Dr. Cloud explores the idea that achieving anything of value in life requires doing things we don't want to do. He draws from personal experiences, such as pulling an all-nighter to meet a book deadline, and uses relatable examples like losing weight or building a successful marriage. Dr. Cloud emphasizes that embracing this mindset – that discomfo…

Ever feel like apologizing isn’t working? In this thought-provoking talk, Dr. Cloud delves into the art of offering a sincere and effective apology. He emphasizes that a genuine apology is a powerful tool for repairing and strengthening relationships. Dr. Cloud breaks down the essential components of a good apology, including expressing empathy, ta…

Dr. Cloud provides guidance for couples struggling to reignite their romantic spark. Drawing from biblical wisdom and psychological expertise, he explores the natural seasons of marriage and offers strategies to reignite passion. He encourages couples to reflect on how they prioritized careers over their relationship, examine psychological factors …

Dr. Henry Cloud takes a deep dive into the world of anxiety, honing in on a crucial aspect: learning to navigate internal anxieties without giving in to typical responses. From unraveling the physical effects of anxiety to unraveling the mind's interpretations, Dr. Cloud sheds light on the power of response inhibition in managing anxieties. With re…

Just knowing what gaslighting is can be a big first step to breaking free from it . The problem is that withstanding gaslighting is another matter. Dr. Henry Cloud discusses the concept of gaslighting, a psychological technique used to manipulate and control others by making them question their own reality. He delves into how gaslighters undermine …

You may think you are a separate and free person when you look in the mirror. You’re not physically attached to someone else. As a person connected to others through relationships however you might not be the free and separate person you see in the mirror. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how so many of us are not free and separate people within our rel…

Much of how we bond and attach to others is formed in early childhood. Dr. Henry Cloud shows you how to look at your attachment style and find ways to get to a secure attachment. The attachments you have early on, whether healthy, inconsistent, or toxic, will have a huge affect on you. How do you experience your need for others? This is a critical …

By and large, personality type tests are very helpful as an initial assessment tool. But Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to get a better understanding of what they are actually useful for and where they fall short. One of the great things about them is that they allow us to see that a person’s behavior might not be coming from some malicious place, but f…

What thoughts come to mind when you think of responsibility? Is it burdensome, negative, or toxic? If you think that you’re not alone. The word often gets twisted during our upbringing because it’s brought down on you, it’s used in a repressive and toxic way. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about responsibility. Outside pressure and …

You may have heard from this show that motivation is not correlated with goal achievement–in fact it can be inversely correlated with it. What then are the factors that have the biggest impact on accomplishing goals? Dr. Henry Cloud shows us that what matters most is first the belief that your goal can be achieved. The second factor is prioritizati…

“Resilience” is a word that is thrown around a lot these days, and for good reason. We could all use a little more of it. But what is resilience, and how does one become more resilient? Dr. Henry Cloud breaks down the subject like this: There are negative events in your life from a small problem to something potentially catastrophic. Those are the …

Wanting to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to stop thinking of motivation as the key to success. While of course motivation is an important part of getting started, it can also cause problems. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, as the Bible says, and motivations that don’t lead to actions…

Narcissism has become such a commonplace word that not only has it lost its specificity, but in doing so it has become difficult to identify the types of narcissistic behavior you might be dealing with. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to learn what type of narcissistic patterns a person may have. Some narcissists can change for the better, and others can…

When you’re struggling, you’re usually going to have a symptom: you might be anxious, depressed, afraid, overreacting. You might be getting stuck accomplishing something. Whatever your symptoms might be, Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to see the key differences between symptoms and root causes. Learning more about your symptoms can help you see where yo…

While of course being your authentic self is always a good idea, "faking it" can be an incredible tool. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about the psychological power that comes from faking it till you make it. Whenever a new task is put in front of you that you don’t know exactly how to do, this technique can be used to give you the confidence you’ll need to…

What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word “criticism?” How you handle criticism is not just a measure of your patience, it’s also a huge growth opportunity. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how changing the frame through which you look at criticism can greatly improve your relationships and your performance. How you feel about criticism ca…

How do you work on conflicts in a relationship? Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think about which way you lean when something comes up that’s either uncomfortable, argumentative or otherwise conflictual in your relationships. Understanding that there are basically three types of behavior that you might engage in, one of them being more prevalent in yo…

