Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty chaos, and wonder of our terrifying world. Niki, John, LB— and our producer Jordo— try to find meaning and clarity one or twelve subjects at a time: from the menu at Cheesecake Factory to a human man dressed up as Snoopy tucking you into bed. Get bonus content on Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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At the Penumbra, you might follow Juno Steel, a brooding, sharp-witted private eye on Mars, as he tangles with an elusive homme fatale, tracks dangerous artifacts of an ancient alien civilization, and faces his three greatest fears: heights, blood, and relationships. Or you might enter the world of the Second Citadel, where the merciless Sir Caroline must corral a team of emotionally distraught all-male knights to defend their city against mind-manipulating monsters...even the ones they’ve f ...
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This is a podcast you won't want to share with anyone else, you'll want to keep this all for yourself. It is made with inspiration from Joe Frank, Ken Nordine, Howard Stern, and, of course, the disturbed world. This podcast will help you stay awake when driving, help you go to sleep when in bed, and help you feel comfortable when you are alone. I'm updating the sound quality in some of the episodes so the next episode (Ep12) coming in 2024.
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The: SoBeing Podcast. DO NOT drive or operate machinery. ONLY listen when you can safely relax and close your eyes. A hypnotic journey of change... SoBeing is a Holistic 3 Step Approach to transformation. Powered by Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), Hypnosis and Guided Visualisations, a simple 3 step process: Releasing & Letting Go - Gratitude & Right Now - Creating & Making Manifest. “Success Comes From Being, Not Doing”
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What does living a robust, fulfilling life really mean? It’s a question that we’ll all have to confront at some point, and it will stump the best of us. For many entrepreneurs, monetary success often comes at the cost of the other areas of life that are just as important, if not more so. This new show opens our eyes to these “other” areas and the things that many of us don’t talk about. Live L.I.F.E. Wealthier will teach us the path to fulfillment that simply running a successful business wi ...
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This is more than a meditation podcast. Each episode is an opportunity to transform a part of your life from the inside out. Jennifer is a Transformational Coach and Hypnotherapist. The insights shared in these meditations can change the core beliefs and limitations that create anxiety, doubt, procrastination, and so much more. With each episode, you have the ability to relax, go within, and connect to your inner wisdom. Please do not close your eyes while driving or engaged in other activit ...
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A series of random mumblings on my commute to and from work. Hopefully just enough nonsense mixed with droning monotony that it might just help people fall asleep at night, preferably people who aren't driving of course. Tweet me @driven2sleep and let me know if it's working for you.
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Have you ever asked yourself What's the Point? What's the point of your work, your hobbies, your life? What's the point of what you do? What's the Point? is a question that can't be asked too often. It's a question that ultimately uncovers your purpose professionally, personally - in life as a whole. Join Brand Architect Bill Ellis as he pursues the answer to this question, and more, with people who have discovered their purpose, fuel it with their passion, and drive it through persistence. ...
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With LB still trapped in space, Niki and John are joined by #1 Drivey Superfan Michael Higham for a fun-filled romp through a variety of salient discussions, including a beer bong for piss, whether or not Caillou is "just bald," the racial demographics of Ireland, carrying a knife in Big 5 Sporting Goods, how they get the lotion in the tissues, gam…
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John went up to rescue LB from the International Space Station and got himself also stuck in the process, so this week Niki is joined by friend of the show Charles Harte to discuss a wide variety of topics, including (but not limited to) flat tummy water, bread with seeds in it, girl-related juice, Charles' "anti-Karen" mom, leaving reviews for thi…
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Getting More Out Of Non-Traditional Investments With Michael Poggi
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Michael Poggi shares invaluable insight into tax-free land investing and encourages you to think outside the box. From his personal experiences from the trenches of the traditional investment model, through a tremendous personal and professional realization, to then create a model that works for himself, Michael has replicated his proven tax-free l…
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5.28: Juno Steel and the Case Closed (Part 2)
57:56
57:56
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Home is what you make it. Thank you for joining us at The Penumbra, dear Traveler. We hope you've enjoyed your stay. (Trigger warnings can be found at the bottom of this episode description and at the end of the transcript.) ------- You can find all of our transcripts here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1OLddnnYamZuglgZc8pM2gqToPOwEBccM?us…
