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96. Learning How to Trust Your Struggling Teen Again
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How can you trust your teen is learning and growing even when some behaviors look similar?
Moving past your teen’s previous behavior can feel hard, especially when they’re showing similar behaviors now. But they’ve been to treatment, and they’re older now, so how can you know whether it’s a repetitive pattern behavior you’re witnessing or whether maybe the same behavior has a completely different motivation behind it?
When something’s unknown, it’s very easy and normal for us to look for a reference, a moment in the past that looked similar. It’s like a trauma response. But it also means we’re operating from a place of fear.
“[As a parent], because I’m just waiting for it, because I just fear so much that you’ll do it again, anything that looks like old behavior feels like a relapse.” - Trevor Allen
And how does this reflect on your struggling teen? Do they feel seen for the person they are now or for the person they used to be? Your trauma response might involuntarily be communicating with your teen that you don’t believe they’ve changed.
“As someone who has gone through these changes, I can personally say, it's hurtful. … It’s hurtful when someone doesn’t see you in the new when you have done all of this work” - Seth Gottlieb
I’m joined today by both Seth Gottlieb and Trevor Allen to shine a light on both the parent perspective and the teen perspective of this delicate topic.
Is your teen really changing? Let’s discuss it in today’s episode.
In this episode on learning how to trust your struggling teen again, we discuss:
- Are you unconsciously waiting for your teen’s maladaptive behavior to happen again?;
- How can you know if your teen is changing?;
- What is true change?;
- The importance of seeing your teen for the individual they are, not the one they were;
- Learning how to trust your teen again;
- And much more!
Need support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.
More about Trevor Allen
Trevor has worked with adolescents and families for 26 years in various roles. He currently is working as a therapist and a coach for adolescents and parents. He and his wife own a private practice called Juniper Hill Counseling & Coaching.
One of his biggest strengths is a person-centered approach in that he works hard to see the perspective of the client. It is his belief that connection and relationship is intrinsically important and has the secondary benefit that it creates fertile soil for change.
His family is what is most important to him. In his free time, Trevor enjoys running long distances in the Mountains of Utah.
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And remember parents, the change begins with us.
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