any weekday morning for a cup of throat tea and chat. Donald K. Trump heads to Rome, to the funeral of Pope Francis , to charm, tariff and annex the Catholic church , and... uhm, “ pay his sincere respects ” to the deceased pontiff. MAGA doesn’t get it , after all, Catholics aren’t useful for the Rapture or anything. Maybe Donald can art-of-the-deal the Vatican into turning their crucifixes into $TRUMP or have Melania model for some Mary statues or something. Vengeance is Trump’s, and he has a lot of smiting planned upon his return. Trump wants to fire Harvard’s lawyer for being Harvard’s lawyer. The New England Journal of Medicine got a letter from Trump inquisitor Edward R. Martin Jr . who noted a hint of pro-scientific heresy. Witchfinders General are gathering kindling for ActBlue’s pyre . And yet, Trump is merciful. Michele Fiore, known as “ Lady Trump ” stole money for plastic surgery , but is now a vindicated soul whose prayers were heard by Trump, who has freed her, possibly so she could get some more plastic surgery . Somehow, this spirit of forgiveness has radiated out to Ron DeSantis , thanks to his state Attorney General, who has enough of his own fraud to worry about, and She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, whose motto is “ No one is above the law ” yet leaves quite a bit below the law. Trump speaks in tongues; disciples turn it into gospel. Elon Musk never speaks the truth , because where’s the amusement in that ? He isn’t amused with DOGE at the moment, as not everyone there has his erudite sense of humor. Having old people explain that they are still alive in order to pay their bills is hilarious , no matter what people say .…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 24, 2025 1:56:23
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedDavid Waldman and Greg Dworkin stand athwart chaos yelling Stop . But chaos never listens. Pete Kegsbreath wasn’t allowed a phone in the Pentagon, so he had Signal installed on his computer . For our national security we clearly need to find the 5th grader who keeps advising Pete . Now he’s asking for a makeup studio with a lock on the door . All that would seem kind of scandalous, until you hear what his boss is up to . There’s the Trump Tariffs, which could be at any level on any country as you read this, but it doesn’t matter. The damage has already been done , and in a few weeks that tsunami will make landfall . It’s easy to predict the destruction and lawsuits are in preparation . Trump has some new and old lies prepared, and some will be prepared to believe them. After all, look at how Elon Musk’s transparent lies always boost his stocks. Maybe a couple of big flags will help. Trump's deportation machine keeps growing , as do the lies. Migrants keep going to El Salvador, despite court orders . Donald K. Trump explains that trials would take a lot of time and effort , and we need to deal with masses of offenders quickly and efficiently if we want a real final solution to our illegals problem. Generally , people don’t approve of these things . Trump’s approval rating is lower than the “ worst president in history”, which is also of course, him . ICE trucks cruising around like ice cream trucks seem to have soured Hispanic support. Trump would rather be feared than liked , but he has a real problem with not being liked as well. The only people more insecure than Trump or even Elon Musk are the incels too poor to afford to pay women to pretend to like them . They hope Trump will tariff women into relieving their 100% sex trade deficit.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 23, 3035 1:56:59
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedDavid Waldman and Greg Dworkin catch us up on the previous crazy : Tariffs on! Tariffs off! Whose idea was it to put the world economy on Donald’s Clapper ? Trump doesn’t really care that what he said actually effected the economy or people . He just watches the applause-o-meter , and it turns out that either cheers or boos spike that thing . Anyhow, being a dictator will soon allow him to order everyone to clap. 60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens believes that there is a difference between real and fake news , so he quit . His coworkers are shocked at Bill’s departure, but their solidarity does not yet extend to their unemployment. Of course, blood in the water always leads to a Trump feeding frenzy. Things are looking grim for democracy . The Trump administration wants to make us too afraid to look out for one another . They plan to make us more afraid , or to just give up … There goes Dick ! Meanwhile ammunition runs thin among the defenders of Pete Kegsbreath. Don Jr. and the MAGA corps are thinking of fragging their commander . Markwayne Mullin Leeeeroooy Jenkins into the breach . Follow Markwayne on… on second thought, leave him there . The “ He/She’s no angel ” attack falls flat when you see how it can happen to you. Hundreds of college students get their visas renewed , for now. But, who has the time to give everyone a trial ? Or bury each person in their own grave ?…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 22, 2025 1:56:56
