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Footballland

Anthony Richardson, Mark Davison, Ryan Baxter

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How do you design football themed theme park rides for a football themed theme park? This is how! Welcome to Footballland. Despite having little to no theme park acumen between them, Anthony Richardson, Mark Davis and Ryan Baxter each pitch a football themed theme park attraction or facility every week. Owing to their lack of any abilities in this field, Anthony, Mark and Ryan regularly enlist the help of special guests including comedians, footballers, musicians and journalists, none of who ...
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Greetings, Captain Footballland here! I have exciting things to report: our intrepid trio continue to fight for the greater footballing good – battling interminable desert sand storms, blistering temperature and general indifference – the park progress. Flying high above the footprint of Footballland I can imagine the splendour that awaits, which i…
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Good day fair Footballlanders, Another glorious week of Footballland is upon us, and what a week of Footballland last week was, no? EXCITING NEWS ALERT!! We have broken ground! We think... (TBC) Either way Mark is out in Qatar, we think... (or Saudi Arabia (TBC)) and he's employed a local (TBC) building contractor/builder/man who is definitely doin…
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Greetings Footballland Earholders! Well, we must apologise again, not sure to who, but to somebody for sure... Yes we've failed, yet again, to break ground on Footballland but we're not really worried because it's all sand and sand is dead easy to dig so, you know... In other news Anthony is having a lovely time in Hawaii as he makes his way "the o…
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Greetings Footballlanders, It's all kicking off in Tuvalu! Anthony has started the newest, spiciest rivalry in football. After beating them in an 11 vs 1 game, he has now started to berate them and insult them whenever possible. Needless to say, we've not started building yet BUT we did come up with three excellent new rides: Ten Hag Pin Bowling Ma…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Greetings Footballland Earholders! What a sunny day it is here in Western Samoa, Doha and Butlins Minehead respectively! The team at Footballland are working around the clock to bring you the first, best, biggest and only footba…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Welcome one and all to Footballland! After a slight mix up two of the trio are in Goa, India, while our Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer Mark Davison is in Doha. So we've been left with no option but to delay the building of our the…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Hello from Saudi Arabia! The boys are in Saudi (although Mark is in fact in Qatar) to build the world's first football theme park in Qatar for the World Cup in Qatar in 2022 in Qatar, in Qatar! And what a theme park it's set to …
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Greetings from Qatar! For the first time in Footballland history, the boys are in the Middle East! Anthony is in the Holiday Inn in Doha, Ryan is in The Marriott in Doha, and Mark is in Saudi Arabia. Time is really running out to build this park - at this rate we’re looking at building one ride per day before it opens - but Mark suggests we invent …
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Finally something for the children! Paul Ince is in danger of being forgotten by the youth of today, so what better way to revive his playing career than by creating a giant inflatable side with the bloody headband he wore in Tu…
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Fair Bank Holiday my UK based earholders! (And to the rest of the world... er, hello and don't ask what a Bank Holiday is.) We did it again, didn't we? Yep, we only went and came up with THREE sexy new attractions! We don't care how close it's getting until we're supposed to be opening the park, because we KNOW we can get it done. Plus why deny the…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Good morrow Footballland Earholders! Can you believe there's only 210 days until the World Cup? Which means there's just 209 days until we need to have built Footballland, the world's first football themed theme park (we're buil…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Happy Easter to all our Footballland Earholders! And a special Happy Easter to Patreon Graham Boosey, who pitches the grass roots experience HE DOESN'T WANT IT. Footballland is really taking shape now. With just 6 months until o…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Greetings Footballland Earholders, And a special Footballland greeting to those of you interested in seeing a Fox In The Box placed in a perspex box the size of a penalty box with an actual fox. Boy are you in luck this week! A …
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Greetings Footballland earholders! It’s another week of dreamweaving here at Footballland HQ. We’ve been accidentally given $1 billion by the state of Qatar to build the world’s first football theme park and by jove we’re spendi…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Greetings Footballland Earholders! And a special welcome to our new Patreon Thomas Stirewalt, who is the proud sponsor of our new car park (The Thomas Spirewalt Car Park, suitable for both cars and motorcycles and nocturnal nest…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Greetings Earholders! What a lovely day it is too, not least because you've got a brand new episode of Footballland ready to plug into your earholes! We have $1 billion dollars burning a hole in our pocket and we're about to spu…
