How To Become Your Partner's Drug Dealer

Growth Marriage

I want to tell you about this thing my wife does that gets me completely addicted to loving her. It gets me to turn off my phone and help around the house, be more empathetic and emotionally supportive, kiss her passionately every day, and buy her flowers, pick up her favorite drink from the store, and write her love notes. Sounds pretty magical, right? Maybe even a little hard to believe? That’s what today’s podcast is all about. (You can listen to it here.) The best way to explain what she does is to quote Myron Golden, a speaker I heard at a conference last month. He asked the audience, “Why does anyone do anything?” The answer? “Because they feel like it.” When something feels good, we want to do more of it. Essentially, it all boils down to drugs. (The drugs in your brain, and the illicit kind as well.) The reason people do drugs is because it makes them feel good! Taking a substance like heroin, ecstasy, cocaine, or even alcohol releases a boat-load of reward chemicals into your brain, like serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine. I’m oversimplifying the brain science here, but essentially, when someone does drugs, the release of these brain-chemicals is so POWERFUL that they will do ANYTHING to experience more of it. They’ll stop eating. They’ll stop sleeping. They’ll even sabotage the relationships that mean the most to them. That’s how strong these reward chemicals in your brain are! But illegal drugs aren’t the only way you can get a hit of those reward chemicals. You get a similar hit from the reward-center of the brain when you accomplish a big goal, receive a compliment, serve someone selflessly, fall in love, or when you eat a really delicious meal. So… why do I help around the house, make an effort to be emotionally supportive, encourage my wife to spend time with her friends, buy her flowers, and kiss her passionately? I do those things because she is my drug dealer… My wife is really good at giving me what I need so that I actually crave investing in our relationship. She knows that if I do something she likes, and she can respond by releasing those reward chemicals, I’m gonna want to do more of that thing! She’s making me “addicted” to loving her. That’s #SCIENCE It’s crazy what happens when you know how to get your partner “addicted” to your marriage. How would you feel if your partner would give up anything to make sure they’re putting your marriage first? How would it be if they started looking forward to help you around the house without you even asking? What about if they started making decisions with regards to finances, or parenting, or in-laws based on the impact it could have on you? Now… think about what you could do to reward your partner for any effort towards those things, no matter how small. Give them a dose of those reward chemicals. Do this over time, and they’ll get addicted to loving you just like I’m addicted to loving my wife. -Nate P.S. Do you struggle with planning cool date nights? I recently put together something to help you out with this. If you go to , I’ll send you a date-plan every week for 5 weeks. Each plan includes activities, links to cool products, treats, and conversation-starters to make sure your dates are creative, fun, and awesome! Ya’ welcome. (Feel free to share this with your friends. The more awesome dates we can get people on, the better!)