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedScandals, outrages, and dramas , David Waldman’s got them all on today’s KITM : How did Lindsey Halligan do it ? From a leaky roof case , right into being “ Assistant to the President for Domestic Policy and the Special Assistant to the President and Senior Associate Staff Secretary ”. Donald K. Trump sure has an eye for t hose talents required to make America great again ! Lindsey is now in charge of refocusing the Smithsonian Institution away from insignificant, trivial “world” history , and towards awesome, strong “USA” history … at least the good bits . There should be a wing devoted to Trump executive orders , and a few acres allotted to his social media edicts and proclamations . Lifetimes will be devoted to making sense of his nonsense . Donald must regret not hiring exclusively off of the Mar-a-Lago veranda to fill his cabinet positions . Himbo Pete (Hic!)seth was clearly a step in the wrong direction , and Don Jr. might be a little jealous . Who needs billions when you are as masculine as Elon Musk ? If you are so beta that you need brakes on your car , then maybe a Tesla isn’t the car for you. On the other hand, a Tesla’s odometer isn’t based on “miles”, but on how far it “feels” like it’s been driven. If your measure of manliness is imagining hit squads hunting you down and animals eating your adversaries, Michael “Smashmouth” Caputo is your manly man. Meanwhile, people picked up by ICE who were about to head to El Salvador now feel like they are waking up from a nightmare , while Trump lawyers ordered to facilitate Abrego García’s release still believe that was just a dream .…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 21, 2025 1:56:47
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedEaster candies and matzo crackers go on sale this week! No white smoke yet though, so David Waldman and Greg Dworkin were both available to work on today’s show. The Pope met with JD Vance , then… Marjorie Taylor Greene rejoiced , but not hardly as much the Antichrist , who posted self-exultations in his triumph over the forces of good , then went golfing . Pete Kegsbreath's phone seems to have sucked up the contact info of his wife and brother to include them in another Signal war-room chat. .. Shaaa-( Hic! )-zam! Darn those anonymous (cough, mike waltz ) smears! If it weren’t for all of those snitches , Pete would still be doing a great job ! Facts just keep making Hic-seth look bad, like they do Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem losing her purse with $3000 in cash , or R-S.C. Nancy Mace losing her ever-loving mind with a voter. Or the latest IRS commissioner… or the one before him, or the one before, or the one before . Or the six thugs who assaulted a woman in that Idaho town hall. Elon Musk is no genius , but he’s no dummy . Even with so many idiots, the terror escalates . American citizens are being swept off to detainment centers even as Senator Chris Van Hollen and most of the Supreme Court fight to make things right. MAGA DNGAF and think that’s cool. Trump’s plan in Ukraine is “ rape, pillage, kill ”, similar to their plan for universities , if they’d just let them . Senior citizens, boomers and boomers-at-heart are at the heart of nationwide Trump protests.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 18, 2025 1:56:51
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedOn today’s KITM , David Waldman delivers us to the weekend and parks us right under the cloud of another mass shooting . Well, you can’t say this shooter was the quiet type who always kept to themselves that you’d never guess… Senator Chris Van Hollen went to El Salvador and met Kilmar Abrego Garcia , yet neither one of their heads have appeared on pikes behind Donald K. Trump in a press briefing, so I guess things are better than I thought , and less what Sebastian Gorka wishes they were . A judge has also kept Trump from ordering hundreds of thousands of Cubans, Haitians, Nicaraguans and Venezuelans to leave the country, but like the heads on pikes, we don’t know what this weekend will bring. Trump did promise to end the war in Ukraine easily within 24 hours . Of course, if it takes longer , or becomes difficult , that offer is void . Measles and E. coli spread, but not as fast as Russian chatbot disinformation .…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 17, 2025 1:56:35
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedDavid Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here today, with a 50% reduction in staffing projected for tomorrow. You don’t even want to know what is planned for Saturday. Hey, any human system will produce simple clerical errors , amirite ? And afterwords, lie about it , lie again , and again , then stonewall any investigation , then smear and threaten the investigators , then really threaten the investigators , I mean we’ve all been there … Oh lord, Kilmar Abrego Garcia is already dead, isn’t he? The thing that Trump does, before he quits doing it, is do it as bad as he can , so we can expect a lot worse . People are fighting back even as fighting back becomes riskier. MAGA, meanwhile, demands even more scalps . Trump will get high-flow showerheads and incandescent bulbs and coal power whether anyone else wants them or not. Especially if no one wants them . Who’s going to tell him differently ? Well, Trump did call off a strike on Iran nuclear sites . We’ll probably find out how that happened in the next (Hic) seth leaks … if we don’t read it on Signal first. Law firms who had let Donald pussygrab them might soon be dismayed to find him coming back for more . The Ivy League resistance, however, is just getting started. Remember Ron DeSantis? Donald K. Trump doesn’t, so Ron has been having an increasingly difficult time keeping accountability from creeping up on him . Speaking of creeps, Frederick Piccolo Jr., a former Ron DeSantis spokesman , was caught exposing his Freddy Piccolo Jr . 