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WHAT IT MEANS when you get GHOSTED (not the answer you expect)

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Manage episode 287065724 series 2439125
Content provided by Mike Mehlman. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Mike Mehlman or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.

Main blog - https://mikemehlman.net/

Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/mikemehlman

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Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mikemehlman.net

This topic is going to be met with probably a high degree of pushback and criticism by many guys. There will be plenty of guys who disagree with me here. "Michael you're wrong." Or (my favorite) "Mike, I read your last post. I agree with 80-90% of what you said." My response: "Meaning 10-20% of you is a cuck." And that's okay. We don't have to agree on everything. When we consider ghosting, where the girl ignores our message, this can obviously refer to pre- or post-hookup. This discussion is more in relation to post-hookup, because we already know that most girls will ignore pre-hookup anyway (i.e., no matter what you say or do, most girls will not respond to your initial text, or will fade after a few texts). So let's say you've hooked up with a girl. She was "super-affectionate," seemed "really into you," and even texted you afterward saying thank you and that she's looking forward to next time. Then she goes on to ignore your messages. What's that about? What happened? My contention: That's not weird. That's normal female behavior. Frequently getting ghosting, regardless of who the male is, is predictable and expected. It's not a repudiation of you. This is just how females work much of the time. You see, it takes many many years and many dating data points to start to feel this out. We as guys always want to draw our conclusions about things: "There *must* be a reason she wasn't interested. We had amazing chemistry, so it *must* be because I'm not good-looking enough. That *must* be the case. Because we got along so well. If I were Brad Pitt, obviously she wouldn't ghost. So it *must* be my looks. No other conclusion can be made." Etc. We always want to draw conclusions. We always want to establish the reason she wasn't interested. And the overwhelming majority of the time, guys will assume it comes down to either looks or bedroom performance. I can start off by saying that I take more rejections and get flaked and ghosted on more than anyone else out there. And with that I've started to be able to see that ghosting is just normal female behavior, as is the rejection on the cold approach, as is her unwillingness to come back on the date much of the time. This is about understanding what's normal and predictable. The same exact way on the cold approach we know rejection is going to be the outcome the overwhelming majority of the time - it doesn't matter who we are, what we say, or what we do - most girls will reject/deflect no matter what - well most girls will decline to come back on the date, even if you are maximally forward, *as will most girls ghost after you've hooked up with them.* In other words, I'm making the assertion that even if an occasional girl doesn't want to see you again because you didn't go down on her for 29 minutes in the bedroom and make her come twice, or because she only wants to settle with a guy who's at least 6'5" and a CEO, the overwhelming majority of girls actually don't function this way. You need to escape these movie-esque notions that only cause you to get down about yourself. It's reasonable for us to think as guys that if a girl ghosts post-hookup, that it likely means that despite crossing a threshold where she was willing to hook up, we didn't cross this higher, arbitrary threshold where she was willing to take us on as a boyfriend. We might think that's the case because *we think that way in terms of how we date girls,* but women don't think like we do.

Continue reading: https://mikemehlman.net/

  continue reading

289 episodes

Artwork
iconShare
 
Manage episode 287065724 series 2439125
Content provided by Mike Mehlman. All podcast content including episodes, graphics, and podcast descriptions are uploaded and provided directly by Mike Mehlman or their podcast platform partner. If you believe someone is using your copyrighted work without your permission, you can follow the process outlined here https://player.fm/legal.

Main blog - https://mikemehlman.net/

Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/mikemehlman

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mike_mehlman/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mikemehlman.net

This topic is going to be met with probably a high degree of pushback and criticism by many guys. There will be plenty of guys who disagree with me here. "Michael you're wrong." Or (my favorite) "Mike, I read your last post. I agree with 80-90% of what you said." My response: "Meaning 10-20% of you is a cuck." And that's okay. We don't have to agree on everything. When we consider ghosting, where the girl ignores our message, this can obviously refer to pre- or post-hookup. This discussion is more in relation to post-hookup, because we already know that most girls will ignore pre-hookup anyway (i.e., no matter what you say or do, most girls will not respond to your initial text, or will fade after a few texts). So let's say you've hooked up with a girl. She was "super-affectionate," seemed "really into you," and even texted you afterward saying thank you and that she's looking forward to next time. Then she goes on to ignore your messages. What's that about? What happened? My contention: That's not weird. That's normal female behavior. Frequently getting ghosting, regardless of who the male is, is predictable and expected. It's not a repudiation of you. This is just how females work much of the time. You see, it takes many many years and many dating data points to start to feel this out. We as guys always want to draw our conclusions about things: "There *must* be a reason she wasn't interested. We had amazing chemistry, so it *must* be because I'm not good-looking enough. That *must* be the case. Because we got along so well. If I were Brad Pitt, obviously she wouldn't ghost. So it *must* be my looks. No other conclusion can be made." Etc. We always want to draw conclusions. We always want to establish the reason she wasn't interested. And the overwhelming majority of the time, guys will assume it comes down to either looks or bedroom performance. I can start off by saying that I take more rejections and get flaked and ghosted on more than anyone else out there. And with that I've started to be able to see that ghosting is just normal female behavior, as is the rejection on the cold approach, as is her unwillingness to come back on the date much of the time. This is about understanding what's normal and predictable. The same exact way on the cold approach we know rejection is going to be the outcome the overwhelming majority of the time - it doesn't matter who we are, what we say, or what we do - most girls will reject/deflect no matter what - well most girls will decline to come back on the date, even if you are maximally forward, *as will most girls ghost after you've hooked up with them.* In other words, I'm making the assertion that even if an occasional girl doesn't want to see you again because you didn't go down on her for 29 minutes in the bedroom and make her come twice, or because she only wants to settle with a guy who's at least 6'5" and a CEO, the overwhelming majority of girls actually don't function this way. You need to escape these movie-esque notions that only cause you to get down about yourself. It's reasonable for us to think as guys that if a girl ghosts post-hookup, that it likely means that despite crossing a threshold where she was willing to hook up, we didn't cross this higher, arbitrary threshold where she was willing to take us on as a boyfriend. We might think that's the case because *we think that way in terms of how we date girls,* but women don't think like we do.

Continue reading: https://mikemehlman.net/

  continue reading

289 episodes

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