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Hey folks! In case you missed it, new episodes now happen on Monday! Happy Monday! Also LB is trapped in space for a few weeks but that's not a permanent change, so don't worry. We've got a lot of fun guests to help out over the next couple weeks, including me, Jordan, the producer, who is on the show this week! I tend to make the show less funny w…
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Calling All Entrepreneurs: Access Your Financial, Personal & Spiritual Freedom Today With Marta Skik Harich
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Marta Skik Harich shares her passion and drive for the Live L.I.F.E. Wealthier movement. She emphasizes that you are not a victim. You have the power and ability within you to change your circumstances so that you too can live a life of financial, personal, and spiritual freedom. Creating an environment where money grows on trees and streets are pa…
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5.27: Juno Steel and the Case Closed (Part 1)
57:17
57:17
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Well, Juno Steel. Time's up. It's time to answer the question: Who will you be next? Welcome to the Penumbra, dear Traveler. We hope you enjoy your stay. (Trigger warnings can be found at the bottom of this episode description and at the end of the transcript.) ------- You can find all of our transcripts here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders…
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The Secret Knock To Success: Cultivate A Limitless Mindset With Greg Reid
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38:53
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Get ready to be inspired as we dive deep into the mind of the entrepreneurial visionary Greg Reid, the Founder of Secret Knock and Author of Stickability. Greg challenges the status quo with raw honesty and unparalleled wisdom to inspire listeners to unlock their full potential and redefine what’s possible. He shares his no-nonsense approach to suc…
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John, LB and Niki press onward despite a number of seemingly insurmountable challenges, including the return of Scam Text Theater (feat. Reginald Thimbleberry), getting a colonoscopy, jerking off with L. Ron Hubbard, distractingly large famous penises, official communique from the State Department, and against all odds, somehow even more. Welcome t…
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The Secret To Building A Lasting Business With Aaron Scott Young
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Operating a business is not for the faint of heart. In fact, it is the failures that provide valuable insights to get back in the saddle and build a lasting business. The key is to be tenacious, creative, and focused. You have to follow what works and quickly let go of what does not. Marta Skik Harich chats with Aaron Scott Young who explores what …
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Hi this is Jordan!! I wasn't around for the recording of this one and all LB said is "warnings for spoilers of Manhunter and idk what else," so you're on your own for this one folks! Hope it turns out okay! Thanks and sorry! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navigating the cruelty, chaos, and wonder of our terrifying wo…
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Niki, LB and John discuss the need for change in America's relationship with its own milquetoast national anthem, in addition to related topics, such as the price of Prozac, new innovations in scrotum technology, the Batman Returns iteration of Catwoman, being Johnest with each other, and predictably, somehow even more. Welcome to If You're Driving…
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Energy, Manifestation, Abundance: Your Entrepreneurial Edge With Marty Barigian
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Our guest, Marty Barigian, a Master Energy & Grid Connector, shows us various ways a business owner and entrepreneurs can use their energy to obtain the effects they are looking for. When manifestation is in alignment with your being and your integrity, minor energy shifts will produce grand results in your life. Marty shares with us how important …
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Beyond The E!: Larry Namer's Recipe For Business And Life
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53:11
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A humble Hollywood legend, Larry Namer, shares his time with us to explore how he co-founded the E! Television Network, Talk Soup, and changed pop culture not even realizing it at the time. Larry then goes on to share how it is important to be humble, have an altruistic mindset when it comes to business and not to take yourself too seriously. Larry…
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5.26: Second Citadel--The World to Come (Part 3)
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Given but one short and precious life, what world will you bring to bear? Welcome to the Penumbra, dear Traveler. We hope you enjoy your stay. (Trigger warnings can be found at the bottom of this episode description and at the end of the transcript.) ------- You can find all of our transcripts here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1OLddnnYam…
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How Old Is Walt Disney When He “Comes Out”