4 too many times. Remember Mike Lindell? No, me neither .…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 16, 2025 1:57:04
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedDavid Waldman brings us to today’s KITM , which is certainly a day . Greg Dworkin joins us with a slew packed into his Raft O’ Stories ™ ! What happens if a president and the federal government fail to follow a judge's orders ? This administration couldn’t just Google the answer to that , could they ? If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything . But, if you only lie , you also don’t need to remember anything, yet you have nothing to be responsible for. Of course, judges have to come along and harsh everyone’s mellow . Trump has a point; El Salvador’s Hotel California is intended to be our NIMBY death-camp . Americans hate it when clerical errors happen in front of our faces. If people return from being disappeared, it kind of defeats the purpose . Harvard University has decided to defeat Trump’s purpose , which might cost them a couple of billion in funding . Then again, Columbia has turned about , and hopefully other universities are taking notes . Meanwhile, Maine is showing other states how it’s done . Canadians are quick studies . The slowest of the slow learners, incumbent Democrats, are just beginning to find out . Are they bright enough to come out against the Trump Tariffs , though? Trump’s Tariff Disaster might last longer than the dollar . Time for coders to retrain as coal miners , and preschoolers to jumpstart their careers in operating textile looms . Luckily, Elon Musk has been incel-seeding his own master race , for exactly these circumstances . Rumor has it that Elon’s way past second base with Shivon Zilis… She could be the one ! Civil rights are for losers .…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 15, 2025 1:56:59
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedShortly after yesterday’s show, David Waldman thought of some more stuff he wanted to tell you . If anything else comes up, we will be sure to let you know tomorrow. If you’re one of KITM ’s many hardcore MAGA followers , you’re probably reading this in your local rural diner , sipping a cup o’ joe , digging into your confit pork belly and rye pain with extra cheese, contemplating how you’ve become objectively superior in all ways to all people, and frankly just hotter than everyone around you ... That’s when you get that text from Elon wondering where you are and telling you to get back to work … sigh. DOGE never was about finding fraud and saving money . It’s always been about digitally couping for the lulz. It’s about taking what they want because they can. It’s about knocking the biggest things over , then daring anyone to prove that they did it. Why, that’s obviously immoral , illegal , inhuman ! Oh look, now they want reparations. ..…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 14, 2025 1:56:48
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedThe weekend provided no respite from tariff whiplash . And the tariff whiplash (and attendant cheerleading ) just drove the rest of the economy that much further down. Greg Dworkin even titled the APR with a warning. And of course, when you’ve lost Ross Douthat, you’ve temporarily lost Ross Douthat . Trump spent the weekend snubbing VIPs and watching the wrong people win sporting events . In other weekend excitement—or incitement, as the case may be—there was a little extracurricular activity at the Pennsylvania Governor’s mansion. Nayib Bukele is in town today. “ Cool! ” We’ll see whether he “facilitates” Trump’s defiance of the courts , or moots the whole issue (which he, like me , sees as just a contracts issue ) by “gifting” Kilmar Abrego García back to the United States. Either way, we’re preparing to ship still more people to El Salvador, despite the 90% “error” rate . And this extremely poor record is impacting evidence-free student round-ups not at all! The protests continue this weekend. Good thing , too! New for your radar: Binance wants the regulatory dogs called off , while it’s busy trying to bribe Trump. And the latest trend in DOGE sleight-of-hand : declaring immigration targets “ dead ,” so that they lose their benefits, work papers, insurance, bank accounts, and pretty much everything else that makes it possible to live here. Which is the idea, of course.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 11, 2025 1:56:36