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Dear Lorders and Lorderesses of Footballland, We had another indulgent meeting this week – when we really should be cracking on with building the park – we just couldn't help ourselves. So yes, we've piled more pressure on ourselves by creating three more attractions that just have to be built. Klich Koch The Bielsa Clock This aspect of the park mi…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Dear Earholders of Footballland and those fortunate enough to stumble across this recording. It's been another hugely successful meeting in the planning of the world's first football theme park in Qatar for the World Cup in Qata…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland [Musical notes emoji] Footballland, FOOTBALLLAND. FOOOT BBAALLLL LAND [/Musical notes emoji] It's a serious business, creating the world's first football themed theme park in Qatar for the World Cup in Qatar in Qatar, but you kn…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Greetings Footballlanders! It took us until Episode 23 of season 2 to come up with a casino for Footballland. What have we called it? The Tony Cascacasino. The great news is that you're all invited to gamble there to your hearts…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland "Don't chat. Risk of death." Hello Footballlanders! The world's first football theme park is ever expanding and we are thrilled to announce TWO new rides from us and ONE from our patreon patron Calum Lightfoot! If you'd like you…
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Greetings Footballland guests, patrons and earholders! There's a growing excitement here at Footballland HQ. The park is slowly taking shape. We haven't yet built anything as such, but if 90% of the work is in the design, then Footballland is 28% complete! We are thrilled to announce THREE more rides for your pleasure. Arsene Wenger's World Cup May…
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Greetings Footballlanders! Fantastic news! Over the weekend we chatted with a guy whose flatmate was from Qatar. He said that they’re counting down the days until the world’s first football theme park opens in their country, and all anyone can talk about is how many seconds they’re going to last on Steve Mechanical Bull. We’re beyond excited at bri…
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Greetings Footballlanders! After another fruitful meeting at Footballland HQ we are pleased to announce THREE new rides. OK, so one of them is just Chris Kamara solving park problems, so let's call it TWO new rides and ONE important piece of park infrastructure! This week the world's 2nd greatest footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo, returns to the park (…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Welcome earholders, and general listeners to another week of theme park planning! We're one step closer to building Footballland, and we thank you for your support as we near the final stages. Mark, Anthony and Ryan are delighte…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Terry Venables, in a giant velcro fat suit, attached to a mile high crane, swinging through the park at midday every day singing 'We're All Going England Crazy' and taking anyone in his path with him. You in or what? Because tha…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Some new year resolutions are bigger than others. We're not belittling your yearly vow to drink 3 pints fewer per week before inevitably giving up by early Feb, but we have a serious resolution here at Footballland - to build th…
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Happy Nearly New Year! It's been a hectic year at Footballland HQ. We're so close to opening the world's first football theme park in time for the world cup 2022 in 2022 in Qatar in 2022, and we couldn't have done it without your help. Your ride ideas, your jingles, your many car parks have been invaluable, so a massive thank you for your support. …
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Merry Christmas! While you've been working hard, a glass of merlot in one hand, a block of brie in the other, we at Footballland have been preparing for the opening of Footballland in just 336 days time. And we were delighted to…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland While No. 10 have been partying, your executives at Footballland have been knuckling down to design the world's first football theme park in Qatar in time for the World Cup 2022 in Qatar in Qatar. That's right - if this were a Z…
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This week on Footballland we're proposing teaching chickens to fly but in the spirit of equality bears and dogs too, and before you start moaning we're also modifying planes for bees as well, so... okay? We've also got a new security detail in the form of turn of the (20th) century comedy troupe, The Keystone Cops, only they all look like a certain…
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This week on Footballland we're sending Cristiano Ronaldo into space and never bringing him back, we're setting up a creche overseen by Brian Kidd and 92 goats, and we're building a massive bouncy castle in the shape of St James' Park where YOU TOO can be washed by former Newcastle legends Les Ferdinand and Warren Barton! Who wouldn't want to be la…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland The birds are singing, the bees are fornicating and Mark is back in the studio! That's right, all three Footballland executives are in the room to bring you 3 [THREE] new attractions. Ole's At The Wheel Viking Pleasure Boats Man…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Can you imagine snow falling on Graham Poll's naked back and would it be beautiful? What's the point of Space food? And if you were to cosmetically engineer two pigs to look like managerial dynasty Brian and Nigel Clough, which …