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John, Niki and LB go the extra mile this week by proving evolution, showcasing their incredible psychic powers, taking the time to look at and think about breasts while live on a podcast, exposing the Coors nuclear waste controversy, making the world-first announcement of a new Shrek film, and if you can believe it, somehow even more. Welcome to If…
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Remember, remember the 5th of Julember ... (In this episode LB, Niki and John [all best friends] discuss where "it" goes "after butthole," the Ben Shapiro that escaped containment, the rules of being a ghost, Reba, the legitimacy of antibiotic warnings, the Cisco Groove, and reluctantly, somehow even more.) Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your …
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5.25: Second Citadel--The World to Come (Part 2)
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Above, a cataclysmic war to determine the fate of the Universe; below, an adventure deep into the bowels beneath an undersea palace; all while a traitor leads the enemy onward... and forces our heroes to make a terrible choice. Welcome to the Penumbra, dear Traveler. We hope you enjoy your stay. (Trigger warnings can be found at the bottom of this …
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LB, Niki and John crest the final apex of Gimmick Month, playing a brand-new game of Niki's design, pushing friendships to the limit and making us rethink everything we know about the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics. Other topics of discussion include (but are not limited to) Christian for-profit universities, Hootie & the Blowfish, sex ramps, tinned …
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Gimmick Month continues with The Second Annual White Off, where we see which of our four contestants is the whitest. Once that's settled (the results will SHOCK YOU), Niki, LB and John also discuss serving cunt in the chicken line, whether curling "has balls," hanging out with Jenny Nicholson, whether you can "get one out of a dead guy," John's rec…
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5.24: Second Citadel--The World to Come (Part 1)
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The center of the Universe, mere hours before the battle that will determine its final fate. This is a war that not all will survive. Welcome to the Penumbra, dear Traveler. We hope you enjoy your stay. (Trigger warnings can be found at the bottom of this episode description and at the end of the transcript.) ------- You can find all of our transcr…
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Gimmick month continues with our first-annual Master Chief Beach Week, the replacement holiday full of sand, sun and fun! Or that's what the copy says anyway, in practice it's mostly talk about the various ways that white people ruin the beach without even enjoying it themselves, in addition to various diversions concerning bumper stickers, scented…
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John, Niki and LB are all in the same place! Wowie zowie! That means an in-person recording, which also means the audio is a little roomier than usual, but the vibes are still just like you like 'em! Topics of discussion for this week include (but are not limited to) the world of dreams, emotionally insensitive burlesque performers, Dan Ryckert's u…
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5.23: Juno Steel and the Thief's Honor (Part 2)
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37:57
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BEGIN LIFEUPGRADE? Welcome to the Penumbra, dear Traveler. We hope you enjoy your stay. (Trigger warnings can be found at the bottom of this episode description and at the end of the transcript.) ------- You can find all of our transcripts here: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1OLddnnYamZuglgZc8pM2gqToPOwEBccM?usp=sharing Transcripts will co…
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How Much to Make the The Mask (1994) Mask Work
1:17:14
1:17:14
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John, Niki and LB ascend the Gender Tower for an episode that's going to be just as much of a surprise for you as it is for me, because I haven't heard it yet! Also featuring a surprise visit from Former Chief Medical Advisor to the President of United States Anthony Fauci. Oh no! Welcome to If You're Driving, Close Your Eyes, a podcast about navig…
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Teetering on the edge of oblivion, four friends (three regular and one frog) embark on a sacred journey of personal discovery. During their travels, the group discusses many topics of importance, including why Jon Bon Jovi cheated on his wife, what the white lady from TikTok is up to these days, the various slogans of Outback Steakhouse, which bird…
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5.22: Juno Steel and the Thief's Honor (Part 1)
40:03
40:03
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It's difficult to stay sane while you're in two simultaneous life-or-death situations, but Juno Steel is doing his best. With the Ruby 7 psychically splitting his attention between two places -- one where he is imprisoned and experimented on by Dokana executives; another where Nureyev must argue to save Juno's life -- things are looking pretty grim…
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It's John. It's Niki. It's LB. It's all three of them, and they're here, being as smart and drunk as ever, talking about the things YOU care about most, including a brand-new legal system for punishments, the hairy teeter, the history of Atlantis, the long-awaited return of Scam Text Theater, notes for John's acting skills, tall buildings, and some…
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