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedHappy Going ! We’re all getting punchy heading into the weekend, as if the weekend will be a breather for any of us. David Waldman effectuates our weekending KITM , and I facilitate that with this summary, I hope. Donald K. Trump pardoned a corporation , yet has not appointed a horse to Senate , which might be more of a late term thing. Polytheism seems to be wearing thin in Trump/Musk circles, with Elon Musk’s pride goething before his fall. Thou shalt bow down thyself only onto Trump in Cabinet meetings. ( Graven images available at the door.) Two people guilty of not praising Donald enough are being investigated for treason , while Trump shops for his presidential Luger. Marco Rubio is punishing the country of South Sudan for not accepting the Democratic Republic of the Congo citizen he sent there by mistake . The commander of a Greenland military base was ousted when she failed to rattle her saber loudly enough for JD Vance. US tells Greenland “ I see you have Injuns! We have Injuns! ” Kennedy Center president Richard Grenell believes people boycotting the Kennedy Center hate Republicans, when mostly they hate Richard Grenell . What happens when the courts can’t trust the Executive Branch ? Well, we are about to find out , because the courts can’t trust the Executive Branch . Learn more about courts of equity , such as the Court of Chancery . Kash Patel plans to work remotely in his FBI position but wasn’t remotely working in his ATF job. Hey now… there’s no proof that Marjorie Taylor Green participated in i nsider trading this week , or placed pipe bombs prior to Jan 6 … It just looks like that . RFK Jr. will discover the cause of autism by this fall, but if you have cancer , you’ll need to wait a little longer. It’s only TLDR if you don’t take the time to read it! How did the President lose and when did he lose it in the SCOTUS Alien Enemy Act case ? Curtis Yarvin always wanted to destroy the United States and the global economy, yet somehow still feels empty inside.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - April 10, 2025 1:56:24
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedToday on KITM , David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back! Of course, you expected them to, but how often do things go as expected anymore? If you thought it was profitable lurking on Pete Hegseth’s signal chats , just think of being on Don Jr. or MTG’s alerts yesterday ! Democrats not on the friend lists are sternly authoring letters at this moment. Who’d guess that Donald K. Trump would use tariffs to reward his friends , when everyone just assumed that he was only using them to punish his enemies ? Well, following Trump’s victory / defeat , we can put that behind us , except that it hasn’t changed and it’s still coming …. The apocalypse has been only delayed , until DOGE can make a run on the banks as fun as a run on the stock market. Congress could take tariff authority back from Trump tomorrow, it’s just that they’ve arranged for tomorrow to not arrive this year . As for today, you knew Republicans weren’t going to stick around through recess debating their big horrible bill. (Including Jared Golden (Maine), Marie Gluesenkamp Perez (Wash.), Henry Cuellar (Texas) and Ed Case (Hawaii) . Golden Trump bust lapel pins are the new American Flag on Republican lapels as Trump directs Pam Bondi, She Wolf of the DOJ , to find capital offences with people who weaponized politics at him. Trump has an Article 2 which allows him to call for 2nd Amendment solutions on anyone. They were just putting Henrry Villatoro Santos blindfold on when they had to let him go. Elon Musk needs to buy his elections more discreetly . Tulsi Gabbard declared her residency in Texas, then voted in Hawaii … Look a squirrel, on that grassy knoll !…
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Kagro in the Morning
A thunder of jets in an open sky... A streak of gray and a cheerful "Hi"! A loop, a whirl, a vertical climb, and once again you know it's time for the adventures of David J. Waldman, his pal Greg Dworkin, KITM and friends! We are at the dawn of the Trump Tariff era , and the sunset of every other era anyone would want to live in . Sure, the Trump tax will cost America trillions of dollars in the most regressive and destructive way imaginable. But many fictional economists do advocate for the measure, ready to put their fictional necks on the line if things go wrong. MAGA welcomes the new people’s revolution . After all, nothing will build character in today’s youth more effectively than a lifetime working on collective farms. (Elon Musk says, “ Uh, wait a minute. ” Donald K. Trump says, “ How about 90 days Mr. Musk? ”) Musk doesn’t need the US when he has the rest of the world’s teat to suck . Does Trump really need tariffs when just threatening them gives him all of the “Please Sir” stories he ever needs? Trump can make up all of the “Please Sir” stories he’ll ever need . Follow Aaron Rupar on Blue Sky… Blue Sky… Blue Sky ! Who needs to threaten tariffs when you can threaten to bomb Mexico and Panama ? Why intimidate citizens when you can make them disappear ? We can still have elections, and there’s a bunch of them this month. Not all judges are Texan, not even Trump appointed judges . Meanwhile, Dems are working harder and Gops are hardly working .…