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It's been another highly successful week at Footballland and we're delighted to announce THREE new rides! One of which came from listener and patron Nick Dunmore. Remember, you can send us any of your half-baked ride ideas and we're contractually obliged to discuss them! Sign up to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Here's what's …
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Hey guess what? It's Footballlllllaaaaaaaaaand! The world's first football theme park is *really* taking shape now. Can you believe we've gone and created another three rides? Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland and if you'd like a bit of extra special treatment sign up to our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland T…
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After another extremely important meeting at Footballland HQ we're pleased to unveil THREE new rides. And one of those has come from our patron Phil Lee. Remember, you can send us any of your half-baked ride ideas and we're contractually obliged to discuss them! Sign up to the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland So here are the rides i…
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What an incredible meeting at Footballland HQ this week. Can you believe that we came up with THREE new things...? Sensational! We are delighted to unveil: 1 ride, 1 facility and 1 naked fighting experience. But which one is which? Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Comedian and Times Columnist George Lewis joined us to …
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In yet another top, top, top, top, top, top, top episode of Footballland we're excited to bring your THREE new rides. If you like what we do join our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland or you can support our show athttps://supporter.acast.com/footballland The Toure Brothers' Bus Tour To me! To You! The Toure Brothers' Bus Tour is Footb…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland This week we're pleased to announce that Mark Davison returns after being out of the game for two weeks - that's a short time in Podcast terms, but a lifetime if you're a Watford manager. So the full complement of top, top lads …
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This week, Ryan pitches a competitive mobility vehicle facility in honour of football’s most santa-like administrator Chuck Blazer (Disclaimer: if you are planning on coming to Footballland and you need a mobility vehicle either bring your own, or start practicing herding cats by lassoing them with blazers whilst under threat from fire). Anthony pi…
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We are finally back for season 2 of Footballland! Thank you so much for your patience over the summer. You won't be disappointed by what we have in store for this series, and please send us your ride ideas - we'll include each and every one. If you like our show sign up to our Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland So, here's E01 of S02 - …
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Sadly this is our final episode of the season! We're taking a break for the Euros and will return for an even bigger and better Footballland in July! You'll agree that the park is taking fantastic shape, and we're pleased to bri…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland It's been another hugely productive meeting at Footballland HQ. We're proud to bring you ONE new ride, PLUS a food stall PLUS a shoe shine parlour. Here they are in full: Indiana Benitez & The Miracle of Istanbul If you're a Liv…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Ever wanted to ride a Chelsea manager while slapping their silicone bottom to make them go faster? Here at Footballland we're delighted to give you that opportunity. During the Qatar 2022 World Cup you'll be able to ride not onl…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland It's been another successful meeting at Footballland, and we're proud to present you with THREE new rides: Jay Jay Okocha's Phoenix Nights Food lovers at Footballland have been thus far treated to two themed restaurants in Assco…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland, and we're pleased to announce TWO new rides PLUS the finishing touches to our mascot, Captain Footballland. Frank Rijkaard's Flob Shy Remember when Dutch superstar Fra…
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Summary Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland It's been another hugely successful meeting at Footballland HQ, and we're pleased to announce TWO new rides, plus an update on the name of another ride. Playground Tactics Remember at school in the playground, aged seven…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Welcome one and all, to another episode of Footballland! And not just any episode, but the 6 month anniversary! We're building the world's first football theme park, and we couldn't have done it without your help. We welcome our…
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland Good morrow, Footballlanders! It's another episode from the world's first football theme park! And what an episode it is! This week we're treated to Peter Shilton's love/hate/erotic relationship with Diego Maradona, a helter ske…
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