One thing most of us do with the word “choice” is that we equate it with the power to make something happen. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to rethink what choice is actually capable of bringing to your life. Choice is great, it’s important, but it’s not a methodology. That’s to say that willpower and choice are not a method of change alone. Your initia…

Unlike in the distant past, we don’t really have a rite of passage to adulthood. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how regardless of how many degrees you have, or how old you are, being an adult is not a guarantee on age or merit alone. So what is adulthood, and how do we get to it? You’ve probably met people that have made it far into their lives and st…

Regrets are inevitable in this life and can bring us great sadness. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about how you look at your regrets. When we talk about regret we’re talking about loss and the emotional pain that comes with that. What can really be helpful is letting regret show us what we don’t want to lose. The trouble is that gu…

Our life is driven by two key drives and they are often at odds with each other. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how these two drives can be worked together. Drive number one is our need to connect and feel connected. The second drive is our aggression. When when we can merge these drives together it’s called drive neutralization and it will greatly im…

Loving someone and treating them with love are two different things. Dr. Henry Cloud reminds us of what we can do to be more proactive in our loving relationships. Written question: Do physical activities help people heal from trauma? Kerri is housing kids from a youth group and wants advice on how to help a traumatized 17 year old open up. Sarah f…

Changing your life is always a difficult task, but it’s nearly impossible without accepting personal responsibility. Dr. Henry Cloud gets into what you should and shouldn’t take responsibility for and how this awareness can transform your life and the options you have. Written question: Lately I feel like my attention and ability to focus is being …

How do you stay positive when all of life is coming at you like work, kids, social issues, health problems etc? Dr. Henry Cloud discusses a key element that the mature possess and immature lack: being able to hold the good and bad together at the same time. Written question: Can you offer any advice or strategies to help me find my bearings and sta…

One of the worst feelings you can have in a relationship is loneliness despite being in the presence of another person. Dr. Henry Cloud works through how this all too common problem can be resolved. He uses the example of “I, Thou” where both people in the relationship are showing up with attunement. Written question: Is it better to have a counsel…

What you are capable of, what you are not capable of, and which one is true are all derived from how you perceive yourself within the context of the world and peoplearound you. Dr. Henry Cloud shares ways to expand how you look at yourself, what you’re capable of, and your relationships with what is outside you. Adrienne needs help dealing with a s…

How is it possible that your day to day life can heal you? Dr. Henry Cloud explains how specific but small changes in your day to day life can lead to big changes. Lauren asks Dr. Cloud how to grieve a friendship that's over. Erika is having trouble healing from financial trauma that's causing poor spending behaviors. Mandy was neglected by her mot…

The past is the best predictor of the future. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how patterns can be utilized to change your future. By looking at the past honestly we can begin altering our present actions. Mary needs help addressing her in-laws' toxic behavior. Andrea wants to know when it's the right to time to get exclusive in dating relationships. Dan h…

Dr. Henry Cloud talks about why empathy is central to having deeper relationships than you have right now. The power of empathy is that it circles back to us. Dr. Cloud explains how as we listen to others and understand their feelings we will begin emotionally regulating ourselves. John is dating someone long distance and wants to know if there's a…

Dr. Cloud explains how relationship pain can linger in our lives even when the relationship is over for the right reasons. He lays out ways to start reconnecting with others and working on healthier attachments. Joie's 21 year old son is getting married this weekend and she hasn't met his fiancé yet. Cheryl's 22 year old son went through a bad brea…

Welcome back to the Dr. Cloud Show! In this episode Dr. Henry Cloud talks about big obstacles and and small obstacles. How do you know which is which, and furthermore what kinds of tactics are you bringing to surmount them? Callers: Lori is having trouble managing a working relationship with an ex-husband she owns a business with. Jeremy has a 13 y…

If you've listened to Dr. Cloud before then you know how much he cares about time and energy. Around the holidays this is especially important. He talks about how to utilize your time and energy so that you're getting the most out of this special time of year. Kieran is trying to spend more time with his girlfriend but her sister is getting in the …

The Dr. Cloud Show returns! In this episode Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how to get through the holidays with a smile on your face. He takes a call from Betsy who is looking to help her friends through difficulty in their marriage. Carol needs help setting boundaries around financially helping her adult daughter. And Colleen is having trouble with t…