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Kagro in the Morning
Are you back in high school? Have your pants disappeared? Yes, you are in the middle of a nightmare... Lucky you. Waking nightmares are much more frustrating . At least we have David Waldman on KITM to explain some of the horrors befalling us. Bette Midler refused to dance with Donald K. Trump at Studio 54. That was the moment Donald’s mind ceased to function, trapping him forever in the early 80’s . Now, we are trapped with him . So, who’s to blame for the Trump Tariffs ? Uhm… Elon Musk ? No, probably not . How about Peter Navarro ? Maybe it’s Howard Lutnick ? Or could it be JD Vance’s fault for these Trump Tariffs ? No one has figured out who is responsible for the Trump Tariffs , but there will be a $100 million , 4-mile-long parade to honor Generalissimo K. Trump on his birthday. Meanwhile, Gops will raise the debt limit to $5 trillion , and cut taxes by $5 trillion , because at this point, why not? Blue states can officially drop dead . For those who care about an excuse for SignalFiascoGate, here’s one . Complaints and suggestions are always welcome, just remember to fill out your name and address legibly for a quick response ! Judges in Texas are standing by to habeas your corpus onto C-17s, ASAP .…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman and Greg Dworkin return to today’s KITM . You didn’t think ever miss this, did you? For those of you keeping a tally, Donald K. Trump also does not understand what the word “beautiful” means. The stock market continues to crash here and around the world . There was that moment when people became insane enough to believe that Trump might have suddenly become sane , but then another Trillion bucks went away forever , and reality snapped back. This is an economic catastrophe orchestrated by Republicans , but one they don’t know how, don’t care how, and are afraid to fix. Follow Lawrence H. Summers on Blue Sky . (Unfollow him anywhere else.) All of this FAFO will be just the medicine MAGA needs. Trump will crash the economy and thus all of his support . Silicon Valley and Wall Street are shocked that their boy would do this to them . So are all of those regular folk in rural, red … Ok, maybe don’t expect a “wave of woke ” to roar across America awfully soon . After all, the White House is fighting the return of an immigrant that they admit they kidnapped and disposed of in El Salvador . They’d rather send their own lawyer , who confessed to the crime down there, to join him. 60 Minutes found no criminal record for 75% of the Venezuelan migrants sent to El Salvador. A guy who left Mexico at 4 years old, got married and had kids was finally caught and deported when he visited his grandfather's grave . Who out there can save us from this horrific tragedy ? Well, let me check the roster and see who’s scheduled… Oh yes, it’s you , right on the top of the list again .…
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Kagro in the Morning
Why pay more? For far less than the hourly rate of a psychiatrist, David Waldman can address much of the anxiety that you, and he, suffer beneath the surface of each day. Dollar for dollar , KITM sooths and informs better than most barbers, bartenders, or even Uber drivers. Try some today! While you’re doing that, do something else ! There’s plenty to be done and you’re the one to do it. You have to do it , no one else is going to do it, they are too busy doing their part . Don’t make us tariff you. Yesterday, Donald K. Trump pitched the world into a steep nosedive , before parachuting out somewhere over the Doral golf course . What was he thinking ? Great minds struggle to decipher and explain Trump’s tariff calculations , failing to consider that tiny minds came up with it. Actually, it’s not difficult to see that these tariffs are just another way to leverage and measure acquiescence and obsequence . How can the Democrats ever pull us out of this horrible spin ? IEEPA ! Don’t ask Trump anything about SignalGate . Don’t ask him about anything . Please don’t ask him about his $5 million instant citizen gold card. Interim and future U.S. attorney for the District of Columbia, Ed Martin is as Trumpy as they come, alarming federal prosecutors across the political spectrum. There’s no point along any spectrum unalarmed by Laura Loomer, who unfortunately has Trump’s rear , uh, “ear” to whisper sweet enemy lists into. The 5th floor window that General Timothy Haugh, the director of the National Security Agency and US Cyber Command was shoved out of was in fact, not literal, as the deep state had all of office windows sealed due to “the environment”. South Koreans are still puzzling over why their leader declared martial law , while Americans are puzzling over how to get our justice system to work half as well as the South Korean’s .…
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Kagro in the Morning
