Ep 042: Fitting In vs. Belonging

The Purposeful Career Podcast

Today I want to talk about belonging. And specifically, we’re going to explore the difference between Fitting In vs. Belonging. And how to create a Sense of Belonging during times when you might feel a bit like you’re in a situation or a workplace or whatever where you’re on the outside looking in.

This is a super interesting topic and a relevant one, because it affects every person on the planet, regardless of age, gender, education level, culture, country, income or whatever. This is an issue that affects all of us because the need to belong is deep-seated and universal.

Because humans are tribal by nature.

For our caveman ancestors, belonging to the tribe allowed us to travel with a pack which gave us access to shelter, food, and protection. It helped us survive the dangers of weather or animals or other outside threats.

And honestly, things haven’t changed much.

In today’s world, this need to belong is just as necessary. And today we have many tribes. Our family, friend group, cultural community, religious group, neighborhood, school, club, and of course, because this is a podcast about your career or business, it’s just as relevant when it comes to work groups.

Today it’s about more than survival. It’s about feeling connected. And it’s through that connection that we get the deeper feelings of purpose, inclusion, and meaning we all want and need.

Belonging is about natural affiliation or familiarity. It’s about gravitating to or connecting into groups or people who share the same qualities, or goals or whatever that we share. And this natural affiliation is an important part of belonging because while it’s about feeling connected to others, it’s about doing that in a way that’s authentic. That’s about letting yourself be seen and known as who you really are.

But ‘FITTING IN’ is an entirely different thing.

According to Brene Brown, who’s done some amazing work on this topic, “fitting in” is about assessing situations and groups and then twisting ourselves into a human pretzel so THEY will like us or accept us or whatever.

So, no natural affiliation there. Fitting in is about modifying or changing who we present ourselves to be so that we can feel accepted by or connected to those around us.

And while on the surface that may seem fine, the truth is that presenting ourselves as something we are not takes energy. It takes real effort to consistently hide who you really are. And honestly, it’s soul sucking and exhausting.

Think back over your career or life when you joined a company or club or team or whatever and you instantly felt like you belonged. You just knew that these were your people. Think about how that felt. How effortless. How energizing. Amazing, right?

And then I want you to think about a time when you felt like you didn’t ‘fit.’ When you didn’t feel welcome or included. Was it something overt? Like not being invited to lunch or happy hour. Or was it something more subtle like not being in on the shared joke or part of the office grapevine or whatever? And think how that made you feel. Not so amazing, right?

And think about how you responded to that. Did you change the way you acted or talked or dressed to mirror those around you?

To some extent this is normal. After all, we all want to fit in. And because we find ourselves in so many different situations – not only in our career but in our life – it’s natural that in some situations we’ll fit better than in others. So, we

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.