What is the psychology of becoming yourself? How is your identity formed? This is a deceptively layered question related not only to your past, but to your present and future. There is a concept here that’s important to understand: your true self, and your false self are not the same. We all understand who our true selves are, but our false selves …

In this third final mini session on difficult conversations Dr. Cloud talks about getting clear about the purpose you’re bringing to the conversation. What are you trying to do? Are you trying to win, trying to persuade, to convince, to show you are right? Or, are you trying to find a solution? When we come with the goal of finding a solution that …

In this highlight, Dr. Cloud goes into part two of his session on having a difficult conversation. This one is all about preparation. How do you bring your best and keep your fear in check when entering into a difficult conversation? First, you have to have a difficult conversation with yourself. What splinter is stuck in your finger? We have to ta…

This is part one of a short series on how to have difficult conversations. In this highlight Dr. Cloud talks about an important skill to build before having a difficult conversation. In this session, he talks about how to create safe space for conversations that could explode. There are a few major issues that arise in difficult conversations: figh…

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about how we hold ourselves back internally from being who we want to be, or doing what we want with our lives. As children we are kept on short leashes and as we become adults it can be extremely difficult to accept our freedom. No one is holding the leash anymore, but in our heads it’s still there.…

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about love and limits. One of the more difficult things about loving others is that we make ourselves vulnerable. Codependency easily arises in relationships when we fear losing love and enable bad behavior to prevent that love from leaving. The question then is whether we’re loving them fully when w…

In celebration of 5 years of Boundaries.Me, we are hosting an open house October 17-31! All of our courses, coaching, and community are available for free during this time, with no credit card and no purchase required. Visit http://www.boundaries.me/openhouse to join us. In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about one sure fire way to ru…

In this highlight, Dr. Cloud talks about something all of us are guilty of: avoiding pain. The psychologist RD Laing said, “There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain.” Avoiding pain is a prescription for more pain. Dr. Cloud shares ways to address pain with l…

You’ll constantly hear about two main areas to improve on in your life: the physical and the metaphysical. But that’s not the whole story. In fact, it’s missing a HUGE part of our lives–the third leg of the stool if you will. In no particular order there are three areas we we need to maintain and improve on in our lives. One is our physical bodies.…

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud presents us with a seeming paradox of growth: developing new abilities and meeting challenges involves struggle. Trees need wind in order to stay standing–they need the stress of wind to stimulate the growth of deeper roots. It’s a parallel that applies to us humans too. Good stress fosters growth. Just li…

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about how and why we procrastinate and gives us some deceptively simple ways to address it. It starts with shrinking the task. Because the things we are putting off doing are always overwhelming in some way, the key is in breaking it down to one simple thing you can do. It’s not that you lack the abi…

Starting on a successful path of growth requires having a good accountability partner. So what makes for a good accountability partner? Dr. Cloud goes through a short checklist of what to seek out and what to avoid in our candidates. Dr. Cloud's next workshop is on Healing Parental Wounds. In this 2-hour live streaming webinar Dr. Cloud will help y…

Dr. Cloud's next workshop is on Healing Parental Wounds. In this 2-hour live streaming webinar Dr. Cloud will help you identify your parental relationship injuries, understand how to face them, and give you the practical tools and advice you need to grow past your suffering. If you can't attend live, don't worry, you can stream the recording as muc…

We all want to be self confident but it’s often elusive. Dr. Cloud takes us through an introduction on how we acquire self confidence. Self confidence comes from trusting yourself and your actions. That’s hard to do when we doubt ourselves. Dr. Cloud brings it back to original sin, and the idea that we are able to judge like God does. When we commi…

In this highlight from The Dr. Cloud Show: When we’re trying to get from point A to B in a relationship or with a goal, a critical factor is our time. Literally anything we want to improve on–an addiction, finances, raising children, learning a new skill–requires time and prioritization. How we use our time is obviously important, but it’s very eas…

In this highlight from the podcast, Dr. Cloud discusses the old cliche about how your thinking determines your feelings. Does your thinking change your feelings? Do your feelings change your behavior? Does your behavior change your thinking? In short, yes, to all of these depending on what you need to address. It might not be intuitive. You might b…

Achieving the ideals in life–feeling good, having great relationships, and accomplishing goals–is something that all of us want. It’s funny that so many of us struggle with this right? So often the first crucial step is missing. You have to focus on the inside. Seeking internal growth is required to see the changes we want come into existence. Dr. …