Because The Donald waited until after the markets closed yesterday to announce the “details” of his tariff “plan,” Greg Dworkin had to wait until this morning to chime in on the results. And even though in the modern age there’s trading done at all hours, all around the world, we still had to wait until 9:30 for The Old Man’s version of “the market” to open. But we knew it was gonna be bad . For everyone and everything ( except Russia ). How could it have been otherwise ? Still, there are always those who refuse to see it coming . Or refused to see it for what it was . Which is to say, “ ruination .” Just “ wildly destructive stupidity .” The good news about Democratic reaction to the tariffs is that they had a genuine success in the Senate, with four Gop defections on a measure to block them! Republicans do know this sucks for them! The not-so-good news is that it was about the last round of tariffs announced — the ones against Canada — not including this most recent round of nuttery. Luckily, there was more good news. Namely, Democratic turnout and performance in Tuesday’s elections . It was good news even in the expected Florida losses , but most especially in the Wisconsin win . The momentum is most welcome! We’re gonna need it, because he’s not leaving willingly . And the Gop knows that sucks for them, too. In case you thought Signalgate didn’t still suck, it does! They don’t want to let Mike Waltz out from under that bus , even if he hasn’t yet gotten caught in the wheels. Elsewhere, Eric Adams finally got his case dismissed. But not the way the Trump DOJ envisioned it. And Gerry Connolly scores with some SSA emails that confirm that stupidest of scenarios: Yes, Social Security registration for newborns in Maine really was targeted because Janet Mills was tough with Trump.…
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Kagro in the Morning
Today let’s join David Waldman in bidding adieu to yesterday’s co-host Charlie Kirk . We at KITM wish him well in his future endeavors. Greg Dworkin, who is 100% available on Blue Sky , felt possessed to post his analysis of where we are, post yesterday’s events, on the execrable X ... At least he didn’t dock his Raft O’ Stories ™ over at the Tesla dealership . When will Democrats say or do enough to counter Donald K. Trump? Yesterday, and for more than 25 hours previously, Senator Cory Booker said and did enough . Great! OK, who’s next at bat ? Yesterday’s elections were very special . Florida Republicans won, sure, but other than that , they can’t really brag . In Wisconsin, Elon Musk had his ass handed to him , then claimed that he always wanted to look at it from that angle . Mike Johnson couldn’t kill a new parents proxy voting measure , so he took his ball and went home. Donald K. Trump is furious to catch Senate Gops attempting to slip out of his Tariff Jonestown before the big event . What’ll be in tonight’s batch of Kool-Aid? Canadians , Mexicans and Europeans have already moved on, and Trump couldn’t care less . Abducting people to disappear and destroying government and democracy sure sounded like good ideas at the time , but... The Signal witch-hunt continues , but which witch will Trump burn? Michael Waltz used to be “Signal stupid ”, but now he’s “Gmail stupid ”, while Pete Hegseth is a special kind of stupid , and getting more special every day. All of Mel Gibson’s flags are red , but when a Justice Department Official didn’t want Mel to buy more guns , she was fired . Donald could pardon him. Donald will pardon anything.…
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Kagro in the Morning
David Waldman is not April fooling . Why devote a single day of our year to cruel jokes when with Donald K. Trump, every day can be one ? The real April Fools’ day is tomorrow when all, none, or some of Trump tariffs go into effect. Europeans have a plan for handling whatever Trump brings on, Americans, well, not so much . The Trump administration is warning companies throughout Europe to cut out their DEI, CRT ... whatever they call it in their counties, or else. America paid El Salvador just to take their prisoners , sadly, there is no “return policy” . Oopsie ! You, on the other hand, are not yet on route to a detention facility. Why is that? Doge pirates take over the Federal payroll system . The old crew walks the plank. Elon isn’t saving the government money but saved himself $500 million on the cool previous headquarters of the United States Insititute of Peace . Big Elections are happening today in Wisconsin and Florida . Congratulations to Nicholas Jacobs and Ekaterina Diestler big winners in Elon Musk’s — April Fools! No joke! Cory Booker goes to Washington and has been going Jimmy Stewart for over 15 hours as I write this.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - March 31, 2025 1:56:49
