Sharing A Few Lessons From Life & A Poem About Time

Uncomfortably, Beautifully Human

*if you are able to, I invite you to listen to these words in a quiet space, tune into the sensations of your body and feel what comes up for you

During 2019, after 8 months working 80 hour weeks on a solar panel farm in the outback of Australia (the craziest experience I’ve ever had), I left to travel through Asia for 4 months and then head on to visit my family in the UK before moving to Canada, where I’d just received residency. As you can imagine, with Covid looming, this didn’t go to plan at all. It was March 2020, and what was supposed to be a one weeks trip, turned into 6 months stuck back at my parents home in England, working night shifts at Sainsbury's to keep myself occupied.

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I share this time with you briefly because it speaks on the experience I’m having right now. Back then, what I thought was the worst thing to have ever possibly happened, turned into the greatest blessing. It was during this time that the dreams that lay dormant in my heart started to emerge again, who I truly was and wanted to be in this world started to get louder than who I was told I should be. A new direction emerged from the ashes.

I’ve always resonated with the idea that time isn’t linear, but cyclical, taking us back to moments that we’ve already experienced with a new awareness. It is in this moment, that I find myself back in a similar situation to the one I found myself in in 2020 - living with my brother in the home town I grew up in because life again stepped in. Not in the same way as 2020, where, like many of us, I needed a big wake up call, but rather a fine tuning of the path that I am now on. A fine tuning to keep me connected with what is truly my heart and what isn’t.

After making the difficult decision in April to leave my home in Ibiza after two years, release most of what I had been doing in my business, I thought the answer was to fly to Colombia and spend a few months alone in the jungle. Life humbled me once again, and I wasn’t (for various documentation reasons) allowed to even board my flight. This time, instead of fighting what was happening, I sat down in the airport at 06:30 in the morning and asked life to show me the way, for my soul to shine the light on what I needed to see. What was needed for me to live the life I was intended for. To live heaven on Earth. To experience the peace and ease that I could feel inside.

I knew that I needed to go back to England and take the space over the next few months to dig a little deeper, practice and integrate fully everything that I had learnt. I knew I needed to slow right down to see what I was missing. I was definitely afraid of the temporary discomfort, but my life has shown me over and over again that this temporary discomfort is so worth it when you're following what truly resides in your heart.

The lessons I’ve learnt and integrated from following my soul in this way have been huge, that I almost find it difficult to put into words. What I know for sure is that life showed me, through experience and awareness, what regrets, pains, resentment I was still holding onto, what was still unconscious within me that wasn’t truly representative of the path I have chosen to walk. Where I was still hiding from being myself, what I was still suppressing out of a fear of not being seen as good enough.

It’s natural to feel afraid of looking at the emotions and thoughts that awaken the discomfort in us, to avoid the situations that trigger us, yet, in my experience I found the realisations from diving fully into this discomfort with an open heart, with a curiosity to learn from the full spectrum of life, becomes the foundation for everything new that is to bloom.

Through this transition that I’ve experienced, I’ve found a new love and peace for life, not because of anything outside of my being, but because of what has shifted within. I have a deeper appreciation for nature, for those around me, and how life’s always guiding and teaching us. I’ve learnt the power of patience, intention and choosing love and healing even when it feel impossible. I’ve watched myself and those around me shift in ways that, right now, I find difficult to describe in words, perhaps one day I’ll have the language to more eloquently point to this experience.

I don’t think we’ll ever be finished with learning or have arrived at a so-called destination, and if I’m honest, I don’t intend to. But, what I have remembered up to this point has reminded me that the gifts that I bring to this world through my work, through my being, those I serve and the space I intend to continue to build and devote myself to, means more to me than, again, I know how to describe.

I wanted to share this experience with you, for any of you who read or listen to this point as a reminder that choosing ALL that you are, is so worth it. Choosing what is true to your heart is worth it. Take it from someone who's walked through many moments, where discomfort has been one of my greatest teachers, guiding me closer to the truths of my heart. Although when I’d fight with life, discomfort felt heavy and hard. Now, I meet this feeling like you would an old friend, I welcome its teachings with ease and grace.

Remember that whatever you’re experiencing right now, you'll journey through the darkness to find the light will shine even brighter on the other side, your light will shine even brighter, if you choose. Not the illusion of light based on what you’ve accomplished, I'm talking about the light that is who you are, who you are being and how you truly feel inside. To me, that is worth more than anything else in this world.

As a finish to this, I wanted to share with you a poem that felt relevant to encompass this phase of my life and perhaps there’ll be something in these words that speaks to your own experience

with love,

Emma

We have this idea on when things should come

Should arrive

Because, if things don’t happen when I decide

How will I ever survive?

Oh honey

You’re lost in the need that, when you think about it,

Is a little funny

That things can only happen if you control

Can only happen if you fulfil some sort of role

But what if you let go?

Throw out the idea of time all together

Trusted that whenever something arrives

It made it at exactly the right time

Or, to take this rhyme one step further

What if we said that time didn’t exist?

What if it was all a myth?

We created to make sense of this crazy reality

Where we’re asking time “please save me”

“Erase this pain by taking me somewhere else”

“Help me lose my sense of self so I can start again”

“I no longer want to be present and pretend”

so , I make time my God, pray to it

“Help me kill all the parts that trigger me please”

“Take me to somewhere I can feel some sort of ease”

And then time laughs as he answers me…

“That it is your belief in the illusion of me

That has kept you from feeling free

Now, is the only place you can truly be”

If you felt supported by this poem, please leave a comment below or reach out via email, [e-mail] and let me know what came up for you. I love to hear from people that connect with the art and words that come through me. 😊 Equally, if you feel like this poem would benefit someone close to you, please spread the love and share it with them.

If you’d like to connect more intimately with this art, you can purchase my book, 44: A Journey Through Poetry, by clicking here.

with love,

Emma

Photo by Faris Mohammed on Unsplash

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