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedDavid Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back for yet another week of KITM! How do they do it , what is their secret ? No one knows! We begin the week with the White House embroiled in scandal. Which scandal? All of them ! There’s SignalGate , the main culprit of which has been finally determined to be JD Vance , or the news media , or an unspecified Democrat yet to be announced . JD Vance is also guilty of blowing the art of the deal in Greenland . Like Canada , Greenland has a lot to offer in both material and strategic benefits . Just think of the partnerships, alliances, and investments Trump could have potentially made if his first negotiation tactic was ever something other than a pussygrab ? Countries who turned away their pussygrabs get tariffs this Wednesday , or at least more threats of more tariffs . Nothing makes Trump angrier than someone stealing his pickup technique . Don’t knock it, the Trump pussygrab has been a success with most of the media , several law firms , and an undisclosed number of SCOTUS. Following many, yet not enough, injunctions from lower-court judges , the Supreme Court has six pending emergency applications from Trump demanding to know " So like…What are we? " Gops warned Victoria Spartz not to have town halls , bu t she didn’t listen , and conducted a town hall in which she wouldn’t listen . For Victoria, if you have to ask for due process, you must not deserve it . Think those masked guys heading your way won’t put a bag over your head? Surprise ! Democrats will fix this all soon… we just need to get a little bit closer to their mid-term election fundraising drives, ok, please? In contrast, Donald K. Trump is already getting set for his 2028 election , and beyond. Wait a second, doesn’t the Constitution prohibit that sort of thing ? Where we’re going, we don’t need Constitutions. France on the other hand, takes things seriously, but their guillotine must have been on the fritz because Marine Le Pen only received 5 years off from seeking office.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - March 28, 2025 1:56:47
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedDavid Waldman delivers us to the end of the week. Anyone not detained this weekend for acts of dispatriotism can meet back here on Monday. Russia seems to use David’s random country generator to pick out its disinformation targets. Today it’s Austria! SignalGate! It turns out that you can get in a lot of trouble for accidentally adding a reporter to a group email . “You” are not, however, one of the morons on the Houthi PC Small Group chat. Those folks are in a special protected class of super-morons. The more stupidity linked to them, such as public Venmo accounts with payments to eggplants, the more they are called out, such as Senator Tammy Duckworth calling Pete Hegseth “a f*cking liar” who needs to resign in disgrace , the more Donald K. Trump will defend them and lock down Gops from doing anything about it . Hillary Clinton writing an op-ed for the Times has secured Pete Hegseth the job for life . Trump is afraid of confrontation and making any decisions tougher than picking out colors anyhow. Elise Stefanik, on the other hand , isn’t t hat much of a dangerous idiot to become concerned about . Trump figured that she could break just as much stuff if she kept her old job. Trump is cutting the “racial stuff” from the National Museum of African American History and Culture, and “gender” from the American Women's history museum, as well as “improper ideology” from the National Zoo. Thinking incorrectly at a university can earn you a free sightseeing trip in an unmarked van with a canvas bag on your head. Trump’s sister declared the immigration law he used “unconstitutional”. While we’re talking about Trumps, Vanessa Trump is in a relationship with Tiger Woods! Yep, Vanessa sure has a thing for those “bad boys” … Wait, who is Vanessa Trump?…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - March 27, 2025 1:56:28
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedIt’s Thursday, and David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to say the smartest things about the dumbest stuff . The Team Trump screwups keep on screwing up . Their passwords and personal emails have now been discovered by DER SPIEGEL, which might read better in the original German . The Trump administration has created a golden age for foreign spies , which does read better in the second-hand Chinese . Mike Waltz’ Venmo list contains a lot of journalists who he owes or owe him money. Foremost authority on barstools and sports, Dave Portnoy demands that heads should roll ... At least one, ok ? Donald K. Trump loves his staff , unless the polls convince him that they were just coffee boys . So much for JD Vance’s tour ship diplomacy ! No one in Greenland wants to sell him a box of donuts , let alone their finest local whale blubber , seal blubber or narwhal blubber . And JD just sold his house too! That is, his LLC released its holdings to another LLC . (Of course, Orla Joelsen’s pictures of Greenland look much better on Blue Sky .) We are the bad guys now . Masked gunmen disappear people off the street, families beg for their release as the captives are used in propaganda videos . The majority of Americans believe presidents should obey the courts , but who thinks that Trump is only a president anymore? Probably a few lunatic left judges , but who cares about them? Ah, but special elections, those could be the beginning of a blue wave , if we are allowed to have those anymore. In Florida, state Senator Randy Fine should be winning big , but might be winning small . His wife could help out by hoochie cooing like a drag queen if required.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - March 26, 2025 1:57:03
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedSignalGate! David Waldman is here to explain it all, using only emojis . Greg Dworkin is here to unload his Raft of Stories, Ship of Fools, and Confederacy of Dunces. The revolution will not be televised, but KITM is here to present you with all the rest. (Do not follow Greg on anything but Blue Sky .) What did they know and when did they know it ? The answer is, not much and not yet. America’s allies are panicking , sure, but our enemies must be really shocked to find themselves having to rely upon these morons . The only way Gops could make it worse … is to do exactly what they are doing , not only blaming everyone but themselves , but viciously attacking them . The NSA warned that “Bin Laden determined to strike US”… and recently, " A vulnerability has been identified in the Signal Messenger Application. ” The Atlantic said the chat contained classified material, the White House said Nuh-Uh! So, The Atlantic published the messages , and it turns out that Pete Hegseth also can declassify secrets using only his mind , and a 40 of malt . All rise, the Honorable Judge James Boasberg will be presiding. This isn’t even their worst foreign policy move so far … or yet . For instance, JD and Usha Vance will soon head to Greenland to be greeted as liberators. The Vances have some extra vacation cash from a lobbyist who spent what a house around my neighborhood goes for, over the asking price of their house. Big Balls provided tech support to a cybercrime ring but doesn’t have half the balls Democratic House Rep. Melanie Stansbury showed yesterday. The White House budget office has decided that you don’t need to know what their budget spends money on. Maybe people out there are paying attention. A Democrat wins the latest Pennsylvania special election for a district that never was Democratic , handing Dems control of the state House .…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - March 25, 2025 1:57:19
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedBased on recent experience, David Waldman has been tapped to set up the Zoom on future secret White House meetings . You might have heard that our nation’s safety is in the hands of the worst group of fuckups imaginable. That’s a fact made more obvious by inviting the editor in chief of The Atlantic , Jeffrey Goldberg, to a war planning meeting being held via a chat group on the Signal app , second only to Mar-a-Lago as a go-to espionage destination spot . Steve Witkoff took advantage of the Kremlin’s free Wi-Fi service. Joe Kent took time from hunting antifa and BLM to join the chat. But, her emails ? Democrats want heads to roll . Republicans explain that the truth is, that these are not very bright guys , and things got out of hand , and request a moment or a few days of silence while they notify the next of kin . Meanwhile, Donald K. Trump and the Paul, Weiss law firm pioneer a new form of agreement in which each side signs off on the version that they like the best. Eagle Ed Martin, who wants to jail women for abortions , free Jan 6 insurrectionists, and stop the steal of his own 2010 election , is honored to just have an ass so big to kiss as the head of the Office of Management and Budget.…
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Kagro in the Morning
1 Kagro in the Morning - March 24, 2025 1:56:48
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Play Later Play Later Lists Like LikedDavid Waldman introduces KITM listeners to the Smooth Sound of Zoom™ . Greg Dworkin watches America circle the drain , while helping us locate the stopper. Donald K. Trump, modest as he is, isn’t taking credit for invoking the Alien Enemies Act. “Many do not know this, but John Adams was a president who signed things, and we have been hearing many good things about him lately.”, Donald will soon say, or he’ll just say “Lil’ Marco did it.”, which he already is saying . Either way Trump checks off another day of telling you and Judge James Boasberg something , which is good enough for him , probably not for Boasberg . Meanwhile, El Salvador remains Rubio’s quick-stop low-cost disappearing headquarters. In comparison, the Paul, Weiss firm are Trump’s dream of what a law firm should be , backing off of him, and giving him money . Paul, Weiss chair Brad Karp complains that after years of “dishing it out”, “taking it” feels surprisingly harsh , but if Brad thinks it’s all behind him, he doesn’t know how much is left to be inserted . Who knew that Republicans also received Social Security ? DOGE is having a hard time finding any fraud there , but of course , that isn’t the point . Most people would prefer that their airliner didn’t crash , but here we are . Trump picks Boeing over Lockheed because they’ll name their next fighter after him. Now they need to find pilots small enough for that “cockpit ”. Most countries sure won’t be shopping USA for weapons . Usha Vance is heading to Greenland , and already they aren’t thankful. Columbia, the gem of kowtowing universities , is sending $400 million dollars to soothe Trump’s pain from a deal he blew 25 years ago . Scott Turner follows in the footsteps of OJ Simpson and Rosie Greer as a football player hoping that 70’s casting decisions work out for him. (Yes, you can follow M. Nolan Gray on Blue Sky .)…
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